Whats been the lowest point for SWIYs

[msmogadon]

SWIM often hears that an addict has to reach rock bottom before they can get themselves clean.
SWIM feels at rock bottom right now however SWIM does not have any fight left to pull herself up and out of this. Every day just goes on like Groundhog day with things getting worse and worse.
SWIM would like to hear what other people's rock bottoms have been. Not to think SWIM is not that bad or SWIM is worse that that - just to see what it has taken for other SWIYs to sort themselves out.
thank you for your time

[kaczynski]

SWIM was mid-semester at university. He sold all of his books for money to pay back cocaine debts, and ended up failing classes because he didn't have the materials. SWIM became paranoid and stopped leaving his dorm room. He was so terrified of going out in public that he would pay one of his friends to go to the cafeteria and bring food up to him. SWIM also stole money from friends, used massive amounts of cocaine that he was supposed to be helping his dealer push when SWIM didn't have any money to pay for it, and stopped socializing with all of his real friends because they frowned upon his drug use. Thankfully SWIM has moved away from all of that, but he had to physically separate himself from the city where he had all his drug connections to prevent himself from continuing his cocaine/heroin use.

[drug-bot]

swim thinks the concept of 'rock bottom' is a dangerous myth, in that it presupposes an addict cant get clean unless something awful happens, while it should be the goal to stop using before something horrible happened. face it some people have more of a tolerance to negative situations than others, how else to explain an addict who lost his job and family and home and still continues on with use. swim didnt 'hit rock bottom', he was just sick of living a life in which he comprimised his morals on an almost daily basis to support his habit, so he decided to get on methadone, and the majority of addicts he knows simply got sick of doing the same shit everyday.

the HBO multi part documentary on addiction explored this further, exposing it as a myth.

Reputation Comments on this post:

good advice & true

[newgrower]

Prison. Swim only did mickey mouse time (9 months) but enough time to make him think and to make him change.

[beena]

SWIM thought her lowest point was about six years ago (SWIM had been taking crack for two years at that time). SWIM was at university and was living with her boyfriend - they had a few nice things in their flat, such as a decent stereo (SWIM's 21st birthday present), and a nice flatscreen/widescreen television set. One by one SWIM watched these possessions get carted out of their flat by drug-dealers (with their consent of course) - all for the sake of a few little rocks to smoke.
Then, like SWI-kaczynski, SWIM started cutting classes and before long she stopped going altogether...she was incredibly paranoid and didn't want to leave the house.
SWIM got clean for about six months with the help of her parents and some good friends (she also moved away from the area: took a semester out from university, which was a big help), but then she returned and old habits returned too.
SWIM has been addicted to crack eight years now and about two years ago she started using opiates and then heroin....what she thought was rock-bottom all the way back then was nothing compared to the things that happened and that she went through when she got hooked on smack.
Apart from the physical addiction (and withdrawals are a terrible thing), SWIM hated the way she would go to such desperate measures to get drugs. With multi-addictions SWIM would always be craving something.
SWIM has been on methadone for one month and has only just stabilised herself on 50mls of methadone so it's really early days. SWIM wishes she'd tried harder to stop years ago because although an addiction is an addiction (however long a person's been taking drugs), it definately becomes harder/more ingrained within the longer it goes on.
That said, SWIM definately agrees with drug-bot - don't think about it in terms of 'rock-bottom'...if something doesn't feel right/is a problem for SWIY, then get help. SWIM hates addicts that sit around going "yeah, but my addiction is worse than yours because i've done this", blah, blah, etc). All that is important is if SWIY wants to stop, and it sounds like SWIY does.

[Junket]

Originally Posted by drug-bot

swim thinks the concept of 'rock bottom' is a dangerous myth, in that it presupposes an addict cant get clean unless something awful happens, while it should be the goal to stop using before something horrible happened. face it some people have more of a tolerance to negative situations than others, how else to explain an addict who lost his job and family and home and still continues on with use. swim didnt 'hit rock bottom', he was just sick of living a life in which he comprimised his morals on an almost daily basis to support his habit, so he decided to get on methadone, and the majority of addicts he knows simply got sick of doing the same shit everyday.

the HBO multi part documentary on addiction explored this further, exposing it as a myth.

I agree with all of this, except one thing..

"in that it presupposes an addict cant get clean unless something awful happens"

it presupposes an addict won't get clean..which is true alot of the time.

the drugs get a hold of them and they lose who they are. usually not seeing it until they've suffered in a major way for it, one they can recognize.

