when do you say enough is enough? how to best get clean?

[isis]

k i am new to this, i came here because you really don't know where else to go to discuss these type of things, all my friends are clean now and believe i am also, i am a good hider as well as lier to my friends, family and myself. I started cocaine around the age of 14, been through everything else A-Z cocaine always stuck, then as time wore on you get bored with the regular cocaine high so the next choices are shooting or the pipe, i chose the pipe, that was over 10 years ago, i believe i am not what you would consider a bonafide crack addict, i don't look the part i guess you could say, i look at people strung out in my hod and you can spot their monkey a mile away.* My question is how do i stop, yeah sure just don't pick up the pipe, eaiser said then done. i have hit rock bottom on this shit, lost everything, still struggle with my inner self, spending the electric bill money or the food money and so on, in fact as i type this topic i am getting high right now. Sick of hiding when the door knocks or the phone rings because geezee is hunting me down for the 4 i got on credit 3 days ago. I don't want rehab tried it to me it was a bunch of bull everyone going to bare their soul swearing no more then 9:15pm rolls around and there they go on the corner to get 2 just for the hell of it been there. excuses excuses excuses what is it going to take to make me realize no more help has anyone out there felt like this? can anyone relate? can anyone give me the insight i need?

[str8ballin]

When you look yourself in the mirror and you're totally disgusted.Just keep working, in fact try working 2 jobs.Anything to use up some of that free time.Try limiting yourself to the weekends or every other weekend.Smoke alot of weed if thats your thing.It can be beat,just takes some time.

[eski]

I can relate to you, or you could probably relate to me more so, i am 16, and have been on crack for some time, but went cold turkey monday just gone, i have tried before and not got anywhere.


I have done the same thing, spent any money i could get, stole from people and shops to get money, pawned any belongings i had along with half of my household appliances and such, but when your parents go away and leave you with an addiction and a house full of TV's DVD's and playstaion games its offerd on a plate i suppose. Some may think this is discracefull but my addiction became my life, and still is.


Although i spose i do look the typical addict, with hardly any weight on me and my eyes looking like piss holes in the snow.


What made me realise i needed to stop was not OD'ing or looking in the mirror and hating my self, but knowing i couldent go on physically and mentally i either had to die or come clean. And then my day came, i was arrested for shoplifting and spent a day and a half in there, the choice was made for me, when i came out i couldent even get near any puff let alone crack so i took this as my chance to give up, and am still clean, 5 days later, which sounds pathetic but to me feels like a life time.


Things like OverDose, arn't relevent when you are on a high, or the usuall crap people give you, it took a day and a half staring at 4 walls feeling like i was dieing to kick my ass into gear, and my own clear head to think about what i was doing in my life. I found it wasnt looking at my self when i was a state but what i am like now, the real me. The only thing i do now is smoke weed all the time, i find it helps slightly.


sorry for going on, i hope i might help a little bit.

[manda]

I cannot seem to beat meth either, I love it, I hate it. These drugs are powerful and addictive. I'm glad I'm not alone.

[eski]

No you arn't even though you may feel isolated, i think everyone does but there are so many the same.

[Tweak]

Mind over matter!

Works every time you just need to tap into your chi energy!

I smoked cigarettes for years, then I thought..f**k this, im going to die if i keep smoking...so i stopped and havnt touched tobacco in 3 years!

Smoked weed for god knows how long and one day decided enough was enough..that was 1 year ago!

In my time I have also injected meth, heroin, coke, methadone, morphine & pethidine and have been addicted to all of these at one stage or another. Currently, I am addicted to none of these substances.

Sure, I have the occasional shot of good meth, but is merely for a social occasion!

If you think smoking crack is addictive, Try being addicted to 4 different opiates at any given time ;|

Btw, I have never stolen to support my habit, and I have maintained full time work throughout the entire ordeal!!

[eski]

Then you must be loaded not everyone has £100's of pounds to spend on a habit. Iagree with you in some ways but things are easier to say than do. And what you have just said is a perfect example.


And i know my self i couldent have the "occasional" hit, because i would get the taste for it again.


You must be very strong minded, i envy you.

[Bogie]

I also was a slave to "base". I never had "crack". I was a proud cook. I made it myself, from good coke. I follow the Tweak method. I have quit the evils...one by one too. I quit cigs, pot, base and now it's the opiates turn. I do have some real pain issues from a failed bypass....but I do not need to do all opies ....every week. I will beat this too. You must reach deep down inside and set your mind to it. I also believe that there are some ppl who do need help. I just don't know which one you are ISIS. Good luck and never stop trying. Peace

[josteve]

Hey,


If you really want help, got o an addiction counsellor. I am not saying rehab but a counsellor that you go see once a week or something. I am an addiction counsellor, with a problem. I understand both ways.


chow!

