How do you feel when your not high?

[UpAllNiteOCXTC]

swim feels really weird when shes not high...kind of awkward almost. like she doesnt know what to do with herself.

but if swim has been sober for long periods of time, after awhile she starts to feel like her old self, she has quicker reflexes and responses, and kind of feels like her body is repairing itself from all the damage she did. unfortunately, swim doesnt see herself never touching a drug again..

[beena]

Originally Posted by izzy31

I havn't had meth in months now, and honestly don't feel anything getting any better. So I decided to have something to drink today (amazing I'm drunk of my ass but can still type with good grammar) to try and kill the cravings and just got around to thinking how do YOU feel when you're not high?

I feel miserable, stressed out, sad, lonely, and even suicidal without drugs....even though I still havn't done them in awhile.

I was recently diagnosed with chronic depression after having this bio-feedback scan on my brain, and these fucking cunts did absolutely nothing but tell me to chin up. Fuck them; they preached their fucking shit about how prone I am to drug abuse and how bad even a hit of weed is and yet did absolutely nothing to help.

But these people are against EVERY type of drug use with any type of drug. They insisited that smoking pot was bad and I was thinking "well you're not doing anything to help me so fuck you".

BUT IT WAS ON SUCH A PERSONAL LEVEL!!! I FELT LIKE THEY WERE TRYING TO CONVERT ME!!!! They had this total output- "Marijuana was invented by Al-Qaida and Satan to enslave the youth". And I'm like "HAHAHAHA, fuck you and your beliefs man."


SO how do you feel when you're not high?

SWIM has been in a very similar situation...she was diagnosed with clinical depression and told she has a nervous disorder....SWIM feels she has never been given the right help or enough support from the so-called professionals in the medicine/health community....every time she has reached out for support they've bunged her on anti-depressants, which she has found have a profoundly negative effect on her...infact they do the exact opposite from what it says on the tin so to speak....after prolonged treatment on SSRI anti-depressants SWIM turned into a virtual recluse - too scared to leave the safety of her living room and often too damn depressed to bother getting out of bed even...she was having suicidal thoughts (something she never seriously contemplated before treatment began) and was regularly self-harming....when she told her doctor what was happening he would either switch her to another brand of the same stuff (ie SSRI anti-depressant pills), and/or up the dosage she was receiving and everytime this happened she would get a lecture about self-medicating with illegal drugs...but these illegal drugs were the only thing that worked/kept her sane....as soon as she made the decision to take herself off the prescription pills (which she was warned not to do under any circumstances by the professionals), things began to improve and she realised the pills were part of the problem not the solution.
More recently SWIM has found what works for her and her condition....her boyfriend was prescribed tramadol for sciatic pain and one day when she had a headache and found there was no paracetamol in the house she took a couple of his pills...not only did the headache disappear but she found herself feeling really happy and content in herself (something she had not experienced for years)...a few weeks later and she wanted to work in a local student bar but this was something really difficult and daunting for her given her medical problems/history...she perservered and managed to do it by taking two 50mg Tramadol tablets an hour before she was due to work each day...this gave her the confidence in herself to go out and work/meet people without feeling like a freak (going over every conversation she would ever have with people and beating herself up over being such an idiot for the things she had said/done that she thought were stupid/pathetic), getting depressed, having panic attacks even...Tramadol have enabled her to live a normal life and function like a normal human being...the things most people take for granted....and she doesn't abuse the drug....admittedly she used to get a buzz (rubbing her nose, the opiate itch, etc), but now she doesn't get high off them at all...she takes two tablets (100mg), sometimes three if she's feeling really low and that gets her through the day....basically tramadol do for her what anti-depressants were supposed to do but didn't....SWIM did some research online (using DF for one), and found out that tramadol do work effectively as an anti-depressant for some people as they have similar SSRI qualities and also that they are prescribed as such in some countries.....the stupid or sad thing (you decide which), is that in Britain tramadol are not prescribed for depression so in order for SWIM to get the medication she needs and which work effectively for her, her boyfriend has to lie to the doctor and make out his sciatica is worse than it is so that he can get enough tramadol prescribed for both of us to take (he takes it for pain relief, SWIM takes it for depression)....SWIM would like to be able to be honest with her doctor...so that they would have an honest record of what medicine she takes, for how long, etc and so that she could have mature conversations with her doctor about her medicine and her condition and so on and so forth......the way the medical profession work and the way they are regulated is ridiculous....SWIM has always been a firm believer that as long as you are harming no-one else then it should be up to the individual as to what you put in your body....SWIM believes this now more than ever.......instead what the authorities are doing is to drive normal, honest, basically good people into the hands of illicit drugs and all that entails.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thanks for sharing

