Maintenance... "Clean" or not? What does 'clean' mean to you??

[Jon_F]

I have been on Suboxone the last month and plan to be for as long as I can. I have been using drugs heavily the most of my adult life, about 12 yrs. I am 26 now. I really dont like going to support groups and NA meetings in such, they just seem so corny to me. My parents think I should go to therapy but I already know whats wrong with me, why I do it and all that shit and I dont think talking about will help anything. What kinda bugs me is people on maintenance say they are clean and other people thinking I am clean. Although I dont shoot up no more and pop pills like crazy I dont think I am clean because I am still on an opiate. And to beat it all, I find myself wanting to take more than prescribed and I obssesivly count them and aration them out and shit like any drug addict will do with a regular drug.I get 20 mg and it actually does me good but I have some pretty bad chronic pain and sometimes I just wanna nod out and not do anything so I may take an extra few mgs on some days. At least I can say I still have at least a half to take the day I see the doctor every two weeks to re-up. It took me a lot of presuading just to get that 20mg but If im feeling like this surely I could use some more couldnt I. Or am I still just a junky? lol Sorry to get off the subject, Anyway, I would like to hear some input from somebody about whether a maintenance patient has the right to call themselves clean. I also would like to hear from anybody who is on Sub as well and hear how they are hacking it.