What can I do about SWIM's other half's alcoholism and cocaine use?

[8122]

Hi, SWIM's been a long time reader, and have decided to join because SWIM is complete lost about what to do with his other half.

Let SWIM start by saying his GF is an alcoholic. SWIShe used to drink when it was entirely inappropriate (e.g her cousin's eigth birthday, when no one else was), and ends up getting extremely agressive and is a horrible drunk. She's admitted it, and has gone through periods of not drinking for a few months, and then after continually hurtine me, she's stopped again (hopefully for the last time). She hasn't gone to any meetings or whatever, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.

SWI she's got this absolutely idiotic friend, who I'll call S. S is a closet alcoholic, SWIM's sure. S is a single mother, with a 5 year old son, and drinks pretty much every night of week. S'll get in her car after two glasses of wine and drive home. S goes out for lunch and has two bottles of wine to herself, and then another couple in the evening. (SWIM really dispises S, she's a real piece of nasty work), she just uses everyone, and makes them do what S wants, whenever S wants it. Anyway, to cut a long story short, both SWIM and SWIM's other half enjoy a bit of cocaine every now and again, which is great, and SWIM's other half even tends to not want a drink with it, which is great, because she's not agressive on cocaine.

Anyway, S asks SWIM's other half to get cocaine for her probably at least once a week, and it's really starting to piss SWIM off. SWIM's other half goes out with S and S offers SWIM's other half drinks, when she knows full well she's quit. S made SWIM's other half get cocaine for her on wednesday, because she wants it to loose weight. Now it's friday, and SWIM's other half is out with S using that stuff, and getting wasted, so she's got to go again tomorrow, and no doubt SWIM's other half'll have to go next week for her.

S is just a real irritance in our relationship, and SWIM's other half's friends all think S is a pain in the ass too. SWIM's tried telling SWIM's GF time and time again that S is just a bad influence, and is trying to turn SWIM's gf back to drinking. SWIM's GF won't listen, and just tells me to shut up. It's really annoying, because SWIM know's his GF can see what S is like, she just doesn't say anything. After SWIM's GF's last relapse with booze, she promised me she wouldn't see S so much, and not see her for a couple of weeks (S continually tries to get SWIM's GF to drink), yet she just goes back to see S.

Do you any of you have any advice? SWIM's really at his wits end with S, because it's going to ruin SWIM's relationship.

[Nucking Futs]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament! It's an all to common one i'm afraid. If SWIYour GF cares about you more than she cares about S and drinking then an ultimatum may be the answer ? this should only be considered when SWIYou have covered all other angles.
SWIYou say that gf has admitted to haveing a problem alreday so perhaps the rehab route could work ? But at the end of the day if gf doesn't want to change in them selves then this would be a pointless waste of SWIYour,GF's and the rehab clinics time.Do you mind if I ask these peoples ages? Just SWIYour and gfs.S is out of the equation.
Does the person in question have many friends/hobbies? If not I would suggest that you find something to do to take gfs mind of S, Maybe meeting new "dry" people will help. But free will is free will and as I have said gf must genuinely want to help themself.What you must think about is do you want SWIYou to spend SWIYour life looking after someone who maybe holding you back from reaching your full potential in life ?
If you would like help to find a rehab clinic in your are then try a web search or I can try to help you if you PM me.
On the subject of coke I would very carefully monitor every one involved with regards to intake. Swaping a drinking habit for a coke one is just as bad if not worse than the origonal one. I have known people personally that lost everything due to this. On the other hand many don't have this problem.
There are regular AA meetings across london(If I remember your location as london) and up and down the uk. These do not work for all though. I was personally put of by them praying at the end. I was thinking that they could help me until that point but thats just me and not all meetings work in that way.

All the best with this problem and please let us know how you get on.

Love can be a hard thing very very hard.

[Nucking Futs]

Hi,

I would also recomend reading this >>>> http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43084 >>> thread if you have not already.

Regards,

ME.

[Aar0n]

Nucking Futs, thanks for the replies.

Rehab isn't really an option, both financially and because she's got a job. The drinking is under control right now (Thank God), and the GF herself has said she'd like to see what an AA meeting is like to remind herself not to drink. SWIM and his GF are both in their mid twenties.

SWIM's given her several ultimatums when she's relapsed, because it pains SWIM so much when his GF is drunk. The most recent time I really meant it. The thing is S is her best friend, and she just ignore the fact that all of her other friends think S is a complete idiot. As you said, Nucking Futs, love IS a very hard thing, but I feel quite a bit lighter just typing it out on a forum.

SWIMs going to see her tomorrow (After his GF has gone for more coke for S), and will talk to her about it. SWIM will keep this thread posted with a few updates probably sunday night when he gets back from seeing his GF.

Thank you again. It's really appriciated.

[Nucking Futs]

Not a problem mate. I myself am 26 and have been in gfs position. I lost a gf who I cared a great deal about and after that I stoped and thunk ). I had blown it with my x gf but vowed never to make that same mistake.
This is a great place to find help and I wish you well. I'm here a lot and other people are here more and there is always someone to help you BOTH through this.
AA is an option that works for many.There is no presure and if you want you can just go and observe a few times to see if they can help. Don't forget these are people that have been in the same position and worse. I was shocked to hear some of there storys. It just wasnt for me. There is one nr kings cross(no supprise if you know the x as it used to be) they are easy to find throgh 11. 11. directory.

I'm glad that it has helped you just a little to gety it of your chest.

Good luck.

Regards,

ME.

[Aar0n]

SWIM phoned his GF and told her everytime she goes out with S, she has to do stuff. SWIM was just met with a bunch of crap, and was cut off in the end. Oh well, SWIM'll have to try and talk to her tomorrow. It saddens me that things are like this sometimes. I know others have it much worse, and for that I'm thankful.

SWIM created the account 8122 to avoid the posts being seen by his other half. Just a precaution, as she rarely visits. As she doesn't know my username, I think it'll be ok. Sorry mods et al.

Reputation Comments on this post:

I feel for you man PM me if u need more private chat.

[samuraigecko]

Firstly let one express his regret at SWIyou having to go through this.
Sounds like it is the GF that is the problem and not "S".
The GF is ultimately going to do what she wants anyway.
S is just going to be there for the ride, as freeloaders do.

SWIM could be harsh but truthful and say "SWIyou need to get rid of GF you deserve better" but that may not be what SWIyou want or need to hear at the moment, even if it is true.

(one is not saying it IS true, one is saying it is a possibility, only SWIyou can decide if it is true or not)

Hope this has in some way been of insight peace.