Opinions - Crack - never took it, it's f***ed up my life

[SexyConfidence]

I'm opened minded...!!

BUT!
my boyfriend (6 yrs) has been using crack in a big way for over 12 months.
I cannot stand what he has become...

erratic behaviour,
aggressive
lying
limp dick
lost his job
lives and looks like a tramp
takes money from his mother and nan to pay (they don't get it. they pay his bills which released his former wages and now state benefit on crack..)
he cheated on me
gave me body lice

It's hard to be strong.. I do still love the Phil I knew,
who is this person? I do not recognise him

HOW DO I GET MY HEAD AROUND IT?

I have tried to understand, let him use in front of me (he is chatty, confident, loving, helpful)

Or, stay strong - remove him from my life?

Will he come back from this abusive stuff?

He has health issues too:
sleeplessness,
loss of weight
wheezing (he smokes it on a can with cigarette ash!!!!!!!!!!)
CIGARETTE ASH! straight into the lungs (crack lung?)
no sex drive (apparently he managed it once with someone else..)
nasty crack head mates

mission.. every day... track down the crack.
vacant look,
agitated
on the move
can't sit down.
can't shut him up.
Illusions of grandoise
Acquired a criminal record.
Lost his driving licence
Sold everything possible to get more crack

Verbally abusive when crack wears off

He has turned from an attentive loving guy into a monster

I'm asking for hope, I suppose.............

The cheating hurt me the most.

Thank you in advance for any useful comments.

Cheers,

Gina

[old hippie 56]

IMHO, need to dump him. Apparently, he desires dope over you.

[purplehaze]

Yeah your no longer priority number 1 in his life, he is putting the drug before you. Crack has this effect, people living like scum, pawning and selling off everything they own, abusing there loved ones, not caring about anything but the next rock.

In psychology it is my understanding you should never set an ultimatum for your partner, but in this case it seems very necessary. You've tried being his friend and he hasn't woke up.

I'm sad to say, that most likely he will call you a bitch and treat you like shit and then you will leave and he will beg you back and you will go. I've seen alot of this in my life, so be advised, crack addicts are the nicest people you will ever meet, that is when they need something.

It's hard to give someone a good couple of paragraphs and solve all there problems, basically your gonna have to set an ultimatum, let him make the decision, don't leave and come back because you will get in a habit of this and he will enter it into the cycle.

Your gonna have to let him choose which way he wants to go, it might be over, but be strong if this idiot decides thats the route that he wants to choose, its going to be hard for him if he is truly wanting to quit and you have to be a very strong person and be his friend, but in the end its all up to him.

[Nature Boy]

That list of bad actions reads like something out of fiction. It sounds as though he's stepped way too far over the line. Advise him to seek medical or professional help and then go your separate ways. I don't think anyone should be put in a position like yours regarding a partner's substance abuse but there eventually comes a time when you have to abandon ship. Perhaps one day he'll clean up his act, perhaps not. But do you want to be around to put up with all that? No-one deserves that.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Very true

[SexyConfidence]

Cheers guys,

Really appreciate your unbiased comments, very helpful.

He refuses to acknowledge he is an addict so I cannot get the answer to the next question, I know the come down is very frightening for me..

so how does he feel when the crack is wearing off?

My observations:

First hit - he's truly on another planet, I liken it to a genital orgasm being 0.01% and crack uphoria being 1000%!

A few seconds and he's glassy eyed and full of self confidence

20 minutes later, another hit.. and anothetr, and another - until the rock has gone.

Then the paranoia sets in, verbally abusive, crash and burn, eat, sleep.

Is the pleasure worth the crash? Is it worth what I have read here, nose f***up, (he smokes it) worth the risk of crack lung... dopamine synapsis f*** up next question:

Why can't he see the bigger picture? His life is falling apart, he lost everything but it doesnt seem to phase him. He ripped out his kitchen, 2 years ago, still not even a tap pissing out water, washes dishes in the shower or just chucks them away.. no cooker, cooking on a camp stove (a must for boiling the insidious stuff).

