any advice would be greatly appreciated...ty

[hermeneutika]

I will try and keep a long story short.....this seems like the right placeto come for heroin related advice. I am male and 56 and working.....three quarters of the way thro a Open uni degree.....been in the drugs scene mainlined twice but never got addicted.....smoked weed and dropped a lot of acid and smoked for 30 years....now clean from everything except the occasional alcohol use....mainly wine.
I met Michelle who is 29 in Jan 2007.....she is a heroin user.....she managed to get nearly 2 grand out of me and i lost my car.....maybe i am just a fool but i really wanted to help her but just did not realise the depths of heroin addiction....
the whole relationship...if u can call it that was one long arguement about whether ornot i would give her resources for class a drugs....either heroin itself or illegal street meth(i live in the uk)
she went into prison and i went to see her in prison.....then she came out of prison and she has now gotten much worse in my opinion.....
finally i gave her a ultimatum....she must stop lying to me or i would go to the police. She continued to lie to me ....so i contacted the police who are aware of her as a long term drug user....and gave the police a statement. ...the police assured me that by giving the police a statement i would not be getting Michelle into trouble, but that they would just send her a letter telling her to stop harassing me for resources for drugs.
this the police have done and i now have no further visits from Michelle.
This has now given me time to reflect on the situation and wonder what i should do next? I started off with the soft love option by giving her resources for class a drugs.....(ie transport, mobile phone use and cash, dont worry i am not incriminating myself i have told the police the full extent of my involvement and they said they will not prosecute me as i was trying to help her.....but they told me that if they had caught me with her in the car with some street drugs they would have impounded my car.)
I have now followed the majority advice of everyone i have been to for advice....and have now effectively cut her off completely.....thus i am now in the middle of the so called tough love approach ...at on my part....

And now i have found this forum.......so i present the situation to this forum which seems more than qualified to give me some insight as to what to do......

Should i continue to leave the situation as it is....after all if she doesnt want to help herself then noone can help her......

or should i try and restart the relationship with all the problems that would bring with it.....after all we all need friends when the chips are down....and for Michelle she is certainly in dire straights....

just b4 i issued the er "ban" from my flat i did seem to be getting somewhere relationally with her.....she was a major league struggle and hassle...but i am not married and have no kids.....

i would really appreciate some feedback from people who have experience in these areas.....as all the advice i have recieved so far has been from people with no experience of the drug scene.....so why would i listen to advice from people with no experience in that area is a really good question.....why did i listen....???

thank you for your time in reading this post and thank you if you decide to answer it.....

Reputation Comments on this post:

brave man

[KomodoMK]

I may not be the person to answer this as I have little to no experience within a similar situation. However, I would personally leave the situation as it is and forget about her. As you have said, until she is willing to help herself there is no helping her.

You are right, people do need friends when they are down. But from my experience with crack addicts, the only thing they need you for whilst they are unwilling to admit their problem is for resources to either pay for or acquire their drug of choice. Your feelings or friendship is not at the top of their priority list.

It appears to me you have done enough and offered your help and friendship, and it was abused. The only reason I can see you even contemplating involving yourself in this situation again is if there are some feelings which are stronger than friendship.

Really hard to advise on a situation that you don't know all the ins and outs of, but I hope my comments are of some use.

[chillinwill]

I fully agree with Komodo. Leave the situation as it and move on with your life. You have to think whats best for you as well. She needs to get help and her desire to get clean needs to be genuine. Otherwise, she can say whatever and continue her addiction and get you into trouble as well.

Why try to restart this relationship at all? What would the benefits be from bringing her back into your life? Until she gets clean and seems to have changed, my best advice would be to leave this situation as it.

[nikky36]

tough love is exactly what it says on the packet - tough,you have to be cruel to be kind,you are doing the right thing by leaving her to her own devices as upsetting as that is for you,the above posters are right,she is clearly not willing to help herself and seems so immersed in her addiction that i doubt you would get anything out of the frienship except more grief,she is a grown woman and to you or me she is clearly choosing the wrong path to go down ,all you can do is hope that one day she will feel strong enough to break her addiction but for now sounds like heroin is her friend................

[msmogadon]

Briefly SWIM would like to say that relationships are supposed to be 50/50 give and take. What does hermeneutika get from this relationship. It dosn't sound like SWIYs emotional, spiritual and psychological needs are taken into account. SWIY has given enough and deserves a little something for SWIYself

Reputation Comments on this post:

wise words MsM

[cuddlesthefox]

Swim thinks you are a very brave and strong person doing this. It must feel terrible and honestly, it is probably the proper, sensible thing to do.
But... swim here has borderline personality disorder and various addictions so please understand swims point of view will be coming from a place similar to that of Michelles.
If swim was Michelle swim would be pretty mad, sad and hurt right now... but what do you expect, my main source for love, money and sustinance has just stopped. But deep down she'll be missing you too, just for you. This is the part of Michelle you need to play to. Not the addict, the girl.
She acts selfish but there will be something there. Beneath all that you will not be just a meal ticket although to everyone else who has no experience of these relationships you will seem like one, even feel like one! But trust me, she will be missing you for just you too. This may be well hidden by the resentment of tough love but she will still have feelings.
What Swim is saying, the answer is in your heart. Nobody can force anyone to be clean. But encouragement and understanding helps. This is not easy to give and many people do not make it. You need to be very very thick skinned and just keep bouncing back. Then, hopefully, Michelle will realise a few things and wake up. Until then it's a really hard slog.
If you have the stomach for it, then it might be worth it, then again it might all be a waste.
You alone know how much you care for her because there's a chance she will fuck your life around. That's what we are like, junkies. Some of us anyway.
For every good success story there's a crap one but in the end.
Sadly this is not a 50/50 relationship and chances are it never will be. But believe me, something in her will love you so much it hurts, but she will also crave her drugs just as much.
Swim really hope this load of crap might help (it's very early in the morning lol)

[hermeneutika]

many thanks for everyones responses.....this seems like a good forum to hang out in......who is swim by the way??

[KomodoMK]

SWIM = Someone Who Isn't Me

You need to use this or your own creative alternative to avoid self-incrimination. This is a compulsory rule.

Rules can be found here: http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/misc.php?do=cfrules