Opinions - Crack - never took it, it's f***ed up my life

[SexyConfidence]

Candi...

Thanks so much for your detailed help! Yes, you know how it feels, I can tell.

This forum, or rather the people who contribute have helped soooooooo much and swim is going to tell you why.

Firstly, a preamble.....
THere is a big age difference (20 yrs) between swim and her b/f. It has NEVER been an issue for either swim or him. Swim THINKS she understands most things but there is a generation thing going on and whats more, swim has 3 daughters so has had to conform to the responsibilities of parenthood. Swim removes her mother/care-giver cloak about 9pm and then turns into a feminine, sexy, (confident!) all-woman until dawn.... he is freelance, absolutely no contraints, so he can pretty much do anything he likes, ie, call at a mates house at 10am and start indulging. Swim has indirectly led the relationship into a 'happy families' scenario and all the domesticity that goes with it.
So swim is making some mistakes here. She is rarely available for him to spend quality time together, he has started to entain himself with his spare time.. (swim thinks that anyway). When swim is ready to party, b/f is ready to wind down his all day session.
Swim has a cousin who is hopelessly addicted to alcohol and cousin has access to very good uncut base. She trades it for alcohol at a very cheap price, ie, large amounts for a bottle of cheap cider. Swim gives her a couple of quid to get her alcohol fix as swim feels sorry for her. Lately swim gives base away to people she knows (not b/f!) if they wish to indulge in a social setting. So swim decided to see what all the fuss was about the last few weeks. Swim took cocaine and said, yep, thats good to go! Swim now reasons that coke is probably less harmful than alcohol. Swim is happy to jump the fence becuase swim has large quantity free of charge. Swim had a really good good time.
Swim cheated on b/f in the early days and remained silent and when he told her 'I love you' Swim was made up and stopped cheating.
So with these rambling Candi, swim decided that if she has a headache, swim takes a paracetamol, so, with this reasoning, if swim is going out for a good time swim thinks she may be better with coke not alcohol. Swim is very entertaining and loves to chat and has loads of confidence, but with coke she is truly a star! (swim thinks it's a case of, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em). Swim knows she is in charge and knows for certain that she would not/could not abuse. Swim would not risk her comfortable lifestyle.

It is only through the comments swim has read here that she has come to understand drugs. Personal experience counts for everything. It seems swim and ex b/f has lost communication.
Swim has taken advice from here and not spoken to ex for 4 weeks. Not good for swim but in the long term if there is anything to save for this relationship, she needs to speak to ex in neutral setting with honesty. Swim needs to loosen up and give up some control. Swim thought that if she liked a drug she would be hopelessly addicted, instantly. haha! Swim has noticed that when ex is using, he wants to share his nice feelings with her, but she feels like it is a false love. Duh!

Jeez, swim has done much soul seaching over the last few weks as swim has extra time on her hands without her b/f. Swim cannot sing the praises enough for this forum and all the members who have helped sort out these issues. Get them into PERSPECTIVE! Swim noticed that when she told people recently she used coke they also said that they used it too - swim had no idea!

Swim can either be Ms Prim and Proper or she can join the party. Swim is going to give ex another chance. Swim is going to change her outlook on life.
Swim is going to send him a birthday card and Gabriella Cilmi CD ('lessons to be learned' coz that's how swim feels) tomorrow. She can't call him coz she deleted his number incase she felt weak and sentimental. She wouldn't go to his house coz crack mates don't like her much coz she's 'not one of them' and when b/f goes to the coast with her, his crack house is closed. Very inconvinient for them..
B/f needs to know not to use swims house like a 5* hotel and swims family not be witness to drugs as they are only teenagers and very impressionable at this age.

Swim hope that when birthday card arrives, ex will call. Swim must not be judgemental. Swim must make him talk and swim MUST respect his opinions and not try the logic reasoning tactic.

Swim now understands that he took on her baggage (ie, someone else's children and the constraints therein) so swim must stop treating him like a naughty child.

Swim got things wrong but swim a very strong entity and can hold hands up and say sorry.

Someone tell swim how to donate to the forum.. swims gotta say, without it, swim would not have gained a broader view. Knowledge IS power! Swim happy to pay!

Not blinded to the fact that the outcome of b/f scenario will be swims expectation, but maybe that's been swims trouble, making assumptions.

Candi, thank you, O/S (yep! you!) thank you both, moderators, great job your doing, members, swims in good company.. right?

G x

[CandiGirl]

If SWIy intends to take him back, maybe SWIy could introduce him to the forum and see if he finds the help he needs to get back on his feet. It's surprising how much help one can receive from someone in a similar situation.

Be sure SWIy is making the right decision. Make SWIys feelings about his drug use clear.

