Journal - Advice needed-daughter getting addicted to cannabis

[hunny]

hi
i have a daughter getting addicted to cannabis and would really like some support and help on getting her to stop..at the moment she doesn't feel she has a problem with it..

we would of course like her finish school in may with her gcse's but at the moment she prefers to skip school.

drastic it might seem but have grounded her from going out and using her mobile, the school have put her on report so that she has to get it signed at every lesson..but to no avail is anything working


what would you suggest i do now as i'm at my wits end as to how to handle this situation.{she is not my only child she is #5 of 8 ages ranging from 21 - 14 months i'm also nearly 9 weeks pregnant)

we have asked her is she doing this coz of the other kids and she says it isn't..she says she wants to be in the gang..i'm quite sure its coz of the people she is hanging around with, but its getting her to stop seeing them

any suggetions would be of reat use

Reputation Comments on this post:

you'll be ok, you seem like a great mum

[RaverHippie]

Bluntly put, using any sort of restrictive action towards someone of that age will only encourage them to take out a stubborn streak and hang in there against it. I'd feel like the best way out of this situation is to understand why she does use it and why she enjoys it. I've never legitimately heard of someone being addicted to cannabis, nor experience a cannabis withdrawal to be honest. Or maybe some sort of compromise like, no smoking cannabis until all work is completed and teachers could send a report of all work that is to be completed that day just to circumvent any tendency for the daughter to lie about being done when more work is to be completed.

[cannabis-sam]

Swim remembers in his final year at school his friends dad went to amsterdam and brought back a fine selection of grasses and said to him if you pass 5 gsce's at C or above you can have the cannabis (at this point swims friend was failing and skiving) he managed to pass all gsce's and not skip anymore lessons, So in that case weed actually benifited his school existence.

Swim can not stress enough how understanding your why your kids do these things rather than telling her off which will not help, Swims parents always brought him up to respect drugs and be sensible with them including alcohol.

I'm glad you've come to drugs-forum where people give honest realistic advice about drugs. If you live in the real world you will realize your daughter smokes cannabis and is going to keep smoking it until she's ready to quit. Swim would agree with above post and say do home work go to class and you can smoke weed no work no pot. it's a much more fair and logical way of approaching it.

She probably feels like you're trying to control her life, and she's probably worked out that most of what she has been told about drugs are untrue and that you're the uptight old parent who's never used drugs so why should she listen to what you say? well you should learn the effects of cannabis know what you're talking about although going to the anti drugs sights where they will say a load of half truthes like leading to harder drugs etc. This is what makes kids disregard there parents view on drugs.

Swim feels the person who wrecks themselves up on drugs is the exception no the the rule.

Swim knows many people who have been smoking regularly for years and managed to achieve quite a lot.

Another thing you should remember is that getting stoned is probably a lot better than getting drunk like the majority of british teens do, it is less addictive than alcohol and gennerally doesn't cause the problems alcohol causes like violence, vandalism and most of all while under the influence of cannabis in swims experience people seem to make much more rational descisions than some one who is drunk.

Weed isn't addictive although you can develop a mental dependance on it but that said a mental dependance can be deveoped for nearly anything including computer games, eating, gambling, sex need I say more.

Also trying to stop her hanging out with her friends also isn't realistic the approach that you're taking at the moment will only put stress on you and your family (your daughter included) you have to respect she is nearly an adult and can make some of her own descisions on things.

[hunny]

Originally Posted by RaverHippie

Bluntly put, using any sort of restrictive action towards someone of that age will only encourage them to take out a stubborn streak and hang in there against it. I'd feel like the best way out of this situation is to understand why she does use it and why she enjoys it. I've never legitimately heard of someone being addicted to cannabis, nor experience a cannabis withdrawal to be honest. Or maybe some sort of compromise like, no smoking cannabis until all work is completed and teachers could send a report of all work that is to be completed that day just to circumvent any tendency for the daughter to lie about being done when more work is to be completed.

This would mean me agreeing to her smoking cannabis at the age of 16..and unfortunately i don't agree.

I am wanting for her to stop using, not continue only if she does school work...in the long run she could start using other recreational drugs instead if i allow cannabis

we are trying to understand why she is using, but she has no real answer for it other than "her friends do it and she likes the feeling"..

[cannabis-sam]

well it is that simple she likes the feeling, thats the point of drugs from alcohol to crack they make you feel good.

