How does swiy deal with depression?

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Swims love for mind altering substances came out of the need to escape hurtful things and sorrow.Ofcourse swim can not always afford to escape in this way.Swim wonders how other people deal with hurtful things and being depressed without the use of chemicals?Maybe swim can find the magic solution he has been looking for for so long with the help of other people on df?Swim certainly hopes!

[Zaprenz]

Taking pyschoactive drugs for escapism can often lead to problems.

It's not always the case and it is possible some drugs can effectively "kick start" someone out of a depressed period. It's equally possible however they will mask the symptoms of depression and pain when under the influence and have the depression and pain return far worse during the come down or whilst not under the influence.

Certainly this is more true with addictive/habit forming drugs, having depression and being unhappy will increases ones chance of getting in to problematic use with them.


There is always non-drug solutions which even if limited in efficacy certainly wont hurt: Good diet, excersize, meditation One should also not rule out proper medical or professional advise.


This is only SWIMs advice & opinion but SWIM would suggest the magic bullet single solution to all problems doesn't (yet) exist and if for whatever reason SWIY thinks they have stumbled upon it in the future - think very hard about whether it really is the solution. Speaking from experience pride or contentment very often does come before a fall.

[SuprSonik]

SWIM's always had problems with depression, and he normally gets around it by using drugs. But aside from drugs, SWIM watches movies (especially ones that he's seen before and loved), plays video games, and looks at crap online. SWIM is too depressed to want to hang out with anyone or do anything else.

Right now is especially hard for SWIM, because in the past he used drugs just as a means to escape depression and to relax. Over time he began to use them regularly to enhance his daily life, and now that classes are out and SWIM has a lot of time on his hands, he's finding himself depressed again, as usual. But now, SWIM's tolerance for his favorite drugs is much higher than it used to be and it seems the only way to deal with the depression is to take more and more, which will lead to money problems and addiction. It makes SWIM even more depressed when he thinks about that...

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Swim finds it impossible to escape.It is like a storm of depression and swim is trapped in the open with no shelter.It only gets worse as the years go on.Swim regrets suboxone maintenance sort of suboxone doesn't take away lifes pain like methadone or oxycontin.It is nice not to have to spend huge amounts of money not to get sick but on a whole suboxone is not that enjoyable.Swim wishes he could fight depression non chemically but he just can't.

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Hang in there, you're not alone. Hopefully one day we will all find happiness.

[SuprSonik]

Originally Posted by Orchid_Suspiria

Swim finds it impossible to escape.It is like a storm of depression and swim is trapped in the open with no shelter.It only gets worse as the years go on.Swim regrets suboxone maintenance sort of suboxone doesn't take away lifes pain like methadone or oxycontin.It is nice not to have to spend huge amounts of money not to get sick but on a whole suboxone is not that enjoyable.Swim wishes he could fight depression non chemically but he just can't.

SWIM enjoys opioids very much, but has been able to keep his use under control so far. He finds himself getting dangerously close at times to a serious addiction however, and fears that it's almost certain he will end up a junky with enough time. SWIM also has a bad habit of drinking too much and using too many benzodiazepines. Without them SWIM constantly feels like just killing himself, as it seems there's no other permanent solution to dealing with depression.

SWIM was happy when he first started using drugs, as finally there was a solution. But now, it just seems like he's postponing an inevitable breakdown. SWIM can take higher doses and different drugs, but that will only lead to worse places. SWIM would rather be happy, or at least content, and live a short life than be miserable and live a long life, though. It's sad that those seem to be the only 2 choices SWIM has.

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Honest personal post, thanks for sharing

[sweetsugar]

swiss gets depression after a drug binge or after addiction, she trys to stay god damn positve, eat well, even if having to be forcing oneself, and doing the things that would normaly is swim wasnt feeling low, swiss loves music of all kinds, makes music, anmd it just lifts her soul. swiss cant comment on takeing drugs to escape from depression of any kind. swiss hopes swiy gets through this, all the best

[bloot]

SWIM has had, to say the minimum, depression for the last five years. Up until now he hasn't really tried to deal with these problems with ways other than chemicals.. Although he still does take anti-depressants/anti-psychotics/nootropics. It seems that his depression just seems to worsen everyday, but lately it has seemed to get significantly better. SWIM has used a most likely not too healthy technique of holding in all emotions ( as in not letting anyone know how he feels ) until they seem to go away. Things usually seem to get worse once he starts telling others about the way he feels, because others usually over react to the thoughts that he explains he is having. None of these thoughts are really out of the ordinary to him.. Seeing he has been dealing with them since he can remember. He really just tries to live day to day, this is the only thing that really helps. And for the past couple of weeks he has been doing great amounts of exercise to help, and it really does.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thank you for sharing something so personal. You're not alone.

