Journal - SWIM's story of heroin addiction and what SWIM wants to do now

[Mrs. Brownstone]

Hello everyone, This is my first post. I have been lurking for some time and have found this site very helpful for dealing with SWIM. SWIM confided thoughts and feelings relating to SWIM's addiction to heroin. It was a trying time for SWIM. SWIM has probably kicked 10 times but had used suboxone each time so it was not a big deal (probably why SWIM has repeatedly gone back). SWIM decided to get clean for the last time and had been two weeks opiate free and was concerned because SWIM was so depressed and tired and just not feeling right overall. SWIM found this site and realized it is a common part of withdrawal. Well, after two weeks clean, with a weekend slip up, SWIM is feeling back to normal but has decided to do the bad thing every few weeks or so. SWIM realizes this is not so smart, but SWIM has been doing drugs and drinking for exactly half of SWIM's life. The thing is, before heroin, SWIM was a heavy drinker. SWIM has done lots of research and has come to the conclusion that smoking heroin (the only way SWIM used) is a lot less damaging to the body than binge drinking. The fact of the matter is all other drugs have been ruined for SWIM. Even drinking is not as enjoyable anymore. SWIM wants to know if anyone who was a heavy user before was able to chip without getting back to daily use, and what other people's thoughts are on heroin being less damaging to the body than heavy drinking, cocaine, crack, meth, E, benzos, and any other drug that SWIM can get his/her hands on. SWIM is not ready to be completely sober. A sober day for SWIM is when he/she just smokes pot and nothing else. SWIM knows he/she will be an addict for life, and does not know how to feel about that. I guess SWIM just wants to hear about other people's experiences, thoughts, feelings on the subject.