Journal - Need help with staying off MDMA

[sknkv2]

SWIM thinks he is addicted to E. The first time he tried it was roughly 7 months ago and ever since he has never rolled less than 3 times a month, sometimes up to 7 or 8 times in a single month. At first it was fine. He would feel fine, if not better the next day after his first few rolls. He felt like a changed man, like a better person. Slowly but surely, his rolls lost value and he was just doing it for the buzz. There was no longer a spiritual side to the rolls and SWIM started wondering why he was doing it.

It got particularly bad when one long weekend SWIM dropped 3 times in 4 days, upping the dose each day so as to feel some effects. By the last day, SWIM just felt physically ill and really experienced no euphoria. Needless to say, he came down incredibly hard and decided to get himself clean for a month at first, just because he thought that if he could at least keep it to once a month, he could continue on with life without too many adverse affects. He got to 16 days and once again succumbed. He could not stop thinkign about it. He just craved the feelings he got when he first tried it and wanted so badly to repeat them. Slowly his quality of life has started to deteriorate. He is snappy with friends, and finds himself depressed more often than not and not really undertsanding why. It just seems to SWIM like the colour has been sucked out of the world and there is no point in anything.

SWIM is in a predicament because he has a constant supply of readily available E and money is no problem. He wants to get off it so that the magic can return and maybe he can treat it with some respect, but it just seems impossible because it's always there. SWIM figures he needs some sort of replacement, one that wont take as much of a toll on his mind but does not find pleasure in any other drug he has tried (speed, meth, lsd, miarjuan, alcohol)as much as e. The only drug that has come remotely close is DXM.

What can SWIM do to stop using but still enjoy his night out with mates? Is he addicted? What are the main signs of addiction? Is it okay to replace an addiction with another drug or is going totally clean the only way?

Anyway, sorry for the long post, SWIM just wanted to give all the possible details. Thanks in advance

[Euphoric]

Hi mate, sorry to hear about SWIY's predicament. This definitely sounds like a psychological addiction. However has SWIY ever tested the pills he gets? They may contain addictive adulterants such as meth. SWIY should test the pills.

Replacing one unhealthy addiction with another is never a good idea. SWIY should try to eat well and get exercise and take a break from the E. Take 5-htp or trytophan to help SWIY's brain recover lost serotonin, which plays a large role in mood. SWIY may also consider taking tyrosine for awhile too. Ecstasy plays a much smaller role on dopamine and norepinephrine activity than serotonin, but it still does have an effect, and adulterants in pills can also have an effect. Another supplement SWIY may want to try is piracetam, it is thought to improve mood and help with synthesizing neuro-transmitters. Rhodiola Rosea will help to restore equilibrium to one's brain too. All of the above can be researched on these boards, wikipedia and elsewhere.

It's best if SWIY can just hang out with the mates that he had good times with before he started using E, so he knows that he can have a good time with them, without E. It sounds like it's not giving much of a good time anymore anyway. SWIY is probably doing some damage to himself and it just doesn't seem worth it anymore right? So it's best if SWIY gets on the road to recovery ASAP. The sooner SWIY stops, the sooner they can feel better. It is possible, SWIY can do it with a some will power. All the best to SWIY. SWIY can look for help here, though SWIM certainly isn't a professional. There are some wise people on these boards though. It's probably best if SWIY has a sober friend that can help him personally. There are lists for addiction treatment centers on here too if SWIY feels they need even more help.

[sknkv2]

SWIM says thanks alot for the advice. SWIM is very sure of his sources and know that his pills contain no meth and is sure his addiction is not physical, but that doesn't make it any easier to get over.

About the 5-HTP, in his area SWIM can not seem to find ayn readily available. SWIM will definitely look into the other things you suggested though (piracetam, Rhodiola Rosea) and will let you know how things go.

Anyway, SWIM recently forced himself to sign up to a football team (aussie rules) and hopefully has now got something to look forward to other than drug use on the weekends so this should detract from his reliance on E hopefully.

[Euphoric]

Good stuff, and good luck to SWIY. I'm not sure about the laws in Australia but all the products mentioned above should be found relatively easy online, and I haven't any reason to think they would be regulated.

Let us know how it goes and maybe you can share what SWIY learns from their recovery and offer advice to others.

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Thx alot for the info and help. i appreciate it and its comforting to know someone out there is trying to help

[sknkv2]

SWIM hit up the pharmacy looking for piracetam, rhidiola rosea and 5-HTP but couldn't find any of it. Is this the right place to be looking?

I guess it won't really matter that much if SWIM manages to stay clean anyway but I guess the main challenge now is getting through this weekend clean as he has a big one planned. He bought some DXM & bud to hopefully get him through the nights but is not sure if he will be able to resist when the time comes.