[Alicia]

swia has a life and real friends and people who care about her and activities so she is not in these states... despite her drug use.

anti-depressants are NOT the way forward all the time. friends are a good thing, so is a goal in life.

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Very well spoken

[Fantasian]

Look at the original reason to why the depression exists, the answer for SWIF isnt ever escape or avoidance, it's changing ones state of being or life so that there is nothing to depress oneself. That said life is full of peaks and troughs and in that case it's like Alicia said, good friends, and fun things in life, an enjoyable job, fun hobbies, sport. Choose life

[ThirdEyeFloond]

SWIM has been depressed on and off for the last ten years or so of his life. He has selfmedicated many drugs to ease, supress and, in retrospect, prolong and worsen this condition. Cannabis, GHB, Alcohol, heroin and ketamine have all been trialed by SWIM for their escapistic qualities. They helped him during some rough times and still do occationaly but daily use tended to make things worse in the long run. And as time went by he started feeling that this wasn't the solution, as he remembered feeling shitty earlier on but not as shitty as now. He reached a low point (partially spawned by a Kundalini awakening which put SWIM in a existential/spiritual crisis) and decided it was finally time to seek professional help. So he wen't to his doctor and was put on antidepressants, he tried a couple but none of them seemed to help rather the opposite, he has seen them have some positive effects on friends of SWIM when they've been at an all low, but in the long run they don't change the situation much. Also the side effects where too plentyful for SWIM so he dropped antidepressants and took a whole other approach. SWIM had had a ketamine abuse up untill recently and one of the last insights he had while the K-hole was still within reach, was that yoga and meditation was the way forward. He started a daily yoga schedule, in the beginning it was far from daily more like weekly, but in time he got the energy and fancy to do it everyday. It starts feeling rewarding already after a few days of pracsis and sometimes a stretch even loosens up some emotional garbish from some knot in ones body, this holistic kind of healing may seem farfetched for SWIY so SWIM would suggest trying it out just for the sake of the exercise. Excersise is gold when depressed, and just a daily 20-30 min. walk can work wonders. Yoga and excersise will aid in general healthiness and wellbeing which is a essential foundation for curing depression.

SWIM realized that trying to run from his problems didn't help, no matter how deep he hid in some drughaze the problems would still be there when he returned to the surface, and trying to solve them all seemed an impossible task. But he found inspiration in an easily read book by Chögyam Trungpa called Meditation in Action that made him start to accept his self with all its flaws. I'll quote a few passages here. Even when stripped of the symbolism and semireligous retoric which may be too much for SWIYs it still contains some good sound advice IMHO, swap Awakening with elevating a depressed state and so on and it could be of some use. It has been for SWIM atleast.

It is said, I think in the Lankavatara Sutra, that unskilled farmers throw away their rubbish and buy manure from other farmers, but those who are skilled go on collecting their own rubbish, in spite of the bad smell and the unclean work, and when it is ready to be used they spread it on their land, and out of this they grow their crops. That is the skilled way. In exactly the same way, the Buddha says, those who are unskilled will divide clean from unclean and will try to throw away samsara and search for nirvana, but those who are skilled boddhisatvas will not throw away desires and the passions and so on, but will first gather them together. That is to say, one should first recognize and acknowledge them, and study them and bring them to realization. So the skilled boddhisatva will acknowledge and accept all these negative things. And this time he knows that he has all these terrible things in him, and although it is very difficult and unhygienic, as it were, to work on, that is the only way to start. And then he will scatter them on the field of bodhi. Having studied all these concepts and negative things, when the time is right he does not keep them anymore, but scatters them and uses them as manure. So out of these unclean things comes the birth of the seed which is realization. This is how one has to give birth. And the very idea that concepts are bad, and such-and-such a thing is bad, divides the whole thing, with the result that you are not left with anything at all to deal with. And it that case you either have to be completely perfect, or else battle through all these things and try to knock them all out. But when you have this hostile attitude and try to suppress things, then each time you knock one thing out another springs up in its place, and when you attack that one, another comes up from somewhere else. There is this continual trick of the ego, so that when you try to disentangle one part of the knot, you pull on the string and only make it tighter somewhere else, so you are continually trapped in it. Therefore the thing is not to battle anymore, not to try and sort out the bad things and only achive good, but respect them and acknowledge them. So theory and concepts are very good like wonderful manure.