However I'm totally with you in that addicts can and DO realize they are going down a bad path, like you said comprisming morals. This was the case for me too. I started using coke pretty heavily for a while and I realized I was jeporadizing friendships and relationships, and I recognized my "rock bottom" before I got there. swid-b has done the same obviously.

Oh and

"how else to explain an addict who lost his job and family and home and still continues on with use"

There are plenty of people who have lost everything and still use, not necessarily because they want to, but because they need to by that point and they can't see any hope..

Alot of homeless drug addicts will tell you they don't care if they died tomorrow, it doesn't really matter.

They get can lost, with or without a rock bottom..

Reputation Comments on this post:

You really hit the nail on the head

[hippie_lain]

swims rock bottom was bad. he had become so paranoid he had a scitzofrenic break from reality. swims friends took advantage of this and started to fuck with swims mind. after two years of drinking almost everyday and doing about an 8ball of coke or crank a week and going through this hell swim just wanted to die. swim became suicidal, he had sevral speech promblems and couldnt even hold a normal converstion. as things got worse swim wanted to leave this world. swim loved his family though, so he tried his hardest to not let them down and refused to hurt them by ending his own life.then swim went to jail. in jail swim made a promise with god. he followed through in his part so i live my life for him now. swim has lots of hope now and is doing more good with his life than he ever thought possible.

Reputation Comments on this post:

nice story, stay up man - Junket

[hippie_lain]

if you want it bad enough the strength to get clean will come to you. this has been swims experience. he was sick and tired of being sick and tired and took a step of faith to make his dreams a reality. given it took lots of hard work and there were times swim wanted to give up but sucess came. its a wonderful thing when your worst experiences become a source of strength.

[chillinwill]

the lowest point for SWIM has been when he was stealing from his parents and friends, lying about just everything going on, ripping off friends and selling fake drugs, forging checks, shooting up over a gram a day and still not even getting high and it not being fun

[beena]

I agree with Junket that most addicts won't get help until they reach rock bottom: SWIM has always been protected in a way from reaching rock bottom by her boyfriend. They are co-dependant and SWIMs boyfriend had been using for much longer, was more experienced, streetwise, etc. When stupid things would happen (like blowing their entire weeks money on drugs in one day for example), SWIM knew her boyfriend would always take care of everything, ie get food for them to eat and acquire more money to support their addiction.
Because of this SWIM never ended up with a criminal record or had to do some of the terrible things she's heard other women say they've had to do to come by money (ie get involved in the sex industry). That said, everyone has their own rock-bottom and SWIM still felt low enough to go and seek help - which she's now getting.

[sylenth]

not opiates but smurfs rock bottom 'moment of realisation' was with pyuke/vomit all over the house, tears in his eyes, no money, no food, no furniture, in the place they did'nt want to be & far from pay day all coming down from a huge 3 day coke binge & still tripping on alot of lsd with a killer head ache sinus pains, blocked nostrils looking skinnier than ever & watching his girlfriend fuck out wanting to commit suicide.

have'nt done coke since then except one gram after that & it was shit... now 2 months.

besides that time, breaking in to places to steal things, being caught for stealing things, selling vehicles, all for swimming.

[Junket]

Originally Posted by beena

I agree with Junket that most addicts won't get help until they reach rock bottom: SWIM has always been protected in a way from reaching rock bottom by her boyfriend. They are co-dependant and SWIMs boyfriend had been using for much longer, was more experienced, streetwise, etc. When stupid things would happen (like blowing their entire weeks money on drugs in one day for example), SWIM knew her boyfriend would always take care of everything, ie get food for them to eat and acquire more money to support their addiction.
Because of this SWIM never ended up with a criminal record or had to do some of the terrible things she's heard other women say they've had to do to come by money (ie get involved in the sex industry). That said, everyone has their own rock-bottom and SWIM still felt low enough to go and seek help - which she's now getting.

Exactly, some peoples rock bottom is going to jail, some people it could be "hey I stole money from my mom" and that in itself is a rock bottom wake up call.

Congratulations on getting help, I wish you luck.

[tryptamaster]

Swims rock bottom isnt as low as most here and swim has never really been addicted to opiates. But the closest swim has come is stealing painkillers from peoples houses when he babysat thier dogs.

