Opinions - Depression on Suboxone, drawbacks in my mind?

[laws0n]

A little background information, from March-September of 08 SWIM was badly addicted to oxy, he spent all of his money on it and when he didnt have money found ways to get it. It changed from getting high to feeling crappy and craving it and when it finally comes it only relaxed SWIY for a few hours and then he was looking for more. SWIM was doing around 80mg of oxycodone a day and vicodin, methadone, benzos, anything else he could when he didnt have the cash to buy the oxycodones, which are probly is the most expensive street drug. SWIM ditched all his using friends and decided he wanted to quit. After months of honestly trying to quit SWIM always managed to relapse everytime pay day came around and was going around in circles. SWIM finally convinced his parent into taking him to a Suboxone (Buprenorphine) doctor.

It has been about a month and a half and a couple grand of SWIM's parent's money (crappy insurance). And he has gone from 4 8mg tablets a day to 2.5 to 2 and the last couple of days SWIM has only been taking 1.5 8mg pills. SWIM is proud of his progress and isnt spending time looking for drugs or money for drugs. However there are a few minor set backs that are depressing me.

1. SWIM's mom still thinks that he is using other drugs. She said that I am not looking for opiates because she is handing them out and I get my fix through her, like she still thinks Im a fiend. She says that when SWIM is off suboxone that she gaurantees that SWIM will go back to opiates and that it is in SWIMs head 8-% that he needs them. SWIM feels looked down apon and always feels guilty when asking "Mom can I get my medicine". SWIM dosent want to look like a drug addict and for all the progress SWIM has made she makes me feel like SWIM has made none.

2. SWIM is losing all of his friends. A big part of why SWIM's friends dont hang out with SWIM anymore is because they all split up going to different collages, but taking a semester off SWIM feels very left out. All of SWIM's friends are now from work and the person who used to be SWIM's best friend and hang out everyday is now talking crap about SWIM and saying "yeah hes worse than ever, spending all of his money on oxy" Like going out of their way to tell people that. Alot of SWIM's friends that arent like that just dont believe that SWIM is trying to get clean. SWIM thinks it might be hitting SWIM back for the bad things he has done in the past but it is very hard not having a set group of friends that SWIM can hang out with every day. SWIM got a new job at Abercrombie to try to meet new people, and also is enrolling in community college this winter, so that will be a fresh start but SWIM is lonely at the monent, usually going out twice a week, leaving 5 days sitting at home. Its hard when SWIM is used to 7 days a week.

3. SWIM has been having alot of girl trouble that he didnt have when on Oxycodone. When SWIM was using up to 160mg a day he had a girlfriend, girls with a crush on me, and SWIM ended up dumping her for a really cute girl, but it didnt work out because she was fake. Screwing up with the most recent girl has set SWIM back alot, he works with her and it is very awkward when SWIM talks to her, she still thinks SWIM likes her which isnt true. Most other girls just see me as a friend, someone to talk to, they would never be interested in going out on a date with SWIM, they think SWIM is a mess even though they come to SWIM for advice. SWIM feels like he has lost his touch on Suboxone and

4. Self medicating. SWIM knows that drugs are what got him into this mess but is so bored and depressed that he is using Soma (Carisoprodol) and Adderall XR on an almost daily basis. this helps SWIM think of stuff to do and not stay up till 7AM thinking about stuff. SWIM dosent want to go down this path again.

Is this all in SWIM's head or does Suboxone Buprenorphine really lower your functionallity? SWIM wants to hang out with his friends, have his mom think he is a good kid, and have no problems in finding girls like before. Since SWIM is very depressed he doesent want to quit using Suboxone Buprenorphine, because that is the only thing that he has at the moment. This cannot be fixed by anti anxieitiy meds or anti depressants, the only way that SWIM will not be depressed is if he can have a social life with girls again. SWIM feels like a wash up, like no one really likes him, and people only come to him when they want something. Is this partially in SWIM's head or is the Suboxone Buprenorphine really having an effect on him.

Please help SWIM wants to get back to dating girls, and hanging out with friends again.

laws0n added 797 Minutes and 13 Seconds later...

bump, SWIM knows its a lot to read but really needs advice, thanks.

[superdupernaut]

If swiy wants to feel different, take different actions.

I suggest swiy tries acting like he's sociable and outgoing, irregardless of how he feels.

I find that this works much better than waiting till I 'feel different' to change my behaviors.

I doubt that the suboxone, is holding swiy down any more than the oxycodone habit was, its just swiys frame of mind.

maybe swiys mom thinks he is using other drugs because swiy is using soma and adderal on a daily basis. It would be ideal if swiy could be honest, but for all I know about swiy that might result in getting kicked out/ sent away/ or <gasp> getting clean off of all drugs. Swim can see how those don't look like good options.

BTW, how old are you?

[laws0n]

SWIM would rather not reveal his exact age. SWIM did graduate from highschool recently and is pretty much still considered a "kid." SWIM takes adderall to get him up and motivated for the day and soma (Carisoprodol) so he can sleep at night.

If those are adding to my depression SWIM could try to quit those starting today, but sincerely believes he has ADD and had the Somas (Carisoprodol) scripted for a TMJ problem. SWIM would rather not go through the hassle of going to specialists for an Adderall script because SWIM's insurance dosent cover specialists and SWIM's mom already has spend in the 4 figures with my suboxone (Buprenorphine) and dosent believe he has ADD so it is alot less of a hassle getting it free from friends who dont take theirs.

It seems that all SWIM does is go to work 4 times a week, and hang out with people after work maybe 2 out of those 4 days. Other than that SWIM is at home. SWIM did get a new job at Abercrombie to try expand SWIM's social circle and meet new people. SWIM's first day is next week and has already met people through orientation.

SWIM is just bored most of the time and is tired of being rejected when he asks people to hang out. It just seems like things were so easy for SWIM when he was using Oxycodone but now that he is off he is not also disconnected to his group of friends but is disconnected from everyone that uses drugs because SWIM dosent want to associate himself with them and relapse.

SWIM is very out going and usually has no problem with confidence but losing my main group of friends fallowed by my best friend moving away and being rejected by a girl who SWIM went on a date with, that just lowered SWIMs self esteem.

[Laudaphun]

SWIM found that with bupe the change in lifestyle enabled her to begin accomplishing her goals and the more she accomplished (while being totally free of cravings) the more she felt she had to lose. After a while the suboxone sort of lost it's "magic"

But, by this point in time SWIM didn't need a maintanence drug because she now felt like she had too much to lose and despite the relentless pushers, SWIM somehow is able to muster the resolve to not begin descent down that VERY VERY long downward spiral.

When SWIM last was a "dope fiend" she had lost almost everything in her life, blown every last chance, etc, etc... therefore felt like she had nothing to lose. That's the only thing SWIM can figure allows her to resist the seduction of heroin is that having lost everything and worked so hard to get it back... it really makes a person think twice.

SWIM is not perfect though... SWIM knows that she must avoid allowing herself to get into certain situations. And if she does, learns from it and how to avoid entering that situation again. It's a long and bumpy road but over time there are less and less bumps.