How do you feel when your not high?

[izzy31]

I havn't had meth in months now, and honestly don't feel anything getting any better. So I decided to have something to drink today (amazing I'm drunk of my ass but can still type with good grammar) to try and kill the cravings and just got around to thinking how do YOU feel when you're not high?

I feel miserable, stressed out, sad, lonely, and even suicidal without drugs....even though I still havn't done them in awhile.

I was recently diagnosed with chronic depression after having this bio-feedback scan on my brain, and these fucking cunts did absolutely nothing but tell me to chin up. Fuck them; they preached their fucking shit about how prone I am to drug abuse and how bad even a hit of weed is and yet did absolutely nothing to help.

But these people are against EVERY type of drug use with any type of drug. They insisited that smoking pot was bad and I was thinking "well you're not doing anything to help me so fuck you".

BUT IT WAS ON SUCH A PERSONAL LEVEL!!! I FELT LIKE THEY WERE TRYING TO CONVERT ME!!!! They had this total output- "Marijuana was invented by Al-Qaida and Satan to enslave the youth". And I'm like "HAHAHAHA, fuck you and your beliefs man."


SO how do you feel when you're not high?

Reputation Comments on this post:

	you talk a lot of sense...
	excellent topic

[Paracelsus]

You should get a real diagnosis (from a psychiatrist) and seek treatment for your depression. Don't trust anyone who diagnoses you with chronic depression and then offers nothing but "cheer up" or "think positive" as solutions.

As for how my vampire feels when he's not high - I don't think it's relevant for your labrat's situation since my vampire spends 99.9% of his time sober, but feelings and moods tend to oscillate for him. Sometimes he feels generally good without reason, can do lots of things, etc. Sometimes he feels crappy for no reason, and rarely seriously depressed. Focusing on the fact that these are just emotions which are rarely caused by anything concrete, he can cope with the "low" periods, although this can get difficult at times.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Great post, Thinking positive can heal.

[stoneinfocus]

Sad situation, bro, try telin´ them that you stopped smoking and need bupropione(just a suggestion), then again it might be in your medical record, so the pharm-mafia has fucked swiy for life.

Maybe swiy was self-medicating with meth, swim was sober the most(no, all) of the time until his traffic accident and din´t get much(any) medication, cause he was known to smoke mj 12(!) years ago, making him a psycho down the line for the medical practitioners, so he uses some things to stay away from crappy later-on prescribed opiates (tilidin) and gets along with some renegade drugs nearly every day, as he´s in pain every day, too, but before he was like 10 years completely sober., and the time before he had some joints after night shift for a better sleep, before those 10 years and had the best time of his life, but only until he discovered he was the best in some things like sports and some games and maybe philosophy and analysing other people.

In swims opinion, there´s no such thing as a drug-free living, may it be caffein, otc pain killers and alcohol and cigarettes, so swim with a gram of amphetamine a month would still call himself sober, or even more sober, than most of the other part of his society.

Drug addiction is a management problem, honesty and management is the key.

All the best, stoneinfocus

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Terrible,not being under the influence of something is a miserable state for swim.Sad but true.

[izzy31]

SWIM has been on perscription amphetamines (adderall, ritalin) since he was six, and began using methamphetamine a few years ago when he became aware of the euphoric effects of his medication.

But get this - The scan showed that he never had ADD and expects him to just stop taking it and live life as if everything is fine.

SWIM's not a doctor, but isn't someone using amphetamines everyday since early childhood going to have some dependence by now whether he has ADD or not?

They wont even perscribe the stuff to him anymore.

[Colby]

Stressed, but I have been through addiction many times. It is a process you will feel "normal" eventually.

[exItus]

It has only been 3 months since SWIM first got high on anything (weed), and she only smokes three times a week at most, but she spends a lot of sober time thinking about weed and anticipating when she can smoke again. In the beginning, her cravings were so intense that she would get pretty bad stomachaches. It was like mental withdrawal that brought on physical consequences.

She's a lot better now, but she still thinks about weed a lot when she's not high. It's kind of sad.

[truth]

SWIM cannot do it. SWIM has to be on something or high to function. SWIM also has panic disorder and cannot go out without being on something. So this may add to it.