I'm not saying agree with her doing I'm saying live in the real world she is going to smoke it until she feels ready to stop and in swims experience if you accept it she'll quit a lot sooner than if you don't mainly because she'll feel if she quits you've one and will do it to spite you (it's very common)

If this was a case of drinking alcohol I'm sure it would be a different matter.

You will achieve a lot more towards your goal if you accept her cannabis use.

Try what I and raverhippie have said you can tell her you don't agree with it just try the compromise of letting her smoke cannabis once school work is completed she will achieve a lot more because she has an incentive to do school work and it means that she won't smoke as much.

I really do ask you not to take the "I'm banning you from cannabis and thats that" approach you will just alienate her. And cause more tension between you and your family accept it and you will be amazed how quickly the issues go away. the more you punish her the more she'll say "fuck you i'm doing it anyway"

I feel at sixteen you are an adult and I think shes at an age where shes taken a descision and however many punishments you dole out shes not going to change.

The most you will achieve from this approach is your daughter telling you shes quit then sneaking of to get high without your knowledge. ( or as with what happened to one of my friends it could drive her out the house which I'm sure you don't want)

Reputation Comments on this post:

good advice

[Rhin]

Originally Posted by hunny

This would mean me agreeing to her smoking cannabis at the age of 16..and unfortunately i don't agree.

I am wanting for her to stop using, not continue only if she does school work...in the long run she could start using other recreational drugs instead if i allow cannabis

we are trying to understand why she is using, but she has no real answer for it other than "her friends do it and she likes the feeling"..

"her friends do it and she likes the feeling"

This was SWIMS answer at that age.

And it was true it was fun as a teenager to hang out with friends and the feeling is amazing. SWIM gave his parents this exact answer and it was the correct answer he didn't know why his parents couldn't see that.

Also SWIM would get a lot more school work done if he was high than if he wasn't.

Im not saying you should let her do it but she is 16 she should be able to make her own choices. If she was my kid I would allow it and just tell her not to do anything that didn't grow in the ground.

[Euthanatos93420]

Originally Posted by hunny

This would mean me agreeing to her smoking cannabis at the age of 16..and unfortunately i don't agree.

Not necessarily. When you realize you cannot control your child completely then you can disagree with her choices but support her as an individual. If Swim told his parents he was a homosexual they would disagree with him but they wouldn't stop loving him and supporting him as an individual. Swim knows this even though Swim is not a homosexual because the truth of what Swim is is something far more contraversial for them to deal with. They have dealt with it and they have a great relationship. Having loving and understanding family is the greatest thing in the world. It is what we as humans were created for. It doesn't mean that the person will not use drugs though.

Originally Posted by hunny

I am wanting for her to stop using, not continue only if she does school work...in the long run she could start using other recreational drugs instead if i allow cannabis

To put it bluntly like they did to Swim when Swim was in the US Army, you can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up faster. Reality is a far more powerful dictator than the US Government.
Furthermore, the 'Gateway drug' theory is complete bullshit. Swim knows several hardcore drug users that have never used marijuana and never care to or did not for the first 7 years of their habits and then came to marijuana as an alternative lifestyle. It's the lesser of two evils in some situations. Of course that implies that Marijuana is evil and an object can never preform evil acts, only people can.

In the end nothing beats education and honesty. More on that in a bit.

Originally Posted by hunny

i have a daughter getting addicted to cannabis and would really like some support and help on getting her to stop..at the moment she doesn't feel she has a problem with it..

And she probably doesn't. From the sound of it though she has a problem with people telling her what to do. I'm not just talking about you. It sounds liek she's being pulled from a great many directions.,

Originally Posted by hunny

we would of course like her finish school in may with her gcse's but at the moment she prefers to skip school.

At that age most people don't really know what they want or prefer, if they do its usually a reaction to emotional trauama and repression evoking itself. You're better off dealing with what IS being done tyhan what you think she thinks she wants. You might think she wants one thing and she might think that too but she might really think something else because most people in the society today don't really know what they think.

Confusing? Should be, I've play the think game my entire life and it only learn that it runs you around in circles and you end up at the same place you started. I'd say stop trying to figure out what she's thinking. The only person that her thoughts can really be known by is her and only after a lot of support and honesty. most people don't know it but we ALL lie to ourselves. It take a lot of work and introspection to start being honest with oneself and NO ONE can ever tell you the truth because only one can choose to hear the truth and never needs to be said only seen within.

