Unhappy with Heroin/Crack - Longtime and Excessive Daily Usage - Need Support Please.

[willingdon]

Someone who isn't me has been using way too much crack and heroin for the past 9 months.

SWIM started using oxycodone for shits and giggles about 4 years ago. His dosage increased over time until he was taking between 70-100mg/day. And then one day, the supply ran completely dry.

SWIM experienced the worst withdrawals of his life and got the not-so-bright idea to go get some street heroin to help ease the pain and ween off the oxy. The former was a success, but the latter certainly wasn't

Unfortunately, 6 months later, SWIM was smoking almost 2 grams of heroin/day. This was crazy and out-of-control he realized. He then had another not-so-bright idea. Maybe if he let himself get sick before smoking heroin, he could ween off that nasty stuff/ And maybe smoking crack during those periods would help with the eventual weening off of both drugs?

That was 9 months ago. SWIM has gotten his heroin usage down to 0.5 gram/day, but his crack usage is 1-2 grams/day. SWIM is starting to feel and look different.

And if SWIY were wondering if it was true that cocaine weakens the immune system, consider this predicament SWIM is just getting himself out of right now:

Recently, SWIM contracted a nasty bacterial infection. The first symptom was a huge boil on his right cheek. The pain was excruciating. The antibiotics didn't work and after the first one was over, another boil appeared on the other cheek. Same thing; pain and antibiotics. Once that one was over, another one appeared on his right buttock. The Doctor finally smartened up and grew a culture to find out what the bug was. It's called MRSA. SWIM was then put on proper antibiotics and is much better, but not out of the woods yet.

Final results of infection: 2 scarred cheeks, decrease in weight of 35 lbs (no appetite and nutrients not being properly absorbed because antibiotics also kill necessary stomach bacteria), SWIM got fired from his new job because of all the absences, general feeling of tiredness, and occasional mental confusion.

SWIM is trying to do the right thing and is seeing a methadone doctor today. SWIM is also going to regular AA meetings. But the reality of the situation is that SWIM is still using 1 to 2 grams of crack/day as well as at least 0.5 grams of heroin/day. This has been going on non-stop for over 9 months now.

Why is SWIM posting this here? Hopefully to come back later and read some encouraging comments or suggestions.

But more importantly, to give new users or people thinking about trying a drug an example of what can happen to some people when they start experimenting with certain drugs but don't realize that they have a very addictive personality.

The consequences to SWIY aren't good at all. In Swim's humble opinion, the worst part is the consequences to SWIY's family and friends. SWIM is married (no kids) and can see that he has harmed his loved one. Swim wrote a poem one night, one of those fleeting moments of clarity. If SWIY feels like it, scroll down to read.

Swim has known Crack for 14 years now. Opiates are more recent; 4 years. It may take a while, but an Obsessive/Compulsive personality will catch up to SWIY.

Thanks for listening.


Poem for HB

She holds my World,
In her Kind Heart.
With a Love so Pure;
Two Sparks, Never Apart.

Can my Broken Mind,
Recover Enough to Give
The Soul-Mate she Deserves;
For Why Else to Live?

[oggy]

Read this then read Dr. David Arneson's advice.

Swim was addicted to 120mg's methadone plus heroin, many types of benzos, GBL and anything to get high. Swim is now 2 weeks drugs free at midnight tonight and feels amazing and looks great. Crack will slowly rot you away but with this nutrition and supplementation advice you could turn your life around. You brain is made up of neurotransmitters and these neurotransmitters need protein. Protein is the building blocks of everything your body/brain needs to function. Protein is made up of amino acids and when you run low on these amino acids your body wont function, it will slowly rot away. Just to mention one, L-tryptophan is the amino acid that makes you happy and if you don't eat food/protein when you go cold turkey its obviously going to be much worse and the same goes for being on crack as you never feel hungry so you will drive yourself to insanity. Go buy a protein powder and mix with water you can get some tasty ones creamy or fruity or even candy flavor now. This might calm you down a bit, drink them every 3 hours with a multivit. You can also buy meal replacement powders with everything in them you need to live.

Dr. David Arneson's Methadone/Opiate & drug withdrawal system. This really does work.

http://drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56011

Reputation Comments on this post:

Aah he's done so well, and he give sgreat advice now too!

