SWIMs story, advice needed

[tooblue4you]

The first time SWIM tried cocaine was ten years ago, never used again for years then he would go months or even years without using again.

That was until 18 months ago since then it seems SWIM has just lost all control over his cocaine useage, SWIM estimates he has spent 25-30k in 18 months.

SWIM has recently been going two weeks without coke and happiness returns briefly before he gives in and uses.

The hardest thing for SWIM to deal with is the depression that for SWIM lasts days after he has used in a sense he is back to square one. Coke has ruined swims life he was in such a good position beforE coke and now is in debt has lost many friends lyed to just about everyone that cares for him.

So the last time SWIM used was friday night went right through until saturday lunch time. SWIM feels deeply ashamed of himself and cant see any way out other than movin far away from his "friend".

[SexyConfidence]

Hi Blue,

Your story touched SWIM.....coz it's one that sounds very familar.

SWIM's ex has been fully blown crack (septum already f*** up - cant snort it) for about 12 months. It's all he thinks about.

It has cost him his lover (of 6 years)
job
driving licence
genuine friends (lots of crackhead mates tho)
lives like a tramp.. house is dire
can't get an erection (not interested in sex)
rock burns in his clothes (ex pot smoker - weed don't do it anymore, still wearing same shite, cash only for crack, not clothes))
wonders around aimlessly..
abusive when he needs a fix
aggressive
Released £14.000 equity on house. Spent the lot on crack in 10 months.

Mother now pays morgage. Why? To keep the crackhead as far away from her home and family as possible.

and hey! He doesn't see the 'problem!'

Don't let this drug use you!
Master it!
It's got to be a bigger high... being in control.

SWIM is not anti drugs, swim appreciates that we can make choices.
When you hear the same message from EVERYONE (and don't forget, SWIM is asking) take heed - would you still walk across the road after the lorry has sounded it's horn??) - you gonna walk when the lights are on red? you don't want to be injured. Right?

And yes. I know he feels ashamed too.
And yes. He knows the damage done.
And yes. It DOES wreck lives.

SWIM is heartbroken.

LOst the man she loves to an abuser of the brain, liver, heart. Memory loss.

In a crystal ball .... SWIM sees an oxygen mask and a wheelchair to carry the cylinders. And lots of other medical intervention, without little success.

No magic wand there.

You'll need faith. Funny how people find God in their hour of need.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thanks for offering your perspective on this.

[MrG]

SWIM and his wife got into a habit of partying at weekends with the usual combo of coke and alcohol (bad bad bad, read about cocaethylene and how much worse it is than either cocaine or alcohol alone).

He began to get very concerned about the emergence of "fiending", something which wasn't there at the start. Excuses started being made as to why it would be cool to party at other times too.

Fortunately, following his research into GHB, SWIM dropped alcohol off the menu and partied with coke and GHB. Instantly they found this to be a huge difference. The next day after a party they felt fine and not like they'd been run over. The fiending stopped to the point that they stopped feeling compulsive about coke entirely.

Now they only ever do coke once in a blue moon. Genuinely, a blue moon.

I'm not saying that anybody should take GHB, no sir. What I am saying though is that *if* somebody were to take a course of GHB, they *will* stop craving cocaine. Fact.


Here's some quick reference to support the anecdotal evidence:

http://www.nature.com/npp/journal/v2.../1395390a.html

The effects of acute and repeated gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB) and cocaine administration on D1 and D2 dopamine receptor mRNA expression were examined using in situ hybridization histochemistry in different rat brain structures rich in GHB receptors. Six hours after a single GHB administration (500 mg/kg IP), an increase in D1 and D2 mRNA expression was observed in almost all regions examined; whereas, acute cocaine injection (20 mg/kg IP) had no effect. Repeated exposure to GHB (500 mg/kg IP twice daily) for 10 days, followed by a 14-h withdrawal period, induced increasing effects on D1 and D2 dopamine receptor mRNA expression, similar to those caused by chronic treatment with cocaine (20 mg/kg IP once a day). These effects of GHB and cocaine on dopamine receptor mRNA expression could be a consequence, for both compounds, of the modulation of dopaminergic activity; thus, supporting the benefit of GHB in cocaine substitution therapy.