Health issues, wheezing (inhaling off a can on ciggie ash) and he is a BIG user of alcohol - cocaethylene, possible liver damage, septum already operated on, brain dysfunction - the inability of logic reasoning (he is 33 yrs old)

I know there is no logic reason to this drug, I'm just trying to UNDERSTAND it...

HOW DOES HE FEEL???

ON IT AND OFF IT...............

Thanks guys and gals, really appreciate your time!

Cheers,

Gina

[purplehaze]

HOW DOES HE FEEL???

ON IT AND OFF IT...............

On it... "Z00000000000000000000000000M im rushing man.
off of it " man i gota find a rock (this is because hes chasing the rush he got off the first hit)

Is the pleasure worth the crash? Is it worth what I have read here, nose f***up, (he smokes it) worth the risk of crack lung... dopamine synapsis f*** up next question

If.. And only if they actually achieved the feeling they got from the first hit, then its still questionable if its actually worth it. Crack usually causes alot of problems and theres more repurcussion than pleasure. He most likley feels bad inside and does know he is an addict, but hes in his shell protecting himself because he wants to use. Keep in mind, crack is very addictive, alot of dealers give the first rock free jus to keep the person coming back. This needs more explanation, after the first hit, its very hard for people who enjoy it not to get in the pattern of pawning and running back as many times as possible during the chase.

I know there is no logic reason to this drug, I'm just trying to UNDERSTAND it...

You never will, its hard to understand, but usually is a dead end road as few people can use without abusing. Just know there always chasing the first hit because "one hits to many, and a million isn't enough" <-- I was told that by a man who had used drugs his whole life when i was about 10 years old, he seemed to have figured things out a bit better than most and is the only person I have ever met who can use any drug in moderation.

You think hes full of confidence? Everyone I've seen who has been stuck in this viscious cycle eventually hit rock bottom and have serious depression which usually leads to outrage and eventually back to the cycle. Quitting it is very hard.

[SexyConfidence]

My (now ex) boyfriend of 6 years told me he cheated on me.
we finished two months ago, initially beacuse of his esculating crack smoking.

The cheating hurt more than the crack taking,
the crack has destroyed him,,,,,,

THe cheating has destroyed me

crack and cheating: congruent.
Hmm..
Youv'e heard about a woman scorned?
I call it getting even..
a dose of your own medicine.

So I'm out this weekend, on the pull, take some pics with a new man, send them to this crackhead

Will it hurt?
Will it give him a wake up call?
Will he know he loused up?
Will he feel shit?

Will he stop calling, begging me back??

No answers, I know, just gotta stop this hurting... so much.

Great site, wish I had found it earlier, you guys seem level headed, got things into perspective.

Isn't there a level of fudging the issue here? Crack has no brain, no thought processes, Crack doesnt possess people, they choose to use...
It's a cop-out.

Cheers folks,

Gina

PS Forgive me, it's probably obvious, what does SWIM mean??????

[SexyConfidence]

Thanks for your help Purplehaze, certainly helps to get things into perspective, I know I have to move on, best way forward for me is to shag someone else. THat really means it's over in my book! I'm on the lash this w.end, it may be sooner than I think.
Dump this loser.

Cheers Mate x

[purplehaze]

My address is ######### hit me up.

LOL/JP, I wouldn't suggest having sex or finding a new mate right away, whynot take some time for yourself and get your thoughts straightened out and then make a decision, moving to fast could cause even more problems leaving you wondering if you should go back or not. If you leave, atleast take the time to understand your own reasons, and make sure it is what you are wanting to do.

I highly recommend spending some time alone, and when i say alone, i mean away from him.

[enquirewithin]

SWIM means Someone Who Isn't Me, to stop people incriminating themselves, but as it's not you taking drugs I suppose that's OK.

You are obviously very upset. It's not for me to say, but at this point, it might be better to try to forgot about him and carry on your life with someone else. Is he worth it?

[purplehaze]

Do lots and lots of research on jealousy. Read many post and blogs on google. It will teach you that you are actually better off because he cheated on you. It can affect you mentally and hurt very bad, most people have been there. But just because someone cheated on you think of it this way, there an ex for a reason. When you broke up with someone in school before sex was involved it felt alot better, you just broke up. Well guess what, with sex involved its the same thing.

