Journal - Saying goodbye to methaphetamine

[jduba]

I have just decided the new path I am going to take with
meth......QUITTING! Here are the oh so great sketchy qualities I will
miss in one sick way or another:

-being able to watch the sun fall and rise every day! (but only ever through a crack in the pulled down blind in out of)

-feeling the need to keep my little guy lathered in lube 24hrs a day since thats about how often I had to be playing with him.

-Having every knob, keyboard, phone, etc. also lubed cause im interupted "mid-play" but another task

-having every DVD and CD 5 months before they are released cause I have
found the leeked file, purchased file convertor and ripper to
pull it appart, reprogram files to suited file type, and burning it to
disk before adverts hit the public

-making that nightly 4am trip to the corner store, where the graveyard
shift worker welcomes me by name, and pick up a big powerade, cigs,
butane,and life-savers.

-looking out window again cause this time I heard someone out there

-flirting with someone I am feeling odd attraction to after hitting the
pipe that I have never thought to even be attractive before all while
maintaining that Night of the Living Dead </span>look ive come to perfect

-passing pipe around knowing im going to try and correct every person
in rotation because they are burning up stuff or running it up the pipe

- out the window again thinking someone pulled up to the house

-sitting on pot again trying to eliminate toxins out of my body some other way then neon red bumps on my casper colored skin

-standing in the back of shower not to get too wet cause my bodies in
such shape that I will get water logged yet again and lay swollen up
then rinkeled up in the bed complaining

-making sure my teeth aren't loose and mouth washing one more time cause that will save em

-cleaning all my glasswear in house not just paraphernalia

-making sure that dust bunny isn't a shard (even though you just re-uped) then vacuming cause the floor is a mess

-back out window cause you think someone is out there

-the great company of shadow people after you hit that 3 day mark

-mostly.....having to search my username to see if anyone has replied to my last post I typed

Hopeing for a lot of changes for the good! please no negative replies
just some positive wishes, suggestions, other great side effects of
crissy I can look forward to missing! holla back









I think I just heard someone outside! ............................ no musta been the wind again?</font>

[Micklemouse]

No, I think I heard it tooo... !

Best of luck Jduba, it's a brave and noble thing you do!

Eat well, sleep lots, get a good strong B vitamin complex and a calcium/magnesium supplement on top of any multivits you get. Selenium and 5htp won't hurt either for keeping your mood on a level through what could be a dark period ahead. I hope it goes smoothly, but gotta be realistic also - speed crash can be pretty rocky, but it passes.

Stay strong and keep posting.

[paulywould]

Awsome.* You're not the* only one.* I hear a lot of people are giving that up.* It's really making me reconsider ordering it again.* I think your post may have help me stay clean another day.* Thanks for you post.* Everything you said I could identify with.* Kinda funny, kinda sad.

[jduba]

thanks for the support!!! it really does help more than i thought
comments from strangers could! I start rahab next week and have had
almost 2 weeks sober......and im bout to fuck someone up!!!! i have
never consumed so much liquer and weed! but can tell a huge difference
in many aspects of my life already. im hopeing rahb will help more so
with the feeling that i must be high on something! but any ways thaks
for the support!!!!!! HOLLLLAAAAA

P.S. if anyone is thinking of getting sober and wants to chat pm me
cause i can use the support and maybe i can somehow give support

[jduba]

Board ill holla at yall in 30 days rehab is calln my name

holla back

[jduba]

ill just make this my own post section!!!
outta re to tha hab and feel pretty good! not using but not hating
either... everyone should have fun while there young but some of us
dont know when to stopdamn drug addicts

[Iggypoop]

Well i for one wish you all the luck in the world! drugs-forum is here to help, i've never had meth but i hear it can be a right fu*ker to get off!





haha, it somehow strikes me as ironic that a forum all about drug use is where you are posting about stopping them!!

[jduba]

funny yes but it was called goodbye's cause i was sayn good bye ive been clean for 3 months so i decided to see what the peeps where up to. thanks for the support holla back

[oldman]

congrats dude, I've been sober for about 6 months. 4th time around. made it 5 1/2 years once. Rehab is bullshit --I found after spending 95 grand on 4 of em. Those quacks don't know shit. Read Rational Recovery by Trimpy, he's the only one who knows whats up. It will keep you from feeling so "powerless" to this "horrible disease" what a bunch of shit, everytime I heard that in rehab and in AA I wanted to gag. what an insult to people with real diseases like cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. I'm ramblin I know but I'm in the process of sueing Rehab #2 so this is an area of great interest to me. Everybody stay away from rehabs ! Its like going to a tree surgeon for a broken leg.

[pokeymcsmot420]

Originally Posted by jduba

thanks for the support!!! i have never consumed so much liquer and weed! <!--//-->

"in the 80's rehab was a case of beer and an ounce"

-Dennis Leary

[JBRONCFAN]

We'll be here waiting for you when you return...................

