Age 24, young mum and ive never been so honest in my life- help with alcohol problem

[amy1984]

SWIM said....

i dont really know where to start, as you know im 24 and have been drinking in the evenings for the last 5 years, only not when pregnant (i didnt touch a drop the whole time)
its gotten to a point now where im so desperate to stop this. i get up at 6am with the kids everyday and do all im meant to do the kids are not suffering in anyway, apart from maybe me being a little short and tired at times.

all day long i feel terrible for my behaviour and say to myself everyday right thats it, im not going to do it anymore, and have even thrown alcohol away but come 7pm its a different story, a different me i cant stop myself, or in the past i have but for max only a week at a time.

i just want to be normal not even think about it, like everyone else. i can hardly remember how that feels. i do think its getting worse not better used to be beer now its wine and i hate to think of the next step if i dont get some help.
my mother is an alcoholic and i grew up with it, it was awful i have some childhood memories that i def should not have had.
i dont want that for my kids, my eldest is 4 1/2 and i know if i stop now it will never be an issue for him, i love them so much and so want to be healthy and normal for them

i look rough all the time and theres been times when im walking him to playgroup and i literally feel so dizzy i think im going to drop, because i drank so much the night b4, and have hardly slept.

or i wake up thinking why did i do that? rung someone or agreed to something i really regret. if i go for a drink with friends and say we are all having a drink and finish and people are chatting im sat there thinking, come on hurry up let get another drink in. when i start i normally dont stop untill im drunk.
but this is only in the evening, i nver drink while the kids are up (i know its no good doing it while they are sleeping either!!) if i go for meal or something and im given a glass of wine i can have that, or say no and just have that one and not think about it again, the choice isnt there i know i cannot drink i have 2 children to look after.
same with my pregnancys and when they were very young, i KNEW i couldnt so i didnt it didnt bother me, and i was 100 times happier than i am now.

i know i cant do it on my own and need to ask for help and im worried what they will say.
what can they do? can they give me anything to stop me drinking in the evenings? i heard there is a tablet that makes you sick if you drink with it? as for me it would take the choice away?
i dont or never have had the shakes, in the morning or if ive not drank.


i want to call my doctors 2moro but im really scared, what about the children, do they tell the HV?
its 7.30pm now and im on my first drink, please help me.
Amy

[Spare Chaynge]

Hello amy.. Swim understands your pain.. swim use to be a drug addict and an alcoholic.. Please go to an AA meeting and try to taper off the alcohol.. At this point it sounds like you need a medical detox.. There are plenty of medical detox around and if you spend anytime looking for them on the internet you can find them.. Your best bet is the medical detox and then a 12 step aa program. You can find these meetings anywhere just look in a phone book for alcoholics annynmous. Call the phone number and find a time and location of the meeting.. Go in and ask anybody for help... Explain your sitatuion there.. Remember everyone in the rooms of AA have been where you are and probably worse than you they willl not judge you.. Most of them WOULD GLADY take you to a medical detox right then and there. This is how they get off by helping other alcoholics in need..

Please continue to post and swim and others will try and help you as much as possible. Good luck swim knows how you feel.. There is hope.

The whole pill to make you stop drinking... It will make you sick if you do so but this is not the best option. The best option is you to decide that alcohol is bad for you and just to stop it completely on your own will.



If you go to a medical detox your kids will not be taken away. If you call your family dr you kids will most likely not be taken away. Unless you dr thinks you are a danger to your kids.

Reputation Comments on this post:

great positve and helpful advice

[KomodoMK]

It's a complicated situation but you have made the first and most important step, admitting to yourself that there is a problem.

You are probably best of speaking to a Doctor for advice if you can't deal with the issue yourself. Have you tried reducing your intake step by step rather than just quitting cold turkey? Also, confiding in a close friend about your problem can be very useful as you have someone who can listen and help you when you feel like drinking. When SWIM wished to stop using another drug it was very helpful for him to phone his best friend, and she spoke to him until the temptation went away. Another good thing to try is mental imagery, when you feel like a drink immediately start to picture your children and think about their future. This worked for me.

