I want to use.

[oggy]

Ahhhhhhhh this is what Swims been getting:

Melatonin side effects!

Possible mild side effects include (list not exhaustive):

* headaches (melatonin: when you take too much )
* morning sleepiness (melatonin too much )
* fatigue (so keep an eye on this if you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) (melatonin too much )
* nightmares or wild and vivid dreams (melatonin too much )

Well its a good thing he's run out now. Could melatonin suppress serotonin?

Reputation Comments on this post:

Wondered about this stuff

[mickenator]

How is swiy feeling tonight still posotive I hope and your medical will soon be out the way and if swiy does decide to celebrate then get some weed and a few tinnies and just crash and think there's another thing that I've accomplished. Have a goo night mate.
Yours Mick

[kaloochi]

Day 6. It's getting easier every day. Very mild symptoms now, mainly at sleep time and on waking. Energy is coming back slowly and appetite is BACK! It's Sunday morning so the medical is tommorrow. SWIM was trying to be honest in his post about 'rewarding himself' with some gear. He wanted to express his fears. Tommorrow will be a test swim can pass and to use now would put w/d's back a few days and he doesn't want that. It's important for swimmers to have some kind of structure in their life and once swim's back to work things should become easier.

[kebertxela]

Keep going SWIKaloochi SWIM has been fucking around with H for nearly 7 years. He's had several long-term sobrieties (3.5 years and 1.5 years). Those were the best times he's ever had in his life. After the 1.5 years, he thought he could use once and be done with it. That did NOT happen. He couldn't stop using for 5 months. It was 5 months of regretting using every day. Each day, SWIM would use and then SWEAR I would be done. The next day he would do the same thing over again. He went back to his 8th inpatient treatment two months ago. He got out and bought some suboxone cuz he was still sick from buprenorphine withdrawal. He planned on tapering...but...Last Wednesday, SWIM decided to buy one bag of this supposed "bomb-ass dope." He couldn't pass it up. That bag turned into two more bags. He felt like SHIT! How could he be fucking around again? After all he's lost??? Knowing that all that using does is fuck stuff up worse than it already is??? He feels crazy and hopeless. SWIM has some AWESOME friends in his life that would do anything for him. He was planning on not using "one day at a time." It's been 3 days. He *was* going to use again tomorrow, but is going to actually call a friend if he does feel like using and for ONCE in his life will actually use his support network He hopes he is able to do this. In fact, he is SURE he will not use tomorrow. It's not worth losing all that I have to lose. Life is too finite to be fucking around with dope when all it does is make you forget about your problems and make you feel good for a short period of time. After that, all you feel is regret and in SWIM's case, the feeling of impending doome (i.e., getting caught and losing everything again.) It is just not worth it anymore. Dope comes with too much *baggage* now.

Stick with it to all those who are trying to stay clean. It really is worth it once you stick with it long enough (a year or so). Stuff DOES get better. Cravings DO go away, if you are taking care of yourself.

I hope these words help. I know they helped SWIM to write them.

Peace and serenity be with you all!

[kaloochi]

Day 7.

Posting in this thread has become like a diary of swims detox. He feels so much better physically, mentally, spiritually [I'm working on the last one].
Swim had his medical today and passed. As it turned out, the required urine sample WAS only tested for diabetes LOL

SWIKebertxela, SWIM hopes swiy can stick with it. 3 days is the worst of it done so swiys getting better now, getting stronger every day. Well done.

Coming off is so WORTH IT. It can be done with minimal fuss if swims can prepare themselves mentally. Mentality is most definately the key. Tell yourself 'I can do it' , 'the withdrawals won't be so bad', 'It's only a few little days' and then do it. Swim hopes you give it your best shot because DEPENDANCY ISN'T AN OPTION any more.

Good luck

[Lisa J]

Stick with it, don't let the little demons in your head tell you now the medical is out of the way you can treat yourself, SWIY is stronger than that

[mickenator]

Swim is so pleased for swikaloochi, Iam glad that at least one of us can conquer that opiate monster inside of us. Swiy didn't say what swiy did after the medical. I just hope all that happened is swiy had a smoke and a drink and celebrated 2 mile stones conquered. Well done mate and I meen that. Mick

[kebertxela]

Congats to SWIKaloochi on day 7. SWIkebertxela made it through today. Luckily, withdrawals aren't an issue since he only did a total of 3 bags of extremely potent tar. But, he also has suboxone to fall back on. So, he's been taking about 3-4 mg's per day. He will start tapering the suboxone probably tomorrow or Wednesday and taper it sloooowwwwwwww. Oh yeah, he also had a 2mg xanax. To a mg yesterday and just took a mg today, so he feels pretty damn good A little sleepy now, so it's time to read for a bit and then go to bed. Tomorrow should be easy as he made sure to make plans after work with a sober friend.

Keep going SWIkaloochi

[kaloochi]

DAY 8
SWIMs not a drinker but SWIM did smoke a joint [or three]. He likes a smoke and feels ok about doing it. He's feeling quite optimistic about things now. Medical out of the way and should have his HGV license within the month. The quicker the theory and practical are done the quicker he gets it.
Had a rough night last night but thats ok, still feeling positive and so much calmer in himself. SWim's been stuck in this rut for about 3 months now buit things are about to change for the better. Been exercising and eating pretty well. Motivation is coming back, he's trying to keep active instead of sitting indoors doing NOTHING!