[...]So comming back to the subject of concepts, which is a very important example, the idea behind this is to develope a positive outlook and to recognize your great wealth...One has a tendency to try and abandon [conceps and ideas] or throw them away. But one should cultivate them...since you already have enough wealth, just go through it. Just as a person who wants to buy something first has to check and see how much money he has...In this way you gain a complete understanding of what you are, and that is more important than continuously creating...The point of realization is not to try and understand only the awakened state and pretend not to understand the other side, because that becomes a way of cheating oneself. You see, you are your own best friend, your own closest frined, you are the best company for yourself. One know one's own weaknesses and inconsistency, one knows how much wrong one has done, one knows it all in detail, so it doesn't help to try and pretend you don't know it, or to try not to think of that side and only think of the good side; that would mean that one was still storing one's rubbish. [And] you would not have enough manure to raise a crop from this wonderful field of bodhi. So you shold go through and study even right back to your childhood...and try to understand [it]...One must also examine fear and expectation. If there is fear of death, one examines that; if one fears old age, one examines that. If one feel uneasy about a certain ugliness in oneself, or a certain disability or physical weakness of any kind, one examines them as well. And one should also examine one's mental image of oneself, and anything one may feel bad about. It is very painful in the beginning - as Brahma showed by breaking down - when you first go through it and see it. But this is the only way to do it. Sometimes one touches on a very painful spot where one is almost too shy to look into it, but somehow one still has to go through it. And by going into it one finally achieves a real command of oneself, one gains a thorough knowledge of oneself for the first time.

[Jacco]

Swim deals with mild depression/OCD. Right now he takes heroic doses of caffeine (a pot a day or so), which makes him a "mean lean problem-solving machine" at school and induces euphoria. He (perhaps sadly) tends to not view emotions as anything special, just neurochemical processes that can be manipulated at will. He knows he's just avoiding a problem, but it's easier to think that way. </emo>

Swim has been looking into dramamine as a potential SSRI in low doses (75mg perhaps, with caffeine to offset drowsiness). He also wants to get fluoxetine or bupropion off of the internet, but can't. Is swim clinically depressed, or just a junkie? We may never know.

[Pino]

Things swim suggest: Try to find a goal in life. Find a philosophy. Talk or find friends to talk too. Just talk to a strange everyday and talk about the weather or something more boring. Write poetry and post the stuff. Keep a dairy and leave it in the bus. Write blogs. Read lots of books. Go out. Do sports. Say everyday to your mirror image, you love the person you see. Say you are beautiful. Masturbate whenever you want, wherever you want. Have lots of sex. Explore your fantasy. Find someone. Buy presents for others or yourself. Buy new clothes, don't restrict oneself herein. Over the top is fine. Buy what one want. Cook good and nice meals. Go outside (especially on rainy days) and just walk and think and when one is frozen go back home and drink a nice cup of hot chocolate milk. Go outside, when it lightens, and listen to grandiose music -Any Requiem, Carmina Burana, anything Wagner- and imagine you can throw lighting. Hold that thought and get lost in the moment. Practice on lucid dreaming. Just disappear for a week, go to another country hitch-hiking. Make a big fire with friends. Start a exciting project -build a railgun, whatever-. Tell someone you really love him or her. Go climb the Kilimanjaro.

Do something strange every day. Do something exciting once in a while. Do something, that is the bottom line and do something unexpected Find a partner in "crime". Try to get out of your normal pattern, maybe you will be able to view things in a different perspective.

This works for swim. He just has to do something. Something new. Something different. Something to break his patterns, which have driven him to his depressive state.