Do not degrade yourself by creating pictures of you lowering yourself to his level. Revenge is not always as sweet as it seems, and most likley will come back to haunt you in the end.

Take my advice in the other thread you posted, take some time to reflect.

[podge]

Originally Posted by SexyConfidence

Crack doesnt possess people, they choose to use...

It begins as a choice but can turn into an addiction very easily.

I think your ex may have been through enough, his life is going down the toilet by the sound of it, i know what he did is bad, but more pain isnt going to help either of ye. How much lower can a crack junkie sink, you know ?

Its sounds like he needs treatment and support. Swiy doesnt have to take him back but i think being a friend to him through this could make all the difference in his life.

[N0ly]

Originally Posted by SexyConfidence

Isn't there a level of fudging the issue here? Crack has no brain, no thought processes, Crack doesnt possess people, they choose to use...
It's a cop-out.

You sound like someone with little or no experience with heavily addicting substances. Like Podge said it starts as a choice, it can quickly become a need. The pain of withdrawal can be completely unbearable and all that is need to make the pain go away are a few little rocks. He has done wrong by you that is understandable that you want revenge but revenge will never come, the best thing to do is be there for him try to get him help and if he refuses then start to think about cutting your ties. If he doesn't get help he will only drag you down with him.

N0ly added 29 Minutes and 34 Seconds later...

Well after reading your other post on this subject I have seen a little further into the problem. yeah you need to leave him. Crack has replaced you in his love life that is a road few people comeback from. Tell him he needs to get help and to get the fuck out of your life till he does.

[SexyConfidence]

ah! SWIM! I would never have got it, but anyway, this really is me, I have committed no crime and I can speak honesty!

You are a marvel here...I have managed to swing it all around...

My pride and ego are dented. That's it!! That's all. I'm big enough!

With due respect Purplehze, I have spend many lonely nights whilst Phil has been binging. Got myself into all the domestics. I need out. Fun. The company of REAL men!! Haha, you think I have been taking Crack? No my friend, this is what I needed all along, to know the world isn;t full of crack head losers,

YOU MASTER it, it does not master you.

I wasn't expecting level stuff here and I have welcomed your candid experiences. I have leaned a lot in a very short time. I have pressed Phil for these answers for so long but, as you may know, committed crackheads don't recognise the problem. There is no problem. I have the problem. Bullshit!

Time to move on....

EnqireWithin: Oh no! I have to retract my opening statement........

N0ly: SWIM done a bit of this and a bit of that. Never Crack -Heroin
My parents were liberated..
I'm a sixties child..........
I can take or leave it. A time and place for everything.

Hey! And you lot are mostly guys, we have a different line of reason, thanks for allowing me a glimpse into the male mind.

I can't save him - he doesn't want to be rescued! He enjoys it!

I just thought his life seems pretty worthless, chasing this stuff night and day, nothing will stop him, always on a mission.

Did you know a monkey will press a leverl 12000 times for Crack and prefers it over food? Dopamine springs to mind.........

Thre human body is finely tuned, balanced, how the bloodyhell do people cope with the side effects? Do they lie with a ventilaor and wish they hadn't done it?

Nope. There are responsible folk out there. Get things into perspective. Thats what I must do with this loss. Just so sad to watch good love go bad.

Hey you lot, I feel a connection, thanks a bunch... let me sleep on it..
I might have another question tomorrow

Gina <~~~ off to open a bottle of Beringer ~~~~> heads for fridge.... x

[anony]

Gina, don't do that.. You'll probably end up feeling bad yourself after and your partner can use this against you also. Would you really want that? After all this time, for you to do that and then have him turn the tables on you, making you feel bad? Fuck that.
Advise him to get help, try and tell him he needs help (atleast one last push). Try telling him as he's just entered the sky, you've got more chance of catching him open that way.
Keep trying to persuade him he's an addict and needs help(one last push!!). If still no luck, move on, but don't just go sleepin with a random...
...he'll probs end up a loser 2

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Swim has never understood crack and why people are so impulsive about it but theres always hope.If swim can curb his opiate addiction then swim feels swiy can do anything swiy sets your mind to.Good luck!

