Health - The Effects of a Bad Trip (Years Later)

[Werewolves and lolipops]

Hi all,

This is my first post here and I have a question that I am hoping someone here can help me on or at least give me some advice/point me in the right direction.

Swim is a 24 year old college grad who works downtown in DC. His story begins in early 2002. He was a senior in high school and did shrooms with some friends. Shrooming in his friends basement, he started to feel detached, mind from body. he is usually very talkative and hadn't said much so one of his friends said "hey swim, you haven't said anything in like an hour, you alright?" he wanted to say "im fine" but it came out mumbled and this kinda freaked him out. he couldn't talk if he wanted to. This set off what I believe was a panic attack. He had to get the fuck out and started sweating pretty bad. he ran out of his house and calmed down for a bit as he smoked a cigarette.

he eventually went back inside and still felt pretty bad and his mind was questioning everying. (Does God exsist? I am so insignificant in the universe. Have I been living the way I should be? Are these people truly my friends?) his mind was kinda going crazy and he was a lil paranoid.
That night finally ended and swim was glad to wake up in his bed the next morning.

After about a week he started to think that he had not been OK. he felt as though something was different. he felt kinda spacy, unable to connect to people and unsure of himself. Growing up jhe had a great childhood, was well liked, many friends, no real trauma or anything. he was always very social, but now seemed to have some social anxiety. The way to put this is that swim have felt like he's just going through the motions of life and Is in a CONSTANT FOG that he can not excape. his head doesn't feel clear and he feel as if he is thinking too much. Its hard to explain, but swim believe that this trip has left him detached, in a fog, and makes it hard to connect, especially to people.

Now he did go of to college, and when everything revolves around drinking it wasn't that hard to meet people and hang out. However, he still had this feeling that somehow things weren't right. The feeling he still carry with him today.

Another thing, swim used to enjoy smoking weed. Now he can't smoke weed without tripping and being somewhat paranoid/very anxoius. Weed never had this effect on swim before the trip. Why is this? It is so strange.

He's seen several psychologist and psychiartist about this and they say swim depressed and have generalized anxiety. They just give him anti depressants. he taken a few and doesn't think depression is his problem. His problem is that it is hard to connect and he feel as if he is on autopiolt and can't get out of this funk.


He owes everything to the person who has any advice on how to help him get out of this funk and feel more "involved in life"

[lineartransform]

Originally Posted by Werewolves and lolipops

Hi all,
I owe everything to the person who has any advice on how to help me get out of this funk and feel more "involved in life"

Oddly enough, that's exactly your problem.

If you're going through life on autopilot, why do you want another external influence telling you what to do?

Obviously this is far more complex than can be diagnosed over a message board, but I feel like you attribute far too much to external factors and tend to discount your own power and motivation.

I would suggest simply talking with a qualified professional - no drugs, just therapy through conversation.

[Werewolves and lolipops]

Originally Posted by lineartransform

Oddly enough, that's exactly your problem.

If you're going through life on autopilot, why do you want another external influence telling you what to do?

Obviously this is far more complex than can be diagnosed over a message board, but I feel like you attribute far too much to external factors and tend to discount your own power and motivation.

I would suggest simply talking with a qualified professional - no drugs, just therapy through conversation.

I am not looking for someone to tell me what to do, nor am I going through life on autopilot by choice. It only feels that way. I feel somewhat detached from people as a result of this trip, I believe.

I have talked to several professionals and I don't believe they have any answers for me. The pdocs just want to try every anti depressant in the book and the therapists don't seem to know what is really going on.

My hope was that someone can relate, or has a similar experience that they have come out of.

But thanks anyway for the reply.

[Heretic.Ape.]

Please reread the rules about self incrimination before further posting.
I don't know what to tell your friend SWIM about his issue. A thought might be that it sounds like many issues were raised during the trip (does god exist, are these people my friends, am I living a good life, etc) that were not satisfactorily brought to conclusion. You say that ever since he has been detatched and thinking too much. Maybe after doubts being raised as to the truths and values he had thus far perhaps taken for granted, at a subconscious level these questions are keeping him consumed.
Just maybe, he should write down exactly what questions arose in this trip, figure out what the root fear, issue, anxiety, or whatever lies behind each of these; the crux of the problem. Then maybe he can try to finally resolve them and put to peace the basket of snakes he roused those years ago.
Therapy would be the most conventional way to go about this, but he'll have to be ready to be open-minded and confront issues the places he is most certain they do not exist as that tends to be how the mind hides them.
Or maybe not. I'm done with my armchair psychology analysis for the evening.
Best of luck to your friend in getting back into the vibrant thick of life.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	good explanation
	good advice

[Rhin]

SWIM had his 5th and 6th mushroom trips in the past week and has related to you in a really big way.

