How do you feel when your not high?

[fiveleggedrat]

Swim is bored when he is not doing drugs.

If he is not doing them, he is thinking about them somehow, usually planning his next usage out. Swim loves to makes fancy plans and come up with new ideas for things to do.

Swim feels like he has to do one moderate-strength drug a day, but he knows he does not have to.

[sylenth]

lately the tree stump is enjoying drugs on special occasions, unplanned spontanious decisions. as junket said you do feel like you're in a rut & that can spoil the experience becos it just becomes a habit with no productivity afterwards.

you can actually monitor your self nicely with seeing the effects from a break, then using & then the after effects from the experience... thus keeping your self well balanced & in control.

[Dickon]

I feel the whole gamut of human emotions when my cat isn't guzzling naughty things. For the most part I feel great! To get "high" all I need to do is sit zazen (zen sitting meditation), go to a yoga class, play with my son, dance or 101 other positive things.

Life without drugs is not some endless grey with no pleasure, and it's certainly not boring. Cat is not hankering after his old life, although will get the occasional mild urge from time to time.

Cat is not exempt from the usual worries of life, especially life with a wife and small child with another on the way, but is daily getting better equipped to deal with it. I've got a quiet optimism in my soul, a vague but ineffable sense of "direction" or "way" (although no particular destination in mind), and a bit of patience towards my many failings.

Yep, it's great being me. For cat not to wake up every morning needing opiates and/or benzos and/or speed and/or crack and/or a drink is fantastic. I can go on DF instead or feed my son, or go to an early morning zen group or a qi gung class, or just ogle at internet porn!

It took some time of total abstinence (from alcohol and drugs) for cat to get here --- he's been abstinent for 7 1/2 months now --- but it was worth every withdrawal symptom. I've a quiet optimism things might get even better for cat and me.

I guarantee it will get better, or your habit back.

Dickon

[oggy]

Do you find you can get high by just meditating Dickon? SWIM brought on an intense high of unconditional love of bliss ecstasy through meditation, his whole body was buzzing like on E or that first shot of heroin but his heart was filled with pure love.

This backs up the idea that drugs are only releasing something your body is already capable of producing, like the Chinese believe drugs soften your meridians and use up the feel good yin energy, withdrawal is simply a lack of natural yin and too much yang. Or you can have the speedball withdrawal effect and be bouncing out of balance in both ways.

How are you feeling after the qi gung? I might start that up too. I don't think internet porn is very healthy for the mind lol.

oggy added 371 Minutes and 41 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by Dickon

I am a co-moderator of the recovery and addiction section. I am friendly and approachable, and am here to help.

Help!

[theswimmer]

SWIM feels sick when he's not high. Opiates are a bitch.

[bluemandan]

SWIM feels like a dumba** and hurts like a female dog for not having planned a detox/withdrawal plan.
When withdrawing from oxycodone, SWIM gets a runny nose, chest pain/heart palpitations, leg cramps, restless leg syndrome, coughing that leads to throwing up, stomach and abdominal cramps/bloating/pain, goosebumps and shivers, heightened senses of smell, taste, and touch, tremendous back pain, and a strong desire for more oxycodone, or Suboxone as a last resort.

SWIM feels depressed and thinks about his narcotic addiction, even though he obtains his oxycodone legally, he feels just as dirty from abusing his medications as he would from abusing illegal narcotics off of the street.

Right now, SWIM is high though, and has a plan for fighting withdrawal when he runs out of medication.

Good question!

[convalescent]

..to answer the question of your thread, SWIM has some thoughts.

first of all - usually, when SWIM is not high for a long period of time (drought etc) he feels overstretched, I mean he feels "crowded" with thoughts, activities, emotions, and usually he feels he should zone off for a while to suspend all those multiple feelings. generally then SWIM feels addicted, after this realisation he usually feels depressed.. naturally.

then again, if SWIM is sober for a short period of time, he usually is really glad about his sobriety; clarity of his thought, stamina, vitality etc. it feels good to feel alive; but then again if too much time passes without getting high, SWIM gets more and more irritated by daily routine etc.

as a third thought - SWIM is quite happy; he believes he has many things to supplement pleasures in life. music, art, friends, activities, family, everything. SWIM is glad he has all that, therefore he can shut off his anxiety with non-drug stuff.

[Dickon]

Oggy,

If I meditate for an hour, which I usually do in two half hour sessions with a 5 minute walking meditation in between to stretch out the legs, I feel a lot calmer, sounds are heard more clearly and similarly vision is better. I generally feel much less stressed, and sometimes incredibly calm, although the feeling is fairly transitory.

It is not a fixed effect, and neither is that from Qi Gung or Yoga. When doing Qi Gung or Tai Chi there is an incredible feeling when the body moves "naturally". I am a very inexperienced practitioner and so this does not happen a lot.