ALSO, SWIYizzy, look for internal medicine doctors and not regular ones. They prescribe meds basically for whatever you have. Other docs are lame. So look for internal med doctors. SWIM walked in there said what he was feeling. Doc walked out, came back in gave SWIM his prescription. haha

[kaczynski]

SWIM feels...not depressed, but not happy. He has trouble getting excited about anything if there isn't some substance involved. He used to be able to have fun just doing normal things, but ever since he started using drugs, his happiness depends heavily on whether he has drugs in his possession or will be obtaining them in the near future. If SWIM is going to hang out with friends who don't use drugs and aren't drinking, he always seems like a downer because he doesn't have much to add to the experience. SWIM doesn't mean to trivialize SWIY's experience, since SWIY is obviously going through a horrible period. SWIM is just trying to say that although he isn't experiencing the hell that SWIY is, SWIM is stuck in some sort of purgatory and at least understands what SWIY is going through.

Oh, and SWIM can totally commiserate with SWIY regarding the "doctors" who want to "help." SWIM went to a psychologist for awhile who immediately traced all of SWIM's problems to his use of marijuana and alcohol, which, believe me, are the least of SWIM's problems. This "doctor" supposedly specialized in substance abuse, yet he is very open (and a little pompous) about the fact that he's never used marijuana, and doesn't even drink. Maybe if these doctor's stepped down from their high horses for a while and actually tried to help someone rather than lecture them, they could actually help people.

This psychologist recommended SWIM to a psychiatrist, who was even more clinical and uncaring. This doctor tried to force SWIM into being permanently medicated by violating his code of ethics and flat out telling SWIM's parents about all his drug use. The doctor suggested SWIM be put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds right away, as well as sent to out-patient rehab. SWIM doesn't need or want any of this. None of this will help because none of these "specialistq" give a shit, nor do they understand, anything about drug use. All they want is to put everyone on medication, so they feel fake happiness and fake complacency for the rest of their life and thus don't contribute to the survival of crime or the drug industry. Do they want to do this to help you? No. They want to do this to take away from your humanity, and take away your true emotions. They want to do this to "contribute" to their society by preventing drug crimes. They don't want to help you, they only want to help themselves.

SWIM wishes he could come up with some easy solution to overcoming depression without drugs, but there isn't one. SWIY could try anything and everything and it probably wouldn't make SWIY feel much better. SWIM just hopes that SWIY can hold out without resorting to drug use just to feel better, and maybe eventually this suffering will begin to dwindle. SWIM wishes you good luck!

[podge]

No one should in the frame of mind of "if im not stoned im not happy". Swims been their and its a dark place that cant end well. Being high everyday is fine - just make sure its for the right reasons and not as a means of escapism.

If drugs show someone their life in a new and improved way they should try to attain this state of mind while sober, drugs can show people the path but they wont guide one up the path. Mastering happiness while sober should be of paramount importance to everyone.

Swim has recently found a major piece of his solution to attaining this mission - Meditation. Swim believes this can help everyone but knows most western people are going to have negative pre-disposed ideas about meditation (like swim used to until he did the research) which will steer them away from it.

Swiy will have to go out and find his\her inspiration to find happiness. But please dont give up and think that being high is the only way to enjoy life - its not. When someone is enjoying life then their drug experiences tend to be a lot more satisfactory rather than someone who relies on drugs to be happy in the first place.

Reputation Comments on this post:

good advice here

[JDreaming]

podge is right. It's the sober hours and the days spent recovering and working that make the highs and trips seem special. Most people need balance. Swim certainly does.

[sweetsugar]

Bordem would be the 1st thing to pop into swims mind, but easily dealt with by doing something enjoyable other than getting high

[Sportsguy86]

If you've been clean for months and are still suffering anxiety and depression then there's something more going on in your mind than drug addiction---you should go to your doctor.

Generally after 3 weeks to a month of a person going out without a drug--the person has removed all physical reminsinsce of it as well as gone into enough habit of not having it that they are totally fine without it. This, however, doesn't mean they dont remember how good it is--and once they feel totally recovered good, they will say they have it under control so will do "one more"--therefore there is always the chance of relapse. But at that point in no way should they be dependent on it after that long--we are creatures of habit. If one feels there dependent on it after months then there are either other mental problems or chemical imbalances in the brain.