[UpAllNiteOCXTC]

swim isnt sure if the MRSA was developed from sharing ..possibly? Swim knows MRSA is highly contageous and infectious and wishes swiy to get better.

was the oxy swiy was taking oxy/apap or straight oxycontin? 70-100mg a day will destroy one's liver.

swiy just has to ask himself (and this is not from rehab or anything, swim says this to herself as well) "does swiy want something OTHER than swiy controlling swiys life?" (lol sry all the swiy's). Not having control over swims life is a scary thought. Its the equivalent to handing one's life over to something that just slowly kills swiy.

Swim doesnt know which beast comes first in recovery...mental or physical. Guess it depends on the substance. But dont try to tackle both at once. If swiy gets a hold on at least one of them, swiy can regain their life back.

[oggy]

Swim knows which one to cut out first. Crack, you simply can't live on crack, you will rot away and die because your not eating.

Swim injected crack and heroin together one night and it was a great buzz but he doesn't find it addictive enough to want to stay on it forever. Once every now in then is ok but why would anyone want to be paranoid all the time? Plus the fact everyone knows crack heads end up looking disgusting, your teeth will fall out, your heart probably wants to pack in. Swim found that a 2 day coke binge was even too much for Swim. Because you don't eat, paranoia kicks in and Swim looks freaky in the mirror after taking too much coke. Swim does weight/gym training so when he has had no food for a few days he gets very ill.

Swim saw a program on TV about a young sports man that never drunk alcohol in his life, they ran a test with him for so long. He had to binge drink like the average person does in the UK. It made him so bloody ill and it took him a long time to recover. Now this is from a perfectly fit human being, you'd think he could handle a drink.

Swim doesn't know where he's going with this lol just cut the crack out then we'll help you with the heroin addiction. Crack is only mentally addictive.

[moda00]

Hang in there.. the most important thing now is that swiy sees he wants to change his lifestyle and move towards something better. He is trying to heal himself and that is a huge step. Of course acknowledging one wants to stop is one thing, stopping is another thing, and "staying stopped" is another thing yet, but really one cannot cut something out of their life without finding other things to fit in their place. One also has to commit to wanting to stop using (not just wanting things to get better and keep using, because while that might seem ideal it ain't gonna happen )

I think it is important to think back to who swiy was before addiction entered the picture OR more importantly, who swiy aspires to be without addiction dragging him down. Find things that can fill your time and create positive energy- it sounds simple, but little things like eating right, getting enough sleep, rediscovering old hobbies, or finding new activities to try really help. Find something to immerse swiyself in that can be done sober. Even if things don't feel good at first and swiy has no motivation!! In fact things will likely feel shitty and scary, at least for awhile and at times, but you have to believe that it does get better and keep telling oneself that- it really does. Small steps. Every step is positive, don't get down on swiyself for not being perfect or not getting his life together overnight- it is a process.

Another really important thing is support- it is of course awesome to have spouse, parents, etc. to support you.. but swim found it absolutely essential to have some more objective support as well- whether this comes through outpatient, group therapy, AA/NA or secular recovery meetings (it sounds like swiy has been going to these- if these are helpful and he is meeting people who can offer that support, that is perfect- I also strongly recommend to see a professional addiction counselor or psychologist to build that relationship over time, someone who can listen to you and help you gain perspective on things. Things that are related, but not directly related to the drugs, if you know what I mean, things like self concept, childhood, internal struggles, relationships, etc. This is all a part of addiction as much as or more than the drugs themselves, it is all tied together, and eventually all the pieces need to be addressed (ie. to know why one started using, what happened during one's addiction, getting to know oneself- the process everyone goes through, not just addicts, but we addicts tend to put it on hold and get behind so to speak when we are actively using our substances and not focusing on anything but.

Swim found that she struggled to get sober, trying inpatient, outpatient, hospital detox, cold turkey, support groups, therapy, buprenorphine, you name it. For over a year she was in and out of hospitals and programs and the longest she got sober was perhaps three or four weeks at a time. What finally worked for her was a series of changes that occurred when swim got on methadone maintenance. Swim was using heroin and cocaine daily for several years, and the struggle to get sober was a big chunk, over a year of that time. She found that the lifestyle changes allowed her to move away from cocaine use almost immediately and without relapse, that while chemically methadone was acting on opioid receptors, the effects chemically allowed her to move forward and work on changing and bettering her life in other ways, which allowed her to overcome her addiction and use of both of those substances.

She found that the two main observable changes that allowed her to finally get away from her addiction were lifestyle changes and getting the mental clarity and physical stability to deal with her issues, which corresponded with her having found and learned what worked for her over time, and the stability the methadone provided.