[jon-q]

My advice is simple,tomorrow call and make an appointment with your GP tell them it is urgent and you need to be seen,take this letter with you and show it to your doctor.
There is lots of help that can be given medical and through support groups nobody will judge you "you are not a bad mother" but you do need help.

For the sake of your children and yourself please make that call and remember you have already taken the biggest step by posting this mesage here tonight.

I wish you the best of luck,,,,

[amy1984]

hi thanks for replies im not a single mum i have a partner that doesnt drink so kids wont be touched no?

[KomodoMK]

As said above, unless they think you are a danger to your children nothing will happen. The fact you also have a partner present who doesn't drink means they are always under supervision of a sober and responsible adult. So there is no grounds for reporting you to social services or whomever.

[meaculpa]

i can`t add anymore advice than what`s already been given but i just wanted to wish you lots of luck.
i grew up in the same situation so i can empathise, i also started drinking everynight about 6 months ago but i`ve managed to nip it in the bud before it became a serious problem. get as much support as you can from as many people as you can

[amy1984]

i have an appointment at 11.05 and am terrified!
the other problem is my surgery hate me, certainly pick my timings! i was refused a smear test couple of weeks ago even know my mother had cervical cancer at 26 and i have other cancer in the family. i also had most the smyptoms (its been all over news because of jade goody thats how it came about)
anyway i just myself in a worried state about it and went to my local paper! obv the surgery changed its mind and ive had it done, but its not left me in the good books of my doctors surgery.
just rang for an appointment and she said can you tell me what its about, they are prob thinking oh no not her again!
im desperate tho so i have to go over and face them! and get some help, i dont want to be like this anymore

amy1984 added 0 Minutes and 52 Seconds later...

i dont think they could guess in a million years what im about to say to them!

[KomodoMK]

Let me be the first to wish you luck.

[amy1984]

SWIM said...

well i feel better!!
saw doctor he said he didnt think i was addicted but do need help to cut down he was saying things like, put the money you would spend on booze in a pot and then buy yourself something at the end of the month!! i tried to tell him that at 7pm when i want a drink i couldnt care less about £5 in a pot but he wasnt listening. gave me the number to ara and told me to go to the drop in for support.

i have no one ATALL to have my daughter while i go to a drop in as its in the next town aswell id be ages. so ring ara to be told then they cant help me and they have stopped the drop in they once did here and to call aa.

what a load of crap! thanks a bloody bunch! feel like no one gives a shit, and it was really hard to walk in that surgery 2day

I JUST WANT SOME HELP is it really too much to ask!

[Lunar Loops]

Sorry to hear that your Doc was not exactly sympathetic or understanding.

Before saying anything else, you stated that you have a partner that doesn't drink. Does he live with you? If so, what is his response to your drinking? Does he not try and help you to cut down/quit?

[amy1984]

SWIM said...

yes he does live with me and obv doesnt like my drinking, he trys to help but it doesnt help really. when i say drunk im not falling over at place or anything i just sit on here or watch tv (not that im really taking much in after a bottle of wine lol)
so i dont really cause him any grief, we talk and everything.

i know your prob thinking well you must have someone that can watch your daughter if you really want help, but as ive said my mums an alcoholic and i havent really got any friends, there are people i obv speak to but not to say can you have my daughter for 3 hours every monday iykwim.

[Lunar Loops]

OK, well firstly SWILL would say that your 'problem' may not be quite as bad as you imagine. Please bear with SWILL on this as he's in no way trying to belittle your problem.

Firstly, you have recognised that you feel you are drinking too much and that it may escalate, causing problems for you and your family (this does not appear to be the case at the moment from what you have said). This is a vital first step in addressing the situation and one that many find hard to reach. You are already there.