[Lisa J]

SWIM hasn't had any depression problems since she quit heroin about 6 months ago but she's still on a low dose of methadone and a large dose of fentanyl so thats probably why. SWIM has found she gets 2 - 3 weeks when she feels fine and then gets a bad spell when she really wants a hit of gear bad, if it wasn't for the support of her local drug group she would have relapsed by now. It's not a physical thing, SWIM just misses that feeling, it's mental craving pure and simple. SWIM keeps telling herself that one hit every few weeks wont do her any harm but the fear of it all getting out of control again has stopped her using for now.

[stoneinfocus]

When I´m not high, I actually feel like trying to work things out for the better for me and for everyone and the high is a kind of diversity beeing this work´s result and being the work at the same time, which then rather become not work anymore, just chores for something, what I would call `living´ or being worth living for.

[sweetsugar]

Originally Posted by Lisa J

It's not a physical thing, SWIM just misses that feeling, it's mental craving pure and simple. SWIM keeps telling herself that one hit every few weeks wont do her any harm but the fear of it all getting out of control again has stopped her using for now.

Thats just how it is for swim, finding that highly stressfull times are the worst, swims even had the temptation right there infront of her and refused.

[tyrus568]

SWIM has a terrible time sober. He constantly thinks about getting fucked up. Chronic abuse for over ten years has definitely altered SWIM's brain chemistry. The longest he has successfully been sober in the last few years has been about 50 days, and every one of them was a miserable, cold, obsessively hellish experience. He's suffered from major depression since he was a kid, and been on anti-depressants (six different ones) for the last decade or so, but they do nothing.

Nothing abates the 'feeling like shit' or cravings - SWIM can only distract himself constantly, every day, and try not to feel dismayed at how horribly beautiful life is. SWIM can't ever see himself enjoying his sobriety, and while understanding that it may take much time to overcome his addictions, SWIM can't suffer for months or years waiting for the feelings to "dwindle".

[~lostgurl~]

I think the problem lies where someone has abstained from drug use for a substantial amount of time and expects things will get better as time goes by. But without a conscious and very hard headed effort, or medication when needed, this will just not happen. My gurl has been sober for awhile, things seem to have gotten worse for her, situations beyond her control, but in the long run she needs to do this (put in a lot of effort and be hard headed about changing everything in her life) to get better, because as an addict, things will get worse if she doesn't. She hopes eventually life will become easier and feels there is still hope out there for her. PS she has been drinking, but feels alcohol has been more detrimental to her than any other drug!

[Lumin8]

Due to a chronic pain disorder as a result of an accident, swim was on 60 mg of MS-Contin twice daily for almost 10 years, a college graduate and successful in his career and personal life, a wife, a beautiful young daughter, 2 cars, a SUV, nice home, a Harley and good friends. In January 2007 it all came crashing down, after the death of a family member, he became depressed and sought professional help at the insistance of his wife. To make a long story short, he ended up in a psych ward with his medication taken away ( I won't even go into how fukking horrible the WD's were), labled as an addict and given an ultimatum, go into rehab or lose everything. So, swim went into rehab, and guess what? HE LOST FUKKING EVERYTHING ANYWAY!!! Now he is a bitter shell of his former self. His unemployment benefits will be running out soon, he is on food stamps, lost custody of his daughter, and will probably be homeless soon. All of this because some fucking quack thought that swim was an addict. Of course there is much more to the story than what has been said, but my point is this. Don't let anyone make you do anything you do not want to do. Before rehab, Swim never abused his medication, now Swim doctor shops, goes into the er whenever he cannot get a fix, and is completely obsessed with drugs. He cannot even remember what it feels to live a "normal" life, when he isn't either high or chasing a high. Swim thought he was doing the right thing going into rehab, and even after the shit hit the fan, he stayed clean for 7 months. All the promises that were made in recovery never came true.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thanks for sharing

[sweetsugar]

Real sorry to hear of swiys troubles Lumin8, is swiy obsessed with getting high so he does not have to deal with the emotional stress that hits hard after becoming clean? or has one always liked to get high?

[oggy]

Take control of your mind. Positive thinking.