[Goodguy]

What has worked for me (so far) is to literally find (or take) a picture of myself and sit down and observe the picture and write down everything I see that is happening and going on with this person(ME) at this moment in time OR what my drug useage (weekend cocaine use) has wrought upon my life. What did I see? My coke use...keeps me unhappy and depressed...keeps me in financial diffculty...makes my job performance less than what it should be...keeps me isolated...keeps me feeling powerless in areas where I should feel confident...IS SELF ABUSIVE...and on and on. There are people who are successful and happy and don't do drugs. There are also people (like me) who turn to drug use to change the way they feel and AVOID RESPONSIBILITY for being in control of their own lives and behavior. No doubt about it, the monkey on my back of drug use is sometimes more than I wish to bear, but DO I WANT TO LIVE A "TROUBLED" LIFE or do I want a productive and meaningful existence with my time left here? I can continue with my drug use and live like aLOSER...or observe how other people live lives of purpose and fulfilment. It's MY choice.

[skinnyb_1]

man i know exactly how you feel!!! sucks dont it. I believe you cant be mad to quit like threw the system you have to want to quit.I ve been smoking dope for nearly 7 years everyday and i am finally sick and tired of wasting my money, plus there no good shit anymore!i ve lied to my boyfriend numerous times swearing i quit then with in a few weeks hed find a sack or pipe its terrible hes serious goibng to leave me if i dont quit thats the #1 reason i am ready is it really worth getting high ???nope i m more afraid of the come down actually afraid ill sleep for a month.

[Brooklyn2817]

I have been using coke relatively heavily (for the amount I did it before) for about a month. Ican't bring myself to think it's a problem. Maybe that's denial, but I beleive I am addicted, it just hasn't had anybad effects on my life, only good ones. Sure I don't like when I havent had any for a little while, and I am worried about getting on a plane next week to Europe, but I have been totally more focused on school work, awake, confident, and happy. I haveplentyofmoney tosupport a gram a week. How can I stop when I know I shouldn't get into it any deeper,but I don't see the negative effects? I was also on Zoloft ealier to help depression, so I already know and am trying to do something about emotional shit. I am not doing enough to hurt myself, and it has only changed my life in a good way. ?????????

[manda]

You better say enough's enough before you use just to feel normal. If you use just to feel normal, can we spell P-R-O-B-L-E-M-O?

[kiddo]

3 month on speed, using everyday. good&bad days but I can't find a reason to quit.. one day I'llsay it's enoughbut right now I ask myself why.. after reading linda's post I realize that I don't wanna spoil itfor my parents... I keep thinking that I can stop whenever I want to, but is that really the truth? maiby at this moment but not after years... Gotta go my mind's exploding cause the futur says hello in my mind..keep it good ppl!


- - better days - -



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[lindapwallace]

hi kiddo


i hope your well..


i met my daughter's boyfriend the other day and he was telling me that my daughter is in a bit of a state, she has found a lump on her breast and is frightened.....all i want to do is hold her and tell her that everything will be ok and its probably nothing and show her how much i love her but I CANT!!!!


i ended up writing to her telling her to get to the doctor's although its probably nothing but writing this letter was hard as i couldnt show ANY EMOTION in it as that would open the flood gates for her....


all i want to do is hold her but i cant, tell her that i love her but i cant....unfortunatly i still cant see her as if i did i would end up breaking down and i cant afford that......she is my only child and i cant help her or tell her that i love her, its a terrible thing for a mother to have to feel that way....


i dare say that your parents are going through what i am going through and its terrible......its the worst nightmare you can ever imagine...


to say that you can stop when ever you want to is a lie.....i have heard that one before...


do you not see your future ebbing away to nothing? you have a future but with drugs there is nothin, believe me......have you ever had help? come on and do it....i hate to read of young persons dying due to drugs....think of that side of it.....


think of your parents and how they would feel if they had to bury you due to drugs.....


i hope you get some help and soon, dont waste your life as its not a trial its the real thing and you only get one shot at it......DONT WASTE IT....

