My friend wanted to write a letter to all of you here at Drugs-forum, he wanted to just get a new perspective on his drug use and see how it sounded actually written out. So here is his letter..
I first tried cocaine, shrooms, ecstasy and weed at the age of 16, all of them were always fun, always cool, but never a problem. I did any various drug maybe once or twice a month. only on special occasions, just real casual use. This pattern of use continued but slowed down around the time I turned 18 in April of 08. I was pretty much no longer poppin ecstasy, I hadn't done shrooms or coke in a while, I was just a good old weed smoker.
In may, a month after my birthday, one way or another, I had alot of money and I ended up doing an eightball of coke each weekend. On the last weekend I felt like I had my fun and I couldn't keep doing it. No problem, I just simply moved on.
June was just a normal month, smoked weed, drank, nothing serious, life was good.
July rolled around and something happened that had never happened to me before. I was just suddently getting coke cravings. I made one phone call and I got a number to a dealer who had good product, good prices and would meet me right in town. The ease of getting coke was what got me. I had never found myself to have an addictive personality, but something about the coke ritual really took me in. I loved the smell, I loved choppin and lining it up. It was safe to say, I loved cocaine.
I ended up pulling money out of my "buy-a-new-car fund" every other day for coke. I dropped close to 400 bucks in July alone. I know this number may seem small to some, but for just sniffing that amount by myself, its crazy. Monday I'd get a gram, wednesday I'd get a half gram to get me to saturday where i'd get another gram. It was a pretty vicious cycle of use. Time and time again demons would get the best of me. I would always just be sitting at my house, bored, and I would just start justifying getting coke in my head. All the addicts out there know what this is like. You tell yourself, "last time I had a bad comedown, I shouldn't spend my money, it will be gone quick anyways" but then two seconds later you are like "shit I can spend 25 bucks for a half gram, thats not a big deal, it would be worth it, damn it would be nice" then twenty minutes later, you are crushing a rock into powder...
August 4th I made a commitment, I said no more coke, I erased my dealers number. I'm done
However last night, August 7th, what happened? Demons started telling me to pick up some blow, I had the dealers number memorized and I picked up more coke.
Last night once I blew through the sack I felt feelings of guilt, remorse, frustration that I had never felt before. They were intense, I was so disappointed in myself.
My dealer called me this morning and said he has moved back to his hometown, which is a state away, and I thought this really was a blessing. This was my Angels preamptive strike against the beast within me. I think now that he is gone I will have a way better chance at controlling myself.
It was only a month into my moderately heavy coke use when I realized just how real addiction can be. I'm counting today as day 1. Thank you for reading. Wish me luck.
08-08-2008, 21:07
Demons within me -
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