When I observe the inner world of my thoughts and feelings, I can develop new ways of responding to situations and events which help to keep new me in a positive frame of mind. I may see for example that whereas becoming upset and fearful about ill-health only makes it worse, a period of illness could offer me a space to get off life's roller coaster for a while, to rest, and look at how I have been living. Then, if I'm honest, I may see ways of improving my attitudes and actions. That realisation in itself will bring fresh hope, and happiness. As long as I keep looking inside, I really do have a choice. Why choose worry, which will harm me? Why not opt for a positive approach, which will uplift me?

Have a read through this, Swim is 8 days and 10 hours clean from an 120mg methadone dose and I can see the positive side if things already. Swim did go through hell for the first 5 days till he read Dr. Davis Arneson's advice. Diet and supplementation can really make all the difference, also positive thinking. Just think your brain is made up of amino acids and methadone screws about with these neurotransmitters. You need nutrition to repair them, that's all.

http://drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56011

[oggy]

If you read this you may understand. http://drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34344

[Lumin8]

Swim gets high and chases the high to block out the past. Like he said earlier, swim is very bitter, and has not forgiven or forgotten what happened. He feels like he was set up. Once the doctor "convinced" everyone in swim's life that he is a junky and he will always be an addict, there was no going back. If swim could be high 24/7 that would be the best scenario. If he could go to a psych ward somewhere and be put on a morphine pump, one that would never empty, and he would never have to think about anything else again, swim would be in heaven. He would give up all his possesions and responsibilities and live out the rest of his life high, living inside himself. Swim had it all, an education, a wife, a career, money in the bank ( about $250 thousand) and a beautiful daughter. Now his daughter sees him as a low life junky because his ex tells her that her daddy is a druggie. WTF??? Swim didnt ask for this. He didnt ask to be put on Morphine, He didnt ask to lose his lower left leg in the accident that started all this. He didnt ask for the phantom limb pain that was the worse pain he ever endured. Sorry, swim is ranting/venting, but he needs to get this out there. So swim needs to be high, or on something 24/7 for 2 reasons, to control the physical pain that never goes away and more importantly, to control or suppress the mental pain that is a 1000 times worse than the physical.

[oggy]

Wow Lumin! Sounds like things are pretty messed up huh?

Quote by Lumin:
Swim didn't ask for this. He didn't ask to be put on Morphine, He dint ask to lose his lower left leg in the accident that started all this. He didn't ask for the phantom limb pain that was the worse pain he ever endured.

Sounds to me that you truthfully don't really want to be on morphine. Morphine is the strongest pain killer mentally. You will find that you have no emotions while high, now this is the worst scenario. Swiy will have to come off morphine if he wants to get his life back.

Now this is the hard part, as you've read detoxing is hell. But once you get through it people will respect you again, including your daughter. In return you will feel happy once again.

There is many other types of pain medicine. Swim was born with clubbed feet, both of them, the worst the Dr's had seen. Swim went through a major op every year till the age of 5, that's 6 mag or ops. Swim has chronic pain and used opiates to control this pain, at first this was great. Swim loved it and was no longer in pain. Then it wasn't enough it seemed as tho the pain killers were weaker or my pain was getting worse. This is in fact false. Opiates are for short term pain management, NOT chronic pain!

Swim ended up with a huge opiate habit and his life fell apart.

Swim is now 9 days and 17:30 hours opiate free and he is happy again. Swim uses Gabapentin for pain control and he finds this works great, its also said to act as a mood stabilizer but not in the negative way antidepressants work.

You may have lost a limb but many people in this world are in a much worse scenario than you. At least you still have a LIFE, many dieing people in this world are praying for. I watched a program this morning about a woman that was full of life, she then got ill with lung disease and was told she would have a transplant. It gave her hope, sad thing is she is still waiting for the transplant to this day and has been doing so for 5 years. She sits waiting for that call that will never come.

From what you've sad, it sounds like you have a choice. To love and live life or to be fearful and run away?

[UpAllNiteOCXTC]

swim feels really weird when shes not high...kind of awkward almost. like she doesnt know what to do with herself.

but if swim has been sober for long periods of time, after awhile she starts to feel like her old self, she has quicker reflexes and responses, and kind of feels like her body is repairing itself from all the damage she did. unfortunately, swim doesnt see herself never touching a drug again..