Maybe that's not any less confusing but the paradox of our reality is just that, a consant paradox.

Originally Posted by hunny

drastic it might seem but have grounded her from going out and using her mobile, the school have put her on report so that she has to get it signed at every lesson..but to no avail is anything working

Don't get me wrong I'm not going to say that punishment doesnt work but unless it's used in conjunction with mercy, love and understanding it will be meaningless tyrany that anyone would eventually rebel against.

Originally Posted by hunny

what would you suggest i do now as i'm at my wits end as to how to handle this situation.{she is not my only child she is #5 of 8 ages ranging from 21 - 14 months i'm also nearly 9 weeks pregnant)

8+1???? DAMN!!! Not that I'm judging...just that I'm trying to pick my eyeballs up off my keyboard.

Originally Posted by hunny

we have asked her is she doing this coz of the other kids and she says it isn't..she says she wants to be in the gang..i'm quite sure its coz of the people she is hanging around with, but its getting her to stop seeing them

any suggetions would be of reat use

Originally Posted by hunny

thanks micklmouse

since i was last on my daughter has not had any skunk and she has been attending school everyday and coming home on time. we have had tears from her coz she was glad that i care enough to help her achieve her goal of not using just coz her friends do

i must say to all of you that have said its her choice to use, she doesn't want to use and peer pressure and bullying is not a choice its something that puts apon you

IMHO unless you live in the inner city and she goes to a school that's dominated by a hidden criminal enterprise....that's bullshit.

Originally Posted by hunny

also our family does have a background of bipolar and clinical depression, so not a great idea for her to continue..

thanks for everything and i will update again soon

Being Asperger's and Bipolar, having tried every drug in Big Pharma's book Swim can say that Marijuana is the only one that haws ever given Swim peace of mind. The side effects, the doped up feelings, the anxiety and paranoia of Big Pharma's Pharmacotheon have all been extremely sruel to Swim's body, Mind, weight, social function and generally fucked up every aspect of his life,mind and body somehwere in the spectrum of their 'trial and error' method of treatment. So far they've erred %100. Marjiuana works almost every time. The flying highs.....marijuana provides reduction and peace. The lowest lows...Marijuana has reminded Swim of the Joys in life (And not just marijuana itself). The Social akwardness that plagues his every interaction with other people....marijuana relaxes him and stimulates his empathy...all the right words come to him and he can function socially with empathy that he otherwise lacks like a Sociopathic Serial Killer. If it weren't for Marijuana, Swim would undoubtably has gone out in a sociopathic homocidal raging blaze of Glory a LONG time ago.

---------------


ALLLL those details addressed and recognized. What I would reccomend is being honest. First with yourself. With 9 children there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY you could EVER prevent you daughter from using marijuana. Not now, not EVER. Deal with it. Worst case scenario if you tried to despite this truth, some children have run away and become prositutes in criminal sex rings where marijuana is the least of the drugs they do and the parents may never see the child again. There are far better ways of dealing with drug use than an Iron Fist.

Now that you're in the real world you have to bring your daughter into it too. She can only get there, like you, if she's willing to be honest with herself and with the people that love her. For her to do this though she needs to see that her family really does love and trust her if she is ever to be inclined to reciprocate. You just have to blantantly confess that uyou are weak and cannot really stop her from doing whatever she chooses to do. There options for a child who doesn't want to live in the home provided for them by their parents. The alternative above is great example. Gotta be honest with your kids about the world they are going to live in. It is in our weakness that we become the strongest. By admitting that you cannot truly be her parent if she refuses to be your child you give her the freedom to choose. This freedom of choice, the love and respect waiting for her after she has made that choice is what she TRULY WANTS (See above). It's what we all really want once you break past all the material or psychaotic ideas (Although there are some who have progressed so far down those two paths they are far beyond the point of no return and truly desire material objects or the results of psychaotic endeavors.

In being weak, you extend and offer to your child of the love, respect, trust, and loyalty inherent to a great family. If she chooses to be a part of that it is not without conditions because all is relative in this world and you are not God. In that offering she must extend those self same values to the family to be a part of that. The acceptance of the offer is made by reciprocity.

