How do you convince someone to quit doing cocaine when it is destroying their life?

[SB420]

someone please give me some advice.. my boyfriend (who i love very much) is currently on probation and he just turned 18. he can't stop doing cocaine and it is a huge problem. he has been telling me for about 6 months that he is going to quit, but i keep catching him doing it behind my back. his parents keep catching him too... and the last time they caught him (about a month ago), they said that they were going to turn him in to his probation officer if they caught him again. he has already violated the terms of his probation once, and so if he is turned in for doing cocaine, he will most likely go to jail since he is 18 now. i know that the only way he has a chance of giving up blow is if he decides for himself that he really wants to quit...but i don't know how to get him to see that cocaine is RUINING HIS LIFE. even if he only does blow one night in a week, he becomes VERY depressed, sad, hopeless, cynical and irritable for the rest of the week. he gets huge mood swings, and is very disrespectful to his parents. if he keeps doing lines, he is going to lose his girlfriend, he will be kicked out of his house, and he will be turned in to his probation officer which means he is probably gonna do some time in jail. i really love him and i don't want to see this happen to him. i don't know if he is physically unable to quit or if he just doesn't really want to quit...does anyone have advice about what i could say to him to help convince him that he doesn't need cocaine???

[Orchid_Suspiria]

You can't really convince anyone to do anything.It is all about what that person wants.If infact cocaine is really hurting this person then chances are they will see this eventually.It might take a drastic situation but it will happen.But sorry if this person likes coke enough there is nothing you can do.

[agjoey]

You have to inspire him to grow up. Show him other values of life and the epic sweetness of feeling the real thing.

He will fight alot of bad emotions. But inspire him to make this decision is all i can say.

At the end of the tunnel waits a beautiful world. He just have to fight.

Kingdom of heaven is a good movie for self assertion. His stronger than this.

[Will21st]

SB420,

Hi,

I was a coke addict for over 10 years and treated my girlfriend awfully....

the only advice I can give you is to split up.Trying to make him stop destroy you too,and won't help him.

You can't make him stop,he needs to find out for himself!

[SB420]

thanks for the advice so far guys... one thing i was wondering though... how effective are psychedelic drugs (like acid) in helping someone to quit doing cocaine? my older brother actually used to be really heavy into blow about a year ago. (so much that he started to weigh less than me... and i'm pretty small). then he tried acid and he told me that acid helped him realize that cocaine is a useless drug that he never wanted to do again. and he is still clean to this day.

...and recently my boyfriend has sparked in interest in trying acid, he just hasn't been able to find any yet... how likely is it that my boyfriend might realize the same thing my brother did from acid introspection???

[Ontherooftops]

Swim would say LSD is just a little too gentle and friendly to inspire the end of an addiction, though it could help. Swim often finds himself determined to stop using X substance when under the influence of many psychedelics, and sees very clearly their negative effects on his life. Its very likely though that your boyfriend is already aware of how cocaine is negatively effecting his life but is simply unable to break the habit, which again a psychedelic could help with.

However, LSD is unlike other hallucinogens in that it does seem to be somewhat addictive, it provides a profound feeling of enlightenment which is something of a deception. Many are very attracted to this feeling and will repeat use searching for a greater sense of enlightenment.

He really has to just want it himself, there's not much you or any drug can do about that.

A truly excessive dose of psychedelics could just scare the pants off him well enough that he would be able to conquer his addiction, a sitter would be very recommended for something like this.

Swim took over a mg of potent LSD his first time and was just too mentally disturbed for quite a long time to take any substances. Sobriety was too much of blessing for a few months after that too ruin it. Ayuahuasca and iboga frequently have these effects on people.

It might be worth a try, but there's just as much a chance that the experience would free his mind further from the societal consciousness and allow him to better justify his own addiction.

The best recommendation is probably just to try to show him the beauty of being sober, the things which make life good that cocaine interferes with his experience, he just needs a good enough reason and someone to remind him of it when the demons of physical addiction erase it from his mind.

