Dealing with friends who don't know you use

[Songcycle67]

I tried to search for this but it gave me like a thousand results and none of them seemed connected so I'm gonna try to post it:

SWIM has been using hydrocodone on-and-off for about 3 years. He has real pain and a prescription for 3 a day for 30 days. He usually detoxes for 3 months, tries to hang in there, and then fails miserably. This leads him back to the same shitpile of abuse and paranoia, and a terrible cycle of events that I'm sure a lot of you SWIMmers know all too well: going from plenty of meds to zilch in two weeks and spending the other two weeks in withdrawal.

His tolerance is high so his intake is between 60 and 100mg per day (usually through a CWE) so his withdrawal level is somewhere in the middle. For him it is the worst feeling he has ever felt in his life. During the two weeks of withdrawal he sweats and chills and loses his train of thought easily. Aches and pains, the whole nine yards.

So now that the backstory is writ, here's the problem:

None of his friends know that he uses. None. When he tries to hang out with them during withdrawals he is a bit incoherent and obviously sick/throwing up/diarrhea. He hates the idea of leaving his friends behind for opiates, but lately the withdrawals have been more severe/depressing and he can't hang out with anyone during this time. His medicine is sometimes gone within a week as his tolerance builds...3 weeks of hell for one week of normality. He gives them excuses about back pain but they all wonder why he vomits and has diarrhea from back pain. The relationships are becoming more and more strained, to his detriment. So the question is: what do you SWIMmers do?

Do you simply have to neglect the people that don't know you use when you're going through withdrawals? Is there a way to help cope with the withdrawals for a few hours long enough to have a productive relationship with your friends during this time?

Any help would be grealty appreciated.

[Junket]

I think really good friends deserve to know...

That way you can be honest and open, maybe they can help you out.

[cuddlesthefox]

Swim made the classic mistake of having two sets of friends. The users and the non-users. Slowly but surely swim started to neglect his non-user friends and when he finally kicked heroin he realised the only friends he had were users.
Saying that, nobody knows a user like another user and you can have some great times.
My advice however is to try and tell your friends what is going on. The ones that you are left with will be the good ones. Maybe all are or maybe the ones you never really thought of as great mates turn out to be just that.

Good luck

[meaculpa]

swim agrees with above posts, tell the one you trust the most and take it from there. if they are real friends then they`ll stick around and support you. maybe the already have suspicions anyway.

[nikky36]

Originally Posted by meaculpa

swim agrees with above posts, tell the one you trust the most and take it from there. if they are real friends then they`ll stick around and support you. maybe the already have suspicions anyway.

i agree 100%,you will find out who your true friends are if you confide in them,if they are real friends then they should be there to listen to you..............

[Mint boi]

Originally Posted by songcycle67

Is there a way to help cope with the withdrawals for a few hours long enough to have a productive relationship with your friends during this time?

Some people find Kratom helps with withdrawls, though it in itself can be addictive. It's not for everyone. Look into it, might be the way to go.

[Lisa J]

SWIM thought her clean friends would drop her when she told them she was using heroin but they didn't, their help and support has been invaluable in SWIM'S recovery

[Junket]

Oh and being all shady and sketchy around your close friends will only push them away.

How would that make them feel if like 2 years from now you were like

"oh, I was hardcore addicted to drugs back then, my bad for not telling you"

[Songcycle67]

Thanks for your input, everybody. I'll definitely let him know and he's definitely going to tell his closest friends. He just can't take all the lies and mysterious bullshit any longer. I have a feeling he'll tell me to thank you all for the motivation.

[meaculpa]

swims happy to hear this and wishes your friend good luck

[tryptamaster]

swim has friends who are users and non users and all know that he uses. they see his use as a personal decision of his and its none of thier buisness.

[calmurphy17]

cuddlesthefox has spoke swims words for him!although in swims case, he has even withdrawn from most of his 'druggy' friends now and spends most of his time using alone.swim thinks most would argue this is unhealthy & unsafe but swim is happy...

[meaculpa]

swim also uses alone as she finds this more enjoyable, swim likes her own space. also, swims friends are clean living anyway and unaware of swims secret

[youdontknow]

If your prescribed to them then its not really a big deal. Plus, honestly man, its only vicodin. The withdrawl is probably more in your head. I wish swim was only addicted to vics and not OC and H. If you can go three months without it then im telling you man, its in your head.

BUT what you can do is have you doc up your dosage, since tolerance is real (and doctors know this) they know that the same dose that works starting out, is going to have to be upped all the time. Just tell him that there starting to lose there effectiveness.

DeadLegend added 1 Minutes and 10 Seconds later...

all these people saying that its a secret and they use alone....its a wonder so many opiate users try to commit suicide huh...