This means she must align herself and her actions with the endeavors of the family. It does not mean she cannot be an individual and have her own stuff, identity and choices. but that she must contribute a reasonable amount of her life to the efforts of the family as the family contributes to her. This is where you explain that she has to be honest about why she HAS DONE (Deal with what was not the future just yet) what she has done. Be honest about what she has done, but only with herself she may not yet feel comfotable telling you all and may never. Secrets are part of Identity. The family must honor this trust with the loyalty and mercy necessary to correct a given situation.

In this...If she truly desires as you as say to quit using marijuana, then you can provide her with an avenue. If she realizes that her family supports her in her endeavors then she will feel confident to make decisions congruent with the family. If she doesn't want to quit, you CANNOT see this as a breach of 'contract' of family. She still needs the love and support of family even if they disagree with her personal decisions. It is better in the end if she recieves her product for a reliable source you esure than from some random kids at school with God knows what for sources and purpose. They could be just a bunch of suburban wannabes. They could be the same suburban wannabes with contacts to real criminal elements. They could BE the REAL CRIMINAL ELEMENT. The truth is you cannot know. The real threat of your situation here isn't the marijuana. It's the obligations that come with her decision to use.

You must discuss with her specifics of a plan for her dissociate with the influences she claims 'prevent' her from quitting. She can invite them over to your house for dinner where you can tell those kids you don't want her involved in their criminal activities and that if they don't leave her alone your family will retaliate in a variety of methods in an endeavor to protect their family and its constituents. Don't come right out with threats or declarations though. Ask the kids a lot of questions about themselves. Personal detaisl unreleated to criminal activity. Family, brothers, sisters, parents, grades, sports etc. Get to know them just a bit and you can gather quite a bit of information about so much more just by knowing a few details and examining their behavior. In other words, you've got to guage their relativity to the REAL criminal element that may be a threat to your daughter.

If she claims that they are preventing her from quitting this is indicative a huge scale of possible things. You've got to start dealing with specifics of her sitation. If she resists these avenues of resolution it means one of two things:
1) She doesn't want to quit marijuana or her social group
2) Her social group has a serious factor holding her from resisting them

You've got to really find out what's going on here.

Remember the truth. Drugs aren't evil. People aren't evil. PEOPLE DO EVIL ACTIONS.

Reputation Comments on this post:

very honest, genuine post that covers many issues in a fair way cheers

[hunny]

im obviously in the wrong forum as i want to try and help my daughter, not for her to continue doing as she pleases

i understand that letting her "get her own way" would benefit her and everyone else that is using but until she is 18 she is under my wing and as a parent i am supposed to steer her in the right way to adulthood

as you said she is NEARLY an adult, but at the moment she is not..

honesty is good when its being directed to helping, but your suggestions to me as a parent are not going to help her stop using it will just give her what she wants "to continue regardless"

no wonder there are so many kids that carry on if all parents let them

thanks for the input but i think i am definitely in the wrong place for support

[cannabis-sam]

Well all I can say is we've given our best advice and you've ignored it good luck trying to get your daughter to quit it seems at futile as the war on drugs.

You want whats best for your daughter don't do what you're doing you are probably going to make her smoke a lot more doing it this way.

Anyways good luck with a bad approach I feel sorry for your daughter being punished for something she believes is her own right and not your descision to make for her.

Don't want to sound like I'm being nasty but I've have friends with parents who act like this and it only leads to tears and the kid carrying on smoking cannabis regardless so do what you like but try our approach and you might see a change in her school work/behaviour.

You can't help some one unless they want to help themseleves. I know you want the best for your daughter but this isn't best for her or anyone else

Reputation Comments on this post:

	truth hurts but it needs to be said even if they don't listen....they'll realize you were right...hope it isn't too litt...
	was very rude

[hunny]

Originally Posted by cannabis-sam

Well all I can say is we've given our best advice and you've ignored it good luck trying to get your daughter to quit it seems at futile as the war on drugs.

You want whats best for your daughter don't do what you're doing you are probably going to make her smoke a lot more doing it this way.

Anyways good luck with a bad approach I feel sorry for your daughter being punished for something she believes is her own right and not your descision to make for her.

Don't want to sound like I'm being nasty but I've have friends with parents who act like this and it only leads to tears and the kid carrying on smoking cannabis regardless so do what you like but try our approach and you might see a change in her school work/behaviour.