Reputation Comments on this post:

good commentary

[ai]

I have not been clean for a hell of a long time, will be 5 months on the 12th, but what people don't understand is that you just can't "quit". it's not a video game where you can cut off and put down and forget about. it's an ADDICTION. REGARDLESS of how much I (honesty) wanted to stop, as soon as I was in a position to use I used. at least more times than not. even when I really didn't want to. yes I made the decision to use I know that, but the obsession is just so strong. you can't possibly comprehend.

to answer your question, YOU can't do anything. just make sure you aren't enabling his use. call him out, don't give him any money, hell leave him.

I know I didn't start getting clean until I hit a point where I did some REAL soul searching, not coming down and having a honeymoon session, but crying and saying this shit has to stop and actually starting fighting for my recovery. recovery is WORK. it's not something that just happens. Every day I spend about 1 hour at least doing recovery related stuff. reading a book, talking to people, meditating, SOMETHING.

until you are willing to do something, or at least HE is willing to take action, nothing is going to change, and you can't make him take action.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Great post. I feel you. -RS

[drug-bot]

theres no way to convince someone not to use drugs if there addicted. swims a heroin addict whose currently on methadone getting help. your proberly puzzeled by your boyfriend addiction, guess what he's proberly more puzzeled than you. take this piece of wisdom from a junky, addiction doesnt make sense to the addict, they dont understand why they cant just stop using despite negative consequences, they dont know why they break every personal resolution they make to stop, it shames them how they can rationalize using no matter how many valid reasons there are not to use. again swim aint talking out his ass he has 1st hand experience.

the best you can do is be there and love and support as much as you can (dont sacrafice you own life and sanity). maybe try convincing him to go to a rehab, not that its a cure (swims been to 12 and always used within 48 hours of leaving) but it could help him. also if he gets emotionally, verbally or physically abusive while using, swim would advise you to leave his ass, addiction is not an excuse for abuse.

[ai]

first and foremost you have to WANT to stop. you can go to allt he rehabs in the world but all they do, at least the one I was at, is 1) give you 30 days to clean your system and get somewhat of a clear head and 2) point you in the right direciton.

if you dont' want to be pointed in the right direction there is nothing no one else can do about the situtation. alot of addicts don't think they have a problem. they really don't. people just "dont' understand" them. or "they don't get it".

when I went into rehab, I knew without doing something different I could not control my use at the state I was in. I needed to try something different. i was more than happy to limp my butt into a rehab center.

[hillywood]

SWIM is now clean for just over 6 weeks. I don't know if it's the right method, but it works for SWIM:
SWIM asked his girlfriend to take away all his creditcards, bank cards and cash (she's now in control of the money)
SWIM deleted each and every phone number which was related to drugs
SWIM stopped drinking (very important)
SWIM asked his girlfriend, his friends and his family to keep an eye on him and not leave me alone for more then half an hour, except for work.
SWIM stopped going out entirely. (but is planning to do so again when he's stronger)
SWIM does a lot of different things, like go to movies etc. etc. with friends that know about his problem
It's still a struggle for him though, but it is getting better each day ánd it's very rewarding to suddenly realise he's getting his energy back.
Hope it helps...
hillywood added 3 Minutes and 56 Seconds later...
ow yes! I forgot. I believe if your boyfriend isn't prepared to take the mentioned steps then he doesn't really wants to quit.
Saying you want to quit and not being prepared to make the necessary (unpleasant) sacrifices, is not really telling the truth...

[Coconut]

Originally Posted by hillywood

Saying you want to quit and not being prepared to make the necessary (unpleasant) sacrifices, is not really telling the truth...

I disagree. He could seriously want to quit but he has an addiction, one which is not easily overcome.

