Merthadone Maintenance- Is there anyone out there who can relate? Please...

[nicelymixedup]

Hey thanks for taking the time to read, Im quite new to this, so not even sure if i have put my posting in the right damn place! Lol but im gonna give it a go and see what happens after all im safe here, if anything happens and i dont like this little world any more i can just shut down, gosh i wish life could be like that too. Please feel free to give me any tips and sorry if i say or do stuff im not supposed to, im trying really hard to stick to the rules.

So swim is on a methadone programme started on 105mg a day the green stuff, put on alot of weight and doesnt really feel much from 130 -140 these days, can glugg it down like water and has pushed all barriers never before thought breakable, still craves all day long, has totally isolated his self and doesnt know where to turn. Every one knows how bd it got and family sis mum and pops tried their best to help driving him to meetings, clinics etc, the guilt he feels for even wanting to still use is enourmous and every time almosts comes with the excuse that its just to prove he dont like it anymore and cant do it every day, with the piss tests he cant anyway....grrr its all so confusin i could on for ever, .......it the last time ever, so its okay to spend 70 or 90 or 120 its the last time ever again its okay yo spend 50 guess what that last hit was shit, one more time, how come that happens again and again.

Basically he is just lonely and needs to make friends, with stuff in common, he lives in the heart of granny land in west london cause hes movd away from the front line...but still dreams and reminises of old friends and past nights spent up to no good destroying his life as if it where picnics at the sea or fun filled innocent trips to funfairs with fluffy candy and empty pockets? And somehow all new friends happen to dabble in...suprise suprise Heroin. oohh and even a bit of Crack. He used to say he never liked that could take it or leave it, apparently in a needle its completly a differant drug, another world, you step in to a vacuum (not how you spell it know yawnnn) and this thick coating of excitment, stomach flips, mouth watering sensational moments better than the anticiation of any lame cock or pussy for that matter...??

He also knows drugs will kill him, he is daydreaming about diggin his grave, what ever happened to bunny rabbits and candy daydreams... what is his beef with himself....thats the answer...it has to be....

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please do not try to find hookups through DF