Opinions - Guilt and anger

[InstantKarma]

So today Swim was slapped in the face with a situation that is more than she can handle. She got a call from an old friend today. This is someone she was insanely close to, a sort of friendship soulmate, the kind of person you connect with once in your life. For the sake of anonimity, lets call him pat. It appeared to swim that Pat had dropped off the face of the earth about 10 months ago. He stopped calling, texted, emailing, etc. Today Pat confessed to swim that its because he knew she had gotten clean and was embarred by his ongoing addiction. He had lost his job because of refusal to take a drug test, had nodded out driving and crashed his car resulting in a DUI and lost license, dropped out of college, been to rehab twice, and is now living in a halfway house in a new state.

The problem is that swim introduced Pat to heroin, taught him how to IV, showed him where to buy, etc. Out of all the fucked up stealing and lying swim has done, she feels the worst about this. Never been so overwhelmed with guilt before. The only way swim could feel worse is if Pat had ODed. Swim feels like a life has been ruined because she wanted someone to get high with and her other friends had left her due to her habit. Its hard to believe that Pat doesn't hate her right now.

Should she ask for forgiveness? Apologize?

Then again, swim realizes that she holds no anger towards those who introduced her and feels it would have happened at some point. But still...

Reputation Comments on this post:

Great thread, really. Excellent questions, thank you for sharing this.

[dyingtomorrow]

I think it depends on what kind of person Pat was, and your motivation.

SWIM was the type of person that wanted to try everything. He knew heroin was addictive and ruined people's lives since he was a kid, but he also already knew he would try it the first time it wandered across his path. The rest is history.

If you pressured or manipulated Pat into doing it, and/or if Pat wasn't any kind of drug user before, then maybe there is a little guilt there. If you did it because you knew he would be a resource to help you with Heroin, there is some guilt there. If you did it because you loved how you were feeling and just wanted to share the wonderful experience with your friend (which is mainly the reason my brother got me on H, and also to help with my insomnia and depression which it did); then I wouldn't say you should feel guilty.

I'm a strong believer in people's free will, and that you are responsible for what you choose. If Pat doesn't blame you then you shouldn't blame yourself, and even if he did, whether it was right of him to do so would again, depend on his propensity towards drugs and your motivations.

Just my 2 cents. Even though H causes people's lives to be ruined, I don't blame H or think it is any worse than alcohol. I think the law and society is responsible for making something nearly harmless by itself, well within the scope of what humans can handle in their lives, and something that brings out the best in an awful lot of people, into something very destructive for absolutely no logical reason.

[MiMoMo]

Hold On There, Instant Karma,
Giving SWIY alot of lopsided credit now, aren't you? Claiming to have introduced, taught and showed Pat to do H and then linking that to his subsequent mishaps is illogical. How about taking proper credit for getting clean and showing Pat by example how SWIY turned around. Remember, Pat decided to allow the learning initially shared on using H, but just as important, if not more so, is that Pat abruptly cut off communication with SWIY, purposely preventing the sharing of SWIY soulmate's new found direction. SWIY was intimate in offering both sides of the coin, so to speak. Pat only cared for one side, dismissing SWIY's healing reincarnation.

A DUI and a couple of rehabs is not the end of the world. In fact, it may set the stage for a wise projection into the future life. SWIY still remains a positive force in Pat's universe. Don't deny this.

[Ilsa]

there are a lot of things that need addressing here, the most important of which swim thinks have been covered already and will try not to reiterate.

when swim, swiy, pat or anyone else has a desire to test limits, they will find a way to do it, one way or another. whenever one is involved in that lifestyle, to whatever degree, they will at some point encounter opportunities to push the limit and will become experientially intertwined with fellow users, just by chance of using in the same places/circumstances/etc. however, feelings of guilt and anger will surface after one is clean because of the things said/done while using. swim has definitely been sloggng through much of the same and sympathizes with swiy.

just swim's opinion, but staying clean appears to be high on swiy's priority list, so swiy might want to take care of swiy first and then pat, to the extent that it's not interfering with swiy's recovery.

hope this helps

and please be kind to swiy's self--swiy has obviously come a long way and should take credit for that

namaste

Reputation Comments on this post:

excellent post....keep up the good work