[SuprSonik]

Originally Posted by bloot

SWIM has had, to say the minimum, depression for the last five years. Up until now he hasn't really tried to deal with these problems with ways other than chemicals.. Although he still does take anti-depressants/anti-psychotics/nootropics. It seems that his depression just seems to worsen everyday, but lately it has seemed to get significantly better. SWIM has used a most likely not too healthy technique of holding in all emotions ( as in not letting anyone know how he feels ) until they seem to go away. Things usually seem to get worse once he starts telling others about the way he feels, because others usually over react to the thoughts that he explains he is having. None of these thoughts are really out of the ordinary to him.. Seeing he has been dealing with them since he can remember. He really just tries to live day to day, this is the only thing that really helps. And for the past couple of weeks he has been doing great amounts of exercise to help, and it really does.

SWIM used to keep all his problems to himself, but just in the past month he's told 2 people that he considers good friends. He probably wouldn't have done it had he been sober, but his recent habit of combining alcohol, weed, and benzos will bring out the truth, make you want to think and talk about it, and not even think about how it will affect you the next day.

Surprisingly, he managed to have a good discussion with both people that didn't involve the overreacting that one typically sees from people after you tell them your outlook on life. SWIM's only told 2 people before this in his entire lifetime, and it made him never want to speak of it again to anyone. Their constant attempts to cheer you up and change your outlook on life by spewing bullshit was so tiring. However, SWIM thinks that telling people who you really trust can be helpful, as long as they are the type who are willing to discuss things without overreacting. It also definitely helps if drugs are involved with both (or all) people involved in the discussion.

Don't give up on talking to close friends about things; as SWIM said, it really did make SWIM feel better in the end. Better than he felt going into the conversation, anyway.

Originally Posted by Jacco

Swim deals with mild depression/OCD. Right now he takes heroic doses of caffeine (a pot a day or so), which makes him a "mean lean problem-solving machine" at school and induces euphoria. He (perhaps sadly) tends to not view emotions as anything special, just neurochemical processes that can be manipulated at will. He knows he's just avoiding a problem, but it's easier to think that way. </emo>

Swim has been looking into dramamine as a potential SSRI in low doses (75mg perhaps, with caffeine to offset drowsiness). He also wants to get fluoxetine or bupropion off of the internet, but can't. Is swim clinically depressed, or just a junkie? We may never know.

SWIM would say that SWIY is far from a junky if he's looking into caffeine and dramamine for answers. SWIM's personal opinion is that SSRIs aren't worth a thing in the long run, and they didn't do much for SWIM in the short term either. SWIM says the best answer to depression is a bowl of fine weed. Goes well mixed with a movie, or a discussion with a friend.

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thanks for the response to my situation

[cra$h]

get an ounce of regular salvia leaves. they'll be around 5x. they go for xxxx usd's, then get some j-wraps, and smoke them like cigarettes. I've found that I appreciate life and how perfectly it works. alcohol can do the same, but it's a 50/50 chance of making things better or worse

Please do not discuss prices, you may instead enter them in the drug price calculator

[Lethargy]

SWIM doesn't get depressed.
I used to suffer from chronic depression though, and worked my way through it.

I've found a few things help, and the key here involves trying them out for a significant amount of time (5 days a week for a month) before you decide they do or do not work.

Exercise, at least a half an hour a day of aerobic exercise, 1 hour or more will obviously work better. I've found literature saying that the endorphins which give a "runner's high" only come after a few hours of exercise, but even 15 minutes a day will help immensely.

Meditation, at least 5 minutes a day, just sit and focus on your breathing, or a mantra, or a mandala or candle. Clear your mind of all thoughts, and don't worry, it will not happen very often at first. Focus on your one thing, and not the millions of other thoughts that run through your head. Google meditation methods and find one that sounds good to you. This will help immensely but takes time for results. 15 minutes to half an hour a day will work much better, but for the first month or two most people can barely clear their mind for 5 minutes much less half an hour.

Laugh. Yes, laugh. Look yourself in the mirror and force yourself to laugh long and hard every day. It may sound weird, and trust me it feels odd at first, but after a while you will notice that laughter and smiling comes easier in your day to day life if you "practice laugh" each day. Plus some evidence exists that laughter releases those wonderful endorphins that exercise does.

Three simple steps, they ought to work, even if they don't cure depression they will certainly improve your quality of life. Just remember, trying it once will do little to nothing, trying it twice, same thing. Do it at least 5 days a week for at least a month before you try and judge results.