The first was 3 grams and he hung out with 3 friends while on it and they had the best conversations and the next day SWIM felt a lot less shy, for the next 3 days SWIM felt this way and then he did mushrooms again but 6 grams instead and he had a very horrible trip were everything would attack him and he would dissapear.


Now (3 days after the trip) SWIM gets scared easily of some things and is more shy than before.

SWIM has the idea that he just needs another fun small dose night to reverse what happened. So we will see.

[Desertfox]

sounds like you're seeing the silly, hairless, talking apes for what they really are.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Spot-on, a wonderful analysis!

[PsiCubes]

This happens slightly for my fish too if he trips too much in a row. The higher the doses the more. Probably you had a to big dose that your system couldn't handle and bashed your ego to shreds.

I would like to call it a bit of depersonalisation. The questions that arose on that trip made you question everything even your own existing, which triggers ego dissolution. Making the mind hard to comprend what the connection are automaticly made by you ego.

My best bet, is that you're ego never really recovered from that trip and makes you spaced out. Feeling to detatched to make new relationships, questioning everything you do, say, hear, etc...

I would advice to re-enforce your ego back up. Doing physical activity, like working out to boost your self-esteem, jogging/running to clear your mind. I'm a firm believer that time and a healthy living will bring peace and healing for your condition.

Stay clear of all sorts of drugs, especially psychadelics and stimulants. If you wish to still use any drugs, only use downers, that keep anxiety and questioning at bay. GHB or alcohol for example. As these help my fish tremendously when he get the spaced out feeling too after a high-dose psychadelic streak.

My 2 Cents, hope it helps !
Peace!

---PsiCubes---

Reputation Comments on this post:

Okay, so he gave the ape the shits but dayam, that is some great advice put forth so simply. I'm looking forward to what...

[Werewolves and lolipops]

Originally Posted by Rhin

SWIM had his 5th and 6th mushroom trips in the past week and has related to you in a really big way.

The first was 3 grams and he hung out with 3 friends while on it and they had the best conversations and the next day SWIM felt a lot less shy, for the next 3 days SWIM felt this way and then he did mushrooms again but 6 grams instead and he had a very horrible trip were everything would attack him and he would dissapear.


Now (3 days after the trip) SWIM gets scared easily of some things and is more shy than before.

SWIM has the idea that he just needs another fun small dose night to reverse what happened. So we will see.

I thought this for a while, but the fear of doing more damage is to great for SWIM to try it.

Werewolves and lolipops added 13 Minutes and 18 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by PsiCubes

This happens slightly for my fish too if he trips too much in a row. The higher the doses the more. Probably you had a to big dose that your system couldn't handle and bashed your ego to shreds.

I would like to call it a bit of depersonalisation. The questions that arose on that trip made you question everything even your own existing, which triggers ego dissolution. Making the mind hard to comprend what the connection are automaticly made by you ego.

My best bet, is that you're ego never really recovered from that trip and makes you spaced out. Feeling to detatched to make new relationships, questioning everything you do, say, hear, etc...

I would advice to re-enforce your ego back up. Doing physical activity, like working out to boost your self-esteem, jogging/running to clear your mind. I'm a firm believer that time and a healthy living will bring peace and healing for your condition.

Stay clear of all sorts of drugs, especially psychadelics and stimulants. If you wish to still use any drugs, only use downers, that keep anxiety and questioning at bay. GHB or alcohol for example. As these help my fish tremendously when he get the spaced out feeling too after a high-dose psychadelic streak.

My 2 Cents, hope it helps !
Peace!

---PsiCubes---

Excellent reply. SWIM is absolutely convinced that my ego was damaged during that trip. The thing is, all these years later, I don't really know what to do. SWIM is scared to try anything with mushrooms again. SWIM is thinking about trying of trying MDMA in hopes that it might reverse some of the effects. SWIM has never done it and isn't sure about it, however.