[Euphoric]

Perhaps a health food/nutrition/body building store may have these supplements. If SWIY is really in a pinch in the face of temptation, SWIY can always fake sick and leave the situation and go home or somewhere SWIM can be alone and do an alternate activity SWIY enjoys. Good luck on the weekend. Just remember that the pill will probably be redundant and SWIY can't have the good times from the start for a long time now, if ever again. The pill would be a waste of money and health and could put SWIY in a bad state of mind/being, then or in the days following. SWIY can overcome this. Have a good weekend.

[UpAllNiteOCXTC]

dude i know, it sucks cause its like emotionally addicting but physically and chemically its not (which is also good). Swim found that she obsesses over rolling again but realizes that after a couple of days go by, she forgets, until someone calls her phone tellin her they have shit.


come on now how could swiy NOT think about probably the best feeling in the f*n world?! Just remember that its synthetic though...
swim doesnt know man. maybe take it easy, give swiys body a holiday. swiy doesnt want to pay for poor judgement he had while he was younger.

again. swims not tellin swiy what to do, but simply relating , having been in that boat way too many times. swiy will be fine for the sense that time heals most things and eventually swiy will forget about it and move on to crack. Yay for crack! lol kiddin..

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nice advice

[sknkv2]

SWIM managed two weeks and decided to drop again. Before this, he had been doing okay, but his friends were doing it and
he gave in. This thread was actually of great importance at first to SWIM because it made SWIM feel like he'd be letting
people down by doing it. Fortunately, he is actually very thankful for doing it. He had one of the most amazing
experiences of his life and doesn't regret it one bit. He rolled with a few very close friends in a comfortable home
environemnt and it was probably the best experience on drugs SWIM has ever had, just reaching into each others souls and
actually FEELING what others felt. Feeling nothing but pure love for everyone in the world.

He feels he learned some great lessons whilst under the influence, like being less judgmental and being
more empathetic towards others and that this was more important than any high. It was as if the great feelings he felt were
less important than the lessons he learned from the experience.

After the experience, he experienced something completely different to what he normally experiences. He experienced a great
sense of closure. The night was over but he was completely ok with it. He was no longer feeling the intense sensations of
euphoria but he was completely and utterly ok with it. He was just glad to have had such a
beautiful experience and he figures he has gotten all he can get from MDMA. For once, SWIM doesn't feel like repeating the
experience, he is just happy he has been one of the lucky individuals on this planet who have been able to experience such
a beautiful (life changing) experience.
He thinks he will most likely eventually do it again, but not for a very long time.
Thanks for all your help and SWIM will give an update in a month or two to see where he's at.

Pretty strange to see that another MDMA experience was what was needed to stop.

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Thanks for sharing details of SWIY's situation.

[Euphoric]

Interesting, and good to hear about the life changing experience. All the best.

[sknkv2]

Just an update on SWIM's situation in case anyone was wondering..

SWIM quit footy, too unmotivated, didn't help one bit. Seems SWIM was delusional in his last post as well, 'cause the next weekend he dropped again. Anyway, this time the comedown was TOO bad. He literally felt like he had no soul. Life didn't seem worth living. He didn't bother to post up on here because he felt it was a lost cause and it was just something he'd have to figure out for himself.

Anyway, after doing it the next week, SWIM managed to wait 4 weeks before dropping again. It wasn't easy, but he definitely thanked himself for it later. It was amazing to see the difference in rolls. AND, the comedown the next day was nearly non-existant. SWIM feels that he is ready to start respecting MDMA again and is keeping it to once a month as he feels that doesn't impact on his sober life too much. Anyways, thanks for all the help.

If I can pass on any info to others SWIMmers in need (some of the things that have helped me slow down my usage), it's that you need to put your drug use in perspective. Everything in your life needs a box. A box for financial stuff, a box for social life and a box for drugs etc. If you let one box become to important or too big, the other boxes will fall into the background. Drug use isn't all there is to life. It's ment to be an extension of reality and in the end you get to a point where you realise it's just not worth all the negatives in other aspects of life.
Secondly, boredom is your worst enemy. Try to stay active and keep away from people that will tempt you into taking again.

BTW, this isn't ment to sound like SWIM has completely conquered any cravings. SWIM still loves MDMA, but he feels like he's learned to treat it with more respect.

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Thanks for sharing the experience and trying to help others.

[Alfa]

If XTC grasps you, then that is reason to let it go. At least until it no longer controls your thoughts or tempts you or corrupts your willpower.

Since we are talking about ecstasy pills, no one will know what is in them and likely it will be a somewhat different formula every time. Mostly consistent of MDXX amphetamines.

FUBAR recognizes SWIUH's situation and can affirm that the SWIUH is already being sucked into full blown addiction. It will get worse if SWIUH continues. Many of FUBAR's old party palls from more than 10 years ago are still partying hard. If FUBAR would not have called it quits when he felt like SWIUH now does, then this site would not have been built. His career would not have been there and many other things would not have been accomplished.

It is not wise to substitute one drug for another.

