Supressed issues brought out in bad trips

[sam2303]

&lt;FONT face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=3&gt;hello all. this is my first post and i'm sorry if it doesn't interest anyone but i realli would be grateful for your insights...</font>


&lt;FONT face=Arial size=3&gt;i'm not exactly a regular mushroom user, but i have taken 3 doses within 5 days' space before and regretted it, but still vowed to try a larger dose at some later time... so yesterday, 2 or 3 months after the initial mushroom-spree, i downed 30 grams of wet mushrooms.</font>


&lt;FONT face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=3&gt;now, what's scaring me, is that i went on a NASTY trip, easily the most scared i have ever been... i hadn't had anything to eat for 3 days, and i'm realli slim so the mushrooms took full effect straight away.</font>


&lt;FONT face=Arial size=3&gt;the trip consisted of me spending half an hour breaking down into a complete mess on the corner of my mate's bedroom floor, crying to another mate about how scared i am everything. then as it went dark, i collapsed on the bed and just led there for another half an hour/45 mins, hearing whispers and metallic noises, telling me kill as many people as possible and then myself... another point was that all i could see was blood dripping in front of my eyes...</font>


&lt;FONT face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=3&gt;i assure all of you, this is 100% true, and i would not make this up, no way, it was scary sh*t... so, what i was wondering if any of you could tell me is, should i be worried?? because i'v always been paranoid since being bullied all the way through skewl, and sometimes wanted revenge on those who did it... was what happened on the bad trip things that had been supressed surfacing??</font>


&lt;FONT face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=3&gt;or am i just a p*ssy making a big deal out of nothing...?</font>


&lt;FONT face=Arial size=3&gt;thanx very much, sam</font>Edited by: micklemouse

[sunyata]

You're not a pussy, 30 grams is a pretty heroic dose, I've done mushrooms for 5 years and I've never taken more than 7-8 grams.


What happens on psychedelics is that various parts of your sub-conscious arises into your counscious waking state, if you were bullied a lot when you were younger it's perfectly natural to feel a lot of hostility towards your surroundings. These are behavioral patterns established by traumatic experiences, but they can be dealt with. The first step on the way to changing such patterns is to become aware of them and it sounds like you've definetely reached that point. People are rarely aware of which patterns they are running by and this is where psychedelics can be of help, enabling you to see your brainstructure and figuring out what needs to be changed. How to change them is a process that takes a lot of time and effort, you have to be aware of the hostility you have towards others and also of the fact that you feel that hostility because of things that happened a long time ago. Read some books on neuro-linguistic programming, learn meditation(which can bring you into some of the same territories as psychedelics, but much more gradually).


You'll feel strange for a couple of days after this trip, but slowly you'll return to baseline. It might be a good idea to read some books about psychedelics, I'd recommend you start with Stanislav Grofs books and articles since they might be most relevant to your situation, you'll find some of his writings at www.druglibrary.org as well as alot of other writings. It could also be good to read some books on philosophy and religion.


Good luck and don't feel ashamed, we all have something buried in our sub-conscious that would scare the shit out of us, I've had several experiences similar to yours and I'm still a semi-respectable citizen. Talking about it with someone you trust helps a lot.

[Dualpower]

, if you were bullied a lot when you were younger it's perfectly
natural to feel a lot of hostility towards your surroundings. These are
behavioral patterns established by traumatic experiences, but they can
be dealt with. The first step on the way to changing such patterns is
to become aware of them and it sounds like you've definetely reached
that point.

I'm aware that people can manage trauma related issues consciously by
understanding them better. I think changing the underlying mechanisms
responsible is a little ambitious, if not impossible. Mushrooms make
you see the pieces of yourself as they function when they're not in
balance. It is hard to picture anyone aside from a tibetian monk having
a blissful 30g mushroom trip.

[sunyata]

Of course, it's very ambitious trying to change your behavioral patterns, and in no way an easy task, but I don't think it is impossible. There are no standard recipes for doing it either, therapists have been trying to change behaviour for a long time, with a varying degree of success. But I think becoming aware of these patterns is very important, because if you know why you are reacting in a certain wayyou won't be carriedaway by these reactions so easily.


Behavioral patterns are allways changing, but if youmanage to find out how and why they change, the possibilities are infinite, you can build yourself into the person you want to be, instead of being built by forces outside of your control. And this is a hard thing to do, even for tibetan monks, but I think it's worth trying.

[xctico]

A mushroom trip is but a reflection of your uncouncious.



One thing I can deduce from your trip is that you have a lot of anger
in yourself, and a lot of people you might want to forgive. Truly
forgiving past aggressors is a great achievement and by no means an
easy one. But the single fact of desireing to do so is a step in the
right direction. Remember that forgiveness is often a gift to one who
doesn't deserve it, is based on grace.

Putting a thought in the lines of "I don't want to kill them, I forgive
them" or "they don't need to die" in your subconcious can really change
the direction of your trip towards a more pleasant one.



Music and deep breathing can also help you get your attention off the voices.