[Panthers007]

Here in the Untied Snakes I am fond of pointing out to would-be cocaine buyers that much of their money ends up in the coffers of the Central Intelligence Agency. They are, in effect, funding the overthrow of elected, democratic governments and plunging nations under the yoke of fascist tyrants.

And you know what? Some people actually listen and don't go near cocaine again.

[MrG]

Hate to approach that argument from another angle Panthers but some people might buy coca tea directly from the legitimate growers and extract the product themselves.

That's pretty much supporting fair trade instead of criminals, government agency or mafia.

[Panthers007]

I'm sure there is both free-trade cocaine, as well as Fascist Flee-Powder, available. But if one isn't sure which is which - would one want to risk snurfing a rail of Pinochet?

[MrG]

When I mentioned some users, I meant the end user.

Coca tea is of little interest to those seeking to overthrow governments.

[y0ssarianlives]

SWIM has very little in the actual way of advice to offer you other than to cut off contact with SWIY's friend, get some exercise on a daily basis, eat well, and take supplements as well as give your brain time to restore its neurochemical balance, and practice changing SWIYS very base thought structures that lead to urges to use.

*note, "you" is actually referring to a fictional character I had in a dream. Eastern European fellow*

Are you focusing more so on the future and what the feeling of coke would be right now if you were on it? Are you thinking of the past and what it was like a few days ago to be on a binge? Are you constantly losing touch with the present as it flows around you? Attempt to block out the future and the past, and remain in the present. Allow the stimuli around you to take your concentration rather than fixating on the future or past (and there is more than we actively filter out barraging our senses if we just allow ourselves to focus). Realize that you are in a low mood due to chemically induced depression and that this is not the best of time to make decisions about your life, first off, and about substance usage as well. Give yourself time to heal and recover for a bit before deciding if you want to go off and use for a while.

Maybe treatment is an option?

Whatever happens, good luck man. Coke addiction is a horrible, ravaging disease that, as you well know, steals everything in your life and then your very sanity when everything else is gone. You have seen the path it is leading you down; please, for your own sake, at least take a break for a bit, fight the urges, fight the depression, and give yourself a bit of time to recover and think straight before making any decisions.

[tooblue4you]

Firstly thanks for the messages and advice from everybody, Swim has not touched coke for 16 days now and is feeling really positive. The main reason for this is that SWIM has stopped drinking almost completely for that period.

[ai]

some things SWIM does, and it's like clockwork... SWIM found a new hobby to occupy my time. Exercising. SWIM has shed 25 pounds in really 3 months (SWIM was 197, now SWIM is 175ish) by half ass eating right and exercising 5 sometimes 6 days a week. SWIM didn't even want it to be a hobby but SWIM now find himself spending his leasure time on the exercise bike or pumping weights. It's a different type of high but it is a high. SWIM try to go 40-50 miles a day on the exercise bike. the last 2 weeks SWIM really got it in gear and dropped probably close to half of that in just 2 weeks becuase SWIM am tweaking his diet and building up my riding time.

Everyday SWIM think's it's important to remember that last hit. that last hit, and how SWIM don't want to go back out. SWIM is fortunate enough to live in a chem free house now, even though SWIM doesn't have to, but swim see people every week g back out and F up. it's motivation to stay clean and sober.

One thing SWIM noticed is that addicts all have something in common and that is the fact that they are very very lazy people. at least while they are in their addictive mindset. they want to sit around and wait for good stuff to happen instead of going out and making it happen. Hell SWIM was like that. That's where Crack came into play. it takes you to happy zone very quickly. People use becuase they feel like shit and want to feel better. It might not be that straight foward but that's the reason why. The key is, at least SWIM's is, is to start each day off motivating myself to push SWIM to do great things.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thanks for sharing

[cyndi]

Everything swiy is going thru is very common when kicking. What swiy is experiencing is called toxic shame. Relapses happen to most of us. Overcoming them and moving on is what is important. Toxic shame is in itself a trigger. For example, oh Lord I used so well I may as well keep on using since I blew it. Just take it as a learning experience and move on in a positive direction. It sounds like swiy is beating himself up, he shouldn't. Most addicts will relapse so know swiy is not weak or bad. Addiction isn't a will power deal, it is a brain disorder. Please keep that in mind. Swiy has to find something that works for him. It could be a move, some like the 12 steps, sober friends are good, exercise like suggested, and find fun sober things to do. Good luck!