Experiences - Problems begin when Cannabis stops working - has anyone else had this problem?

[beena]

SWIM's background in brief for those who don't know already is this: SWIM has struggled for about 14 years with depression and has often self-medicated I s'ppose. SWIM has had an 8-year battle/addiction with crack-cocaine and two years with opiates like tramadol and morphine, which led eventually to her taking heroin (probably about a year ago).

After reading a thread about cannabis and depression SWIM started reflecting on and trying to work out what came first in her life: depression or cannabis use ... it's very hard to be sure about that one but SWIM does think she knows what led her to use hard(er) drugs and it wasn't because 'cannabis is bad' or 'cannabis is a gateway drug', but rather that the effects that cannabis was having on SWIM altered, so cannabis stopped doing what it has always done to SWIM when she took it (ie made her happy, relaxed, at ease, giggly and talkative). Instead cannabis started having the exact opposite effect - it made her paranoid, ill-at-ease, nervous, etc, and this upset SWIM massively.

At the age of 15 when SWIM started smoking weed/hash it seemed like the best thing in the world and she dedicated her whole (teenage) life to the 'erb! She adorned cannabis t-shirts, posters covered her wall with the ganja-leaf on it (either that or trippy pictures that she could look at at night when she came home stoned), similar story with the music she listened to, her social life was ruled by it (SWIM thought non-smokers or stoners were squares and SWIM didn't want to know), alternatively if SWIM found someone was a stoner she went out of her way to make a connect with them.
SWIM was buying at least an eighth a day at one point (and possibly smoking more given her friends contributions). They smoked joints, pipes, bongs and buckets ... each and every evening was spent in a blissful haze of smoke, funny, relaxed conversation and laughter. Although SWIM was positive cannabis wasn't addictive she spent all her money on it, wanted it every single night and when she couldn't get it (living on a small island -at that time - sometimes there'd be 'dry spells'!), she'd get either very very angry or very very upset.

SWIM can't remember exactly when the effects of smoking cannabis seemed to change - maybe it was a gradual thing - but suddenly she found that she wasn't comfortable when stoned - even when the people she was getting stoned with were her oldest and closest friends. It was so gutting to SWIM that for over a year she continued to force herself to smoke with these people, saying to herself that this 'paranoid phase' was just that and that it would pass if she hung in there. But no, it just kept getting worse ...

SWIM moved to England and so the pressure on her (which was never actually put on her by her friends - rather it was in her own mind!) to smoke was lessened. During this time though she actually went to Amsterdam three separate times and still occasionally bought herself some bud to smoke but it was becoming less and less that she indulged. SWIM hated just the idea of being straight or 'a square' as she thought of it!

SWIM went to uni - very nervous about making (or not making) friends, but the exact opposite happened and she met and liked (and they seemed to like her back!) more friends than she'd ever had before in her life. Most of them smoked and most of them also said they took ecstasy. SWIM had avoided E in the past when some of her own friends had offered her it back home (she thought it's be just her luck to die first time and for her parents to use her image as an anti-drugs message/picture!), but these new friends made it seem exciting, fun and fairly safe. So SWIM decided to try it one night and her new friends did it with her and were also very sensible with it and really looked out for SWIM that night.

SWIM had the best buzz ever! She felt happy, relaxed, giggly and talkative! She was at ease with herself and everyone around her. SWIM thought 'this is like cannabis - only way better!'. So ... SWIM started taking ecstasy every night! Yes, thats right between 2 and 4 pills every night. She started smoking pot to come down from the E and it seemed to enhance the buzz - at first - but later she started to notice the paranoia again. SWIM was taking so much ex that she actually missed her first three weeks of academic lessons and work on her course. People were starting to notice (and no doubt talk about) the excessive amount SWIM was indulging with it.