You can't help some one unless they want to help themseleves. I know you want the best for your daughter but this isn't best for her or anyone else

its not her right or a good decision at 16
and as for good advice forget it

as for me having a bad approach, dont feel sorry for my daughter she has a loving family that wants her get of the shit

she will get off it and i will let you know how we did it

thanks again

[hunny]

Originally Posted by h3artshapedb0x

to whom this may concern my dog wrote this:

Ma'am please before you take any drastic action please read this When i was about 12-13 years old i started using drugs just cannabis and but my parents found out just like they did about everything and they decided they were going to take the same action your talking about just completely take everything away forbade me to see any of my friends everytime i hit that pipe i thought of how much i hated my mom and dad and how they thought they could control me and i was NOT going to let them win ma'am i was smoking crack by the age of 15 and i snuck out every night i took rides from people i dont know i stole from them ALOT just a whole fuck ton of shit im not proud of but i was 15 and kids think alot differntly if you dont remember..your daughter i can promise you without a fraction of any doubt in my mind will continue her cannabis use until SHE decides to quit thats just how kids are and no matter who she talks to who she hangs out with shes going to find someone somewhere who will give her a joint especially if shes 16 fuck tell her to come to me cannabis is the safest drug EVER hands down 0 people die each year because of cannabis use you think i like posting shit like this on the internet i just dont want your daughter doing the same fucking shit i did because it was fucking horrible and i could've died at any moment if you even pretend you kind of understand where shes coming from talk to her about pot tell her that you dont approve but you understand that shes a kid and kids do stupid shit sometimes but you still love her and care about her and thats why you dont want her smoking pot but if she still insists on doing it that you understand and to do it at home even in the backyard so that way shes not out all the time at strange places with people you dont know she'll be at home safe and sound where you can moniter her shit i suggest you take a hit of the shit with her if you ever feel up to it you sound like you need to relax a little or atleast just lay off the girl a little please thanks good luck with your problem and may peace be with you

sorry but to me i would be as bad as everyone else who take drugs..Also i am pregnant and dont think it would be a good idea
as for laying off my little girl, i dont think so..


hunny added 3 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...

thanks again for all your input

we will be talking to our daughter again about it so we will see how things go

yay her counselling letter has just in the post

and xmas is round the corner that she loves..

if i dont get to say it before

have a great xmas

[cannabis-sam]

good luck hope everything works out.

I do resent that you said "that would make me as bad as everyone else who uses drugs"

Swim thinks having a smoke with your daughter is no different to giving her a couple of glasses of wine with her meal to teach her to respect alcohol.

[Ilsa]

this is a tough situation for any parent--swim knows she went off the deep end at around 14, but didn't start smoking pot or anything else until swim was 17 or so...it had a lot to do with friends and even more to do with swim's thrill-seeking nature. swim won't elaborate too much, but her parents were less understanding by far and her family situation was very different and emotionally abusive at that time--she was ostracized and punished at the same time by her parents (her relationship with them is fine now that it's been 10 years and she's out of the house, and everyone has mellowed quite a bit)

this is just swim's experience, and it sounds like your situation is more positive, that you are willing to talk to your daughter and not be as judgemental/harsh as swim's parents were (swim made them look bad, which made them very angry)...swim would say to keep talking to your daughter, letting her know she is loved and accepted and that smoking pot does not define who she is in your eyes as her mother, even if you don't approve of her activities. i'd venture to say that as long as she doesn't feel ostracized/unloved and knows she has your unconditional love (if not approval, which is understandable), then she'll feel emotionally safe coming home and talking to you when she is really unsure about something. this makes all the difference in the long run...she may continue to do what she does for some time, but at least she won't be as likely to say 'screw it' and just leave like swim did (since swim felt she would never be accepted by her parents, she's had a lot more self-worth issues, and indeed they never have let her live down any of the stupid things she did as a teenager, despite academic acheivements of several types since then).

wow that was longer than i intended, but hopefully it helps to know that by talking openly and acceptingly with her you are keeping the lines of communication open and this will be a major factor is the direction she takes in the future. basically i think what i'm trying to get at here is that letting her know she is valued is all the difference in her long-term decisions. she'll be less likely to try more self-harming behaviors and substances. take care and best wishes with your daughter--and props for coming to a forum like this--you'll get more honesty from ppl who have been through it themselves here than anywhere else

Reputation Comments on this post:

	kind and well put.
	thanks for being so kind

[Micklemouse]

It is a shame you feel that way Hunni, as I think part of the solution might well be seeing things from "the other side" as it were, & thus getting a greater understanding of the paths people have travelled, many of which may be similar to your daughter's.