[radiometer]

Did you know a monkey will press a leverl 12000 times for Crack and prefers it over food? Dopamine springs to mind...Gina <~~~ off to open a bottle of Beringer ~~~~> heads for fridge.

Just how many times will the monkey press the level for alcohol, I can't help but wonder?


Best of luck Gina, I'm not sure what drew you to this place but we have many great people here. I echo my good friend enquire_within in thinking that the sooner this is gone and forgotten the better. Revenge is a dish best served cold, if at all.

[SexyConfidence]

I dunno about the monkey... only a monkey would know and probably the observationalist/researcher/PhD receipient.

Thank you for your good wishes and yes, indeed, you have many great people here. They took the time and trouble to respond to my enquiry.

Sure, gone but not forgotten..
and revenge was the word I was looking for...

unfortunately I dressed it up a little,
any dish, hot or cold, should be eaten immediately....

Gina.

[Benga]

merged
b

[stoneinfocus]

I do believe, it´s not dopamine and drugs et al., but the realization, that this world already has come to an end and death is better, than being part of this imperialistic fascitoid, manipulative constitution within a worldwide conspiracy of the rich.

There´s no argumenting on it, it would just drive you crazy and make you realize the thruth and destructiveness of today´s immorality, and that for all the injustice, being done, one had the duty, to do a suicide bombing at a nice place.

Crack is just the nicer way to admitting to that truth and the less heroic death, but contains all the metaphors.

[SexyConfidence]

Knowledge is power.

I would imagine SWIM using crack, would be oblivious to pretty much everything going on around.
It is a cocooned existance, a selfish existance. Just my observations.

It's interesting to read the quotations here on this site, some original, some taken from great speakers. Either way, a powerful message is delivered in a concise way.

I have observed consistency with the ramblings of an ex partner. No-one understands, so walk a mile in my shoes, I bet they go further than any crackhead.

Sorry, do not wish to appear brash, this terrible drug wrecks lives, I do not see the difference of opinion as worldly imperfections. I just see the immediate devistation, a trail of misery. I know, I was that soldier(ess).

Take care.

G

PS. IT IS DOPAMINE! The brain rewires the pleasure dome,
first hit...
a massive rush of dopamine.
20 minutes later... more crack needed.

Not such a heady rush...
keep chasing the blighter..
Dopamine has not had time to replenish it's 'store'
Dopamine becomes elusive.
Dopamine needed for happiness emotion.
Brain recalcuates.
Dopamine latches onto Crack.
The only pleasure supplier...
Outcome: Zombie
SAD.

One would assume, the rich would have a disposable income. Just wondering why they have no desire to enter the pleasure dome? Do habitual drug users wear a suit for the office? If we held the same view as distruction, we would all still be blugeoning each other to death.

Its called socialisation. Something that some drug users will have removed themselves from.

<smile please!>

G.

[SexyConfidence]

SWIM had a (now ex) boyfriend who is into crack in a BIG way. The relationship eneded because of his addiction to crack and refusal to accept the problems created through crack use (lost his job, driving licence, impotency, violent outbursts, aggressive behaviour, verbal abuse).


Sad to watch an articulate grown man behave like this.


He keeps calling SWIM on the phone and it is hard not to give in, try and help him ...again.


SWIM has tried to understand his need for this drug, the crack party begins in his now crack house, usually on a Friday night when he can get his hands on some money from his lodger, mother, nan or state benefit. Every penny goes on crack, he now looks and lives like a tramp.


By Sunday he is burnt out, needs rest and food. THats where SWIM started to slot in, the most attractive part (it seems) was the fridge and its contents and a couple of quid for a beer. (Forgot to mention the alcoholism - it seems to fade into oblivion in relation to crack and distorted behaviour).


SWIM know she cannot do anymore, he really needs professional help, but refuses to acknowledge there is a problem! SWIM also realises that she has become a convenience and his first love is crack, not her anymore. He also told SWIM he cheated (with regret) and gave her body lice but originally said he got the lice from a dirty crack-house.

