It really IS possible to overcome addiction

[ai]

SWIM has 7 months clean today. SWIM's DOC is Crack Cocaine. It got really bad really quick. Became of a shell of himself.

NOt only is SWIM clean, that's only part of it.. but the quality of SWIM's life/soberity is unreal. SWIM has lost 25 pounds so far, was 199 now 5'8 and about 174 with a goal of 165 which he should hit in about a month of really watching what he eats which is his downfall.

SWIM is making more money then he has ever made in his life. SWIM loves his job. SWIM has dreams and ambitions that drive him to be successful. SWIM has taken up a new language in his soberity and can actually hold a conversation in it (italian).

There are some things that SWIM does not have yet but he has no dobut they are right around the corner. SWIM actually doesn't have a car, but that is more by choice.... SWIM knows himself and if SWIM would have had a car by now he probably would have relasped. He wasn't ready for a car. Also, sWIM basically works from home, he does'nt NEED a car to be honest, he WANTS one. And becuase it's a want and not a need, he is saving up to get the car he WANTS and not a peice of crap he doesn't like.

SWIM is not at the weight that he wants to be at but he is no longer puggy or looks like he is full of water lol.

SWIM needs a new wardrobe but that is coming when he loses weight. wardrobe now isn't bad but SWIM takes pride in the way he dresses and his wardrobe now isn't cutting it. lol

it's been a while since SWIM has been on a date, and it times he does get lonley, but SWIM realizes that him having to build himself up becuase SWIM tore himself down. Everything SWIM wants will come in due time.

There was a point in time when SWIM could not get 20 dollars without runnign to the crack house. everyone has been there.

SWIM yesterday got a 1,100 dollar check yesterday, whcih in itself isn't much to swim, but it was a 1,100 dollar unexpected check with no bills that had to be paid, everything is caught up, nothing pressing that needed to be done. not once did SWIM think about buying dope. Life is too fun to go back to that crap.


TRY. you get out of recovery what you put in it. SWIY can be drug free if they want it.

Reputation Comments on this post:

thanks for swiys story. its very inspiring

[Junkiebaddypowder]

swim wants to congratulate swiy and wish swiy the best in swiys future endeavors... its always wonderful to hear sucess stories becuase it makes it seem real and seem possible.... swim needs to follow in swiys footsteps but is kind of stuck....


swim is addicted to swims pain meds.... swim normally takes them just like they are prescribed but hates that swim is on them.... but swim will admit that swim occcasionally takes them in a way to try and find some enjoyment in it.



swim had a bad coke habit when swim was young and swim got clean and didnt do anything not even drink or smoke weed... swim remembers that as one of the happier times in swims life... but swim has been discouraged becuase about two years after swim did all that work swims doctors put swim on a heavy narcotic pain management regime ( sp?). swim cant go 4 horus with out taking a pill... Swim wants to get off the meds and has gone to a methadone clinic but was told that swim should stay on the meds since swim is going to need future medical treatment for chronic pain and future surgeries... swim was told it would be pointless for swim to get off becuase swim would have to go right back on and it would be alot of stress on swims body....


swim is discouraged by this becuase swims meds controll everything in swims life... swim cant even sleep a full night with out waking up to take meds unless swim wants to wake up in full blown withdrawels.... swim just wants swims life bak but doesnt want to be in pain either....


what are your thoughts?


thanks for posting swiys story... it gives swim much hope....


good luck to swiy in everything...

and as silly as it sound if swiy is lonly my space might be a good option... swim met swims significant other on there and they have been happy living together for a year..... plus swiy is able to kind of find out about a person and decide if that person is even worth talking to... swim understands it sounds weird but sometimes it works...



NEVER GIVE UP swiy have made it too far!