I understand your concerns regarding using other drugs, & in the current climate it is a valid concern. However, there is no guarantee that your daughter will use other drugs, even if offered. One thing cannabis alone does not seem to do is lower one's ability to think for one's Self, or cloud judgement in the way that alcohol can.

It sounds like the cannabis use is itself a side effect of other issues she has going on at the moment, i.e. being a teenager who wants to belong & who has a heap of stress coming down on her head. Bear in mind also that many of the side effects of cannabis use (moodiness, apathy, lack of motivation, etc) can also be seen as side effects of being a teenager.

As for getting her to stop, that's a tough one. My personal experience is that bringing down restrictions can indeed cause resentment in later life, & could even have the opposite effect to that intended in the here & now. Remembr, like any other habit, she is going to have to want to stop, which may call for some serious balanced education, not the half-baked horror stories coming from Frank & his friends. That said, boundaries do need to be set, & rewards & praise given for the successes she makes. What other interests does she have? Is it possible to make the weekends special for her as an incentive to knuckle down during the week? Not easy I'm sure with a 14 month bairn, but your daughter needs positive attention right now. There is a good chance that she may be feeling pushed out by the little one, but does not want to say so to your face, or may not even fully realise it at present, & is seeking acceptance through her peers, who happen to smoke cannabis at times.

Keep talking to her. It sounds like there is a reasonable dialogue at present - it is vital to keep those channels of communication open. And please stick around, even if to do some reading up & to keep us posted.

Edit - wow, you take a few minutes to type a reasoned response, & the original poster gets alienated by a knee-jerk, unreasoned one. The above dialogue is not representative of this forum. I feel ashamed.

Reputation Comments on this post:

excellent, that's what needed to be said instead of 'don't you try to get her off weed'

[cannabis-sam]

I feel I have probably been a bit of dick in my last few posts, I apologise for that.

Although my views on the subject are unchanged you have to remember just turning twenty one I'm pretty close to those teenage years and the current teenager drug culture.

You have never taken drugs in your life so you couldn't understand.

It would be nice to see you stick around DF even if you want to read up on some sites not so liberal to drug use.

The yanks will claim that a lot of kids are in treatment in the US for cannabis addiction however this normally comes from picking rehab as opposed to prison (america has the largest arrest rate for cannabis possession in the world)

Please remember as stated you can't help anyone until they help themselves however hard you try in an ideal world no teenagers would use drugs however we don't live in a perfect world and you have to cope with things on a realistic level not an ideological level.

[cannabis-sam]

Also at the beggining of swims experience with recreational drugs swims mother was much like you, this lead to a huge amount of resentment at first towards swims mother. However when swim did the research and presented it to his mother and explained pretty much what I have to you she came to respect swims choice and even smoked with swim a couple of times when he was older (although she hadn't smoked since the eighties).

The approach you're taking at the moment will cause the resentment like it has with many of swims friends.

Swim really doesn't want to see you hurt you or your family which swim feels you could well do.

[cannabis-sam]

Has she actually told you it's peer pressure.

Also there isn't really comedown assosciated with marijuana except in the morning swim finds after a heavy session that he feels a bit "cotton headed" although this could be from cannabis making swim sleep very deeply and earlier than normally (swim smokes everynight nowadays as swim is a hopeless insomniac and would rather have the natural feeling sleep cannabis brings than to be knocked out with addictive benzos)

If your daughter feels she has a problem with cannabis or she doesn't want to keep doing that is a different issue, Swim always found that peer pressure wasn't a big deal for anybody and often hung out with people who didn't smoke (whilst others where smoking) but everyones experience is different

[cannabis-sam]

Oh wow... here comes The worst person on this forum to give any advice but what the hell eh?
You are worried, she is not but she's a kid and kids don't worry about weed.
If it was me, I'd sit down with her and have a joint. If there's one thing kids hate it's to see their parents being cool.
You will probably have tried it already eh? If not, it is not a real bad drug and certainly my approach can only make your relationship a little less stressful.
Hey, it's your call. You are the boss.

