Is love a dangerous addicting drug ?

[Micutzul]

Do you consider love to be a drug ? Not in the meaning that it is a chemical substance , but in the sense that it is something , which alters your state of mind and thus alters the normal ratio/neutral functioning of chemicals in your brain

Now ,in the regard of love being addicting , i think this is pretty obvious for everyone who has experienced .

What i think will be a very interesting debate is whether it is dangerous ?

I am going to express my opinion on the subject and it will seem radical , but it is my honest opinion .I bet not many people give this much thought , when they wish that they were in love , when they feel unloved , and when they notice they are falling in love .

I consider love to be the most dangerous drug/thing on earth .Love CAN kill you , and has killed many people : those who have commited suicide over losing a loved one , or the mutuality of the feeling .

Love withdrawal can ruin lives , can send you plummeting into a depression that you may never recover from . The horrible state of being depressed becuase of lack of love can cause problems in the health , job , social relationships areas , virtually in any area .

In specific regard to health , it can be very damaging , causing poor eating habits , even in it's positive " everything is going well form " , and especially in it's withdrawal . Not only poor eating habits , but raised levels of stress hormones which damage health , and a general state of lack of motivation , anger , depression , frustration , all of which have very negative effects on health , even if just on the immune system ( the most studied of it's effects ) .

Notice i have emphasised that it " CAN " . But , considering reality , it should be more like " WILL " . Because a very big percentage of love stories eventually end . Many of them end in not very pleasant terms , and many of them end just on one side , leaving at least one of the lovers in psychological suffering . This suffering will lead to all the effects that i've stated above . So love not only " CAN " but probably it "WILL " hurt you physically and psychologically .

Why is it the most dangerous ? Because everybody craves for it to a certain degree and most people actually look for it , they want to be in love . And even after negative experience with it , after a while they still look for it , they don't learn that it can hurt them , they just say : "well..it hurt me that time , in the future i hope it won't , i just wanna feel good by loving and being loved ". I think that's typical addict behaviour. Just replace " loving and being loved " with " shooting meth " in the above sentence and you'lle see where i'm going.

Oh , and just because it's natural , doesn't make it alright . For example , when you are extremely enraged it is natural to just start hitting the object(person ) of your rage very powerfully with intent to provoke damage , that's what Homo Sapiens's genetical predisposition tells you to do ( as a defense mechanism or as a way of asserting vital superiority/dominance) . But still , in our society , i think most people would admit that doing it is wrong .

Reputation Comments on this post:

Pretty sure I disagree w/ you, but quite thought-provoking

[razorwiredildo]

I didn't read the entire post, but love, just like any drug, is a feeling caused by abnormal activities in your neurotransmitters.
The extreme passionate love is basically a surge of dopamine norepinephrine and some other stuff. (kind of like speed?)
Most other types are caused by oxytocin i believe.
but yeah, if you look at love and look at most drugs, they are very similar.

[Pino]

^^^ With such a nickname, swim can only conclude it is

It can potentially be dangerous. Not physically, he doesn't believe that. The bad eating habits won't kill you instantly. Some people eat everyday at MacDonalds. Or some don't eat at all. It takes a long time to actually die...

But mentally it can wreck one. If one falls into the hands of a skilled fraud, who uses love to manipulate people. It is a dangerous thing. One can end up with debts, which one is never able to pay back. It is not difficult to think up more examples.

Reputation Comments on this post:

lol, nice one

[Micutzul]

Originally Posted by Pino

^^^ With such a nickname, swim can only conclude it is

It can potentially be dangerous. Not physically, he doesn't believe that. The bad eating habits won't kill you instantly. Some people eat everyday at MacDonalds. Or some don't eat at all. It takes a long time to actually die...

But mentally it can wreck one. If one falls into the hands of a skilled fraud, who uses love to manipulate people. It is a dangerous thing. One can end up with debts, which one is never able to pay back. It is not difficult to think up more examples.

