My friend is addicted to heroin! I need some advice. :p

[Riseykins]

My friend has become addicted to heroin. She has only told about three people, me being one of them. I am the only person her age that knows. She's only eighteen.

Last year she was doing ketamine daily, and had a big problem with it, and it fucked her stomach up.

She has also had problems with not being able to stop smoking weed and has been doing that since around the age of twelve.

She first did heroin around two years ago, then did it about six months later. She started doing it again this year sometime and lives with a heroin addict. She seems to be doing it daily now, though she's not injecting it.

She says to me that she's in the "honeymoon" stage of addiction. I'm not too sure what this means but I think I have a rough idea.

So, I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how I may be able to help her with this problem? I don't really know what to do.

Oh and I also think she might be anorexic. I heard from her mum's friend that she had been in a hospital for eating disorders. We were going out last night to the pub and she took a skirt off that she was wearing to wear trousers and she said she felt self conscious and was at "her heaviest". However, she looked about 30lbs heaver than she was three years ago. Her ribs show on her chest and her boobs are tiny, when they used to be huge...I know that this may be somewhat irrelevant, but I wanted to mention it so as you can get a bigger picture and perhaps help me help her better.

Thanks!

[amadeusstoner]

The real question is does she want help? The only way you can help her is if she wants it, otherwise your attempts will most certainly be in vain (not trying to sound pessimistic or unsympathetic). If the case is that she doesn't want help and is enjoying her addiction then the only thing you can do is be a friend to her and be there for her when she needs it, even if that means talking to her about your concern for her. Just do it in a kind, respectful manner and she will likewise respect you for it in the end. Don't forsake her though if she chooses to stay on that path. You don't have to agree with her but you can always be a friend.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	good advice
	great points you made

[Heretic.Ape.]

Probably the best thing you can do is to encourage her to seek professional help from a psychiatrist specializing in these areas. It is not all too uncommon for issues of drug abuse and eating disorders to be comorbid, especially in young women. She can see her regular MD for a general evaluation and to get a referral and recommendation for qualified people in her area.

[bennett211085]

I agree 100% with amadeusstoner's advice.

[Riseykins]

She does want help. She says she's seeing her school counsellor or something like that...But I doubt it would help much as she goes to a really crap school. She says that she's only told me and a couple of other people because doing heroin is low, really low...

But I guess it's better than nothing. I've said she can come and stay at my house if she ever wants to, but IDK what else to do.

She's moved out of her mum's house, and her mum's a hard drug addict, too. She gives my friend class A drugs.

Anyhow, she's poor as hell and has little food in her flat. I don't know whether to let her choose her path or to try and help...Buy her food, give her a bloody bed to sleep on (as she currently has a sleeping bag on the floor)...IDK.

[bennett211085]

heroine is hardcore stuff, and in the past SWIM has tried it once. SWIM can honestly say that if he'd done anymore he would probably still be doing it now, and that was like 7 years ago. SWIMs sisters friend recently died of an accidental overdose on the stuff.

[y0ssarianlives]

This may sound kind of harsh... but by buying her food and providing a place to sleep, you're only enabling her to continue down the path she is on. Try not to get too connected to her problem as you do NOT want to end up on a co-dependent situation with someone who has a serious chemical problem.

Best advice is to encourage her to get help, but if she isn't following through with any of the numerous resources that are available nowadays to deal with addiction, its on her.

Whatever you do, DON'T buy her food or let her crash at your place.

Do you have any feelings for her btw? Just curious. If so... watch out man. Trouble trouble trouble

[Junkhead23]

Originally Posted by y0ssarianlives

This may sound kind of harsh... but by buying her food and providing a place to sleep, you're only enabling her to continue down the path she is on. Try not to get too connected to her problem as you do NOT want to end up on a co-dependent situation with someone who has a serious chemical problem.

Best advice is to encourage her to get help, but if she isn't following through with any of the numerous resources that are available nowadays to deal with addiction, its on her.

Whatever you do, DON'T buy her food or let her crash at your place.

Do you have any feelings for her btw? Just curious. If so... watch out man. Trouble trouble trouble

Well done for that one. Or maybe if you do not give her food and no place to stay shock horror it may make them more unstable therefore more likely to use not less. The tough love approach does not work. A person can only quit when they want to do it themselves. Nothing can force an addict to quit they have to do it themselves.

[chillinwill]

Originally Posted by Junkhead23

Well done for that one. Or maybe if you do not give her food and no place to stay shock horror it may make them more unstable therefore more likely to use not less. The tough love approach does not work. A person can only quit when they want to do it themselves. Nothing can force an addict to quit they have to do it themselves.