[msmogadon]

Originally Posted by tryptamaster

Swims rock bottom isnt as low as most here and swim has never really been addicted to opiates. But the closest swim has come is stealing painkillers from peoples houses when he babysat thier dogs.

Its well known that medicines should be kept stpred in a safe place out of the reach of children. eg a locked medicine cabinet. If people are just going to leave them lying around like nibbles at a party then they get all they deserve ~ just a thought of SWIMs

SWIMs lowest point has been begging for money, crying hysterically and threatening suicide so someone will buy her drugs., putting a cord round her neck because she couldn't face the turkey, having no money for food and not eating for days, no money to even get to work, stealing DF's from a 100 year old lady, weighing 8 stone (she's 5'8"), shoplifting for new shoes, crying all weekend at T in the Park cause she wanted to be at home with her heroin rather than at the biggest party in scotland. These are an acumulation of the things that make up SWIMs 'rock bottom' The list expands daily

[fiveleggedrat]

Stealing prescriptions from family members, and raiding people's cabinets when he visits their houses. Swim thinks worse will happen one day. Swim has yet to get close to rock bottom.

Swim wasn't even addicted at all either, just really bored.

[chillinwill]

SWIM also forgot to add that he was charged with 4 felonies and several misdemeanors all at once and even his parents didn't want anything to do with him....at this point in SWIM's life, he didn't care if he lived or died

[msmogadon]

Originally Posted by chillinwill

....at this point in SWIM's life, he didn't care if he lived or died

SWIM personally thinks that this is a pretty big indication of rock bottom. SWIM wished that she could go to bed and not wake up. Or take a massive hit and not come round. Thats when SWIM knew she was at her 'rock bottom'

[beena]

Yesterday, SWIM was due to hand some coursework in at university and this week she had 12000 words to write (2 creative writing portfolios). As per usual SWIM met the prospect of having something 'big' happening in her life with total shutdown/self-destruct. She went on a major drug and alcohol binge. Much of the week was a blur but a really scarey thing happened on Thursday night: SWIM's other (and better) half almost went over. He was lying on the sofa shivering and shaking whilst SWIM was fairly oblivious to the significant danger he was blatantly in. Fortunately SWIMs boy is okay...he didn't die. And SWIM actually managed to get her work done too....but missed handing it in by about 5 minutes (the coursework postbox shuts at 8.45pm and she got there at 8.50pm). God knows what will happen now with SWIMs academic future - SWIM feels the lowest she's felt for quite a while..... but at least she and her fella are alive: that's something I guess.

[Ellis D.]

SWIM is 21 and has been using hard drugs for 7 years. It wasn't until a few months ago that SWIM hit his "rock bottom".

SWIM was homeless, lost his fiance, had no relationship with his family who he was always extremely close with. Lost most of his friends besides the ones who used. Was shooting lots of speedballs(cocaine and heroin) every day, most of the day. Spent his life savings(about 20grand) on drugs, and was using more heroin than he should have in attempt at suicide.

Everyone thought SWIM needed to hit rock bottom in order to quit...well SWIM ended up dying for a few minutes from shooting up too much cocaine one day and he didn't quit after that. SWIM has also saved 3 peoples lives by giving them CPR and that didn't make him want to quit any more.

SWIMs family finally realized that playing "tough love" with someone in this state is like telling someone who's dying from cancer to go get their cancer taken care of before they have anything to do with them again...very stupid and self centered, not to mention dangerous and traumatizing for the person with the problem who could use all the support they can get.

SWIM finally quit once he got a job, another girlfriend, and normal life going for himself. Once he had one leg through the door it was much easier to step through completely.

SWIM was treated like a leper by his family and friends and still has a lot of pain being around some of these people who had such good lives that they couldn't see anything else and didn't understand where SWIM was at all when he was hardly alive, starving, spending everything on drugs. SWIM would have died if he didn't feel shitty about dying by suicide.

Ellis D. added 6 Minutes and 4 Seconds later...

Oh yea SWIM forget to mention that SWIM was stealing lots of bicycles around town, changing the VIN numbers and pawning them. SWIM also stole some tools from his father and felt awful about this sense his dad had been a woodworker for 30 years and SWIM knows how a person gets with tools that they work with every day for a looong time. SWIM was doing a lot of shit he never thought he would do, SWIM is a good person....SWIM even contemplating holding people up at gunpoint for money, or robbing convenience stores...thankfully he was never that desperate.