Around this time SWIM met M - who she liked straight away -and who she started to date. M always had a lot of pills on him (one of SWIMs friends jokingly called him 'the candyman' cos he would hand out pills like sweeties - SWIM loved it). What she didn't know was the reason for his excessive pill-slammin' was cos he was trying to come off crack-cocaine - which he'd been taking and was addicted to for about 10 years. So the pair did pills together and then they took coke together.

The first time SWIM tried cocaine she thought to herself 'this is the nicest drug ever - but it's too nice and for that reason you better never have it again - or you'll end up hooked'. Within a week she was doing it again and by the end of that month it was a daily affair. Again, when she first did it she could have a couple of joints and come down nicely but then the paranoia would set in just like before.

Within a year from the time she had started pills and coke SWIM was on crack-cocaine. She always had horrendus comedowns from coke, but couldn't smoke weed. She drank alcohol at one point to deal with comedowns but eventually she tried/discovered heroin/morphine and today her drug of choice is either heroin snorted or morphine tablets swallowed (or most regularly a kind of speedball combo of crack and smack). Heroin today is SWIMs spliff 14 or 15 years ago ...

By that I mean (and SWIM really believes this) that if cannabis still worked the way it did for SWIM the very first time she tried it (or the countless times she did it after that - basically for the first couple of years), then she never would've (cos she wouldn't need to) tried anything else.

SWIM believes she was a heavy cannabis smoker back then (and she was only about 5ft tall, weighing about 6 stone - if thats even relevant), but she certainly wasn't the heaviest cannabis smoker thats ever lived! SWIM knows people (and is sure there are some on this site) that have smoked for years and who still benefit from it but these are the questions SWIM has:

1) Is there anyone out there who has smoked large quantities regularly (daily even perhaps) and who can honestly say that it still works the same way/has the same effect that it always has had/is meant to have?

2) SWIM wonders if it stopped working because she smoked too heavily (too much, too young perhaps?!) or that it caused her to have depression or other mental defects that were then exacerbated by the drug itself. What are SWIYs thought on this?

3) Does anyone else have a similar story/experience to this?

4) Has anyone experienced intense paranoia from cannabis repeatedly and then found one day (maybe after a sustained break from smoking) that they could smoke it - and importantly -enjoy it again? (SWIM would love to be able to get back to where she was all those years ago when a few joints with friends was on a par with socialising in the pub with friends - ie a happy relaxed and FUN thing to do!). Any thoughts on this?

Just one last thought that occurred to SWIM - although these days she does what are termed 'Class A drugs', to be honest the effects that smoking a joint would have on SWIM now make cannabis feel like a much harder/stronger drug. SWIM remembers a time a while back when the paranoia induced by cannabis was so powerful that she was actually sat in a room full of friends (at home in England) and couldn't hear/work out a word of what they were saying. She then started to think they were talking about her - whilst she was sitting within inches of them! It was just so absurd - but SWIM was so startled and terrified of them speaking to her (cos she couldn't figure out what they were on about - it was almost like they were speaking a foreign language - and she needed an interpretor!) that she made her (awkward) excuses and went to bed. Then, sitting up in bed, she could still hear their voices crystal clearly (impossible where the bed is situated) and truly believed they were slagging her off (including her own boyfriend of several years). SWIM couldn't take it anymore and burst into the room accusing them of her fears (SWIM's never seen a room full of people look so goddamn shocked! And then one of the friends told her that he had been telling her boyfriend what a great girl he thought SWIM was, how much he liked her and that he hoped they'd stay together - but he was also telling SWIMs boyfriend that he thought if it was gonna work they would need to both stop doing drugs - so basically he was just being a really good friend - that SWIM now knows he really and truly is - and looking out for SWIM). Needless to say SWIM felt like a complete and utter LOSER that night!

Well, SWIM's rambled on for far too long she's afraid ... basically SWIM would just like to hear from anyone else who has experiences of paranoia from smoking cannabis or can give SWIM any advice or clues as to whats behind it (what went wrong goddamnit?!). Maybe I should've called this thread 'When smoking cannabis goes wrong ....' !!!