SWIM has found out and realized like the above poster said, tough love rarely works even though some people still believe that is the approach to take. An addict will most likely not quit due to this approach, especially a heroin addict. Even if they are homeless with no money, job, etc, they still will find a way to get well when addicted. Until the addict is ready and determined to quit, they more than likely will not get clean

[y0ssarianlives]

Right, I'm not saying this based off the "tough love" approach. What I'm saying is that you do not want to take responsibility for someone dealing with an addiction. It's a pain and will only invite chaos into your life. Support them, but for gods sakes don't invite them to stay at your place.

[Junkhead23]

I guess it all depends on the addict. If the addict is a thief or untrustworthy then I could see why you would not want them at your place but if they are your friend then I am sure they are neither of those things. Unreliable maybe.

To the official poster there is nothing much ou can do b the sounds of it our friend is enjoying using a lot at the moment. Try to show her the dangers of heroin use. Maybe she does not know all the facts. Show her images of injectors. I guarantee she will say I would never stick a pin in my arm. SWIM said it and no doubt every drug injector the world over has. Mention that to her. Also try to make her realise that she is hurting other people by her drug use. It probably won't work because as I have said an addict will quit only when they are ready.

Lastly a person needs good friends to get off the heroin. Do not push her away because of this she is still the same person. Half the battle is beating boredom and this is where you can come in and really help her.

I hope this helps and I hope your friend sops now while she still can because the more you do it the less chance there is that you are going to kick the habit.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	great points in post
	I agree that love and support are the answer.

[cra$h]

get her out. get away from everything. just leave. eventually you learn to live without it. this is what swim did with cigarettes after smoking a pack daily for a year. took 2 weeks to kick the habbit. Heroin though is probably a lot different.

[chillinwill]

Originally Posted by cra$h

get her out. get away from everything. just leave. eventually you learn to live without it. this is what swim did with cigarettes after smoking a pack daily for a year. took 2 weeks to kick the habbit. Heroin though is probably a lot different.

that might work for the short term and SWIM has heard of some success doing this for the short term but thinks this method is bad for long term success as something else needs to be done in order for her to have a long time recovery

[dyingtomorrow]

The only shot you have is to stop her before she starts injecting. Once you cross that line, going back becomes exponentially harder.

dyingtomorrow added 0 Minutes and 25 Seconds later...

(puns not intended)

[Dickon]

The following is spoken by a pathological lier. Not one word is to be taken at face value. It may or may not be true that...

I do not aspire to this being a happy post simply an honest one. If you want fluffy bunnies do not read this particular reply.

The first thing you need to understand, and this is a universal life lesson, is that in any situation your power is limited, and sadly, despite the bond of friendship, it will count for less than nothing in this case.

Good intentions butter no parsnips, and to give an example a friend of mine who's father got an SAS man (approx. Navy Seal in US I think) to kidnap him and take him to an island is still using (I think the SAS man did not suspect my young friend having a pistol under his pillow!! [must ask if this is true or apocryphal one day!!]). There is a class of folk, {bows in introduction, may I present myself, mr addict, or in my case, dr addict}, who are somewhat different from your average Joe. We tend to be deluded, single minded, evil in the eyes of others, yet possibly we have in our ranks the purest of souls (if ever persuaded to stop using drugs). We are beyond your help, because we are beyond the help of anyone but ourselves.


Say goodbye to your friend as she was before. And to the men/women who think injecting has anything to do with anything, let me state this categorically and simply, it's totally irrelevant. If you think you have a chance of redeeming your friend (sorry if your from the US and this conjours up religious connotations, mea culpa, I'm drunk and junk sick (I'm a 20 year addict who's going to quit in a couple of days. Yeah don't believe me, you'd be a fool to listen to a junky. We ain't exactly honest folk as a rule.)) if they don't inject, and that is simply a line into another world (A country from who's bourne no traveller shall return - (Mis)quoting Shakespeare) you are categorically and unequivocally WRONG. Healthy folk don't use heroin, it's that simple. It's not that healthy folk use heroin once in a while, snort it, smoke it ,eat it, shove it up their as$, but abstain from mainlining it (who knows maybe "healthy folk" might in some deluded mind inject it in a muscle or s/c , healthy folk DO NOT use heroin (OK there are exceptions to this rule - pain patients and pscychonauts for example).

