Quitting amphetamines with your partner - is it possible?

[pansperson]

does any one think its possible for a couple to both stop taking speed, They have both been addicted for ten years plus , they have two children of primary school age .she could not relie on her partner emotionly and they both let each other down, she was trying to stop taking it and he was telling her he was going to support her but the temptation was to much because he was still taking it so she`d stop for a couple of weeks then she`d use again because she knew he had some , when they used togeather they would end up falling out all the time because of the effect it was having on their minds, she has now left him and taken her children to her parents and has stopped the speed , her husband is still using , if she went back to him she`d be frightened she would end up in a mess again. i`d be interested to read other peoples experiences , what effect amphetamine has had on relationships and the effect it has had on the minds of both men and women.

[sweetsugar]

This sounds a little similar to SWIMs situation she was in a while ago. Although SWIM (Someone Who Isnt Me...) and her partner was useing / addicted to H. SWIM was determind to stay clean but where SWIMs partner was still useing ~ relapseing and kicking became something of a regular, until something HAD to be done. SWIMs partner had to choose between a long term, loveing and understanding relationship or H. SWIM at the time was aware of co'dependency and had too much to loose if the situation carried on much longer, and even considerd leaving... SWIM says it took a few days of breathing space and in the meantime SWIMs partner got help and was fast tracked to a Methadone maitenance. Just SWIMs opinion like, but If SWIY & partner love and care for each other, changes will have to be made, there can be light at the end of the end of what may seem a long tunnel?!? On the other hand if SWIYs partner cannot commit to the changes for the sake of Swiyself & children then is there any hope?

Swim is sorry she cant help with the fact thats its MethAmphet, as she hasnt had a problem with this and knows very little of the addiction / sideeffects/ etc...

Hope Swiy finds the answers shes looking for & wishes swiy all the best for the future.

[pansperson]

thank you for your reply , i hope he is strong enough to sort him self out , i guess he is having to chose between her and the speed.

[moda00]

Swim agrees; the ball is in his court. Swiyou has decided that she needs to be clean and keep herself and her family safe- it is up to him if he is willing and ready at this time to do so. Ideally he will be able to get himself sorted out and such. But you also have to be prepared for the fact that he may not.

If much of swiyour time spent together was while using, and if that is a big part of the relationship dynamic, it may be a lot harder to be together and stay sober. That said, by making your wishes clear you have put him in a position of having to decide what he wants to pursue and act accordingly.

I hope it works it for the best- I think whether or not a couple getting clean results in them splitting or staying together depends a lot on both the combined relationship history/dynamic, and the individuals' priorities. In a general sense, being around people who are still using when one is trying to recover makes things very difficult, and swiy has said in the past knowing he was still using and being around him caused one to relapse, so the ball is in his court.

swiYou have to look out for swiyour self and do what is best for you.. swiy's husband will either be ready to get clean and respect your needs, or if he is not there yet, and either way swiyou have to do what is best for swiyou and your children. Best of luck, recovery is a struggle but it does get better..

Swim hasn't seen many couples using amphetamines together, but a couple she knows uses heroin, and their situation is a difficult one. When one is trying to quit, the other either feels pressured to do so too, and they wind up sneaking around behind each others' backs, or they find that they will wind up influencing each other to use. I think eventually when one or both of them decides seriously to quit the end of that relationship will be inevitable. It is always hard when a relationship ends, and I don't mean to be pessimistic, but it is just a matter of being able to draw one's lines and set one's priorities, and make reasonable and informed decisions about what is best for oneself- it may be wise to take a temporary time apart (as it sounds like swiy has done at this point by going to her mother's?) and evaluate the pros/cons, while apart from one another. Also, obviously it will depend on his decisions and whether he wants to get clean. A family therapist is another option, if he is willing, but again the issue of addiction and use is still central, and I believe that usually and in most circumstances, a couple who is or has experienced addiction issues must be on the same page for things to function well in that relationship.

Also, just a minor request- in future posts please don't self incriminate- one can use "swim/swiy" (someone who isn't me/you) or AFOAF (a friend of a friend), or simply omit pronouns or use the universal (s/he, hir), but please don't admit to doing illegal drugs. And please do let us know how things go!

