Coping With Closed-Minded People

[Mickeylutz]

My friend was having a conversation with his sister last night. They disagree about many things, but until this point, they have managed to still be friends. They have talked about drugs before but this night was more emotionally charged than other nights because my friends brother just died. A good friend of the deceased brother was at my friend's house earlier, and my friends mother and sister thought he was 'drugged'. My friend was very angry at his mother and sister for stereotyping, prejudging and judging this man who, in truth, was not 'drugged'.

Anyways, my friend was talking to his sister later that night. My friend tried, as he had in the past, to explain to his sister why drugs, when used responsibly, are not bad, and can even help people. He became frustrated after she become more and more hostile towards him. My friend admitted, proudly, that he was a 'druggie' and his sister replied "Then I guess we will not be close in this lifetime". This was very hard for my friend to hear, especially after just losing his brother. My friend wants to reach out to his sister so badly, but cannot find the right way to do it. He would appreciate any advice on how to do this.

[Focus]

That's hard - my cat sends his sympathy to your friend.

But don't forget your friend's sister has been bereaved as well - her reaction may have been more exaggerated out of a fear of losing her other brother as well. There's a lot of nonsense talked in the popular media about the dangers of drugs - but it would be foolish to think that it is always without risk. There are plenty out there who have had their lives ruined, either by using or being close to one who has. From her point of view (which sounds fairly conventional) she may be thinking that it's wrong for people to take such risks and potentially cause so much grief to their loved ones.

You don't mention what your friend's brother died of - my cat wouldn't ask if your friend didn't want to say, but if there was a drug-related issue there as well, it would only exacerbate her reaction.

Felix says to tell your friend to keep showing his sister that he cares strongly about her, and try to give her time to come to terms with things that may have caused her more pain than he thinks.

[aerozeppelin123]

Did your friend's brother die from drugs? Because if he did then that would make things much harder. If not, then it would be better to leave things to settle down a bit until they come to terms with their brother's death, and talk about it then. Heated debates during this time will not turn out well as they are most likely already feeling grief and anger over his death so the last thing they need is to be feeling hostility towards one another.

As I said, if his death was drug-related, then it will be very hard for them to reconcile with each other, although still possible over time if they see that your friend isn't suffering ill-effects from his drug use. If it wasn't anything to do with drugs then he just needs to stay calm and explain that just because he uses drugs it doesn't make him a bad person, and that he still wants to be close with her. Over time it's possible that she will change her mind or at least learn to live with it. IMO it's crucial that he doesn't start shouting or getting worked up, no matter how frustrating he finds her beliefs.

[kaczynski]

Drug users are scum in the eyes of some people. Usually it's like any other bigotry. An old racist who has gone through his entire life despising minorities isn't likely to have a change of heart since he's become an expert at finding reasons to despise them.