Well , it takes a long time to die , but being heavily depressed and barely touching food for many days in a row could cause an ulcer , for example , if other conditions are right . And being mentally hurt eventually hurts you physically too. ( Physical danger doesn't necesarily mean it kills you )

As for insert username here's post , you are right to a degree. Most of the times , the only thing worse than loving is not loving . But - experiencing as much of everything as possible , there i disagree , and i think you would too if you realised that the everything category includes EVERYTHING - rape , murder , jumping off cliffs , etc .

[sknkv2]

Wow, you certainly are a cynical one...

I think although you are right that Love can cause a lot of harm, I think it is necessary to live in a world full of love. Not having love for anything due to fear of hurt is just as bad if not worse than risking falling in love. You always run the risk of being hurt in a relationship but that majority of people will move on from rejection and start again.

Not only that, but the painful experiences in life are just as valuable as the good experiences. They build you as a person and define you. To try not to fall in love due to fear of getting hurt is going to limit your life experiences, and I believe while on this planet everyone should experience as much of everything they possibly can.

[Pino]

^^ Yes, that could happen. One could also die during sex. Also a possibility. Your heart is already beating faster, when in love. During sex it will beat even faster. With the 'right' condition, it will fail. Hopefully, this group of lucky ones isn't too great. I am not sure about that.

I'm maybe cynical (or realistic as I call my condition myself), but it is true love can hurt. I do see bad experiences are necessary. They make one stronger. They can help one differentiate between people and experiences. I really don't believe I should love as much people as possible. My love is an important thing for me. I value it high. I don't want to give that to everybody.

[Nature Boy]

Conditional love is something that comes out of the blue, lingers and eventually dies if not satisfied. When it dies you lose something that can never be regained. Whether this is advantageous or disadvantageous is entirely down to how you perceive it. Overcoming emotional anguish is beneficial but in managing to do this, do you lose part of your ability to love again?

[Micutzul]

Originally Posted by Nature Boy

Conditional love is something that comes out of the blue, lingers and eventually dies if not satisfied. When it dies you lose something that can never be regained. Whether this is advantageous or disadvantageous is entirely down to how you perceive it. Overcoming emotional anguish is beneficial but in managing to do this, do you lose part of your ability to love again?

In my opinion , everybody copes with emotional suffering differently . With love , some people just hope that maybe in another place , another time it will be better and some people raise defensive walls around theirs soul and try to repress their feelings so that they don't get hurt/humiliated again .

I would say these are the two general aproaches , with infinite variations .
Both aproaches have pro's and con's , but i feel the second is more difficult .

[sknkv2]

Originally Posted by micutzul

But - experiencing as much of everything as possible , there i disagree , and i think you would too if you realised that the everything category includes EVERYTHING - rape , murder , jumping off cliffs , etc .

Obviously I wasn't referring to things that would result in harm coming to others, that's just taking what I said to the absolute extreme.

[Micutzul]

Originally Posted by insert_username_here

Obviously I wasn't referring to things that would result in harm coming to others, that's just taking what I said to the absolute extreme.

I don't think of it as the absolute extreme . But i would usually be very carefull when speaking of " everything " . Anyway , leaving technical matters aside , love has caused harm to others and deaths . People have killed for love , and have killed themselves for love . People have abandoned friends , hurt people they care about it and a lot of other harmfull things while under the blinding shroud of love . Why can't everybody seem to accept this with an open mind ? Maybe i'm just more cinical than the average . Maybe they don't want to see all the sides of love. It's possible . And of course , i could be wrong .But information about love is everywhere around us and most have experienced it .Draw your own conclusions .

[Kodi]

Then you add lust to the equation and things just get crazy and confusing.

[Pino]

Lust pops up, when your body is in love. Our minds and bodies seems to have conflicting definitions of what the rules of love has to be. My mind wants to bind to one, but my body to many. This conflict can be solved, the confusing be raised. But it is not a solution society is going to accept.