Actually you are right about kids hating there parents trying to be cool, in holland where the drug laws are liberal most kids see cannabis as a boring things adults do and it's not a big deal.

[hunny]

Originally Posted by cannabis-sam

I feel I have probably been a bit of dick in my last few posts, I apologise for that.

Although my views on the subject are unchanged you have to remember just turning twenty one I'm pretty close to those teenage years and the current teenager drug culture.

You have never taken drugs in your life so you couldn't understand.

It would be nice to see you stick around DF even if you want to read up on some sites not so liberal to drug use.

The yanks will claim that a lot of kids are in treatment in the US for cannabis addiction however this normally comes from picking rehab as opposed to prison (america has the largest arrest rate for cannabis possession in the world)

Please remember as stated you can't help anyone until they help themselves however hard you try in an ideal world no teenagers would use drugs however we don't live in a perfect world and you have to cope with things on a realistic level not an ideological level.

apology accepted

i am only reaching out as i really am scared for her

i will stick around

thanks again

[hunny]

Thanks for your kind response

we are talking to her all the time and we do know she only does it coz her friends do, and she doesnt want to look a wally by saying no

she doesnt do at weekends and has told us that she likes the feel of it but she also said she doesnt like it when she is comming down off it..

it is peer pressure and i can only hope she gets her counselling and we get to some kind of placebo

[cuddlesthefox]

Oh wow... here comes The worst person on this forum to give any advice but what the hell eh?
You are worried, she is not but she's a kid and kids don't worry about weed.
If it was me, I'd sit down with her and have a joint. If there's one thing kids hate it's to see their parents being cool.
You will probably have tried it already eh? If not, it is not a real bad drug and certainly my approach can only make your relationship a little less stressful.
Hey, it's your call. You are the boss.

[hunny]

lol not sure on the smoking with her but thanks again

[hunny]

yes peer pressure has been mentioned by her

she had other friends who didnt but was picked on the ones that do for not trying it to start off with

so now she hangs with the ones that do to stop being bullied

just be glad when she leaves school that they will not be around

[cannabis-sam]

She will probably end up like most kids who start smoking weed in their teens nearly all of them try it, quite a lot smoke regularly through there teenage and university years then it sort of just trails off for most at least becomes a lot more occasioanal.

If shes being bullied could that be more of the reason she skips school simply because shes unhappy not because she needs to have a smoke.

If shes pressured at school swim feels you should give her a break on the cannabis it's probably worth worrying about other things more than the dope.

Swim feels attitudes towards cannabis can be worse than the drug themselves.

[cc2792]

Originally Posted by hunny

yes peer pressure has been mentioned by her

she had other friends who didnt but was picked on the ones that do for not trying it to start off with

so now she hangs with the ones that do to stop being bullied

just be glad when she leaves school that they will not be around

Whenever I was 14 I pierced my belly button and blamed in on peer pressure... I figured this would help steer some of the anger off of me and onto my friends. Afterall, many of my friends had their bully button's pierced.
A year later, my parents discovered two bottles of alcohol in my room. The same excuse. "All my friends do it!" But in reality, I liked to drink alone as much as with my friends.
When caught smoking cigarettes my excuse was the same.

It's possible that your daughter is lying about the whole peer pressure factor to make her actions more excusable in your eyes. No parent ever wants to view their child as the one at fault, it's easily to lay at least some of the blame on their friends or outside figures... and I'm willing to bet your kid knows this.

It's actually quite possible your daughter actually enjoys the feeling of being high, as quite a lot of people do. SWIM enjoys the feeling of certain drugs, but SWIM never does certain drugs that many friends do because they feel unpleasant to SWIM.

If it is really peer pressure that is getting your daughter to smoke marijuana, then you have a bigger issue then marijuana. It isn't a good thing if someone is that easily swayed into trying anything that they don't really want to be doing. My biggest concern with this story is her possible lack of self-confidence, where she has to try to drugs to try and fit in. Marijuana, IMO isn't much of a deal where drugs are concerned... but it is reasonable to consider that if your daughter can be convinced to smoke marijuana than she may be convinced to have casual sex with someone, or lend money to friend, or anything else she might not ordinarily do.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Astute observation. Entre nous I was question the daughters honesty too, but didn't want to say anything as the situatio...