[Nicaine]

<BLOCKQUOTE>Originally posted by isis on 06 February 2004
<HR>
My question is how do i stop, yeah sure just don't pick up the pipe, eaiser said then done. i have hit rock bottom on this shit, lost everything, still struggle with my inner self, spending the electric bill money or the food money and so on, in fact as i type this topic i am getting high right now. Sick of hiding when the door knocks or the phone rings because geezee is hunting me down for the 4 i got on credit 3 days ago. I don't want rehab tried it to me it was a bunch of bull everyone going to bare their soul swearing no more then 9:15pm rolls around and there they go on the corner to get 2 just for the hell of it been there. excuses excuses excuses what is it going to take to make me realize no more help has anyone out there felt like this? can anyone relate? can anyone give me the insight i need?
<HR>
</BLOCKQUOTE>


Here's my method of choice (but you have to be fairly serious about it):


(A) Go on vacation somewhere that you have no access at all, far away from where you live (like you'd need to take an airplaine to get back). Maybe somewhere out in the country, in nowheresville Ohio, in desertville Arizona.


Most people know somebody that could put them up awhile... if not, figure something out. Plan on spending at least 2 weeks, maybe a month.


(B) Get your head space & shit together while you're there. Perhaps attend at least a few AA, NA or CA meetings... if nothing else, to see how other people are living without it. CA is probably the best, but the meetings can be few & far between. Go for N.A. if possible.


(C) Get on an antidepressant. Just see a doctor & tell them you're severely depressed (you probably will be anyway), that you can't sleep properly, have no interest in daily activities, can't concentrate, have vague suicidal thoughts, etc. I recommend Wellbutrin (Bupropion). This isprobably the most important step... if you don't do it, the whole thing may not work at all. You need to get your brain chemistry headed back in the right direction.


(D) When you get back, sever all your connections immediately. Spread the word around that you're in training to be a fuckin' police officer or something (LOL). Throw away your phone numbers, clean the house so it's spotless, toss all paraphernalia, etc. Make sure you have a doc that will continue your antidepressant, and for god's sake TAKE IT REGULARLY.


(E) Best of luck!

[lindapwallace]

hi there Nicaine.


your method of choice is a good one...you have to be away from were there is easy access to what ever your choosen drug is and you must sever any relationships that could take you back into the world of drugs...


unfortunatly a lot of the young folk on this site cant afford to get away but how about camping for a few weeks and fishing...


maybe if you have a good friend (not involved in drugs) they could help out but they must understand its not an easy thing to take on and they have to understand this...


although the cravings will be bad and all the horrible feelings that you will probably have will make you struggle, just think of the future and what you will have achieved...


i am only a mother and not addicted but i can understand what your going through and i wish that i could help you all out, take this all away from you and make you feel good about yourselfs...


i believe there is never a problem, only solutions..anything can be achieved if you really want it so go for it kids.....


you might say i know nothing but i have been through it all with my daughter, i wish you all well and pray that you achieve your goal...


take care


linda from scotland

[Nicaine]

<BLOCKQUOTE>Originally posted by lindapwallace on 24 August 2004
<HR>



hi there Nicaine.


your method of choice is a good one...you have to be away from were there is easy access to what ever your choosen drug is and you must sever any relationships that could take you back into the world of drugs...


unfortunatly a lot of the young folk on this site cant afford to get away but how about camping for a few weeks and fishing...


maybe if you have a good friend (not involved in drugs) they could help out but they must understand its not an easy thing to take on and they have to understand this...


although the cravings will be bad and all the horrible feelings that you will probably have will make you struggle, just think of the future and what you will have achieved...


i am only a mother and not addicted but i can understand what your going through and i wish that i could help you all out, take this all away from you and make you feel good about yourselfs...


i believe there is never a problem, only solutions..anything can be achieved if you really want it so go for it kids.....


you might say i know nothing but i have been through it all with my daughter, i wish you all well and pray that you achieve your goal...


take care


linda from scotland



<HR>
</BLOCKQUOTE>


You're right, getting totally out of the situationcan be difficult. Hopefully someone who really wants badly to kickcan find a way though. If it becomes a life or death situation (or a situation where a person has nothing left to lose), it seems to me that always manages to open some doors somehow. Whether or not a person walks through is always up to them.


Speaking for myself, I've always managed to kick when something becomes far more trouble than it's worth (other than nicotine, which I've nearly given up hope on). It's nothing to brag about, because so far I've also managed to start up again3 to 5years later. I'm hoping I can change that pattern, in particular by "getting a life" and not falling into a situation where life becomes so monotonous or meaningless that drugs become really attractive again.