[ai]

Really SWIM is single by choice. he's a pretty handsome guy actually lol, works out, dresses nice, he just does not put himself out there. partly becuase he has no car and right now the quality of people he is around (living in chem free house) is not worth the effort and counter entutative. partly becuase he really has nothing to offer or had nothing to offer.

plus SWIM hates myspace and facebook. He's old school in that regard. He is sure when he gets some things straight and starts to get a little more time under him, this part of his life won't be a problem.


one thing HE HAS TO SAY is HANG IN THERE. Regardless of how tough it is today, regardless of how bad you want to get high, remember

1) There will be a tomorrow
2) You will regret using

[Junkiebaddypowder]

9 times out of 10 swim doesnt use to get high... its almost impossible for swim to do so and takes alot which is why swim rarly does it becuase it takes sooo many... like 12 lortab 10s and god knows how many morphines..... swims main goal is to not be sick and to reduce pain. swim wishes swim was able to get high off of every dose swim takes but swim has to go to extremem measure to do that... swim would run out of meds way to early so swim cant do that often...

[Spare Chaynge]

Congrats... on 7 months swim took 8 on the 11th.
Your doing great just keep doing what you are doing. And everything will get better... or at least swim is told this he only have a month more than you... but swim has seen an increase in 7 from 8


Swim thinks it is silly to think that having a car would cause you to relapse it is up to you. It does not matter what your life situation is

also the weight thing lol.. swim has battled this for a long time in sobriety... swim is 5'7 and 145 now... he was 175 ... do not get to caught up with this whole looks thing... in swims case low self esteem was a major factor in his drug use...

also even now at 145 well in the normal weight rate for bmi.. he constantly thinks that he is to fat and dwells on it sometimes... it is unhealthy a form of addiction self hatred..

Swim does not have an eating disorder and anybody could say that swim could loose 10 pounds and still be a very healthy person... but swim looks at himself and sees a fat slob.... beware of this thinking...

good luck to you swim has kept track of you as you have an equivalent amount of time as swim so keep coming back.. swim wants to see more post from u..

speaking of that swim is feeling is fat right now and feels disgusting.

[blackdb1]

Swim congratulates swiyou for getting clean and the tools swiy uses along with their views on succeeding in sobriety are VERY MUCH LIKE swims viewpoint on how he gets through his days and STAYS CLEAN!!!

Swim is going to turn 21 years old next month and had a decent cocaine addiction at 16 years old but overcame however he just quit using coke and used ANYTHING ELSE! He was also BADLY HOOKED on DXM (dextromethorphan) for 6-7 months at 16 years old (it was during his times addicted to cocaine this was an addiction) he would use cocaine to feel 'comfortable' with himself and his approach at conversation, etc... He'd use the DXM when there was no coke to be had to get as FAR AWAY from reality as he could (this resulted in an ATE UP swim up to 6 months after stopping ALL USE of DXM!!! NOT COOL!!!

Swim overcame those addictions however and manged to live sober around 40% of the time (he frequently used marijuana and fridays him and his crew would have "everclear friday" which resulted in a VERY intoxicated swim! He also used hallucinogens when he could get them... 'Shrooms', acid, salvia, and always wanted to try Ketamine (however never had the chance because he could not find any hook-up on it...)

This EXACT TIME OF YEAR when swim was 16 he discovered while at a cousins funeral that his Father had scripts to Methadone and percocet (oxycodone/APAP) which lead him to a FAR WORSE addiction he ever imagined possible!!! He just used Oxy occasionally (1 week out of the month at 1st), escalating over about 6 months to 3 weeks out of the month! At this point swim was 17 years old and this addiction (unlike the other 2) really crept up on him! As if 1 day a 'recreational opioid user' then the next realising he was an opiate addict... He was using everyday of the month by the time he was 18 however his tolerance was staying low, which was around 15-20mgs a day at MOST!!!

At 19 years old swim decided to quit as he was getting worse and worse with his opiate addiction!!! So that spring he planned out a detox and set a date... He planned a week ahead as to allow him to get everything prepared. He had just sold his Ford Bronco and knew a guy he could get 2mg Alprazolam bars from so he bought 15 Xanax 'bars' to help him sleep during the detox and help the withdrawal symptoms, along with a few 350mg Soma's (Carisoprodol)... The day before he planned to start his detox and sobriety he thought to himself (STUPIDLY!) "I'm quitting and I've always heard sniffing oxycodone is a good high so I am going to try that."! He literally fell in love with the rush of euphoria and the stimulated high it gave him! Bad for the day before quitting!!!