[Micutzul]

Originally Posted by Pino

Lust pops up, when your body is in love. Our minds and bodies seems to have conflicting definitions of what the rules of love has to be. My mind wants to bind to one, but my body to many. This conflict can be solved, the confusing be raised. But it is not a solution society is going to accept.

What solution are you talking about ?

Of course that any solution regarding the problems of love wouldn't be accepted . I started this post , knowing fully that many people are so wired into their believes about love , that nothing could even scratch the surface . It's not just their fault . Religion , society , family , popular art , movies ...almost everything has programmed them this way . Plus , they wouldn't want to see the truth . The truth regarding love is sad and many people wouldn't want to accept it .(notice my signature ). Sometimes it is so much easier to just live in an illusion.

[Pino]

For example one could have a intimate and deep relationship with another, but also have superficial sexual relationships with others. But many people (including myself) have the feeling their partner could fall in love with another and leave them. Of course when there is full trust and the relationship is strong enough, the latter wont happen. Of course it is possible to fall in love with someone -this can always happen, but sex can trigger it-. But it is possible to overcome it.

[Micutzul]

Originally Posted by Pino

For example one could have a intimate and deep relationship with another, but also have superficial sexual relationships with others. But many people (including myself) have the feeling their partner could fall in love with another and leave them. Of course when there is full trust and the relationship is strong enough, the latter wont happen. Of course it is possible to fall in love with someone -this can always happen, but sex can trigger it-. But it is possible to overcome it.

Well , what is practically called cheating won't be accepted any time soon in this traditionally monogamous society.

Besides , i don't think it would help . As long as people are not in control of their minds and soul , having superficial relationships with more people , would just increase the chances of things going wrong either with the deep and intimate relationship , or with these superficial relationshops . And , in my opinion , it is virtually impossible for average humans to exert control over their minds sould , to such a degree that they could control very strong feelings , such as intense love and intense hate . I believe some have succeeded , partially , but even those have spent their entire lives in meditation and strict mental training to achieve this .

So , honestly , i don't think there are any solutions , except maybe something in the lines of the movie Equilibrium ( i recommend it for an additional point of view on this matter ) . But that would be to radical in my opinion .

[Psych0naut]

Originally Posted by Micutzul

Well , what is practically called cheating won't be accepted any time soon in this traditionally monogamous society.

Besides , i don't think it would help . As long as people are not in control of their minds and soul , having superficial relationships with more people , would just increase the chances of things going wrong either with the deep and intimate relationship , or with these superficial relationshops . And , in my opinion , it is virtually impossible for average humans to exert control over their minds sould , to such a degree that they could control very strong feelings , such as intense love and intense hate . I believe some have succeeded , partially , but even those have spent their entire lives in meditation and strict mental training to achieve this .

So , honestly , i don't think there are any solutions , except maybe something in the lines of the movie Equilibrium ( i recommend it for an additional point of view on this matter ) . But that would be to radical in my opinion .

I couldn't agree with you more. Many people have left their husband or wife for someone else, even though they had a good marriage, and genuinely loved each other, but someone else just came into their lifes which all changed it, and made them leave the person they were married to. Just as some people fall in love at first sight, it can also happen while they're already in love with someone else, and have a relationship with that person. Which could lead to cheating or leaving their lover for another person. I've had it happen too, fortunenately not my girlfriend, but someone else his girlfriend. One night all changed their relationship, while we barely new each other yet, but a spark just lighted the fire, so to speak. It's our human nature I'm afraid, nothing we can do about it, even if we want to.

[Pino]

Originally Posted by Micutzul

So , honestly , i don't think there are any solutions , except maybe something in the lines of the movie Equilibrium ( i recommend it for an additional point of view on this matter ) . But that would be to radical in my opinion .

Or Brave New World.... I agree, there aren't any general solutions. Every one probably should find his own solution. Equilibrium isn't to far away from the traditionally monogamous society. It is another way to control people. In Equilibrium and Brave New World they use drugs. In our world they use traditions to control and to prevent strong emotions.