Lifestyle change is a big thing that has to happen in small steps. Stopping contact with all using people and situations in early recovery and filling her days with other things in small steps was essential- journaling, reading, yoga, meeting with her therapist once a week, going back to school, etc. (but it is important not to take on too much at once, the first few weeks or months may need to be focused on simply getting into regular sleeping and eating patterns, building one's inner strength before moving into more externally strenuous activities.. all in due time, just go at your own pace)

The mental and physical clarity came for swim with the methadone maintenance, rather than constantly thinking about drugs and herself as an addict, and dealing with physical signs and symptoms of addiction and withdrawal, she was enabled to see herself as a whole person and focus on building a balanced life for herself. Now, a lot of this was just getting away from the using scene and sober long enough to think things through and follow through on things- so for some this stability could come through time in residential treatment/rehab, moving to a new city, or moving back home to an old city, seeking maintenance medication like buprenorphine or methadone, or seeking mental health treatment for other underlying issues via medication and/or therapy.

Different things work for different people, and it is up to each to see what options are available and weigh the pros and cons. But swim is so glad to have finally reached a state of happiness and stability and wants to tell you it is worth it and it does get better. A positive attitude helps, but believe me there was a time when swim was probably the most negative person she knew and couldn't feel joy, or conscience, so "fake it till you make it" is an apt saying.

[beentheredonethatagain]

^^^^^^^^^^what she said.

also dude think about this, all the cash spent on the drugs and no job will have to come to some kinda halt.

even if you are smart enough to keep this up for a while, you will get to your bottom. and then it will be without a car, girl, friend.

so just stop digging.

[oggy]

Originally Posted by moda00

Hang in there..

Lifestyle change is a big thing that has to happen in small steps. Stopping contact with all using people and situations in early recovery and filling her days with other things in small steps was essential- journaling, reading, yoga, meeting with her therapist once a week, going back to school, etc. (but it is important not to take on too much at once, the first few weeks or months may need to be focused on simply getting into regular sleeping and eating patterns, building one's inner strength before moving into more externally strenuous activities.. all in due time, just go at your own pace)

Swim thinks this is one of the most important things to do. Well said Moda. Swimming was the best way for Swim to get active again, well after you can walk and eat again.

Originally Posted by moda00

Different things work for different people, and it is up to each to see what options are available and weigh the pros and cons.

Swim agrees with you but we are all human beings that have the gift of thinking and we can choose to think negatively and suffer or choose to think positively and feel great.

Originally Posted by moda00

But swim is so glad to have finally reached a state of happiness and stability and wants to tell you it is worth it and it does get better. A positive attitude helps, but believe me there was a time when swim was probably the most negative person she knew and couldn't feel joy, or conscience, so "fake it till you make it" is an apt saying.

Swim was the exact same here, negative all the time, complaining of pains and how shit everything was. Now Swim tries to make everything positive with the use of love and now life is fantastic, he doesn't have the pains anymore. Swim used to take opiate pain killers for his feet and never walked far but when he did he was in a hell of a lot of pain, his feet would swell up. Now Swim can go hiking and his feet feel great, he can also walk for miles and believes it due to his positive outlook on life now.

[willingdon]

SWIM would like to thank you all for your very insightful comments and suggestions. That is exactly what SWIM was trying to find here.

A little progress report...

SWIM started methadone (40mg) on Friday. Weird at first but SWIM can see that it actually works, and that it should give him a reprieve from wasting so much energy getting his stuff.

SWIM is working hard on stopping the crack. The depression that follows a sober stretch is dark, so dark and deep.

Will post again soon... Thank you all again.

[oggy]

Originally Posted by willingdon

SWIM would like to thank you all for your very insightful comments and suggestions. That is exactly what SWIM was trying to find here.

A little progress report...

SWIM started methadone (40mg) on Friday. Weird at first but SWIM can see that it actually works, and that it should give him a reprieve from wasting so much energy getting his stuff.

SWIM is working hard on stopping the crack. The depression that follows a sober stretch is dark, so dark and deep.

Will post again soon... Thank you all again.

Well done that's great news. Ahh depression, its just a faze we all go through as human beings. Being positive is almost impossible to do when your cold turkey/coming down off crack or any drug for that matter. But you have taken a huge positive first step so you can pat yourself on the back and say "wow I've done something great"!

Exercise + nutrition are 2 of the best antidepressants available to the human race. Do you like sports? Swim used to hate swimming for personal reasons but he loves it now and feels at his best after a good swim and the sauna, then a ice cold shower to wake him up for going home and the beauty in the world really does shine through.