So he made it through the W/D's and made it 58 days until July when he could not hold out ANY LONGER he decided to score a couple 10mg hydrocodones froma buddy... This was a pleasant experience and did not set hm back to everyday use although he wanted it everyday VERY BADLY!!! Within a month of the relapse swim got back on the oxycodone and his addiction truly got BAD! He had previously been fine with 10-15mgs oxycodone a day but now he needed 10mgs about 2x a day. This very quickly raised and raised getting up to 15mgs 2x a day and he went for another detox and chance at true happiness in sobriety! He had HORRIBLE W/D'S this time as compared to the last!!!

Swim relapsed a couple weeks into it and tolerance kept on rising... He now had to use 20mgs of oxy to get a high and was using more than twice a day everyday. He would use between 3 and 5 times a day. Soon his father found out of this addiction because the missing pills every month (about 100 pills at least a month!)!!! So soon swim started having to dearch and ransack the house to find the bottle of oxys and somehow always was able to find them??? He was still climbing the tolerance ladder and was a few months away from being 20... His father started getting very, very nifty at hiding the pills so swim started taking the methadones 10mg pills when he couldn't get OC's. He'd use about 20mgs a day of methadone and NEVER DARED to exceed 30mgs a day! He hated methadone but it was better than nothing he thought. He started thinking about quitting again and wanted sooo badly to get clean for his 20th B-day!!! Well time went by and went by somemore until his birthday came and he felt so depressed, felt like a failure 100%, and felt like he was becoming a real junkie to opiates!!! So to get through the day of birth w/out crying all day he used methadone and after his party took 20mgs adding up to 40mgs that day... Soon swim was needning 30mgs meth a day to feel "normal"!!! HE got worse and worse until X-mas came and his dads sister (swims aunt) was making up margaritas and swim was PISSED cause he couldn't score any opiates so he started drinking some beer and a few margaritas until his aunt asked him to go to Walgreens to get some ice with her. Being pretty tipsy swim was feeling like being open and when driving back from walgreens his aunt asked how he ha d been and he told her about his addiction... She said she was willing to do anything she could do to help and said swim could move in with her 2 states away from home to start a happy and sober life. Swim accepted and moved in with her, staying 1 month and he felt GREAT as he was not vraving at all, felt naturally happy, etc...

Well upon arriving home he found Dads bottle of oxys a week after getting home! He said to himself "NO i DON'T WANNA restart this whole proccess!" but grabbed 15 anyway!!!??? He used 20mgs and got sick off it cause he'd been clean longer than he had been in at least a year and a half! He started his addiction back up pretty much that day!!!??? He was using everyday again and still wanted to be clean but just couldn't stay away!!!

He started upping the dose in huge amounts to cover up the pain of his addiction! He was now able to take 50mgs methadone and not even "nod"!!!??? If he were using oxycodone he'd use 30mgs as many times a day as he could! His mother got fed up with him and kicked swim outta the house and swim was forced to move in at his fathers where he'd now have access to the drugs ALL DAY!!! He kept using more and more, it just never felt like enough and he had gotten such a high tolerance he couldn't get high at all off his fathers 5mg oxycodones anymore so started taking methadone at dosages of 100mgs without catching a good high!!! It was getting ridiculous!!! He found out soon if he popped the 'meth' he had an hour before it kicking in and if he were to take 40mgs oxycodone sniffed he could get a decent high again by combining the 2. He at this point thought he would be a junkie the resta his life (HONESTLY)!!! He wanted to get clean soo bad so he decided to see psychiatrist about his anxiety and panic attacks that he used opiates to cover up. He was diagnosed with GAD, SAD, panic disorder and ADHD... The evaluation Dr. said swim would most likely be treated with fast acting anxiety meds to treat this, however it was a 2 month wait to see his psychiatrist!!! He went into the ER 1 month before his appointment cause of such bad anxiety! He was RX'ed .25mg Xanax 3x a day until his appointment. Having anxiety meds helped him alot and he was starting to see light at the end of the addiction tunnel again so started researching Suboxone maintenance... He found a Dr. pretty close and put the phone # in swims cell phone.