[TMM]

Originally Posted by Micutzul

I consider love to be the most dangerous drug/thing on earth .Love CAN kill you , and has killed many people : those who have commited suicide over losing a loved one , or the mutuality of the feeling .

Not... really. If someone takes a drug and commits suicide while under the influence, it wasn't the drug that killed them. Same applies here.

[Micutzul]

Originally Posted by TMM

Not... really. If someone takes a drug and commits suicide while under the influence, it wasn't the drug that killed them. Same applies here.

It depends . If the person was already depressed and suicidal ,and all the drug did was to loosen inhibitions and allow him to kill himself easier , then it could be considered that the drug didn't kill him .

But if the person was perfectly happy before and the drug ( love ) gave him the incentive to kill himself or another person , and he then does it , i think most would agree that the drug is the moral author of the crime .

Example : A normal , moderately happy person trips on a hardcore dose of a heavy dissociative . Strongly dissociated , he can't perceive the fact that he is just about to walk across a highway . He gets hit . He dies . Did he kill himself or did the drug kill him ? Well , the whole debate here is whether he took the drug willingly or not , right ?

So , how do we take love ? Do we do it willingly or not ?

[TMM]

Originally Posted by Micutzul

It depends . If the person was already depressed and suicidal ,and all the drug did was to loosen inhibitions and allow him to kill himself easier , then it could be considered that the drug didn't kill him .

But if the person was perfectly happy before and the drug ( love ) gave him the incentive to kill himself or another person , and he then does it , i think most would agree that the drug is the moral author of the crime .

Example : A normal , moderately happy person trips on a hardcore dose of a heavy dissociative . Strongly dissociated , he can't perceive the fact that he is just about to walk across a highway . He gets hit . He dies . Did he kill himself or did the drug kill him ? Well , the whole debate here is whether he took the drug willingly or not , right ?

So , how do we take love ? Do we do it willingly or not ?

If a person is walking along, trips (no pun intended) over a pebble, smashes his head on a rock and dies, he did not kill himself, nor can we consider the pebble to have killed him. It was an accident. It's not always possible to attach blame to a death.

[Micutzul]

Originally Posted by TMM

If a person is walking along, trips (no pun intended) over a pebble, smashes his head on a rock and dies, he did not kill himself, nor can we consider the pebble to have killed him. It was an accident. It's not always possible to attach blame to a death.

It's not always possible , but i think this is a case where a percentage of the blame can be attributed to factors such as the influence of drugs . We just disagree and ...of course , everything is relative

[bcubed]

Lust pops up, when your body is in love.

Interesting choice of words there, Pino

SWIM would say that love is possibly the most euphoric high out there. He remembers sex, spending the night, and waking up next to her, looking at her and feeling like he won the lottery...alas, young, dumb, and etc. as he was, he assumed this happened with every woman and has found out otherwise...

As to the "normal" world's assesment as the "love high" being more noble than a drug high...try this: "Well, maybe love and drugs trip the same neurotransmitters and whatnot, but the difference is that the drug high is ILLUSORY--it lies to you. With love, OTOH, the high is due to the fact that you legitimately doing something decent and worthwhile." A good parallel would be that exercise releases endorphins that create sensations similar to opiates, but the exercise is an EARNED high, because you're doing something "good" for your body. Even open-minded SWIM sometimes sees exercise as a "double bonus."

Micutuzl, what is the alternative to love then? The thought of living (and dying) without anyone to love or to love you is abhorrent to me and many...sometimes, when SWIM's in a introspective mood, he thinks that love, in its many permutations, is the ultimate pursuit of humanity...he'd feel like life without the possility of love to be little more than several decades of metabolism...

Finally, a thought experiment: SWIY fell deeply in love and was dumped in a most harsh and abrupt way. With a mind to retire to whatever drug SWIY thinks would best anesthetise the agony, s/he's approached by someone who says, "Hey, I'll fix you up right...I've got something that--for the next four hours--will make you feel like you did the first time you first slept with your lover and knew how right the two of you were. It's a steal at only $100!" How far do you think love-sick SWIY would go to come up with the Benji?