He has become a MAJOR liar....

SWIM doesn't want him to call her on the phone as it upsets her to hear his voice. She still loves him - for who he was, but does not recognise him anymore since his addiction to crack took over his life... and ruined a very special relationship of 6 years.

SWIM can tell his is using when he calls her but he makes an excuse to call back within 30 minutes. SWIM thinks it's because the crack has worn off and he needs to go and get another hit to maintain the conversation...SWIM hasn't seen him for 2 months now.. and it still hurts for SWIM to stay strong...


So how does SWIM get the message across to this loser on the phone that she doesn't want to be with him anymore?


Thanks, much appreciated,

G.

PS SWIM doesn't mind drugs, any drugs, in moderation and in appropriate setting, party, etc,

YOU master it, you use it, it should not use you...
IT doesn't master you
or control YOU.

[Benga]

merged. @SexyConfidence, please post the evolutions of this ongoing story in this thread rather than opening a new one. thanks.
b

[purplehaze]

So how does SWIM get the message across to this loser on the phone that she doesn't want to be with him anymore?

Easy, whenever your done with somebody cut the lines of communication. If you keep letting him talk to you and beg you back eventually thats were you'll be.

[CandiGirl]

Hi Gina,

I sympathize with your problems most sincerely. I am married to a former crack addict. Although we were not together at the time he was hopelessly addicted to both crack cocaine and heroin, we were close friends.

He was 21 when he first smoked crack and smack (he's now 33). He had his first speed ball (crack and smack I.V injected) around 2 weeks after first trying it. He describes this to me as better than sex.

He had his own home and a highly paid job with Apple and was very successful. Within 12 months of using, he had spent in excess of £60,000. It was a wonder he was still alive. He had no veins left in his arms and abscesses on his legs from injecting. He was a total mess. The difference between my partner and your ex is that he knew he was a mess and that he had to do something about it. To cut a very long story short, he managed to get himself straight, but only after he lost his job and his home, (in other words he'd hit rock bottom). Even now, years later, he craves the stuff and will have the occasional mini set back. He's discovered self control and knows the limits.

My honest advice to you and his family is this, (this comes from both my own personal experience as I too have struggled with heroin addiction, I have also tried crack, but luckily for me, it really wasn't my thing) he will never face reality while he is being supported financially. He needs to hit rock bottom before he can find his way back to the surface. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it really isn't. For him to do this, you, I'm afraid, are going to have to be cruel to be kind. If his family are unaware of the situation, tell them what he is doing to himself. Advise them to stop the financial support. Whilst this happens, if I were you, I wouldn't see him, or speak on the phone for a while because he'll plead and beg you to help him for a fix. as you obviously still have feelings for him, seeing this person going through this dreadful mess will not be easy for you and you may just give in and help him, this would be the worst thing you could do. Let him go through it and ind himself again.

I know that my advice may seem harsh, but crack is the most evil drug in my opinion. It completely destroys the individual to the point they are not recognizable as the person they once were. Unfortunately crack users are chasing the first buzz they ever had, but it's impossible to ever achieve it again, but they don't realize this, so it becomes a vicious circle of self destruction.

There's obviously an underlying reason why he began using in the first place. Most crack addicts are numbing out some sort of pain or trauma they've been through in the past. If he's able to get clean and you feel that you'd like to be involved in his life when hes reached he bottom, you might want to approach the subject of therapy to resolve the issues that the crack addiction developed from.

You seem like a very genuine person, who is deeply hurt by this persons actions. I can understand why the cheating hurt you more than the crack problem. I hope that you will find some solace in the knowledge that the person that cheated on you whilst addicted to crack, is not the same person that you fell in love with originally. If I were you right now, I'd put my own feelings before his, purely down to the fact that he's certainly not putting your feelings first. Let him see how destructive his behaviour is for himself. Don't let him bring you down with him.

I really do feel for you. I hope that eventually you get back the man that you fell in love with 6 years ago, he's still there underneath it all, he's just got to make the to recovery on his own.

Love and Light,

C xx