[FuBai]

When SWIM is sober he finds that he always needs to occupy himself with something, otherwise he gets bored. He's fine going to work and working all day without getting high. He's fine in the evening as well so long as he's got stuff to do, but it's when he runs out of stuff that he finds himself inexorably drawn to drugs (especially "downers"). He has no real problem with being sober - he even sometimes enjoys it when he comes off a weed binge and his head is all clear again - but it quickly becomes boring unless he's got stuff to do.

[chillinwill]

swim has been of all drugs including his drug of choice heroin for 65 days now and is feeling great! swim is sleeping great, energy has come back, and is ready to move on with swim life....also, swim occasionally will have a craving a couple of times a week but they pass in a few minutes

[sweetsugar]

Originally Posted by chillinwill

swim has been of all drugs including his drug of choice heroin for 65 days now and is feeling great! swim is sleeping great, energy has come back, and is ready to move on with swim life....also, swim occasionally will have a craving a couple of times a week but they pass in a few minutes

Well done chillnwill stay strong!!!

[cyndi]

Originally Posted by chillinwill

swim has been of all drugs including his drug of choice heroin for 65 days now and is feeling great! swim is sleeping great, energy has come back, and is ready to move on with swim life....also, swim occasionally will have a craving a couple of times a week but they pass in a few minutes

That is great!! Did you kick it cold turkey or on a maintainance? I have a family member fighting opiate addiction is why I ask.

Izzy how are things going currently? Fighting speed addiction is tough, lord swim knows that. That much clean time is great.

[izzy31]

SWIM smokes himself stupid with marijuana to avoid the horrible feeling of not being on speed.

[chillinwill]

Originally Posted by cyndi

That is great!! Did you kick it cold turkey or on a maintainance? I have a family member fighting opiate addiction is why I ask.

SWIM first was put on methadone then switched to suboxone for several months and then was put on an extended release once a month naltrexone based shot called vivitrol which is working miracles right now....SWIM has been clean 83 days and still going strong with very little to no cravings.....tell SWIY's family member to stay strong because its rough at first but it gets easier

[cyndi]

Originally Posted by chillinwill

SWIM first was put on methadone then switched to suboxone for several months and then was put on an extended release once a month naltrexone based shot called vivitrol which is working miracles right now....SWIM has been clean 83 days and still going strong with very little to no cravings.....tell SWIY's family member to stay strong because its rough at first but it gets easier

That is great. Keep up the good job!! Time does heal so true.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Swim thinks the reason not being in an altered state is so horrid is because the world itself is really an ugly and horrid place.

[Paracelsus]

I would say it has more to do with profound alterations in brain chemistry. At least in the case of long-term amphetamine addiction, this is pretty much proven, although the details are fuzzy.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

The thing with swim is even if he is physically dependent on opiates but he can't have them he still feels the need to use something,anything.Swim thinks in his case there has to be something more than just an addiction to opiates.

[sylenth]

swim can at the most go for 2 months with out anything. & before that 2 month mark it's body pains, lower back especially, irritability, mood swings up n down, & insomnia. but with all of this by this 2 month mark, swim is mentally very alert & sharp, cracking quick jokes & feeling good, it just becomes to routine not been high on something. eat talk walk work sleep etc... worst of all 4 swim is, swim feels swim needs 2 break himself down from been so awake & alert, cos swim starts 2 become impatient with stupid people in general life 'out there' & swim does'nt want 2 feel that way with people. swim gets so much mental energy he does'nt know what to do with it. 2 hi on life in general, hard 2 explain. & if u cant sleep... what do u want to do? it is taxing on the mind, but at the same time interesting to teach urself self control.