I learned about Depersonalization while googling my symptoms and came across a Depersonalization forum. I could relate to a lot of what was said. However, im not convinced that I really have that.

SWIM tries to work out three times a week and eat fairly healthy, but its hard to find the time to do so.

[Coconut]

My tree is suffering from something similar although he doubts that his use of psychedelics played a role - this problem is the reason he took his first step into the world of psychedelics in an attempt to trigger something and feel better. It reminds him a lot of the film The Matrix.

Originally Posted by Morpheus

I imagine that right now you are feeling a bit like Alice. Tumbling down the rabbit hole? Hmm? I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up.

Originally Posted by Morpheus

You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world, you don't know what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

To my tree, the world does not feel real. It is as though he is looking through his eyes from a television or something similar. There seems to be an invisible layer or wall between reality and his senses, making everything seem somewhat artificial or false. This could just be some form of metal disorder (as stated in another thread he believes he has Attention Deficit Disorder Predominantly Inattentive)... either that or it's how everyone feels, but my tree doesn't think so. There are many more symptoms but I won't go into detail here.

[PsiCubes]

Trying a small Shroom dose (1,5-2gr) in a positive mindset and setting could be potentially helpfull. Could make things worse also, who knows. It's still a two-edged sword if not taken under some positive external guidance.

Originally Posted by Werewolves and lolipops

SWIM is thinking about trying of trying MDMA in hopes that it might reverse some of the effects. SWIM has never done it and isn't sure about it, however.

SWIY could give it a try, as i've noticed and many others that MDMA boosts the ego while on it and leaves it intact afterwards. Not much chance of getting a negative experience here also cuz of its positive mindset push.
MDMA is much more forgiving than Shrooms, so SWIY could give it a shot.

Also do not indulge in weekly MDMA-abuse when things get better, as this is known to cause some people more anxiety than before.

Good Luck!

---PsiCubes---

PsiCubes added 3 Minutes and 12 Seconds later...

Can somebody plz tell me how to edit a post? I can't seem to find a edit button anywhere on this forum!

Thx!

PsiCubes added 0 Minutes and 20 Seconds later...

Can somebody plz tell me how to edit a post? I can't seem to find a edit button anywhere on this forum!

Thx!

[psyche]

^^ You need to earn some reputation points to get to the silver membership. Then you can edit your posts.

SWIM would think that another trip with a little dose of mushrooms could restore your faith in that everything is OK. With good friends and no worries. With a mindset that this can't get any worse, like facing the unrealness with your friends.

Pay respect to the mushrooms. Treat them like a religious sacrament.

SWIM's two cents.

[Richi]

Originally Posted by Coconut

To my tree, the world does not feel real. It is as though he is looking through his eyes from a television or something similar. There seems to be an invisible layer or wall between reality and his senses, making everything seem somewhat artificial or false. This could just be some form of metal disorder (as stated in another thread he believes he has Attention Deficit Disorder Predominantly Inattentive)... either that or it's how everyone feels, but my tree doesn't think so. There are many more symptoms but I won't go into detail here.

Or, it could be a form of mental order that the majority of people don't have... The Doors of Perception have been cleansed. cont'd below.

Originally Posted by Werewolves and lolipops

The way to put this is that swim have felt like he's just going through the motions of life and Is in a CONSTANT FOG that he can not excape. his head doesn't feel clear and he feel as if he is thinking too much. Its hard to explain, but swim believe that this trip has left him detached, in a fog, and makes it hard to connect, especially to people.

Now he did go of to college, and when everything revolves around drinking it wasn't that hard to meet people and hang out. However, he still had this feeling that somehow things weren't right. The feeling he still carry with him today.

A tree of mine also believes that the world really is not real, in the traditional static and tangible sense of the word. He has always had trouble identifying with other individuals because his values do not coincide with the values that society holds true.

It sounds like the philosopher inside of your friend was awakened. As Coconut quoted Morpheus, once one begins to question the world around them, they begin to fall deeper into the rabbit hole. The problem is that in the real world, there is no one to offer us the blue pill.

he taken a few and doesn't think depression is his problem. His problem is that it is hard to connect and he feel as if he is on autopiolt and can't get out of this funk.