Another sport Swim made himself go to was thie kickboxing, now they do make you work your ass off but the benefits out way the downside by miles. He just said to himself "there is no pain"! And had a great session. Don't go if you feel too weak or haven't been eating well.

Anyway keep it up and keep us updated.

[Rehab Quitter]

sorry i havent read all of this but best of luck gettin and staying clean to all and nice poem i have one id like to share with you when i was dependant on weed

life is a dailey struggle
you have to fight like fuck
and never give up
just to keep out of the same old rut
cause its the same shit diffrent day
and the problems never go away
so you feel like you head is in a maze
just keep marching through these dark days
and remember depression is just a phase
stick to what comes true
be strong and you will get through

good luck be strong

[moda00]

Glad to hear an update and that things are progressing for swiy. Swiy has taken that first big leap and decided to overcome his addiction, and has also taken a decisive step by choosing his underlying "strategy" and started on methadone.

The way I see it, deciding to get clean is deciding to take that journey, it is a conscious choice- which if you think about it is really empowering, given that one's choices are not their own in active addiction. Recovery can seem at first like a journey to a far off destination, someplace one can only imagine, and someplace one cannot comprehend, when you first decide to try for it. But that destination eventually reveals that it is simply the continuation of the journey of life (haha if that makes any sense).

But yes, in moda's version of the steps haha, one then picks their guides and strategies. One has this big goal to meet, these huge changes to make, and one has to start somewhere. Getting a mentor or sponsor, picking a doctor or therapist or outpatient clinic, starting a sport, getting a new phone number, setting goals, getting on maintenance medications, starting a recovery journal, starting a taper, beginning cognitive behavioral therapy or taking one's AA/NA "First Step," informing friends and/or family members one is trying to quit... to me all positive changes are allies and helpers on the journey, although each person may utilize different things on their own path to recovery. It is important to have both actual people who can serve for guidance and support, and internal practice and lifestyle changes which will create an underlying stability that can carry one through when things get bumpy (as they inevitably will be in early recovery, there are lots of ups and downs as one is basically re-learning how to live)

So now it is just a matter of testing the waters and giving it a go- the struggle day to day not to use, the process of seeking support and learning to trust, the process of returning stability to one's life. It is really trial and error on so many levels, but in the sense of a cycle of learning and improving things bit by bit, as opposed to the stigma of "error." For example, it may be realizing one needs to cut out certain social situations, or realizing one needs to put more effort into seeking external support. It may be trying one support group or meeting and realizing it isn't for you, and that another group is providing what is needed at that time (there are so many different groups/meetings that one can usually find a 'home group' that suits them well, or some prefer to mix it up depending on what they need- does swiy attend the same meetings regularly, has he found people he connects with there?) It is dealing with things in manageable "chunks" and realizing both that it will be a struggle and it will be worth it.

Glad to hear swiyou were able to get into the methadone program and are feeling good about it. Be very aware of one's body and mind during this titration of dose. An adequate dose of methadone varies greatly from person to person, so be wary of anyone trying to tell you there is a minimum or maximum, or an ideal or average dose range. The doses in my home clinic range from 1mg (individuals who are tapering) to 20mg (stabilized/maintenance) to 310 mg (stabilized/maintenance). In general, maintenance should achieve total relief of any physical withdrawal symptoms, without manifestations of opioid effects like "pinned" pupils, sedation, or "nodding." There may be some mild effects during the induction and titration phase but it should not be significant. Some people mistakenly keep going up after they are at a maintenance dose, either because they mistakenly think, "I feel so good now, if I keep going up things will get better and better." OR they are used to the addict mindset of wanting to feel an effect and get high, so they intentionally expect that an 'adequate' maintenance dose is one which will have them feeling opiate effects daily. The best sign of reaching an adequate dose is a state of stability, mental and physical. It is said to take around a year for brain chemistry to return to normal after active use/addiction, so know there will be ups and downs and there may be some depression, anxiety, and fear when getting sober. However, one needs to be able to acknowledge what is the normal process of recovery and what is withdrawal, and when one reaches a stable point of relief of any physical withdrawal symptoms and general stable state, one should attempt to stabilize at that dose (ie. stop titrating the dose upwards and take that same dose daily) If one finds that withdrawal returns or is still present or has other sisues, bring it up with the doctor and they can return to adjusting the dose, titrating it upwards or downwards as needed- remember, one should always be able to go up or down as needed, but it is best to successfully titrate and stabilize without stopping before one is stabilized or passing stable maintenance and taking more than needed- both of these can have adverse effects, but it really is trial and error and getting to know your body's needs.

Best wishes to swiy and do keep us updated!!