[EyesOfTheWorld]

um, hydrocodone (vicodin) withdrawal is very real, and sucks. please don't belittle this person's issue. Before switching to oxy (Rx'd) and street heroin, SWIM had a hydro Rx, and when his months supply ran out in 12 days, the next 18 were pure hell. ANY opiate/oid, when overused, creates withdrawal, even things a seemingly minor as vicodin, tramadol and codiene. Fuck, even kratom has wd's when used too heavily.

[Songcycle67]

Originally Posted by EyesOfTheWorld

um, hydrocodone (vicodin) withdrawal is very real, and sucks. please don't belittle this person's issue. Before switching to oxy (Rx'd) and street heroin, SWIM had a hydro Rx, and when his months supply ran out in 12 days, the next 18 were pure hell. ANY opiate/oid, when overused, creates withdrawal, even things a seemingly minor as vicodin, tramadol and codiene. Fuck, even kratom has wd's when used too heavily.

Amen. It's all to do with context and what a person is used to tolerating. SWIM has gone through OC withdrawal before and it was terrible in ways that hydros aren't. The level of withdrawal was definitely heightened, but that doesn't make this any more enjoyable or easy. Also he's told by reliable friends who have taken anything from tramadol to heroin that the lower potency stuff's withdrawals last longer and that makes it harder to stay sane. Not to mention that because they're less potent, it makes it that much easier for SWIM to justify "just one more."

To the poster above, yes, it's definitely interfering with his life to the Nth degree. The only reason he is not in rehab or on methadone/suboxone/etc. is because A. a methadone habit would be much harder to break and B. the treatment and rehabilitation for whatever is causing his pain is just around the bend and, though he realizes it won't be easier mentally, physically it will be much easier to quit when the real pain is gone.

[y0ssarianlives]

This is kind of unrelated, but it sounds as if your opioid addiction is causing more problems in your life than just issues with your friends. Maybe it might be a good idea to look into fixing the root cause of your problem. Methadone a possibility for you? Buprenorphine? Talk to your doctor, or A doctor if you don't want to jeopardize your prescription.

[Psych0naut]

Only SWIMs best friend knows of him having been an IV dope addict for several months now, one of his other best friends knows he does H, but probaply doesn't know of SWIM being an addict, nor did SWIM ever talk about it with this friend. There are four other friends of SWIM who know of his addiction as well, but two of them are Heroin addicts as well, and the third is also an opioid addict. Because of SWIMs very high tolerance and the costs of obtain Heroin running out ever so much, SWIM just wasn't able to live a normal life anymore, he often ran out of H or money for H, which sent him in withdrawl, during which he could do nothing at all, let alone see his friends. On top of that, his veins had nearly all collapsed and he was lacking any good spots on his arms to shoot up. Because of all of this, and being plain sick of it to be a slave to the dope, he wanted to quit. He has obtained a big amount of Methadone tablets through a friend recently, and has now been on Methadone for 5 days, which really helped out a lot, it completely stabalised his daily life. He is able to do all the things he used to do, sporting, seeing friends, studying, and so on. SWIM went to the Methadone clinic and entered the Methadone program. He is now busy getting rid of his addiction and tapering off of Methadone and Bupe after that, and hope's to stay addiction free forever once he's done. But to sum it up, SWIM was not able to deal with his friends anymore during the last part of his Heroin addiction, only for short periods of time, as long as he had dope and was able to shoot up. Now that he's on Methadone though, everything turned out normal again, and he's able to do everything he used to do, like seeing his friends for example, or sporting, or studying.

[mrstwiglet]

I really feel for the person withdrawing and having to try to cover it up around friends. The one thing you need is love and care, but people around you can react completely the wrong way, or they can try to interfere in very unhelpful ways. SWIM panicked when they first heard of someone's addiction, and overreacted, turned hostile and did all the wrong things. In time, SWIM has come to understand better (fortunately). But my advice to this person about dealing with their friends is this: I think this person should confide in maybe one person (but try to sound them out first, if possible, to gauge how they might react). But, most importantly, do this when still using, and not when sick, because a person withdrawing can be quite shocking to the uninitiated. In SWIM's experience, the person withdrawing can be emotionally volatile, and quite disturbingly unlike the user they were before. The friends might want to distance themselves from such behaviour. If this person tells a friend while they are still using, then by the time they go into their scary withdrawals, the friend will be more prepared, and possibly more sympathetic. The last thing one wants is to be in a vulnerable state of withdrawal and have one's friends/family turning all weird and hostile. I am writing this with flu (no, not withdrawals!), so I hope I am making sense. Also this is my first post -- if that's OK to say.

Good luck -- I wish this person all the best.

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