I would place autopilot in the middle of a spectrum, with control freak on one end, and a carefree, careless Tyler Durden on the other. (Movie: Fight Club - highly recommended) Of course, people usually display elements of both ends.

He owes everything to the person who has any advice on how to help him get out of this funk and feel more "involved in life"

All of the above being said, your friend has some more thinking to do even though you said he already feels as though he thinks too much. Thinking is best done out loud with a psychologist, as a friend of mine has done in the past. They are smart people, able to facilitate you teaching something about yourself to yourself.

[thealmassi1]

SWIM had a similar feeling but off of a completely different (stronger) drug, DXM. Last year, he was a regular user yet he only tripped every month on average. It disassociated him from reality and made it really hard to connect with others, especially non-drug users. He does not use it anymore, but he still feels disconnected from other people and finds it harder to socialize with others. He also feels uninterested in others and has to use effort to actually show interest when talking to some individuals, which rarely (if ever) happened before the DXM use. SWIM knows he has always been a mildly shy guy, but DXM has really amplified that unsavory characteristic.

Unlike SWIY, shrooms raise SWIM's outlook on life and raises his ego. He finds he's much more alive and outgoing after a trip and uses it to philosophize life. He finds that his friends who are not comfortable with their life or have issues usually have a bad trip (not implying anything) and for them, consuming the drug again would only worsen the damage.

SWIM's plan to deal with it and just have a couple close friends to help him get through it and force himself to become his old self (or maybe just learn how to live with it and be happy). Illegal or prescription drugs will not help, although I think therapeutical conversations with a shrink could be very beneficial.

[Werewolves and lolipops]

Originally Posted by thealmassi1

SWIM had a similar feeling but off of a completely different (stronger) drug, DXM. Last year, he was a regular user yet he only tripped every month on average. It disassociated him from reality and made it really hard to connect with others, especially non-drug users. He does not use it anymore, but he still feels disconnected from other people and finds it harder to socialize with others. He also feels uninterested in others and has to use effort to actually show interest when talking to some individuals, which rarely (if ever) happened before the DXM use. SWIM knows he has always been a mildly shy guy, but DXM has really amplified that unsavory characteristic.

Unlike SWIY, shrooms raise SWIM's outlook on life and raises his ego. He finds he's much more alive and outgoing after a trip and uses it to philosophize life. He finds that his friends who are not comfortable with their life or have issues usually have a bad trip (not implying anything) and for them, consuming the drug again would only worsen the damage.

SWIM's plan to deal with it and just have a couple close friends to help him get through it and force himself to become his old self (or maybe just learn how to live with it and be happy). Illegal or prescription drugs will not help, although I think therapeutical conversations with a shrink could be very beneficial.

Thanks for the reply. swim can relate to this very much. In fact, the social part is what bothers swim the most as swim used to be able to talk with anyone. Now swim is always searching for things to say when conversation used to just flow naturally for hours. Swim can't remember when the last time he had a conversation that just flowed naturally (like they are suppose to).

swim feels like if this was to get better, the rest would come along with it as the connection would be there again. However, the disconnect makes it hard to socialize...chicken or egg? I dunno.

Its as if swim is unsure of himself. Swim is certain of it. Swim is too insecure.

Swim has an appt with a therapist tomorrow. He has been seeing this therapist for a couple months now. Swim doesn't know what to say and how to describe how he feels. Swim thinks that this doc, like others, doesn't know what to do and feels like its a waste of time. Although, he stills goes.

Werewolves and lolipops added 5 Minutes and 11 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by Phungushead

It is the nature of the individual to draw a line between what is subjective and what is absolute, thereby creating our own reality...

Our ego serves as a filter and shields this "false reality" from "truth"... as stated above, mushrooms can break down these walls, and I believe the contradictions created by the meeting of these two realities can bring on much mental/emotional anguish.

SWIM can kinda relate, becoming very disconnected from reality itself after years of heavy drug (ab)use... for SWIM time and abstinance helped pull things back together, although every SWIM is different.

We create our own hell.

...end rambling...

Swim thanks you for the reply and wonders more about your abstinence time. Swim is using the weekends to go out and drink (too much) in order to regain some sense of reality because for a lil bit he feels ok and connected.

Swim has been abusing alcohol and knows this isn't a good thing to do but he craves the connection again.