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helpful

[bloot]

Originally Posted by cra$h

get an ounce of regular salvia leaves. they'll be around 5x. they go for XXXXusd's, then get some j-wraps, and smoke them like cigarettes. I've found that I appreciate life and how perfectly it works. alcohol can do the same, but it's a 50/50 chance of making things better or worse

Price discussion is not allowed. This is to keep from possible transactions via DF. Please give the rules a read.

[infekt]

Originally Posted by cra$h

get an ounce of regular salvia leaves. they'll be around 5x. they go for xxxx usd's, then get some j-wraps, and smoke them like cigarettes. I've found that I appreciate life and how perfectly it works. alcohol can do the same, but it's a 50/50 chance of making things better or worse

Please do not discuss prices, you may instead enter them in the drug price calculator

Now I've heard of this being an effective way to alleviate depression, not just from you, I've read a case study following a woman who had sucessfull results with chewing fresh salvia leaves for awhile....seems interesting...

[grandbaby]

SWIM took Wellbutrin (bupropion) for smoking cessation and found out something he was very surprised by — that the bupropion subtly but definitely alleviated a longstanding depression as well as aiding in breaking his cigarette addiction. In the past, whenever he quit smoking, he was seized in the jaws of the black dogs, a condition which he chalked up to missing his old habit. Having analyzed it from the other end of the telescope, it appears that the reverse was true: that he smoked cigarettes in order to stave off depression.

That's the long answer. The short answer, then, is "300 mg bupropion daily."

The 'prop is an interesting little compound. It's a Norepinephrine and Dopamine Reuptake Inhibitor, which basically means that it increases bioavailability of those two neurotransmitters. Based on SWIM's observations of his traits (risk-taking and novelty-seeking behaviour, susceptibility to addiction to video games and the internet, general restlessness and dissatisfaction) pre- and post-bupropion, he is ready to come to a self-diagnosis of a congenital dopamine imbalance, which the 'prop seems to have ameliorated. He feels as though he has been given a new lease on life ... BUT he has heard anecdotal evidence of individuals having bad reactions to bupropion. He suspects that it works, and works well, for those with dopamine troubles but that it is likely to make irritable those who have no such thing (such as depression-sufferers with serotonin troubles, say — or those addicted to cigarettes whose addiction has nothing to do with a dopamine deficiency — or the depressed whose depression has a truly psychological, as opposed to neurochemical, cause). YMMV.

[Euphoric]

Some advice for those who are depressed especially if they're bored or need to try something new: VOLUNTEER

It can add great new meaning to your life and make you feel very appreciated. Help the poor, seniors or whatever you're passionate about. Offer a neighbour a helping hand. If you're feeling bold and have the time and money, volunteer in a new country! There are tonnes of options. It's incredible how much a senior you spend half an hour with, chatting or playing a game will appreciate your company. And I bet you will enjoy helping others too. Try it out for a bit. For an inspiring read about volunteering and giving more to others I recommend From me to We by Marc and Craig Kielburger.

[doggy_hat]

SWIM feels depressed everyday. He doesn't use drugs to escape, but only because he has no friends. He spends his days alone in his room staring at the ceiling crying. He feels there is no hope, and whenever he thinks about how great is life is and how he doesn't appreciate things enough, and how people in worse situations are perfectly happy it just makes him feel worse. He feels likes it's a downward spiral, and knows that there is no hope for a better tomorrow. Everything makes him sad, even little things like drinking coffee makes him cry just because it reminds him of when he used to drink coffee during better days. SWIM knows the root of all his depression but there is no way to fix it and for quite some time there never will be. Sometimes SWIM thinks of ending his misery, but there is always a little voice inside of him that says to wait it and better days will come. SWIM is starting to doubt the existence of a better day.

[SuprSonik]

Originally Posted by doggy_hat

SWIM feels depressed everyday. He doesn't use drugs to escape, but only because he has no friends. He spends his days alone in his room staring at the ceiling crying. He feels there is no hope, and whenever he thinks about how great is life is and how he doesn't appreciate things enough, and how people in worse situations are perfectly happy it just makes him feel worse. He feels likes it's a downward spiral, and knows that there is no hope for a better tomorrow. Everything makes him sad, even little things like drinking coffee makes him cry just because it reminds him of when he used to drink coffee during better days. SWIM knows the root of all his depression but there is no way to fix it and for quite some time there never will be. Sometimes SWIM thinks of ending his misery, but there is always a little voice inside of him that says to wait it and better days will come. SWIM is starting to doubt the existence of a better day.

