Marijuana use and effect on behavior

[mgnelys432]

My significant other has been using marijuana regularly for several years, recently deciding to "take a break" for about 4 months. Beforehand we had been having some problems, and things were rather rocky. While high he would get somewhat argumentative about things, and when I'd tell him I don't like it when he's high he would respond "Well you're just going to have to deal with it". After being sober for some time, I began to see a huge change in his behavior. He became easier to talk to, less argumentative, more understanding and eager to take my feelings into consideration. I told him how he had hurt my feelings before, especially with the statement he made about "dealing with it". He instantaneously apologized and said if I ever wanted him to stop he would. Things really began looking up.

He has just started smoking again nearly everyday for the last few weeks, and I'm already starting to see those good qualities disappearing, and the same inconsiderate ones returning.

I want to confront him, but first I want to make sure that my assumptions are correct.

Basically, my question is, is it the weed, or could it be something else?

Also, what can i do about the situation?

[Lobsang]

Originally Posted by mgnelys432

My significant other has been using marijuana regularly for several years, recently deciding to "take a break" for about 4 months. Beforehand we had been having some problems, and things were rather rocky. While high he would get somewhat argumentative about things, and when I'd tell him I don't like it when he's high he would respond "Well you're just going to have to deal with it". After being sober for some time, I began to see a huge change in his behavior. He became easier to talk to, less argumentative, more understanding and eager to take my feelings into consideration. I told him how he had hurt my feelings before, especially with the statement he made about "dealing with it". He instantaneously apologized and said if I ever wanted him to stop he would. Things really began looking up.

He has just started smoking again nearly everyday for the last few weeks, and I'm already starting to see those good qualities disappearing, and the same inconsiderate ones returning.

I want to confront him, but first I want to make sure that my assumptions are correct.

Basically, my question is, is it the weed, or could it be something else?

Also, what can i do about the situation?

Well what I will say will not be the most popular statement. However in my experience and I think it is considerable. They answer is yes absolutely. Long term marijuana use on a chronic level can cause significant negative behavioral changes in many individuals. I am quite familiar with the senario of events that you speak of.

So now you have to understand that marijuana is a very strong addiction. Yes people will say that it is not physically addictive and that may in fact be true. However it can be extremely mentaly addicting in certain individuals. It can be loved passionatly as it activates certain brain receptors. And some may be more problem than others. It can also cause personality changes if abused

And yes after he is off of pot for a while he will become more stable. That is pretty clasic from what I have seen. And I have worked with a lot of drug addicts. In fact SWIM has been one himself. So the bottom line is that for him marijuana use in my opinion is not possible. He has to get it out of his system and keep it out. That is the bottom line. And no he cannot do it occasionally as this will return the cycle of addiction.

Now this is not a judgement of marijuana. As some people are able to use it in a responsible manner. However others cannot. And some people have a natural problem of behavioral change that goes along with chronic use.

So you see that if he continues woith the use in my experience things will get worse. Mental changes will increase over time. More money will be spent on it and your relationship will be further damaged. So really the only option is for him to stop. He will continue to be abusive as long as he uses pot.

So now I am not trying to tell you what to do. But if I was in the situation at this point in my life after much experience I would confront him. I would say that it is either you or the marijuana. As simple as that...(Even if you do not mean it). He has to get the message that you are dead serious. And if he keeps doing it then get away from him and stay away for a long time. When he stops and his behavior is back to his old self then give him another chance.

No this sounds harsh I know. However it is your life and I have seen this before. And again I must state that this does not apply to all people that use marijuana but a number. So anyway I have stated my opinion as I see it. If you need any more help just ask

Reputation Comments on this post:

Good perspective, I tend to agree. Some people can't wrap their head around the fact that marijuana isn't completely be...

[Norman14]

Originally Posted by mgnelys432

While high he would get somewhat argumentative about things, and when I'd tell him I don't like it when he's high he would respond "Well you're just going to have to deal with it".

When SWIM and everyone SWIM knows is just on marijuana there is never hostile or aggressive behavior.
If High SWIM would respond " We'll talk later, when this comes down" or " Just chill it helps me relax"

Originally Posted by mgnelys432

Basically, my question is, is it the weed, or could it be something else?

It could be something else like withdrawal from cocaine or crack, even caffeine.
SWIM gets cranky and bites head off other people if they interrupt the drugs effect. Or during 2-3 days after stopping use. But never with Marijuana he's always cool to people with that.

Originally Posted by mgnelys432

Also, what can i do about the situation?

Give him the cold shoulder that day and the next , everytime he acts like an ass while high. Tell him he can get high but to stop acting like a jerk.
(worked for SWIM)

[th3tawav3]

My guess is that it is definitely a personality issue rather than a substance issue. The weed isn't controlling him to the point of influencing his behavior that directly. I think the dilemma is how YOU feel about his weed smoking that influences his actions towards you.
If you let him know that you don't have a problem with his smoking, but that you have a problem with how he acts when he is high, that may influence him to treat you differently when he is high.

Or smoke with him :P just my 2 cents

[ejbot]

honestly it could be either his or your fault, its most likely both of you combined, just sit down and have an honest conversation with him about it, isn't a relationship supposed to be open enough to discuss such a simple matter? lol

lovingly tell him how you feel about his behavior, ask why he acts that way when hes stoned, tell him how he acts! (he may not even notice hes being rude) or if its really bad than video tape it and show him to himself when hes sober later.

sometimes when swim gets stoned swim just zones out deep in thought or focuses on a task so intently that swim accidentally ignores people around swim some times ^_^ oops.

[purplehaze]

Originally Posted by Lobsang

I would say that it is either you or the marijuana. As simple as that...(Even if you do not mean it).

You should never set an ultimatum in a relationship. Ever.

Everyone is different with marijuana. I will not put my input on the topic at this time, but realize and ultimatum will never change anything. Inless ofcourse you want to be tossed aside, with good reason. It's like with friends, if a friend says its either me or another friend. You always choose the friend who didn't set an ultimatum.

[Spare Chaynge]

actually setting boundaries and ultimatums is a good thing in abusive relations. If swim is serious about it.. if swim were to set a boundary of I will never talk to you again this is a bad idea.. swim should set realistic boundaries such as I will not talk to you for a week or I will not have sex with you for a week. Boundaries that you can actually keep. Other wise he will never take you seriously when you actually are.. if he realizes that you set boundries and actually keep them it might get the message through.

[purplehaze]

Yeah, it's too late for that. Boundaries are to be set in the beginning of a relationship. Ultimatums are a bad idea. Don't do it, unless you're willing to accept the consequences. It's only going to cause him to react btw. In asshole manner, and you will probably end up losing. You can't force people.