Totally understand where SWIy is coming from with the "can't beat 'em, join 'em" way of thinking, that's how SWIM became addicted to heroin.

Completely agree that alcohol is much more destructive than coke or other drugs. SWIMs mother is addicted to alcohol and seems to be of the opinion that just because it's legal it's not destructive. SWIM tried to compare her mothers statement of "I only have one or two glasses of wine a night" (in actual fact it's more like one or two bottles), to SWIMs addiction to heroin by saying "well what harm can one or two hits a day do?", answer is a lot. SWIM doesn't drink because alcoholism appears to run in family and with that comes all the violence, obsessive rants etc.

SWIMs' outlook on recreational drug use is quite open. On a night out SWIM likes nothing more than to take a couple of "quality" pills, it's less destructive than getting loaded up on alcohol. But there is a fine line between "recreational" and "addiction".

One of SWIMs close friends has recently become addicted to crack, despite all the warning before indulging. He had informed SWIM that it was just going to be a one off because he was in a dark place. That was 8 weeks ago and so far he hasn't gone one day without using. He says he is scared of the come down??!!

SWIM hopes things go well for SWIy. Keep us all posted.

Love and Light

C xx

[Orchid_Suspiria]

As I've said before crackheads are just far more impulsive,selfish,egotistical and just plain nasty than other types of drug users for the most part.I don't like to stereotype people and this might not apply to all crack addicts.In general that is just the nature of the drug though.I'm all for the legallization of all drugs but I hate to see people sink that deep into crack cocaine use.The most unpleasant behavior I've ever seen has usually come from crack users.

Is this person going to change?Maybe but don't think it is going to happen overnight.And remember crack users tend to be very manipulative and will say what they think you want to hear to get what they want.

Reputation Comments on this post:

agreed

[CandiGirl]

Totally agreed. In the UK crack and heroin tend to go hand in hand. SWIM has tried crack several times to see what all the fuss is about, but doesn't understand why anyone would want to feel the effects. SWIM has heard people describe it as feeling "better than having an orgasm", but to SWIM it didn't feel great at all. It left SWIM feeling paranoid, agitated, wired, anxious and praying for the shit to wear off.

SWIM has used opiates for a number of years and SWIM understands that yes this can destroy users, but the destruction caused from crack use is immense. The lengths people go to to obtain crack is shocking. SWIM has spoken to her partner in depth and he still (after 8 years of abstinence) says he craves crack, and freely admits that he has tried to manipulate situations so that he may be able to get crack. The only thing that has stopped him is that SWIM can see straight through it. SWIM believes that crack is the hardest substance to recover from and has been told by ex users that you never become truly recovered and that the crack head in them will always be there.

O/S is right, crack users are very manipulative, with this in mind S/C, be very careful if you do take him back. SWIM really hopes that you will be able to find a way to help him and that he builds up the trust you had in him once.

[Woodman]

There is a difference between a drug user and a junkie.

http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/sho...88&postcount=1

It sounds to me like SexyConfidence's b/f has crossed the line (or perhaps he leapedhead-first) into becoming a full-blown junkie.

[hansard85]

Wtf, hes an addict, he cant help who he has become, his brain no longer craves you, it craves crack. Get him help, call Intervention or something.

[purplehaze]

So swim decided to see what all the fuss was about the last few weeks. Swim took cocaine and said, yep, thats good to go! Swim now reasons that coke is probably less harmful than alcohol. Swim is happy to jump the fence becuase swim has large quantity free of charge. Swim had a really good good time.
Swim cheated on b/f in the early days and remained silent and when he told her 'I love you' Swim was made up and stopped cheating.
So with these rambling Candi, swim decided that if she has a headache, swim takes a paracetamol, so, with this reasoning, if swim is going out for a good time swim thinks she may be better with coke not alcohol. Swim is very entertaining and loves to chat and has loads of confidence, but with coke she is truly a star! (swim thinks it's a case of, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em). Swim knows she is in charge and knows for certain that she would not/could not abuse. Swim would not risk her comfortable lifestyle.

Swiy went from blaming there life being fucked up because of cocaine, to doing cocaine?

Do you think any addict alive today done there first line and said "nope im not in control here im gonna be addicted i better not do another RAIL"

No, every addict always has the same mindset, im in control, im not addicted, something else is the problem.

Ill do a little line right now, thats using in moderation, then 20 minutes later they do another little line, and then there out.

Tommorow that little line turns into a bigger line, and a bigger line intill there doing rails and addicted.

Not everyone is like this, nor is everyone the same, but nobody who has done cocaine is going to look down on it.