Eating disorders commonly go with addiction (the word is comorbidity if you want to know) and I think the lesson of the first part of the first step from a 12-step point of view is useful: you are "POWERLESS" over your friend. No amount of love, care, kindness, good intentions, etc., etc., will help her, if she does not wish to help herself. I am deeply loathe to be an advocate of tough love, so I won't, but I will say, protect yourself emotionally, because if you start blaming yourself, and thinking her using heroin or going on to inject is because of your failings, then you're off beam.

You have provided a wonderful vignette for those such as me who are playing your friends' role. "She says she's in the honeymoon stage of addiction". Ok speaking as an addict with 20 years experience I could humbly beg to speak of the "honeymoon stage", but it makes no sense for someone who's not got used to the spouse farting in bed/leaving the toilet seat up or down/snoring/etc. etc. (in the world of metaphore) to say that they are in a honeymoon period. This can only be understood in the past tense. It's concurrently rather clever and VERY deluded. I'll translate it for you:"I'm happy taking H for now, I've not lost my anal virginity(with a 60 y.o. man for $20 / £10)/family/money/mind/etc./etc."

Practically let me suggest that you go to a 12 step support fellowship. I think it's called F.A. (families anonymous) that is to N.A. as Al. Anon. is to A.A. I say this cautiously, because there is a lot of "spiritual baggage" that goes with a full endoursement of the "12 step programme", most objectional to most is a belief in God, admittedly a God as "You understand God" (so why not a deluded concept invented by the far right to control you if it floats your boat; seriously objecting on this level is dumb, 'I don't understand or even believe in "God"' is a perfectly acceptable way to understand "God" if you ask me)

So if you really want to understand some stuff, put your humility hat on, and go and speak to those who've had years of dealing with the likes of me. The good news, we addicts are f@@cking tough. I've lived 20 years since I first stuck a needle in my arm, got my M.A. degree from Oxford, my M.Sc. from Oxford, and even a Ph.D. in pure mathematics. Your friend might be lost to you (as a fully emotionally accessable human being) for a while, but there is no reason she won't be back stronger and better than ever one day!!! Just remember most divorces don't happen in the honeymoon !!!!

I hope I wasn't too flip, and you saw through my lousy communications skills to anything useful you might take from what I'm saying/ trying to say [I alway speak with Tom Stoppard in mind, again I misquote:

Wife: You never understand what I mean
Husband: No dear, but I understand what you say.

Try not to be the husband to my wife in this case !!! Dr D]

Reputation Comments on this post:

Very good post

[sara001]

Donr get involved!!!! Friend or no friend just advise her to see a doctor - go to hospital whatever but dont go there... She will do anything to get drugs, if she wants off them she will get help - tell her to ask her GP abput Naltrexone it worked for a family member of min and still is working... After 5 years (not long in the world of an addict i know) he came off heroin, because HE chose to, it wasn't easy and 2 1/2 years later still isn't.. Wish her good luck and send her on her way till she gets help HERSELF...

Reputation Comments on this post:

Wrong answer.

[Pope Albacore]

SWIM finds himself in agreement with J23 in that pushing her away could prove costly. SWIM has seen the "tough love" method backfire more often than not. Addiction is stressful enough without ousted from a loved one's life. What do most addicts do when stress levels are up? They use.

SWIM says that the idea of helping her learn the dangers of heroin is good. He also says that letting her know how much you care and always keeping up with her are great barometers to her situation. Try your best to be understanding. SWIM says you yourself could benefit from these forums and the valuable information within. Good luck.

-Pope Albacore

[sara001]

Am not saying push her away am just saying tell her to seek help from a professional!!! She has no experience of drug mis-use and wouldnt know where to direct her friend, hence asking here.. A doctor or counsellor would they deal with this every day unfortunately.. I have had experience (a positive outcome) with this and feel pointing her in the right direction is the best way to approach.. If she really wants to help then she can advise her to seek medical help and ask for something like naltrexone (not methadone it's just as if not more addictive a substance than heroin) to help keep her clean and free of drugs, you have to want to be clean of drugs - or no amount of ANYTHING will help..

[Dickon]

^^^^^^I am lying when I say.....(?)....

I second that about needing to want help. That's the begining of all recovery! Also Methadone is an absolutely nasty thing to come off. I'm a half hour shy of 5 24-hr days since I took my last dose. It's been a rough ride, and although the worst is over, I'm still only getting 1/2-2 hours sleep a night and am consequently exhausted. But for someone who is leading a dangerous lifestyle, it can provide stability. Although I'd be loathe to recommend it in this case where the level of use is low, it is not without its merits. I've heard many a time people say that "Methadone Saved my life", even on occassions after the person in question has quit the stuff.