Slipping (relapse on heroin)

[Lisa J]

SWIM has decided it's no good getting stressed over those things she has no control over, better to deal with those things if or when she has too. SWIM had neglected herself when it came to food and sleep for a few weeks but is now making the effort to look after herself a bit more, if only to get rid of the spots and the bags LOL.
SWIM knows she has to stop seeking that opiate high but is struggling with that at the moment, she takes extra methadone which does absolutely nothing but she doesn't want to use heroin so the next best option is to suck on a patch. SWIM will tackle this problem this week and hopes there will be no more soggy patches and that she will be able to reduce her daily intake of methadone, she's already eating plenty of fruit so hopes she'll be sleeping better soon, thanx SWIMmers

[blackdb1]

Swim is VERY happy to hear that swilisa has done good so far!!! Reading swiys posts reminds him of his particular addiction soo much! He has problems like swiy about dwelling on things he has NO control over and the EXTREME WANT for the high offa opiates!!!
Swim ALWAYS struggled with staying off opiates because he was always thinking of "the high" and thinking of when he would be stable enough to use occasionally!!! When swim decided on going on Suboxone and getting clean and STAYING clean he told himself he WOULD ABSOLUTELY be fine NEVER EVER getting high off of opiates again!!! He told himself that many, many times before but never meant it, the 1 time he actually meant it he GOT CLEAN!!!

Well swim has 2 go but will update later tonight or tomorrow! Swim will DEFINATELY KEEP swiy in his prayers and remembere that swiy CAN DO IT!!!

[mahoney]

How are ye swimmers... thats a terrible situation swim is in, sometimes i think you can only quit in the right circumstances. Swim quit 12 days ago after being strung out the last year and using for 3 years. Didnt think swim could do it, but gave all money, phone everything to parents...Swim would have given up prolly, but couldn't.
Now swim is ok few days ago it clicked...Swim can't use again or ISwim'll go bak to being where swim was, and have stopped longing for it because it only makes problems go away for 3-4 hours, well maybe a day...u kno what I mean, Swim have to sort my head out w/out drugs. One thing I'll say that really helps... Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, I think its available on NHS (Im in Ireland not sure) but it is bout you changing the way You think about things because its mainly thoughts that get us down about life not actual events... I hope you get better, my mind made it easier.

Reputation Comments on this post:

great post with valuable info

[beena]

SWIM has so much experience of screwing up - she's been on and off crack-cocaine for eight years and then started using pain meds about two years ago to come down off crack and then from that got into heroin. Plus she suffers with depression and that is probably a major factor in her relapsing so often...so LisaJ SWIM does sympathise with you and your predicament greatly.
SWIM has reached the conclusion that methadone isn't the shining solution that so many people think it is. It is ok if you can stick to it religiously but SWIM has found that if you start using on it the tendancy is to continue using on it - this has been a problem for SWIM anyway.
SWIM made the decision to come off methadone last week. She has been fortunate in that she is able to get access to other pain meds (SWIM is using morphine tablets - MST - to come off methadone). So far (obviously its early days) it has been going quite well - SWIM did abuse them ridiculously in the first couple of days (taking 900mg in one night wasn't a brilliant idea) but since then she has managed to settle down and within five days she has reduced her dose to 60mg of morphine a day and 50mg of Tramadol (which she was taking anyway whilst on methadone). So far she has resisted the urge to top up with heroin.
LisaJ if you have access to pain meds maybe you could consider alternative ways of comming off heroin and staying off?? It is only a suggestion - SWIY has to find out what works for SWIY of course - but SWIM just wanted to offer support and let SWIY know that there are other ways.

[Lisa J]

SWIM thanks everyone for their comments and does take it all on board. SWIM is very interested in what SWIbeena is doing, SWIM always used MST to get off heroin in the past, unfortunately she had no access to them this time and methadone was the only thing available. SWIM could get herself clean in 4 - 6 weeks using MST but has been on methadone now for almost a year. To be fair to her GP he did increase her fentanyl so she would need less methadone and SWIM got on really well reducing at her own pace down to 10 - 20 mls depending on her pain. But that is a big problem, the methadone is not just a substitute it's also now part of her pain meds, SWIM'S GP has now asked for an appointment with the pain clinic as SWIM has asked to be tried on something else for her pain such as oxycodone. If SWIM could control her pain without methadone then she might feel less of a smack head and be less likely to use heroin. SWIM has made problems for herself by abusing both the patches and methadone in that her prescribed dose no longer controls the pain, SWIM now needs 25 - 30mls which she hopes isn't going to cause problems changing to something else. On a good note SWIM has no cravings and hasn't touched the two bags she bought recently, she changed her patch last night and didn't put the old one in her cheek this time, it went in the bin.
SWIM knows she needs to change her way of thinking and to find better ways of dealing with stress, she thinks it might be a good idea to ask her local drug group about councilling as she is entitled to 6 free sessions with them, something to think about

[Lisa J]

SWIM has continued abusing her fentanyl (smoking/putting in mouth) and realised she had been doing this regularly for a couple of weeks. It hit her a couple of days ago that if she keeps this up she will end up back on heroin when the "spares" run out. SWIM is now using the patches properly and sticking to 25mls of methadone a day, she hopes in a week or two to get down to 20mls. SWIM'S friend almost got breached (sent back to prison) for a failed drug test on the day he was supposed to be moving into his new flat, it was a big wake up call for him and SWIM, DRUGS FUCK THINGS UP FOR YOU!!!. It's only 48 hours that SWIM has been doing things properly but she really wants to get it right this time

[sarbanes]

Don't put so much value on one relapse (negative value). What is really important, is how often you use. Just cuz you might have had so much time off the gear, don't mean all that clean time is ruined by a little taste. And you can't use that one relapse as justification to continue using (ruined all this clean time). You HAVE TO be able to have that slip up, and continue on not using. Its really the only way to control your long term usage. Also, baclofen (a common, simple, generic drug) shows great promise in controlling the cravings you are describing.

Reputation Comments on this post:

I totally agree - very useful post