We have the power to change our lives, with a little determination. RISE to the occassion, we're bigger than that. SWIM sincerely believes that every user has it in them to stop.

[oggy]

Originally Posted by kaloochi

DAY 8
SWIMs not a drinker but SWIM did smoke a joint [or three]. He likes a smoke and feels ok about doing it. He's feeling quite optimistic about things now. Medical out of the way and should have his HGV license within the month. The quicker the theory and practical are done the quicker he gets it.
Had a rough night last night but thats ok, still feeling positive and so much calmer in himself. SWim's been stuck in this rut for about 3 months now buit things are about to change for the better. Been exercising and eating pretty well. Motivation is coming back, he's trying to keep active instead of sitting indoors doing NOTHING!

We have the power to change our lives, with a little determination. RISE to the occassion, we're bigger than that. SWIM sincerely believes that every user has it in them to stop.

Great stuff Swik. Keep it up and stay positive. Oh and its great when the appetite comes back. Try to eat good nutritious food and drink loads of water to flush those toxins out. A good multi vit and magnesium supplements will do wonders. You could also try maca as a energy booster, tonic and best of all it restores your hormones back to optimal level. (Great for your wellbeing and your sex drive will rocket sky high, sex will be good again. Opiates dull your senses so now that your off them you'll be like a rampant rabbit lol, sex is so much better than being addicted to these numbing opiates) Look into the herb bacopa, its great for fighting depression, anxiety and is a very good nootropic (strengthens your mind in a very positive way). Also increases serotonin so it chills you out and helps with sleeping and helps rebuild your neurotransmitters, its also an anti aging herb. Fruit and veg can help increase your feel good hormones.

Swim is now 9 weeks clean and is feeling wonderful, it got a little rough at one point but that was him thinking about his negative past. You can't not think of something, but you can change that negative thought into a positive. Just think of the great things you will be able to do now and remember to love. Forget the past, what you do now is the only thing that is important. Now is the future!

Keep posting every clean day, this will motivate you. Your doing so well. Soon you will be happier than you've ever been.

Love & peace.

oggy added 10 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by endlessrecital

Swim is trying her hardest. She's never tried to quit using before. It's 326AM here so I'm sure swim is having a hard time sleeping still. Swim thanks you for your kind words.

Melatonin is a great natural sleep aid, Swim used up to 30mg to sleep after 5 days with no sleep. Just don't use it too often as it can cause lethargy and Swim ended up with really annoying headaches. After about 8 weeks depending on what you were using, Swim sleeps loads now and its great.

[kebertxela]

SWIM used today He doesn't know why he did. He had taken 4mg of suboxone this morning and used at 1 PM, so he didn't feel much. He is kind of glad that he didn't feel much, but at the same time is mad that he didn't save it until later (when the bup wouldn't have blocked it). It's weird for SWIM...at times he wants to use and at other times he doesn't want to. It's more not wanting to, but when he wants to use, the craving seems insurmountable. Luckily, he is broke and won't have money until Friday. So, he has a few days to get a "plan" set up for when he gets his paycheck.

[Lisa J]

Maybe it would be better for SWIY to keep taking Suboxone so there will never be any "reward" through taking heroin, it worked well for some of SWIM'S friends who have managed to stay clean this way
SWIM couldn't fight her cravings until she learned better techniques through groups etc, this might be something to think about too. SWIY is at least trying and Rome wasn't built in a day, keep positive and SWIY will get there in the end

[endlessrecital]

I hope you all are doing well. Swim has similiar problems. Swim uses oxycodone, hydrocodone, tramadol, valium, any opiate pills and benzos really. Swim finally quit after years of use last month. However swim had a relapse 6 days ago. So for 5 days swim has been clean. Takes seroquel to sleep. But now swim has no more seroquel and can not sleep either.

[mickenator]

Opiate withdrawl is tough on anybody and not everyone will succede straight away but the challenge is to keep trying and never give in and if you feel like using then just say No Iam going to do something else today. Sorry swim is having a hard time sleeping. When I did my first proper rattle not sleeping was the worst of it and when I asked for sleepers just so I could get my head down I was basically told to shove off as I was a junkie. But stay strong and read swiKaloochi's posts he seems to have done it.

[endlessrecital]

Swim is trying her hardest. She's never tried to quit using before. It's 326AM here so I'm sure swim is having a hard time sleeping still. Swim thanks you for your kind words.

[mickenator]

Swim has been up all night here sorting out the Uk section of addictions rehab centre's but swim said they didn't mind so thats ok, good job swim had ole amphetamine to keep him up. Swiy seems to be doing OK at the moment so keep going it will only get easier as for swim well I have other fish to fry yet and alot bigger ones. But if you need to talk just PM me and I will try and help .

[endlessrecital]

Swim took 100mg of diphenhydramine last night. Didn't help. Got maybe 3 hours of sleep. Swim is going to look into melatonin. Hope it will work! Swim feels crazy without sleep!

