Opinions - Anti-depressant conflict...

[Egnarodude]

I have been seeing a counselor for a year now and have been making progress with myself but I keep falling back into a rut. Long story short....

I have thought about anti-depressants for quite a while off and on. Usually it was on a total denial and egotistically "I dont need an anti-depressant... I dont believe anyone does!" and that is probably not true. My fear is the dependency on an anti-depressant rather than the help one can gain from it. I dont want to have to take an anti-depressant for my whole life sort of thing. I know that is up to me though....

My main depressive issue is the self-judging situation. Not allowing myself to be me etc.... Within the past week i have really been giving it thought, its hard for me to make a decision on that matter because of that fear of anti-depressant dependancy etc... I have heard about situations with crazy episodes and zany mood swings which do not sound like fun. But I have also heard stories of the opposite, almost as in a "curing" effect.

Swim used to be quite the pothead and did his fair share of rolls, but has been pretty much off drugs altogether for about a year with a few marijuana exceptions and one lsd experience. Social anxiety is a frustrating thing for swim as well, the ability to interact with out self judgement is difficult.

Any input would be great.