Close friends and relationships are important. I used to be extremely shy/anxious to the point of having a social phobia, but have mostly outgrown that now. That means I've outgrown my excuses too.


Thanks for your response,


Nic

[lindapwallace]

hi nicaine


sometimes when things are tough and you feel that enough is enough that is when you can kick the habit.....my daughter did that and things went well but once she was on her feet again it all started again....


when ever something happened like a death that seemed to start her up again....i think the worst time was when i came home one day and found her fast asleep on the couch and beside her was rolled up tin foil and a piece of tin foil with burnt lines on it...i woke her to have it out with her (maybe i was wrong) and we ended up shouting at each other.....


i had to walk out to clear my head as i was so angry.....she had a friend who was on drugs and was a dealer and he had come to the house but she couldnt get out...


when i got home i found my house with all the lights on, the tv set on, and a draft coming from the upstairs bathroom....when i went up i opened the door to find the window opened, she had jumped 30 feet....


within minutes i received a call from our hospital to tell me that she was in with a broken back.......


wheni got there i had to warn the staff not to let this ginger haired freak into see her and take her drip out of her arm just incase he got in..


the next time i went up he turned up....i got a hold of him, lifted him off his feet and threw him against the wall and then security bundled him out...that surprised me as i am only 4ft 11 inches and he was taller and heavier than me.......


to cut a long story short, i got her home and took care of her as she was chairbound for some time, she was grateful to be alive as she had hit solid concrete....she was great for a while and life was wonderful, she had walked through the door but unfortunatly my father died and it all started again, she was on her feet again and on her travels...


if only my daughter could have walked through that door and stayed there we could have been a family still....i know that she says that she is off it but i have heard that so many times that i dont know what to believe any more....


i too have an addiction.....cigarettes.....love them and hate them but i will tell you something, they have kept me sane through everything that has happened...lol.....


keep well and keep fighting.


linda

[Jingleballicks]

See, thats what I don't understand about people. No offence Niacine, your very smart. But to suggest some one to go onto PILLS? Onto anti-deppressents???? That's almost as bad as saying start smoking weed. Now, I'm a pot head, and unfortunatly, a developing coke head.


I agree, some one must have to wanna quit on their own first. But to tell people to get addicted to something else??

Anti-depp. are just as bad as any other drug if you ask me. I should know, my g/f was on Zoloft, the doctor kept uping her dosage. And one day we went on vacation and she forgot her meds. It was a bad 3 days, massive dissy spells, almost bi-polar behavior, massive mood swings. Then her body slowly starting losing its dependence for the DRUG. Know she's fine, a perfectly healthy young woman.


See you gotta understand where I'm comming from, I would rather eat a herion pill then eat a pharmaceutical. Well, not really, but you get my point. Pills I think are way worse to the braine and body. Docs. are fucking evil, perscribing anti-dep. to anyone that is kinda sad. Or Aderal, what an evil little pill that thing can be. Your SEVEN YR OLDKID wont sit down in class, so dope him up. That's what's wrong with this world. One substance for another.


I do like your tips though Niacine, if I can get away from work I'll do that.


And Linda, I'm very sorry for your daughter. But don't let her addiction dictate every one elses. I'm addicted, I buy it, now I don't really like it but I buy it, which does show that I'm falling under the "ok" line. But you CAN be a "responsiable" addict. Hell, just about every lawer and doctor hits the slopes I'm sure. I knew a friend who's dad was a doctor and he did it buy the 8 ball.. It's possible, but I dunno about herion, I saw just grow some poppy. Herione is FAR too addictive. But they do say that cigs are a worse addiction.

[lindapwallace]

hi there


a lot of people dont believe in anti depressants but as long as they are monitored they are quite safe....i have been on anti-deps for a year now and quite honestly they saved me as i was in bad shape after what happened to me and my daughter.........i know that after you come off drugs you get the DOWN feeling and that is pretty hard to take and although the anti-deps wont stop the depression it will stop it going too far..


there is a possibility that your girlfriend had the wrong dose of anti-deps or that she just wasnt monitored properly or she just had a rotten doctor....


i have done a lot of reading and research on the subject of drugs and i understand that cocaine is a more lethal drug than heroin and more addictive, at least when you (get addicted) to anti deps there is help.....anti-deps are no longer like the old types that you used to get addictedto and are safer.


i am notsaying that everyone on drugs are the same but unfortunatly drugs changes a person and make them into someonewho needs a fix all the time and someone that people shy away from....


i look at it as if it was good for you it would be legal,why is it illegal, it can kill or destroy families...


i sat tonight and thought of my daughter through the years of her growing up, all the things she would get up too as she got older and now drugs have taken all that away,have you ever loved someone but can't be near them just incase they hurt you, well that is me and i cry every night because of it..


stay well and keep fighting..


linda

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by Jingleballicks

See, thats what I don't understand about people. No offence Niacine, your very smart. But to suggest some one to go onto PILLS? Onto anti-deppressents???? That's almost as bad as saying start smoking weed. Now, I'm a pot head, and unfortunatly, a developing coke head.