[Phungushead]

It is the nature of the individual to draw a line between what is subjective and what is absolute, thereby creating our own reality...

Our ego serves as a filter and shields this "false reality" from "truth"... as stated above, mushrooms can break down these walls, and I believe the contradictions created by the meeting of these two realities can bring on much mental/emotional anguish.

SWIM can kinda relate, becoming very disconnected from reality itself after years of heavy drug (ab)use... for SWIM time and abstinance helped pull things back together, although every SWIM is different.

We create our own hell.

...end rambling...

[cra$h]

That's what mushrooms are all about. But what did you expect in the first place? a couple funny visuals, and maby learn something small? Nah, not mushrooms. they're life changing, every time. Definitly not for those who aren't looking for introspective philosophies. All of swim's friends feel like they're connected to everything, but swim feels the same detatchment, and whilst tripping hardly realizes that his body's there. But swim always askes those scary questions, like is this the real universe? What am I doing with my life? etc., obviously swiy knows what I'm talking about.

But swim's advice: Trip again. For all the right reasons. Don't expect, don't pretend. Just go with the flow and just absorb what's really going on. For what it seems like, swiy's situation can't really get too much worse, as in no new ''symtoms'' are going to accure.

But the only answer isn't the effect, but the cause. Look to what you got yourself into, and now with enough knowlage to comprehend what has happend, recall what got you to try mushrooms in the first place. If it's for the wrong reasons, well, hate to tell ya, but swiy deserves it.

[Phungushead]

SWIM chose to abstain from all drugs (except an occasional drink) for about 18 months. But this was due more to extreme overuse than anything where as SWIY're issues seem to stem more from inner conflict... maybe there is something SWIY experienced that he refused to accept not only during the trip but into the present time as well...

[Richi]

I'm not sure why the link broke, I just did a Drugs Forum Search on 'iboga therapy' or 'ibogaine therapy'. Also, google can be searched in the same matter.

Here is the wikipedia article on the subject.
Here is an online list of available treatment centers around the world.

It is primarily used to opiate addiction, but can also be used for a plethora of other psychological problems.

I am still searching for a video with depicts an individual who travels to Africa and submerges himself in the Bwiti culture, where taking Iboga is a rite of passage. He describes the experience in vidid detail, how it took him back to his childhood, and ran through his life, showing him the errors in his ways and how to improve his relationships with his friends, and family especially. I will post it if I find it.

[lessgo]

Hey man the same thing happened to swim march of this year but with a different drug: DXM. swim was a frequent user of DXM, rarely swim would use it 3 times a week, but usually like once every 2 weeks. One night swim took 2 bottles or robo long acting and decided to watch some trippy ass video's from larry carlson on youtube. It made swim go into a very bad trip and had swim questioning himself about his thoughts. It felt as if swim was brainwashed from these video's because swim was thinking so differently than what swim would usually think. swim had homicidal ideations in terms of swim wanting to go in the room next to him and stab his friends with a knife in the stomach. swim felt like doing it to him self, but as swim said it felt like swim was brainwashed because it didn't seem like it was him thinking that but as if swim was someone else thinking those thoughts. It's weird and hard to describe.

Next day swim wakes up and he feel totally disconnected from reality and think people are setting me up it's so weird. As you said it, for swim it was also really hard for me to connect with others. He had to think real hard just to talk to people and to show interest in conversations. Swim was so confused when he talked to people and he felt so uncomfortable because swim knew this is not how he was, but it seemed like swim couldn't do anything about it. It felt like swim was a different person and all he wanted was to go back to his old self. Like swim said it felt like he was brainwashed.

Just like you said also man it felt like swim was thinking too much on everything but he couldn't help it, it was like swim would question him self on anything he would do it was so crazy and bad. Just like you said also it seemed like swim could not escape it. Same for swim also with the weed, when he smoked he would get very anxious and paranoid...even on coke swim would get the same way, it's just everything he did it seemed very different and swim would over think everything and it was very uncomfortable.

Swim quit hanging out with my friends, quit his job and moved back into his house (swim was living with a friend at the time) because it was just so hard for him to connect with ppl. All swims friends thought he didn't like them and that swim was hiding in his house, but it wasn't like that at all. Swim wanted to hang out with friends, but he was just so confused on how to communicate with ppl and that every time swim would try to hang out with friends he found it really hard for me to communicate and swim felt real weird, just like you said he had a constant fog in his brain and he couldn't escape it. Man the experience was real bad and swim thought about killing him self because swim never thought he would be the same ever again. It felt like swims life was ruined.