With Yoga, doing the poses tends to involve a lot of work, and can be quite physically demanding (I mostly do Iyegar Yoga). However afterwards it generates a really good warm glowing feeling. Of the three I'd imagine Yoga released the most endorphins, but as with the meditation I tend to find myself chilled out and not hyper afterwards, as from say a workout, or a (hard) martial arts class.

Honestly Oggy, you'll have to try these things out. There is really nothing fixed, and everyone responds differently. All these activities take perseverence and effort, which in itself is a good thing. Also there is no guilt attached to any good feelings that may come your way, and no hangover!

Right, enough talking: I'm off to sit zazen for an hour. Be well everyone

Dickon

[SusAngelo]

sad to read about all of your problems

this swim also have alot of issues
swim makes it trough the day because she knows that she is going to smoke later.
thinking "just two more hours and then i can relaxe"
when swim is not high all these bad thoughs come to her mind and she wants to escape

[dru187]

Originally Posted by SusAngelo

sad to read about all of your problems

this swim also have alot of issues
swim makes it trough the day because she knows that she is going to smoke later.
thinking "just two more hours and then i can relaxe"
when swim is not high all these bad thoughs come to her mind and she wants to escape

SWIM agrees and is feeling the same way

[fatkidzonmopedz]

swim can no longer go a day without getting fucked up in some way. whether its weed, alcohol, xanax, methadone, anything that keeps me down, swim has to have at least one of those things to feel content with the day.

today swim doesnt have any way to get any kind of drug besides seroquel that he's prescribed but it doesnt have any effect.

SWIM said....

all my friends are mad at me, im stressed out about school, not having a job so im always broke. ive gone months without cutting myself thanks to my drug use but theres no drugs anywhere so i cut myself to get a quick natural high. im so goddamn fucked up in the head i feel trapped and lonely with nobody to turn to and i just want to shrivel up and die.

Reputation Comments on this post:

please be consistent when avoiding self incrimination. Use swim or equivalent through the whole thread. Didnt take any p...

[EyesOfTheWorld]

Well, it depends on the drug. Currently labmonkey is addicted to two things: Heroin (and other opiates) and xanax (and/or other benzos).
When he goes more than 10 hours without opiates, he gets the classic opiate withdrawal/dopesick that is described hundreds of times on the forum. When he goes a day without his benzos, he gets extreme anxiety, fear, insomnia, panic attacks etc.

HOWEVER, this doesn't mean he has to be high on these drugs to feel good, he just has to have a sufficient level in his system to feel normal. He guesses he would describe being high on them as "Normal+".
But, as long as he's feeling normal or normal+, he doesn't always crave drugs that he's not addicted to. He used to have a big alcohol problem, now he can take it or leave it, and usually leaves it. He also uses everything from cocaine to mushrooms, but doesn't need them to function. Honestly, as long as he's fixed on the things he's addicted to, "sobriety" feels pretty good. He enjoys not spending all his time geeked out and hallucinating. This make getting geeked or tripping all the more fun when it's time for it.

Although, sometimes, even when fixed up, he feels like his head is full of little hamsters on wheels that never slow down. Thinking too much leads to getting fucked up to block it out. He thinks this is a big part of why a lot of intelligent people are drawn to drugs. Sometimes they just need to block out the misfirings of their own brains.

[guntroll]

Since the 10th SWIM has only been on three trips. Two of LSD (both light trips) and one of DXM (which was lame for the most part). He's been off of weed since the 10th (thus why I mentioned that date), and alcohol (always off and on) for 5 weeks. He feels completely free of them affecting his mind.

He's extremely high energy and actually enjoys life more then before, he dances at innapropriate times and is social most of the time. His current main problem is that his ex is constantly on his mind despite her already having a new boyfriend and his off and on ADD. She really was a special girl for him and dumped him a little more then a week ago over drugs (despite him being sober). The day after he stayed home sick because he was too depressed. She's deeply embedded in his head and nothing short of a lobotomy will kill the thoughts.

Oh yeah, he's bipolar though so despite being on 1,200 mg of lithium a day he can't tell if the goodmood is here to stay.

[cra$h]

depends on what swim's doing. If he's with friends, yea drugs would be great, but a good laugh and some hacky sack is good enough.

The way swim sees it is that drugs don't create a good time, just add to it, or help with the rough times. the rough time part isn't the best of solutions, but that's the way the world is. Then again, each drug has a very specific purpose to swim. As long as you can keep your head strait, ultimately, there is no true need for drugs, but damn can it make a boring day worth while!

[ex-junkie]

swim feels fucking great.

she wakes up in the morning from a long, deep and comfortable sleep, she doesnt have to go to the chemist to pick up any maintenance drugs, she doesnt have horrible track marks on her arms, she doesnt have to wear long sleeves in spring/summer, she has enough money to buy food, pay rent and bills, she wants and enjoys sex, she doesnt have any outstanding debts, none of her possessions are in pawn shops.........

this month marks four years of swim being clean.

[Dr_Janus]

Sad. And wishing he could go back to the days when he filled his time with better things than drugs.