I love this forum! I'm glad I joined. Alot of nice, friendly people here to help and talk to. Thank you!

[Lisa J]

Just remember sleep disturbance is a normal part of your body getting used to being drug free, it's temporary. Try to catch up if SWIY gets sleepy at other times, early evening is a good time for SWIM

[tch2296]

dude i totally know where ur coming from..ive been on Suboxone for a year now and have had the same types of urges. I've managed to stay clean except for one 3-day injection binge. I know that feeling - you just gotta get it on. And yeah, opiate w/d can break the strongest person. The worst feeling in the world, not even the sickness, just the absolute need to get off. Good luck man you can do it if I can...I'm down to 8 mg of Sub from 24 m when i started.

[maximumquake]

Good job kaloochi keep up the good work. Recovery is hard, but it is worth the benefits and the work.Swim is a opiate addict also. Swim got pretty bad off on opiates, then for reasons swim went to rehab. Swim was in out patient rehab for awhile. Swim really needs to stay on top of swiys addiction or it will get the best of swiy. Recovery is easiest at first because swim can remember where the certain drug took him. But after a little while swims start to forget where the certain drug took them and how it effected them and swims start to think I can just do it once it will be fine, but it wont. From swims experience, he had about 2 months clean of everything and took opiates again. Not a good idea, swim didnt go into a full blown relapse but was close. What sucked about it was swim learnt how to live with out opiates and swim didnt want opiates no more swim rarely thought about opiates. As soon as swim took that drug, that drug is all swim could think about for awhile again. Swim has been clean from opiates for over a month, and swim doesnt want or crave for opiates no more only rarely. But swim has been going to a.a meetings(swim never liked n.a) meeting constantly for months 3-4 a week. If swim does get the urge to use swim just goes to meeting and talks with fellow friends in recovery and swim loses the urge to use. But swim has also changed many aspects of his life, people, places, and things, so his life revovles mainly around recovery. If any swims want to get sober swim suggets going to meetings getting a sponsor and following the suggestions given. Now this doesnt work for every swim, but it works from swim and alot of people swim knows. Swim doesnt think suboexe is that bad, but methadone should be banned.

[endlessrecital]

Thanks Lisa J. Sleeping is getting easier for me now. I take 2 Excedrin PMs and a couple hours later I can usually fall asleep. A friend of SWIMs gave her 10mg of haloperidol (an anti-psychotic) and had a dystonic reaction. Scared SWIM to death!! Has anyone ever had that type of reaction?

[Lisa J]

Perhaps that person will develop dystonia one day anyway, it can be triggered by many things including accidents, trauma, stress and possibly some medications, the odds of getting dystonia increases if there is someone in your family that has it.

SWIM had a tough week and nearly picked up a few times, her disc went in her back so for a few days SWIM doubled up on her methadone, she got some volterol off her GP and thought she'd be ok to go back to her usual dose. SWIM forgot that is was fentanyl patch changing day when she needs to take extra methadone anyway, end result was one very strung out SWIM at 1 am in the morning. SWIM took more methadone and a good friend talked and text her through the couple of hours it took for the methadone to work.
Unfortunately the experience of nodding for a few days followed by the start of withdrawal really messed with SWIM'S head, she convinced herself she was happier on heroin and would only be really happy if she went back on it. Three times SWim nearly used, twice it was in her hand, but she didn't and is thankful for that.
SWIM isn't out of the woods yet, she's still using extra methadone but not enough to get her nodding, she knows a full blown relapse could be just around the corner and is trying to stay strong and be on her guard.

[endlessrecital]

SWIM never had dystonia before nor does she know of anyone in her family with it. Scary experience to say the least.
SWIM knows SWIY can do it. Even if it's very hard for SWIY. SWIM has a copuple back injuries from a drunk driving accident and knows how bad it is. Especially when someone has an opiate addiction. It's so tempting. SWIM wants to use so bad yet knows wht that could lead to.
Friends, trustworthy friends, always help! Good ones are hard to find but to be treasured forever. Your friend can PM me if she ever needs to talk.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thoughful to offer your help

[moda00]

Kaloochi and endlessrecital still around? Any updates? I haven't been around much this summer but was reading through this thread and just wanted to offer my support, swim too has been through the battles of opiate addiction, there will be many ups and downs on the road to recovery but it's worth th fight!! Journaling/posting about experiences can be a helpful way to learn from them.. let us know how things are when you can!! Hang in there!!

[shembelial]

Good luck . I find talking about it keeps your mind from dwelling too much on the cravings. Only time will ease those cravings but periods of stress cause relapse. tried exercise once, everyday for a year honestly I never felt better. Unfortunatly I m lazy and easily stressed. Struggle all the time with cravings I notice that benzo s seem to help with that but then that s another problem. One addiction is good as another why not take up gambling or porn? just a suggestion btw im kidding humor s always good it s sad but i realized that the best times in life, the times i struggle the least am the most happy and productive are when my mind is occupied by narcs. I consider myself a highly functional recovering soon to be relapsing dope fiend.