Secondly, you have the courage of your convictions, as is evidenced from your posting for help on here and consulting your GP.

Thirdly, you have remained of drink in the past and indeed whilst you were pregnant. Also you show the willpower required by not drinking during the day and only resorting to having a drink at night.

Some people in similar circumstances would not consider themselves as having a problem, but you do and that is what is important.

Can SWILL ask you why you drink in the evening? Also, you say your partner tries to help, but in what way exactly?

It appears more habitual than anything else and you need to break that cycle if you are to reduce your intake. You associate evening time with wind-down and hand-in-hand with that is the alcohol. This is probably going to sound condescending, but SWILL really does not mean it that way...What interests do you have? You basically need to find something to occupy your time that you find enjoyable and that will take your focus away from drink being required to wind-down.

You may also find yoga and meditation useful in this respect (and will also help you to wind down). It's not for everyone, but it is an option. Additionaly, if you were to go to evening classes for such it also cuts down on the time you are sat at home thinking about having a drink (SWILL is assuming your partner can babysit in the evenings).

If you feel you need outside help, then there must be meetings/facilities that are available in the evening when you would have a ready-made sitter in the form of your partner?

You also have to bear in mind that whatever outside help you seek, this is ultimately going to require a lot of mental effort from yourself. This is something that you have already proved you can do.

The bottom line is that you need to find something to occupy your time (once you become accustomed to not using, this becomes less of a necessity) and you also need to give your self reasons for not drinking and repeat these over and over to yourself. If you can do this when you are pregnant, you CAN do it any time.

You've already made your first steps along this road. SWILL sincerely hopes you continue with it and that you are successful. He has no doubt that you are capable of this.

Please keep us posted. We are always here to listen and provide what advice we can.

[amy1984]

SWIM said....


i know and i agree to everything you said maybe it isnt so bad, but drinking a bottle of wine a night sometimes more for the amount of time i have i guess i thought was walking on shaky ground.
i do need a hobbie or something tho to fill the time as alot of it is prob boredom and im fed up with the rubbish repeats on tv.
i did buy a load of puzzles once lol but couldnt get into them - lol they drove me nuts infact!
i know what your saying tho and its only me that can change it there is no magic cure, i dont think it helps that im prob not the happest person you'd ever meet.
i just think sometimes why cant i have a bloody drink, its all ive got.

i must try when i was preg i used to say to my partner im not drinking like that again what a mess but as soon as my babies were born i was back where i started.

maybe it is normal and people just dont talk about it lol
thanks for the replys

[Lunar Loops]

I'm not saying that it's normal or abnormal.

What is important is how it feels to you. If you feel that it is affecting the rest of your daily life or it's affecting the kids then you definitely need to do something about it.

Boredom is a common trigger though. Break that and you have cracked it.

You say your partner tries to help, but how exactly? Are there not things you can do together (just realised how that may sound, but you know what I mean)?

I wish you the best of luck with it and know from everything that you've said that you are capable.

SWILL has been in a similar situation in the past and basically ended up having to change his life somewhat. This led to him feeling better about himself and becoming more productive.

Boredom is a state of mind that can easily be remedied with some effort.

[msmogadon]

hi amy pal,

is there anything in particular that happens at 7, is this when the kids go to bed?
Is there anyway swiy could get out of the house and just go for a walk or something. SWIM knows that this is boring too but try doing something like going swimming or something. SWIM knows thats late for the kids but it would be worth it to keep them up longer to break swiy out of this cycle that swiy has got stuck in.
Could swiy try detoxing at home with some valium doing a proper taper. SWIM can tell swiy what the recommended taper is for in-patients if this is of interest.
Also that money in the jar thing could work if swiy were saving for something swiy really wanted - such as driving lessons then swiy could get out of the house and go visit family or whatever.
SWIM was herself in a similar situation and went too far one day and ended up in hospital. When she got out she had a bottle of really minging wine in the fridge and refused to buy any drink so that if she wanted to drink it would have to be the minging wine! SWIM does understand that this would not work if alcohol dependant.
After this she made a program of things to do at night. This was reading, then an exercising in front of the telly then used to drink camomile tea and go to bed about half past ten. Sure it was boring but if SWIY could stick to this routine during the week and perhaps allow a treat at the weekend it would at least cut down the drinking.
good luck