[Lobsang]

I dunno what the lowest was. Maybe being paraded thru the airport in leg shackles and arm shackles. Maybe when SWIM's wife said she not want SWIM any more and she and her boyfriend were sleeping together right in SWIM's own house while SWIM slept in the recliner. And on Christmas they were in his room all day while SWIM cried all day. Because he rented an apartment from SWIM in SWIM's house. Maybe when SWIM got so upset that he threatened to kill SWIM'self and the boyfriend called the cops and all these cops burst into SWIM's own house and SWIM threatened the cops with karate (which the cops knew that SWIM taught) and the cops tried to mace SWIM and the cops all jumped on him and and handcuffed him parading him out of the house in front of the neighbors. And actually SWIM was not going to kill himself--He was just upset. But the boyfriend called the cops and the cops believed him because SWIM had already a reputation of being sent to the insane asylum on DXM. Maybe the lowest point was when SWIM got thrown in jail for going crazy on DXM and all the people in his small town would not speak to him any more. Or treated him as he was insane and not go to him as a doctor any more. Maybe with all this the lowest point is now. With SWIM being all depressed and alone haunted with guilt, shame and disbelief. So SWIM would say he can't decide but those are some of the things.

[qlduser]

swim had to be driven around looking for a methadone clinic,by his parents ,as he vomited and convulsed on the back street.
swim nodded off with his first born baby in the car . Doing the daily 70 km drive to see dealer. (was prosecuted) .swim nearly clean 10 years later

[beena]

Something about this question keeps bringing SWIM back to it, lol....some more low points that SWIM has remembered thanks to this thread are: SWIM cutting her arm bad enough (and deep enough) that it required hospital stitches...and having to go to hospital at about one o'clock in the morning, coming down from crack-cocaine, with her arm pissing blood...SWIM remembers some kids in the hospital waiting room staring.
Another one was SWIM looking in the street for pieces of glass to cut her arm with on another occasion having had an argument with her boyfriend, again coming down from a crack-binge, and feeling depressed.
Selling her 21st birthday present (a top of the range Denon stereo) certainly weren't good and nor was selling her graduation present. Getting arrested for being drunk and spending the night in the cells - getting strip-searched too when they saw the scars on SWIM's arms (in case she had a razor).
Picking cigarette butts off the street.
Falling asleep on her arm after a mamoth binge of crack and smack and damaging her radial nerve: SWIM lost all the feeling and use of her right hand for three months and had to wear a splint.
Taking two days to get to the hospital after falling asleep on her arm, waking up, realising there was something seriously wrong....couldn't face to go out of the house, so just sat indoors: couldn't even roll a cigarette properly, get dressed/undressed, cut up her food, etc. Also boyfriend was in prison at the time so she was all alone...it was the one time she really needed somebody.

Worst of all though: SWIMs boyfriend having an epileptic fit after being up all night smoking crack-cocaine. SWIMs boyfriend collapsed on floor and started convulsing. In a second sweat was pouring off him and his fingertips and lips went blue, whilst his face was grey. He really did look like a corpse. The worst part was that when he fell down, SWIM made a dive for the gear, rather than the boyfriend and all she could think about whilst looking after him was having another pipe. So shameful....

[qlduser]

swim repeatedly stabbed his calf muscle with a steak knife also requiring stitchs

[piggyinthemiddle]

Reading the above post, S.W.I.M feels that he should be grateful. His rock bottom was stealing money from his parents, and before it got any worse, I guess the best way to describe it, is to say he 'grew out?' of wanting to use, and is now in stable and in treatment. There but for the grace of god.....

[beena]

All the years SWIM was on crack cocaine she never really did anything that bad to get money...I mean sure she got into debt with credit cards and overdrafts but always got by and never really took the piss out of family and friends. SWIMs boyfriend was the one who would fiend and do stuff to obtain money (which I won't go into as its not fair to talk about stuff he did on this forum). But when SWIM started using heroin it all changed. SWIM still avoided any criminal acts (thankfully) but the stories she would make up to get money out of people...it makes her shudder to think about it quite frankly. Friends became cash points in SWIMs eyes. Once SWIM made up a story to her 85 year old nan, telling her that her boyfriend had been mugged and was in hospital and that he had had all his money stolen and that SWIM had been told by the police that he was in hospital and needed money to get to see him. She only asked for twenty quid but SWIMs nan (lovely lady) immediatley got a cab to the bank and put a hundred quid in.
SWIM is so ashamed thinking about that now.