Reputation Comments on this post:

	full points for all your fantastic posts
	Nice helpful post looking at all angles and perspectives

[pansperson]

its seems that maybe Swim has made some progress with her husband , although he is still using he has admited he needs to sort himself out alone and he has listened and Swim now feels able to communicate better with him now that she has a clear head away from amphetamine , this is only the beginning of Swims recovery and husband has alot further to reach the same point in his recovery as Swim is at , both must do it for them selves want it for themselves then in the future they can start to rebuild the marriage.

[moda00]

Originally Posted by pansperson

its seems that maybe Swim has made some progress with her husband , although he is still using he has admited he needs to sort himself out alone and he has listened and Swim now feels able to communicate better with him now that she has a clear head away from amphetamine , this is only the beginning of Swims recovery and husband has alot further to reach the same point in his recovery as Swim is at , both must do it for them selves want it for themselves then in the future they can start to rebuild the marriage.

Sounds like swiy has the right idea. Even if someone else is still using, it is a good point one makes that if oneself is clean, one can better approach complicated situations with a clear head. Recovery is most certainly a process, a long and complex one, and a very personal one. I do think there is hope that once individuals have sorted out their own recovery issues they can approach their relationship with a new perspective and rebuild it in some cases, when this is desired. It seems swiy's husband has made some progress in that he understands that he has some things to deal with, and that the responsibility for dealing with them falls squarely on his shoulders. It doesn't predict for sure that he is ready and willing to quit, but it at least takes some of the pressure off swiy and shows respect for swiy's needs and recovery process. Hope things work out for swiy and him, keep us posted and hang in there!

[pansperson]

SWIM has been clean of speed now for 2mths now and husband has been clean for 1 1/2 mths. although they are living apart , her at parents and him at his parents they have been doing great. SWIM has a new job and SWIMS husband has been busy behaving himself and doing some casual work , both have no desire to go backwards and plan for the future . Both are just sorry they have wasted so many years on speed and not having a happy healthy life.

[purplehaze]

Swim has literally been around this his whole life. To make things short, if your husband does not want to quit, he is not going to quit. He has to make the decision, you cannot make it for him nor force him into it. Some cases responsibility overrides the users want to get high. Sadly this is very seldom, he has to realize he is about to lose his wife and kids, maybe he will snap out of it and make the right decision, but like I said, sadly thats not a decision you can make for him.

He could possibly lie and sneak for a while, making things appear better and assuring you he is clean or is trying to get clean along the way. Swim has seen cases were it went from meth to methadone to suboxone and the user still be on suboxone 10 years down the line.

If you are ready to change, don't wait on someone else to get ready with you, make it happen, and change for the best, maybe eventually he will get clean and straighten up. Hopefully sooner than later.

Best of luck, hope I didn't ruin your spirits.

[~lostgurl~]

That is great to hear! Thanks for coming back and letting us know how you both are doing

Can I ask what things have helped you in your recovery?

[pansperson]

unlike many people swim was able to return home to parents, for swim this was the next best thing to rehab, she had already considered rehab . being able to be honest with the people she loved so that then she was able to focus on rest and pulling herself together instead of taking speed , to keep herself going and hiding the problem. she was aware she may lose her husband at the point of walking out on him but was not prepared to lose her children , not being took away from her but in a relationship sense , she was always physically there for her kids but not emotionally and this is one of the major issues that has driven her to succeed . there has been no with drawl symptoms and luckily for swim no mental issues so she can not comment but her husband did have mood swings etc but these are gradually getting less frequent, its deffo all about determination, unlike METHS speed is not as addictive ,well this is what swim has read on line , she was told by a nurse at drug support that no medication could be given to help her so YES its determination and being honest with herself and family that has got her where she is now.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thanks for sharing your story :)

[moda00]

Thanks for the update, I am so happy to hear that swiy is doing so well!! Congrats on the two months! I am glad that one has swiyour family's support, that is a huge help, and of course swiy's own determination to make it work. And it is so good to hear that one's husband has also been able to work on his recovery. Keep us posted and best of luck!!