[jduba]

ohh im back now and the liquer and weed was right b4 i went in trying to get the high in. ive been comp sober for 90 days tomorrow. but yeah it sucks a lot somr days but atleast im not in the er getting my heart restarted and bleeding from tear ducts! hope all are well and keep the post coming makes me feel all fuzzy

[sabe]

juba i just read your first post on this page.awsome cool !!


made me bust a gut! im glad yer cleaning up, and congrats on a great post that only those who've been there can appreciate.good luck compadre, i wish you the best.

[jduba]

clean and sober for 10 almost 11 months WTF who would have guessed hope all are doing well

[Sitbcknchill]

jduba...glad that you saw the light and gave that shit up....I give you props dude...I know first hand how hard that is and it is an accomplishment you should be proud of....

[ironchemist]

Jduba, it's good to hear that you have the strength. I dont know how long you were using or why, but its definately good to be clean and healthy. Swim has had his battles with opiates from time to time and knows how hard it can be saying goodbye. If you find yourself straying off the path again, know that you have the power to will yourself back in the right direction. Peace

[carousel]

it takes huge balls to quit.

but saying your going to is a lot easier than doing it.

dont let the hospital make you think they are as good as rehab. they will bill the fuck out of you afterwards to the point u have to be clean.

[carousel]

good job on quitting the shit. like jukidd said, it takes balls.

[Pinkavvy]

good luck. swim remembers his tweek-everyday days ... always having to serve everybody, cause nobody else could do it right, always burning it up, or wasting it by melting too fast, etc. lol

[jduba]

HOLYSHIT I JUST HAD MY ONE YEAR CLEAN CELEBRATION!!!!!!!! life is sooooo diff its kinda nice being off shit. miss it a lot but im back in school full time and working selling rx drug insurance. went from selling smack and ice to pills for medicare WTF would love to hear others stories!

[Richard_smoker]

Congratulations Jduba,

Keep your head up. It never EVER gets easy. It does, however, get better--as you well know. It's all about finding out ways of coping and living that you never really knew were out there because there was always the crutch to fall back onto.

I see my friends involved in athletics--even as adults--and it makes me sad sometimes to realize that most of what I'm seeing is a healthy alternative to chemical crutches. They were born in a world where if you want to feel good, you have to put in your time. In a way, people who use drugs often find a cerebral short-cut to the old "work hard, and it will pay off" approach. This is not THAT much different from a rich kid who never has to work for anything. Because of the situation, they never realize the pleasure in a hard day's work. Likewise, the addict never learnt the proper give-and-take of life's pleasures... and he/she is doomed to experience MUCH worse emotions as result of 'coming down' and through withdrawal.

Funny how that most of us don't even realize or care how much worse our moods and attitudes are on whole as a result of exogenous opiates, speed, tranquilizers, cigarettes, alcohol, whatever. Not only are they bad for you, they'll kill your self-esteem and murder your ability to cope with adversity.

Please, if you get the chance, I'd like to hear your opinions of the last 2 paragraphs. Sorry to interject something that is only my OPINION, not fact. It represents something I've been thinking about that I am almost convinced of. Also, if you get a chance, I'd like to hear about how you were able to incorporate positive activities into daily life and just some other generalities about quitting that I might not get from a stupid book or website. You are someone I trust because of the experience and anything you can share to alleviate my fears and concerns will be greatly appreciated! If you feel that it's too personal, then I would be absolutely honored to receive a PM from 'ya!

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure that your story will incite change in others. I know it has definitely made me think. I will get back when I can humbly proclaim an ongoing victory--because you're never quite victorious--either winning or losing.

(best of luck, and WOW congrats on a year! I'm not sure the statistics, but a WHOLE YEAR is almost unheard of. Anyone know the relapse rates after a whole year of sobriety??? It's very low--keep up the faith.)

Anyways: Congratulations! Please read this post if you ever run through HALT and it just doesn't quite work. You are special, you're honorable, you're someone we look up to, you're selfless for coming back and giving us reports and updates, and you're a FUCKING FIGHTER!!! I know it's cheesy, but do I need to add that you're someone that many of us WISH THAT WE COULD BE! THANKS FOR COMING BACK TO TELL US!!!

[Alfa]

Congrats Jduba! Selling RX drug ensurance now? Haha. You know what you sell. Good for you.

[JimmyD82]

First of all , proper respect jduba, for someone who was totally wired on ICE to come out with something so to the point and witty, not to mention something us tweakers can relate to is Excellent man, I salute you! Obviously I don't know you but that post indicates to me, add to the fact youve been off it a year, that you will not only win, but feel way better for it in the end. Keep going man, i actually wouldnt mind having a wee chat like you mentioned if your ever up 4 it

Ive been hooked on sulfate and all ive come away with are complete (SERIOUS) rambles in the normal amphetamine section of the board unlike your more light hearted post above.
Think I just need higher grade shit like crystal? Or maybe I just need to lighten up!!!!! Lol

[The Doors]

People with addiction all need to lighten up.

To the original poster, congratulations on your journey, you have come a long way, but it will be an every day battle for the rest of your life, keep going at it, and be strong.

[Regaining_My_Soul]

if this is the stuff people go through with a having a METH addiction, then the hell with it, I AM NOT ABOUT TO GET INVOLVED WITH THIS GARBAGE.

AMEN!