Hope to be of help.

[William_Again]

learn from the experience, learn about how much you can take and take
what emotions/memories/info from the bad trip and deal with it in the
open. I personally have never had a bad mushroom trip, I have had
shitty times on depressants (pot and alcohol...makes me feel like shit
when I do those alone). But with shrooms I always have a decent
experiences, especially when dealing with emotions and memories,
etc...its like 6 months worth of therapy for 30 bucks. If you feel that
this experience is something you want to explore, see a therapist.
Society tends to look down on people seeking help from shrinks, but
they can work wonders...and most people are ignorant and wrong...sorry
that was my narcissistic side coming through...but they are all
plotting against me...oops that was my paranoid side coming through...

[sam2303]

thank you all so much for your quick responses, you have been of great help to me.


and yes, i do believe i have aggression issues, i know it for a fact actually... some of the things i'v lashed out at people for in the past havn't been so justified... but i openly profess to having a heart of gold, no matter who knows me who would badly disagree. but my head isn't in the same place, because it's the only thing that's been affected by the past.


maybe forgiveness would be the best option i agree... and at one point in my life i wished for it as badly as i could because the motivation to get revenge was turning my life into one big knife... but the other thing i'm scared of is becoming a victim ALL over again through forgiving rather than striking back.


but hey, i'll get it sorted some day, hopefully... lol


thank you so much again


sam xx

[Cleaver]

What's ironic is you may have introduced a new "issue" by exposing yourself to the trauma of an out of control trip ("heroic dose").


The human mind isn't intended to be exposed to all it's fears in one sitting. That's what dreams and meditation are for. Or low dose shroom meditation for that matter. Iv'e heard tales of professional psychiatrists giving patients with extreme dimentia large doses of a LSD type drugand guiding those patients through their trip. The intent was to expose them to mechanism that broke them in the first place. But, that kind of experimentation (at least non-military) is gone.


I took a tad too much 4-HO-MIPT once. Not pleasant at all. It was like I lost control of all my fears (as well as my visual cortex LOL). I ended up in the corner of the room with a loaded gun hearing people trying to break into my house.


Anyway...not a good idea to loose ones mind. Better to LUBRICATE ones mind. Make it easier for those rusty gears to spin. Then you can slowly expose those issues and digest them at the right speed.

[The_Great_Sage]

you have been lost in the world that other people have created... other people mold us like clay when we are young and so we become a mash of who we think the cool aspectsof people are and so you probably hit a place that you remembered your not doing anything for your self but as a affect of wanting to be who you looked up to or just thought were cool.

i have experianced this in a deeeeeep depresion and even though i didnt see the blood i did have almost all of the other aspects..................and not to mention that you took the most amount of shrooms i have ever heard of dam dude i cogradulate you on that

[billyloner]

im assuimg 30g wet means you had them fresh? thats about a normal dose,but most people outside the uk measure by the amountdry so it probably seems higher to them...


you should never think of yourself as a pussy for the way you react to anything though.people seem to havegiven you good advice - especially that its better for you to think about things rather than repress them. seeking revenge is totally the wrong thing to do. itll eat you up inside while ever you follow that path.


it sounds like a really nasty experience you had anyway, so i hope you feel better now and i hope it helps you sort your head out long term.

[joe_aldehyde]

sam, go with MDMA. it's so much smoother than shrooms and helps you even more to sort out hidden probs when you take it in an appropriate environment. anyways, i would suggest seeing an experienced therapist.

[sam2303]

yeah, i'v been in counselling before, once when i was 10 for a total of about 3 months, and then when i was 14, for a year. but i saw my doctor last week and he's referring me to another one, so all should be sorted given the best healer of all, time...


but yeah i think even though my instant reaction was "i'm never doing mushrooms again", i think what you've all said about the dosage could be used in order to have a repeat scenario... just this time locked inside my room with no sharp objects, because maybe i need to have a more mellow rerun of the events in my head to deal with em


what do you lot think??

[sunyata]

Only you can/should make that decision. But it's advisable that you have a "sitter" present in any case, just to have someone to talk to if needed. Magnum doses of vitamin B3 (500-1000mg) is supposed to relieve some of the tension during a "bad-trip", but I've never tried this myself. As for MDMA, the risks of having a "bad trip" are less, but there is the problem of developing a habit. A lot of people fall in love with ecstasy and want to do it a lot, this would be bad for someone who is trying to deal with supressed issues. But in the right setting, I agree it could do a lot of good. MDMA can be a great peacemaker.

[lolomgwtfbbq]

If you had a bad experience [I mean something in life,
not drug-related] but you've come to terms with it and aren't bothered
by it anymore, would doing drugs still make you have to experience the
badness of it over again or would that not happen because you're over
it ?</font>

[sam2303]

i'm guessin that if the issues came out in a bad trip, then obviously even though you're over them conciously... you're not really, because, if what the posts before me say is true (which i believe it is, thanks for the advice again guys), then the issues that come out are/or were, embedded in your subconciousness