[Spare Chaynge]

If swim truly wants to stop drinking and thinks she had a problem read this... If not toss it out the window.

This is what happens when one goes to a dr.. They are not trained in addiction they are not aware of how bad it is or scary.. Swim advised going to an AA meeting or a medical detox. The people at aa will advice you were to seek a medical detox and a medical detox has access to Additionologist. Who are drs who speacalize in addiction obviously...Even if you do not go to medical detox they can still point you to the direction of the addictionologist who can prescribe you appropiate medications such as that pill that makes you sick when you drink... They will also point you to therapist that speacialize in alcohol abuse.. Please listen to swim if you want help.


An addictionologist once told me that in his 8 years of formal medical school he was lectured on addiction for around 4 or 5 hours.. In other words a normal dr does not know shit about addiction.. swim has been to drs and told them he was an addict and they tried to presribe him benzos...


Please listen.. swim has done everything that you have done now... He had a problem he contacted his dr they did the same ,jack shit...

Get to a bloody medical detox Or to An aa meeting.. This will lead to an addictionologist. Therapy and is what you need!!!!!!

What was that number he gave you????????

How much are you drinking a night? Do you black out? What do you drink? What negative social consequences has it caused for you to make you want to quit drinking.

[amy1984]

SWIM said...

yes i do blackout well to the point i totally forget phone conversations and have even forgotten having sex (u obv know, well women when they had had sex so thats how i know) and then a can maybe remember getting into bed and taking off my clothes but not the deed

i drink on average a bottle of wine a night and maybe a couple beers on top. sometimes more but sometimes a little less not less than say 4 cans tho.

im often dizzy and feel i could quite easily pass out when i have to rush out the door in the morning for the school run, i look terrible, and i feel terrible all the time

but i think its my escape, what from i dont really know but looking at my mother i know where its heading. and thats why im wanting to break this chain or habit, whatever i struggle so badly to just not do it, even if i try and keep myself busy i just end up thinking, oh i'll do it 2moro!!

i know its only me that can change things, its so hard tho

i dont even like alcohol so why i drink it ive no idea!

[Spare Chaynge]

Kind of a shitty way to feel after escaping right??? Swim plays video games or listens to classical music.. He wakes up and feels great..

Well you decide if you have a problem or not.. You have some advice seen a dr so its totally up to you whether you want to act on that and get out of alcohol. The alcohol is not going to do it its self.


But countinue to post and pm swim if you need any more help or advice

[meaculpa]

Originally Posted by amy1984

but i think its my escape, what from i dont really know but looking at my mother i know where its heading. and thats why im wanting to break this chain or habit, whatever i struggle so badly to just not do it, even if i try and keep myself busy i just end up thinking, oh i'll do it 2moro!!

i know its only me that can change things, its so hard tho

i dont even like alcohol so why i drink it ive no idea!

Hi amy, i`m wondering when you say you drink to escape, maybe you have clinical depression and/or anxiety. i only wonder this, as i developed an addiction, first to cocaine for 18 months then to over the counter painkillers [codeine] for 12+ years. all this time i was suffering with depression/anxiety and although i was prescribed with anti-depressants they initially didn`t help. however my dr has recently changed my medication and i now feel much better had have managed to reduce my intake of codeine.
i think getting to the bottom of why you drink may be the start of you stopping. are there any counsellors at your surgery? maybe even calling the samaritans or some other telephone support group the next time you feel the urge to drink might help.
sometimes it`s easier to talk to strangers than those we are close too.
good luck with whatever you decide

[jon-q]

Hi amy i hope you havn't started drinking tonight!

swim is sorry to hear things didn't go to well at the doctors today!!

you have already got bucket loads of advice so i wont add any more things can get confusing,all i will do is to give you two e-mail adresses which may or may not be of some use to you.


www.patient.co.uk
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

bye for now swim-q..