Well 1 day at a friends house swim and this friend had scored some decent black tar heroin and swim was able to get high off it incredibly... He decided "screw this I'm calling that Dr."!!! He called and told the Suboxone doc how much he used a day and what his drug of choice was and also (swim left this out,,, he had tried IV oxycodone a couple of weeks prior to this phone call and he was wanting to IV opiates 3-4 times a day!) that he'd recently started injecting the oxy and taking methadone also... The doc convinced swim that subs were a great way to maintain his drug seeking and consuming behaviour and also they did NOT give a "high" like methadone does. Swim told him he'd work on gathering the cash together to go see him and he got the money in a week and the Dr. had a opening that Friday!!!

Swim saw him and was RX'ed 16mgs Suboxone a day and felt 'normal for the 1st time in YEARS!!! SADLY!!! He was confident he could now do this and stop recreational usage of all substances and has been for 6 months now!!! He feels each day is a high in itself laying down at night knowing ANOTHER day completed without illicit drug use!!!

Swim is now getting his GED and is wanting to go to college and get a PHD with a specialty in substance abuse!!! He wants to give hope to other addicts that it IS VERY MUCH SO a possible goal to live happy in sobriety! Swim got this inspiration from his doc cause he was an amphetamine and opiate addict for 24 years and lost his license to practice but got clean and got specialised in addiction treatment and he gave swim REAL HOPE and living proof that one can overcome the WORST of addictions with the want and the pleasure of living a happy sober life!!!

Sorry for the long post but swims been wanting to put his story on the site for a while now and is ECSTATIC about 6 months clean!!! He NEVER would've thought he could make it a week clean before seeing the sub dr.!!! So all you out there who are convinced you cannot overcome your addiction swim will say with true passion to be sober and the right attitude ANYONE AND EVERYONE CAN OVERCOME IT!!!

All you out there have a great morning and day and BE SAFE!!! -bdb1-

[ai]

Originally Posted by Spare Chaynge

Congrats... on 7 months swim took 8 on the 11th.
Your doing great just keep doing what you are doing. And everything will get better... or at least swim is told this he only have a month more than you... but swim has seen an increase in 7 from 8


Swim thinks it is silly to think that having a car would cause you to relapse it is up to you. It does not matter what your life situation is

also the weight thing lol.. swim has battled this for a long time in sobriety... swim is 5'7 and 145 now... he was 175 ... do not get to caught up with this whole looks thing... in swims case low self esteem was a major factor in his drug use...

also even now at 145 well in the normal weight rate for bmi.. he constantly thinks that he is to fat and dwells on it sometimes... it is unhealthy a form of addiction self hatred..

Swim does not have an eating disorder and anybody could say that swim could loose 10 pounds and still be a very healthy person... but swim looks at himself and sees a fat slob.... beware of this thinking...

good luck to you swim has kept track of you as you have an equivalent amount of time as swim so keep coming back.. swim wants to see more post from u..

speaking of that swim is feeling is fat right now and feels disgusting.

SWIM knows himself.. there is no question, he was not ready for a car. With that said SWIM is ready now. SWIM took his mom's car about 3 months ago and actually went looking for dope, but changed his mind and went back home. If SWIM had his own car it would have been a done deal.

ABout the weight, I'm not fat by any means, and he works out so he has some muscle to him, but hell since SWIM is making vast improvements to his life, why not go all out? SWIM loves to work out. I never did get why people down you for taking care of yourself.

plus swim likes women who work out on a normal basis. SWIM is very picky. lol. It's only right for SWIM to hold himself to the same standard.

one thing swim has learned about his weight from his personal trainer (yes He has one) is that i'm not so much the fat that it is the water retention. he does not drink water at all andhe looks bloated, but he's not big. he wears a size 33 wasit jeans. He could stand to lose 1 size but 33 is fine by him. but he is not far from where he wants to be.



to the previous poster.. congrats. it IS possible. you CAN do it. you just have to WANT to more than you DONT' want to pick back up.