Like swim said this all happened in march, but now everything is kinda going away now and he feels a lot better about him self. Swim is now starting to go out and seeing all the ppl he used to hang out with before. Swim is feeling 90 percent normal now, but sometimes he still question him self but barely. Man it took swim like 8 months to get over it and swim thought he would never be the same again, but thank god he is feeling much better now. Swim feels like his life is coming back to him since his head is becoming more normal now.

Swim is sorry for what your going through, it was terrible for him. Swim can't imagine going through it for a couple of years. What swim did to help me get more involved in life is he would just keep telling him self to not worry about it at all. Every time swim had a fog of confusion in his head about things he would just tell my self to not worry about it and not over think everything. It was real slow for him. First swim thought he would never escape the fog, then he started escaping it a little, and now it seems like it's all gone. It took him a while to get that through his head but eventually as of now he barely worries about the experience.

Swim truly hopes you get better man and swim is happy he came across this topic because your someone swim can relate too on this experience and he hopes you can do the same.

i know where you're coming from and its tempting to say a few cliches about how in the end friends are important but drugs are unimportant... Swim will hold back and simply wish you a fast recovery and a happy life.

feel better mate

[Werewolves and lolipops]

Im still here checking up on this. Thanks to all who replied. I sent a couple of you PM's

And JJJJJ, I am not doing drugs anymore (other than klonopin which was prescribed to help me sleep, but I take it maybe once a week). I would love to be able to enjoy weed again, but those days are long gone and it would be almost like an intense trip filled with anxiety.

[187[Steve]420]

im a little late but i must say i read this whole topic and its very intresting, and sorry for swims bad reaction to the shrooms, if the effects on swim have been lingering that long, i think it cant hurt to much to try another dose, (much smaller) in a happy mindset with a sober trip sitter, it may be a risk, but this is just my opinion..

[Corksil]

Damn dude you swimmers said it. Swim had a trip like this last new years eve, just sorta shrooming balls then it went south. Swim's friend started to act weird and stop responding. Swim was talking to him, and he'd just sorta wander in his head and the conversation would die. Swim tried a few more times then got a little wigged out when his friend started talking about feeling the evil inside and how good it felt. Needless to say, it was a weird night. Swim eventually gave up on trying to talk to his friend and went inside to trip balls by his lonesome. Some other friends (there were four that night) came inside later and informed swim that the friend was acting weird and swim started wondering if he would be normal again when he came down. Then swim started wondering if he himself would be normal again and how powerful psilocybin was. That led to questioning his existence yadda yadda ya others have explained it from that point.

Swim sits here in his chair, one year later to the day. He knows that something changed in him that trip, and is still trying to figure out what it is. He doesn't regret it for a second, and has never regretted it. It seems swim used to be more social, just content to chill w/some peeps smoking bowls and talking story. After that trip swim always seems to get stuck in his head around other ppl, wondering how he's acting and what others are thinking. Seems he could enjoy silence w/other ppl and be more content in the moment before that trip - now it seems he's more introverted and would rather stay home sittin around than go out to parties w/his friends and meet new ppl.

We are remarkable organisms, we can look at the world and decide how we react to it. We have a conscienceness, we are just an awareness encased in a human form. After that trip it seems swim stopped looking around outside and deciding what he though, it seems like now he looks around inside and thinks about himself. Self-conscienceness - in other terms.

As swim said, he doesn't regret having that trip, and has tripped many times since then. Barrel ahead man, just keep moving forward. Every day you're alive you're becoming stronger. Just keep goin through the motions and doing your thing. Don't take anything too seriously, or let anything linger in your mind for too long. Everything is in motion, it's like we're in the river of life. If you hold onto anything too hard, you'll just get your arm ripped off. Lighten up and realize that whoever you are (like your core essence, on a fundamental level) has been the way it has for many years, and a trip or two might make you question everything and feel odd and disconnected, but the person you are at the core is still there. Still shining through, still the same.

Hope my words have helped, I know how you feel (lessgo also.)

Just keep pushing through!