[cuddlesthefox]

Quite honestly swim is not shocked at the doctors verdict but if it was swiy then swim would be pissed off at the total lack of empathy and even basic humility Doctors today seem to have. Not all, but quite a few. And it's getting a real problem for people with addiction problems and mental health problems too.
Quantity of alcohol is not the issue here, it's more about the need for it. And id swiy thinks she has a problem then swiy has, whether it be getting hammered everyday or using it to block stuff out for a few hours. And the fact that swiy wants help should not be shoved back in her face by doctors trying to balance the books.
swim knows this might be a bit scary but swim promises nothing will happen with the kids, but why not tell the health visitor? They can pull strings a little and maybe sort you out some proper help.
Don't go through this on your own. Talk to your partner if you can.

it is very easy to give out advice here and it all will be well meant but everyone is individual and so are their probs. Nobody can generalize and that is something doctors tend to do as a rule when it comes to addiction problems.
Please feel free to message swim whenever you want and remember that swiy is so definitely not alone.

[amy1984]

SWIM said....(somewhat paradoxically in this case!)....

what is swim and swiy btw? is confusing me a little

no wine 2night but, having a beer!

i started drinking because my dad left, he walked out the door one night got in the car and drove away without a word, i was left with my out of control alcoholic mother, id come home from my night shifts at work and even know i hadnt slept for 12 hours (8pm-8am) id sleep in holding the phone if she had gone out, then something in me snapped, i couldnt fight it anymore i couldnt cope with her or my situation, one day i woke up i was 18 and thought sod it and brought 2 cans of strong lager, things werent so bag after that.
and thats how i learnt to cope, it was still hard tho she was addicted to diazapam aswell the local herion addic t used to sell them to her, one day she took a load in front of me i was so scared i literally fought with her and had my fingers in her mouth trying to get them out, i did get most off her
hid them, but a couple vodkas later took the lot myself. next thing i wake up in hospital, my own mum in the next bed. my heart had stopped
the only person who was there for me was my partner who at the time id only known 4 months, no family came and i have 2 sisters and a brother.

my partner said to me, come a live with me in the next town, i didnt know him and he didnt really know me, but i KNEW if i stayed id die so i went
6 years later here i am still with him and we have two kids. but the alcohol is still here too

i feel gulity, ashamed i remember once i was about 6 (my mum drank from when i was 2) we were all sitting in the livng room watching tv, my mum was drinking but it wasnt unushal, then she just said and i recall it word for word 'right you lot dont care about me i'll be dead in 10 minutes and took a handful of pills'
i can honestly say ive never felt so scared in my entire life i know what drinking does to people and how it desroys i know i have a problem but no one seems to care, your 24 if you managed not to drink while you were preg your fine dont be silly

im not im being deadly serious i dont want history repeating its self but i cant help myself

[jon-q]

swim =somebody that isnt me
swiy =somebody that isnt you

it is to avoid self incrimination.you should really have read the rules and be using it yourself..

[msmogadon]

Amy1984 SWIM don't mean to be cheeky or anything but is SWIY making a plan for what she's going to do?
It seems to SWIM that SWIY has a lot to get off her chest judging by the content of SWIYs posts and is looking to vent problems rather than thinking about a solution.
Perhaps as has already been suggested SWIY needs to TALK to someone before addressing the drinking. This might even eliminate the need to drink if SWIY can confide in someone she trusts

Reputation Comments on this post:

well said msmogadon..