[Greenport]

SwiM doesn't do meth - or anything similar to that. She has rolled a few times on MDMA but it seems to her that the good feelings she gets from that when she does is enough to keep her happy for months. That's happiness that one can't take away when the drug wears off

As far as pot goes - SwiM will admit she uses a lot of it and loves it. However, she feels just fine without it and if put in a situation where she was unable to get it for whatever reason she would be just fine. She hasn't had any in awhile in fact, and currently has no real craving for any either (albeit she wouldn't turn down a bowl if offered )

So to say the least swiM feels good and happy about her life with or without drugs. She just knows that drugs can enhance that if used properly and not abused. As a result even though drugs are a fairly big part of her life, she feels just fine when not high .

However she will admit oftentimes to feeling rather 'bored' when not high. Lots of times she will smoke pot and the like because she's bored and can't find anything good to do. Thus for her, the key to being happy without drugs is to keep herself occupied with non-drug-based activities.

[exItus]

SWIM had been smoking pot daily for two weeks, some days 2 or 3 times, but now has to go 6 weeks without because she's on vacation. It's been a week now, and SWIM feels just fine.

[runfrom MURDER]

When off of meth (and even when on), every day is just another struggle to find a reason why SWIM still goes on...

[tryptamaster]

like im in a dream

[meaculpa]

Ditto mostly as above but also moods/feelings fluctuate between, at best numb, detached, spaced and worst anxious/irritable/angry/depressed

[stephy171072]

Really depressed and restless I really don't know what to do with myself without them tbh. After typing that I can't help but think how did I get in such a state? I see lots of people around me that have never touched drugs and live the normal conventunal life but for some reason which I don't know but would really like to I can't seem to do that.

[meaculpa]

swim knows how you feel, she has always been this way and still wonders why she is different to normal people

[Lisa J]

Its the "wanting" SWIM can't handle, even though she's on a hefty dose of pain meds AND methadone so has no physical withdrawals, SWIM wants that high all the time. SWIM has gone 48 hours without abusing her fentanyl patches (putting in mouth or smoking dried out gel) and is sticking to 25ml of methadone, she has to do this because her abuse is causing tolerance to her pain meds and if she runs out of her "spares" she will end up using heroin again. SWIM feels anxious, depressed and really wishes she was like normal people

[beena]

Originally Posted by Lisa J

Its the "wanting" SWIM can't handle, even though she's on a hefty dose of pain meds AND methadone so has no physical withdrawals, SWIM wants that high all the time. SWIM has gone 48 hours without abusing her fentanyl patches (putting in mouth or smoking dried out gel) and is sticking to 25ml of methadone, she has to do this because her abuse is causing tolerance to her pain meds and if she runs out of her "spares" she will end up using heroin again. SWIM feels anxious, depressed and really wishes she was like normal people

Same as SWIY LisaJ.....SWIM feels bored and depressed when she's not getting high....like right now! SWIM wishes she could remember what life was like all those years ago before she ever felt the need to get high all the friggin' time....

[Junket]

Originally Posted by stephy171072

Really depressed and restless I really don't know what to do with myself without them tbh. After typing that I can't help but think how did I get in such a state? I see lots of people around me that have never touched drugs and live the normal conventunal life but for some reason which I don't know but would really like to I can't seem to do that.

It may seem like you can't live a normal life, but you definately can.

You got to think positive and look at the rewards you will reap by cutting down or eliminating problematic drug use.

For every one person who is the opposite of you, theres another one that is just like you. Just look at this thread.

Life can seem very repetitive and its hard to get out of a rut or to change your lifestyle, but its possible. Stay up man

As for my friend, whenever he is not high he feels like he can actually accomplish a task, or do something productive. Although he does feel bored, he realizes thats part of being human.

[fiveleggedrat]

Swim has learned firsthand that if you just take a nice, long break from drugs, the cravings and obsession go away. It's nice to live like that every once in a while, but Swim is pretty content to have constant drug-obsessing behavior. At least he does research and learns, doing something semi-intellectual. Perhaps that's just rationalization.

The mind is crazy, yo

[Junket]

Originally Posted by fiveleggedrat

Swim has learned firsthand that if you just take a nice, long break from drugs, the cravings and obsession go away. It's nice to live like that every once in a while, but Swim is pretty content to have constant drug-obsessing behavior. At least he does research and learns, doing something semi-intellectual. Perhaps that's just rationalization.

The mind is crazy, yo

Ya, my friend is the same way. He has done his fair share of drugs, but he has always been responsible and knowledgeable about it all, so it seems to lift the burden of guilt at times.

On the flipside of that, he has learned that drug problems are very real, very serious and anybody can slip.