You jumped the fence alright, the if you cant beat them join em crap, thats garbage. Thats a loser, quiter, coward answer, no pain no gain, thats a better way to do it.


Phaze has been around polysubstance abusers his whole life, he has seen alot of different users. They came, they went, all shapes and sizes, any drug you could think off.

Alot of people phaze has seen these polysubstance abusing people hang out with never done drugs, it never seemed hard to get them started.

So many people think drugs are bad and then do them and decide they are no longer harmful or addictive or there in control all because they make you feel good, or high etc.

Phaze has seen people have great jobs, walk into the house the first time with a suit and tie and a breif case, lawyers, executives, CEOS, big boss men for all types of jobs. He has seen so many people get addicted, fall lose there life. One man told phaze when he was about 12 he said i smoked my whole left wing of my house, phaze replied what? He said he spent the money that he was building his house with on crack rock, the house eventually got sold.

So many people think that they will not fall, If you don't stay in strong check with yourself you too will fall.

Phaze just doesn't want that to happen, he isn't saying your a bad person for using cocaine, but if addiction sets in, you have a whole new life to learn to live- trust.

[chem1st]

i knew a crackhead who used to bang that shit like kids eat candy, anyways the first time he beat up his wife it was because she refused to give him $ to buy a 5piece he pretty much threw her out the window, good thing they lived in a 1story the 2nd time he was jonesing so badly he beat the fuck out of his wife in the middle of a grocery store because she wouldnt buy frootloops.....not somthin id want to be around

[cnsns2ccl2]

SWIM was happy to stumble upon this post because theoriginal story sounds so similar to one SWIM has lived. SWIM was seeing a guy who SWIM would smoke weed with until eventually the guy started snorting coke which eventually turned into smoking crack as his nose was becoming extremely irritated. SWIM, being a niave pot smoker had no idea the anguish she was in for. He would lie, steal (from SWIM and God knows who else), get very moody, etc. He would even walk around with dirty clothes like hygiene was of no concern or something. Now his front teeth are rotting! One of the worst things was his lack of interest or ability to enjoy sex. For some strange reason he still wanted to please SWIM (to some extent) but he could not get aroused and he even blamed SWIM for purposely hurting him during foreplay! SWIM had no idea that this was common amongst crackheads and took it personally as thought he was no longer attracted to her. It was truly an aweful experience watching him fall apart like that. He hasn't lost his job [yet] but he has no money and rips people (at least SWIM) off. It was incredibly hard walking away from him and I still worry about him that he is going to end up dead. How do you just stop caring? He also calls and can be quite nice when he wants something (i.e. money). SWIM can empathize becae when he calls it makes everything more difficult. Seriously, SWIM wishes she had come across a while back because if you're not in the crack scene, it is very hurtful when you don't realize what's going on with the other person - you have no idea what you're in for. Great post.

[SexyConfidence]

Hi folks, finally swim has the chance to update and thanks for all your most worthwhile posts and sharing your swim experiences. It has bothered swim that swim hasn't been of the mind to write (as swim knows it is not considered ettiquette not to respond) and also, you will know that you have to pay attention when dealing with someone you love who has this addiction.

So, swim hitched up on 20th June (the birthday) he called at 5am - (still on a binge) but that aside, swim was truly glad to see him. Swim has managed to renew the emotional involvement and had a fantastic holiday in the mountains and on the coast - with no crack. Great! Swim was loved-up!

Swim took the advice and locked up all valuables which is pretty tiresome in swims house, everything under lock and key. Now, 5 weeks down the line. He took off on Sunday to smoke crack and because swim didnt hear the phone ring, so not at his beck-and-call he kicked the panels in on swims car - he denies it, but he had a motive, was seen in the area and has a reputation of bashing cars - and he was wired with crack. Swim has no proof, as pointed out, crack users cover their ass and he has his excuses. Swim confronted him and he has responded by saying swim has the audacity to accuse him of the damage. Swims gut instinct says he has done it. Swim knows!! Swim just knows it's him for reasons too lengthy for this primitive medium.

We'll see today, whether the relationship is worth the cost of the damage. Other than that, it seems it's worth Jack shite.

Today he collects his state paycheck. I told him to pay for the damage. Will the money go on crack or the repair?s Does he care enough to keep swim happy?

We shall see I'll keep you posted...........

THanks again very much for all your posts, swim doesn't feel so bad knowing that others have had the same issues.

PH, don't worry, (and thank-you!) swim has other worthwhile things to do than get addicted to cocaine, it really is a take it or leave it situation! But it's ok to party every once in a blue moon..lol.

Cg & Cns2 - amazing likeness, your comments greatly appreciated...

and to OS... a big (((hug!))) for loadsa reasons x x

G x