Euphoric's suggestions for supplements are very advisable. I'd like to add one important one: Solgar's VM-2000, which is a high dosed multi-vitamin with many other healthy things and unlike other products. This has helped FUBAR in a very similar situation years ago.

If SWIUH thinks that SWIUH can keep it at once per month, then that is a good thing, but please mind that once a month may easily get more often and ecstasy users frequently slip into old using habits.

Would it suit SWIUH to make a deal with yourself, that firstly ecstasy and related drug use will be no more than once every month / 4 weeks and secondly that if SWIUH breaks this, then he will lay off ecstasy for 6 months?

Such a break will give SWIUH a clear view and undistorted willpower.

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very helpful and informative post.

[moda00]

Originally Posted by Alfa

Would it suit SWIUH to make a deal with yourself, that firstly ecstasy and related drug use will be no more than once every month / 4 weeks and secondly that if SWIUH breaks this, then he will lay off ecstasy for 6 months?

Such a break will give SWIUH a clear view and undistorted willpower.

Alfa's suggestion is a good one. Swim is glad swiy was able to wait a month between rolls, but she also sees these patterns of addiction and the signs and signals are there, as Alfa says. Swiy states s/he was delusional in the prior post, stating that one felt they had finally come to a point of control over their addiction, and that it didn't last. Glad one has given more thought to the situation, and that one has been able to control recent use, but given that it has been so problematic to control more often that not and caused so many negative feelings, it makes sense that in order to gain perspective in the long run, swiy make some sort of deal with himself or long term accounting of his use and perspective (or even posting on this thread, to see how he has progressed and how his perspective has changed).

My main concern is that one seems to have thought, several times, that they had found the "magic" solution to addiction- first having a good roll and feeling that one need never roll again, then the idea of moderation. If one really is in a place where they can stick to a monthly roll and feel good about it, that is great. But if not, one needs to acknowledge that, and take a break. Alfa's idea is a good one because it has clearly spelled out terms and logic, which we can often lose or distort when dealing with addiction issues. A break can be helpful if moderation becomes unattainable, and since it is a concrete period it is a clearly defined decision- not "I'll never use again," but simply choosing a time frame (6 months seems reasonable given the substance and frequency, in general 6-12 seems a good way to gain perspective on such issues) and then one can of course be aborted or extended once the goal is reached and perspective has been gained.

It is really a very short time out of one's life, and one will personally vouch that it is worth doing even if one is reasonably sure they do not plan to be "abstinent" for the rest of their lives- while it is only a fraction of swiy's life, it is time enough to gain perspective and learn a lot about swiy's using patterns and motives, and other aspects of self which might seem on the surface to be unrelated but tie together in the overall scheme of things. Again, if swiy is at a point where s/he can use monthly, and feel good about it, congrats, but I just want to emphasize that recovery is a process, and learning to go from abusive or dependent patterns of use to healthier ones can take some time to process, and often (but not always), a break or period of abstinence.

Best of luck and keep us posted!!

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Nice post.
	great post. some valuable information there.

[sknkv2]

Sorry it's taken me a while to reply for SWIM...

Originally Posted by alfa

Would it suit SWIUH to make a deal with yourself, that firstly ecstasy and related drug use will be no more than once every month / 4 weeks and secondly that if SWIUH breaks this, then he will lay off ecstasy for 6 months?

SWIM thought about this for quite a while. It makes a lot of sense but what about this problem: If SWIM sets himself a goal of 4 weeks and can't hold that, then sets himself an even harder goal, what are the chances of him keeping that? Especially since he still has cravings after a few days. You make it sound like there's just a switch SWIM could turn off for 6 months to recover.

Still, SWIM likes it a lot as it gives him a really good view of his usage. If SWIM finds he can't hold out between usage, quitting for a prolonged period of time will soon have to become a priority. At this point though, SWIM is still doing alright. Still hasn't broken his once a month and his overall psychological well being is definitely improving.

Thanks. Will update DF with SWIM's situation at a later date.

[jux]

the drifter had the same issue as the OP a few years back..

to stop, he stop going to parties and deleted all his dealers numbers out of his cell phone...not being around it all the time killed the urge for the drifter.

long story short....cut your contacts...not being around it will help alot.

[sknkv2]

Haven't been on here in quite a while, thought I may as well update the situation in case anyone stumbles across the thread.

In the end, SWIM's addiction defeated itself. Loss of magic. Possibly a blessing in disguise? All SWIM knows is that there's no point him even taking ecstasy anymore, the feelings just aren't the same as they used to be. He took a three-four month break for this reason, dropped 2 md pills again 2 weeks ago and just didn't get the rush he once did. Pretty sad to have lost it all after only using it for the first time 12-14 months ago but SWIM had some good times.

Anyway, SWIM thanks you all for the help offered. Much appreciated and take care all of you.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thanks for sharing, all the best to you and SWIY