I agree, some one must have to wanna quit on their own first. But to tell people to get addicted to something else??

Anti-depp. are just as bad as any other drug if you ask me. I should know, my g/f was on Zoloft, the doctor kept uping her dosage. And one day we went on vacation and she forgot her meds. It was a bad 3 days, massive dissy spells, almost bi-polar behavior, massive mood swings. Then her body slowly starting losing its dependence for the DRUG. Know she's fine, a perfectly healthy young woman.

Antidepressants aren't that hard to come off, you just taper off slow. Cola puts your brain chemistry out of whack and you have to get it back into balance, or it can go WAY out of balance instead and the end result is you jump in front of a truck or a bus.

Just my opinion... I've found that they help me kick something like cola. And I did specifically say Wellbutrin/bupropion is the one to take, not Zoloft or any of those crapola SSRI's. Wellbutrin is an "up" and works well with a brain accustomed to uppers. Zoloft, Paxil, etc. are more like mood eveners and work on serotonin (which cola barely messes with anyway).

There are always those who feel any drug is 'evil' and "getting clean" means taking nothing at all. I'm cool by that, if it works for you. What I'm saying is that it doesn't work for me, I can't make it through the depression & jonesing without some chemical assistance. I'd either off myself or get right back on the cola again.

[lindapwallace]

hi nicaine


i agree with you.....if its going to help you then why not take it....depression can lead to a lot of things and not just going back on the same old merry go round.......


linda


take care and stay strong.

[Jingleballicks]

Yeah, I'm not a HEAVY user of the substance, nor have I known anyone close that IS a heavy user. So the jonesing and deppresion I don't guess I understand. I don't get that. When I don't have it, I'll think breifly about being on it. But it'll go away. I suppose that is just the start though.


"i have done a lot of reading and research on the subject of drugs and i understand that cocaine is a more lethal drug than heroin and more addictive" --Linda.


I, personally, think that doing book reserch can only go soo far. I think smack would be much more addictive then coke. But I dunno. I think the main difference is that withdraws from smack can leave you realy messed up. I've heard bad things about people who try to quit smack could turkey.


But I dunno Linda, I can't say much about it. Never done any kinda of opiate outside ofpharmaceuticals (spelling?) So I dunno, but any drug that is concentrated and extracted is really bad. Like coke and smack. Thats why weed is not so bad. It's a plant, you dry it, cure it, smoke it.


I've read that tribals in the Amazon ingest cocoa every day it good amounts through the leaves (tea and other methods) And there is little to none bad effects on those humble people. But we are condesning the chemical and sending it up our nose. That's the problem.

[lindapwallace]

hi again


since i am not a user i am not to sure about the termanology for drugs, i only know the names of heroin, coke which is a rock cocaine(is that smack)...i think, weed which is canabis, meths which is methadone ect ect so i apologise if i get any of the terms wrong but in america i think you have different names for the stuff...


i am trying to learn more each day about drugs because although my daughter isnt with me any longer i would love to know why kids or adults start to use...


she had a good upbringing, nice looking and had boyfriends so it makes me sad for her..


today i got a recorded letter for her from the court, she hasnt paid her fine of £100 although she has paid £10 and if she doesnt pay it she will have a warrent out for her.....i didnt know that the letter was for her when i signed it, if i had known i wouldnt have signed....i dont know what to do....


i am going to phone the court house on monday to tell them that she isnt here but i am frightened that they might just put out a warrent for her arrest immediatly....i know her address so i was thinking of writing to her telling of the letter to give her a chance to pay it off if she can but i am not letting the court know were she lives so that can give her a chance.....its not a major that she got the fine for but i am worried......i am interested in advice from anyone regards this.....she is supposed to be clean but i dont know for certain....


i am sorry for going on and you must be really sick of me by now but i find this board a great help believe it or not and look forward to going into it to see what is being said....


take care and stay strong...


linda