Sorry, this comes close to home for SWIM: he recently got off seroquel (quetiapine) and the biggest reason he'll never even consider taking it again is that is constrains the emotional range to the point where love is impossible. It filled him with dread that his parents might die and he'd be unable to grieve--and then spend the rest of his life grappling with "You didn't love your parents at the time of their death." (Yes I know the OP was talikng about love of a different nature, but the emotional flattening that prevents familial love would also prevent romantic love).

Reputation Comments on this post:

thanks for sharing

[Nature Boy]

Originally Posted by bcubed

As to the "normal" world's assesment as the "love high" being more noble than a drug high...try this: "Well, maybe love and drugs trip the same neurotransmitters and whatnot, but the difference is that the drug high is ILLUSORY--it lies to you. With love, OTOH, the high is due to the fact that you legitimately doing something decent and worthwhile." A good parallel would be that exercise releases endorphins that create sensations similar to opiates, but the exercise is an EARNED high, because you're doing something "good" for your body. Even open-minded SWIM sometimes sees exercise as a "double bonus."

Do the ends not justify the means? What's to say a drug high is illusion if essentially it produces the same effect? Although I think love and drugs are completely separate though similar effects, each various psychoactive correlating differently from natural emotions, natural emotions being chemical processes similar or the same as those produced by drugs anyway. And who's to say love is something decent and worthwhile. Yes, it is fulfilling but only on a personal level. Drugs do the same. Love can be shared, drugs can be shared. Certain types of love can be as damaging as certain types of drugs. Real love can be far more shattering than any drug.

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true

[sknkv2]

Originally Posted by Micutzul

Sometimes it is so much easier to just live in an illusion.

I don't know where you got this from. What makes you think people haven't analysed both possibilities and then come to an answer? Most of the people on tihs forum approach these sort of matters with open-ness (most of them are pro-drug legalization after all) so to act like we are all just living in an illusion because we don't agree with your theory is just plain arrogant.

[Micutzul]

Originally Posted by insert_username_here

I don't know where you got this from. What makes you think people haven't analysed both possibilities and then come to an answer? Most of the people on tihs forum approach these sort of matters with open-ness (most of them are pro-drug legalization after all) so to act like we are all just living in an illusion because we don't agree with your theory is just plain arrogant.

I wasn't talking just about the people on this forum . People around here have been particularly open-minded about this subject . I'm talking about people in general , and from my experience in personal conversations and such , they rarely analyse both possibilites . I know many people who don't do it , because they're afraid of what they might come up with , " love is just what it is , and it's beautiful " kind of thinking . I respect them too , it's their right . And i respect those who have analysed both possibilites and then simply have not agreed with my " theory " . I don't think i was plain arrogant , maybe just a little , we all are sometimes .

And where i got that from ? Where did i get the wild idea that people like living in an illusion ? Just look around ( i don't mean this forum , as i said people around here are particularly open-minded ) . Look around in your society ,regarding most subjects . It's human nature after all . If the truth is too harsh , the instinct is to somehow keep away from it , create our own little illusion of an world , where things are better . I think everybody did it and does it to a certain degree .I know i do . Nobody wants to know that everytime you go out in the street , there's the same chance that you'll get stabbed as it was for that poor guy you saw on the news yesterday . Nobody wants to know that everybody you have ever loved will either reject you , or die ( that if you don't die first ) . Nobody wants to know that on a long enough time line everybody's survival rate drops to 0 ( how Tyler Durden'ish of me ) . I know i don't . So most of the time , we lock these inside a little closet in our minds and let ourselves see the world in a much better perspective , in our little personal illusion . It's what keeps us sane .

Regarding love and illusion , look up Stendhal's book " On love " and his theory of Crystallization. It is a theory that i mainly agree with it and i think anybody will find that it has at least a grain of truth .