Staying clean gets harder

[Lisa J]

Swim hasn't used any heroin for three months and even managed to reduce her methadone down to low levels, for a while she felt really positive and things were going well. This last week all SWIM thinks about is using heroin again, she's very stressed out as her father is very ill with terminal cancer and her GP is putting her under pressure to reduce her methadone further, he even told her he was dropping the dose anyway even though she said she couldn't do it at the moment. It was only when SWIM picked up her prescription she found out he'd kept it at the original dose, it was more stress she didn't need and got very close to using the night before she collected her weeks supply of methadone.
SWIM goes to a Relapse Avoidance group every week which does help but it's starting to feel almost inevitable that she's going to bang up some gear again soon, how the hell does SWIM get this shit out of her head and get back on track to recovery. SWIM knows using heroin to shut out life's problems only works short term and then she has an even bigger problem to deal with but she feels like she's been in a fight but now her strength is slowly going and now she may loose that fight.
Any suggestions on how SWIM can get back in control before she uses would be very welcome

Reputation Comments on this post:

good job

[Fight Club]

Do it "One day at a time . . ." I hate cliches, but when things get bad, if you just make it through today without using, things will eventually get better.

You have to keep remembering that there is nothing so bad that a shot of dope will make better, at least not in the long term.

FC

[beentheredonethatagain]

what he said^^^^, also get involved in some kind of activity, when you have too much time alone in your head, thats when we start playing that tape over and over to ourselves, and there is nothing so bad that a shot of something wont make worse.

[sweetsugar]

Well put FC & Beenthere... So true!
Swiss has taken up a new hobbie, shes learning how to play the guitar(something shes been meaning to do for yrs), music is swiss's realease at mo. Have to admit that the days when swiss get intense cravings are dreadfull, but she has determination on her side at present.
Good luck Lisa J through these tough & stressful times

[Lisa J]

SWIM has gone back to "one day at a time" thinking and keeps herself very busy, but the thought of "just one bag wont do any harm" is never very far away, it's like fucking torture. SWIM is taking extra methadone for a few days until she's feeling stronger about not using, she would rather do that than slip up.
Tried to reply to your PM a while ago Sweetsugar but your inbox was full, sorry.

[beentheredonethatagain]

when the thought of one more wont hurt starts playing in your head, just play the tape all the way thru and remember how bad it really gets when the gear has worn off and the monkey is raising big hell.

[Lisa J]

SWIM has spent the day in the company of a good friend doing very simple things like visiting museums and art exhibitions, SWIM'S friend is a long term addict who's been clean slightly longer than SWIM. She found it very helpful to be able to tell someone who understands, how she's feeling and the thoughts knocking around in her head. When you talk to another user their's no sense of guilt because you don't feel as if you're being judged, when SWIM tries to tell her clean friends whats going on in her head they seem to think it's stupid to have cravings after three months clean, she's told "well you should be over that now" or "you wouldn't want to do THAT again would you?". People who have never used only seem to be able to think about all the negative aspects of using heroin and SWIM can understand that because she's never been able to put into words how that hit really makes SWIM feel. The nearest SWIM got to making one friend understand was to ask him how he would feel if he was told he was never to have sex again and wasn't even allowed to have a wank!
SWIM feels much stronger now, talking to someone who truly understands has really helped, she's still using a little extra methadone but will cut that back again when she's more confident that the cravings have left. SWIM knows that they will return, they always do, but she also knows that in time they do get weaker.
Thanks for the advice and support

Reputation Comments on this post:

hang in there, you have it going on.