[chillinwill]

hillywood,

this is exactly what SWIM is doing in order to stay clean from his heroin addiction....SWIM has been through 7 different treatment centers this plan that SWIM came up with is working the best for SWIM than all of the treatment centers....SWIM believes its because of his sincere effort and desire to want to get clean that is the difference this time

[Spyder]

Originally Posted by SB420

thanks for the advice so far guys... one thing i was wondering though... how effective are psychedelic drugs (like acid) in helping someone to quit doing cocaine?

Although his addiction is different (Heroin/Methadone mainly), swiS has read alot and been considering the benefits of Ibogaine....just a thought to toss in here, based on the above quote/question from the OP....

[wafcwarrior]

Originally Posted by hillywood

SWIM is now clean for just over 6 weeks. I don't know if it's the right method, but it works for SWIM:
SWIM asked his girlfriend to take away all his creditcards, bank cards and cash (she's now in control of the money)
SWIM deleted each and every phone number which was related to drugs
SWIM stopped drinking (very important)
SWIM asked his girlfriend, his friends and his family to keep an eye on him and not leave me alone for more then half an hour, except for work.
SWIM stopped going out entirely. (but is planning to do so again when he's stronger)
SWIM does a lot of different things, like go to movies etc. etc. with friends that know about his problem
It's still a struggle for him though, but it is getting better each day ánd it's very rewarding to suddenly realise he's getting his energy back.
Hope it helps...
hillywood added 3 Minutes and 56 Seconds later...
ow yes! I forgot. I believe if your boyfriend isn't prepared to take the mentioned steps then he doesn't really wants to quit.
Saying you want to quit and not being prepared to make the necessary (unpleasant) sacrifices, is not really telling the truth...

Very good post this is how SWIM quit, SWIM dabbles now and again but half oz a week turned in to maybe 1-2 gram a weekend as SWIM doesnt really wish to quit but knew he had to stop his total addiction as it was ruining everything, Congrats on SWIY achievements though SWIM envys you .

SB420, You can only help someone who wants to help them self, If you try to help your boyfriend and he dont wish to quit im sorry to say but to get cocaine he will lie, cheat and steal try to convince he needs to quit it and hopefully everything will go good.

[hillywood]

@ coconut:

well, swim agrees with you on the fact it isn't easy to overcome, but swim does believe you need to isolate yourself from all methods and means, which can put you in a position where it is possible to start using again, as much as possible. Swim believes that if you DON'T want to let go of your finances (so that you aren't able to spend money on it), DON'T want to delete all the phone numbers you have which are related to the stuff, DON'T want to stop drinking (at least for a few months to a year) or DON'T want to stop going to clubs and bars where you used to do coke or make any other sacrifice in order to break the pattern you're in, you don't really want to quit and in effect you aren't really thruthful to yourself. Swim does know it's hard, Swim has difficulty coping with his problem every weekend (swim can set the clock to it), but swim finds these rules to help him through those difficult moments.

[nousernamesleft1234]

SWIM was the boyfriend who couldnt stop, been 3 months now. if he doesnt want to he is going to have to hit a self rock-bottom most likely to actually stop. thats what happened to SWIM, Failing classes, running out of money, crashing car, then altimatum from the GF, still kept doing it for another month lie-ing to everybody before SWIM finally got clean

[Sniffin Sunshine]

Swim was a coke addict and her boyfriend tried many ways to make her see how bad it was and none of it made her quit. The thing is, just like swim did, he probably knows how much its ruining his life, but that wont stop him, like it didnt stop swim. With coke ones emotions tend to be numbed, so even if he sees it hurting you and his family, he doesnt feel it, he just feels like he wants more.
All I can say is sometimes a person needs to loose everything in order to stop, and I would reccomend breaking it off. Tell him if he ever really wants to quit that you will support and believe in him 100% and you would like to help, (when swim decided to quit on her own her boyfriends support was a huge help) but you cant be in a relationship with someone who hurts and lies to you.
Good luck with everything.