SWIM feels much the same way, especially lately. He is constantly being reminded that it could be much worse, but that just makes him even more sad because he feels guilty for being so depressed all the time. SWIM has come to the conclusion that the roots of his depression are so deeply embedded into his head that it's impossible to ever dig them out. SWIM wishes he could offer encouraging words right now, but he's been feeling his depression grow even deeper lately. SWIM doesn't think he'll ever be able to crawl out of the "downward spiral," so he's been wondering lately whether it's even worth trying to hold on at all.

[Euphoric]

To the above two posts: time can be a great healer. SWIM is unfamiliar with the history of depression for the two above, but SWIM's depressions tend to wax and wane, sometimes feeling like they will not end and that things cannot get better. But they do. Can SWIY think of times when they've felt similar, though perhaps not quite as low as they do now when they have recovered, no matter how fleetingly?

SWIM suggests to let go of guilt for feeling the way one does. That is a viscious circle. Try to accept the way SWIY feels. If there is an issue to be resolved, try to do so. If it cannot be fixed, try to let it go and find enjoyment despite it. If SWIY has read up on battling depression not only here but elsewhere and feels that they are making no progress, perhaps a visit to a doctor is necessary.

Don't forget there's always 1-800-SUICIDE

[~lostgurl~]

I think the reason there is so much teen suicide is because it is in the teen years where one usually suffers their first bout of depression, this can happen anytime in life but for many the first time is during their teen years.

I had my first bout of depression at 18 and I honestly could not see any happiness in my future whatsoever, and it wasn't that I wished something were different, I had everything but I wasn't happy. As in the 2 posts above, I felt extreme guilt for even being depressed when so many had actual reasons to be depressed. Guilt makes depression 10X worse.

I was 100% sure that I would never feel happy again - 100%! People would tell me things would get better but I didn't believe them cause I knew for me they wouldn't. But I held on anyway and guess what? Things did get better. The next time I felt this low was when I was 20 and although in many ways this depression felt worse, at least I had the knowledge in the back of my mind that it would get better even if I felt it wouldn't. This difference was what kept me going, those going through depression for the first time just don't believe it when people tell them this.

doggy hat and suprsonic, have you guys tried antidepressants? They really do work for some and if they don't work for you try something else. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain that you may be unable to correct without medication. don't give up hope, because seriously things will get better in time but sometimes you need to help yourself if you want help, and this can be a very difficult thing to do when you believe 100% that you can't be helped.

Hold on, stay strong and fight the black dog, you are worth it and I'm sure your family and friends think you are worth it too, even if they don't show it.

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	Nice post.
	Just came across this post; very interesting. Of all the posters here, your responses make me think, in different ways, ...

[SuprSonik]

Originally Posted by Euphoric

To the above two posts: time can be a great healer. SWIM is unfamiliar with the history of depression for the two above, but SWIM's depressions tend to wax and wane, sometimes feeling like they will not end and that things cannot get better. But they do. Can SWIY think of times when they've felt similar, though perhaps not quite as low as they do now when they have recovered, no matter how fleetingly?

SWIM suggests to let go of guilt for feeling the way one does. That is a viscious circle. Try to accept the way SWIY feels. If there is an issue to be resolved, try to do so. If it cannot be fixed, try to let it go and find enjoyment despite it. If SWIY has read up on battling depression not only here but elsewhere and feels that they are making no progress, perhaps a visit to a doctor is necessary.

Don't forget there's always 1-800-SUICIDE

That's the thing about SWIM's depression, it never lets up. He's been depressed for a long time; at least 8 or 9 years, and SWIM can see signs of it when looking back even further. At times it can be less intense, such as when using drugs or being with a friend that he hasn't seen in a while, but it still lingers even then. After that, SWIM's depression seems to rebound and it gets even worse, because if SWIM is still depressed while doing the things he enjoys and being with people that he cares about, he knows it's never going to go away. When SWIM isolates himself from people to avoid his rebound depression, he starts to get lonely and depressed for different reasons. SWIM thinks it's not so much a reason or a thing (although some things can certainly make it worse) that makes him depressed, but that he was just born this way. Depression affects many people in his immediate family, and doctor visits never seem to do much for any of them. SWIM has pretty much lost hope, SWIM has been trying to avoid triggers which might make his depression even worse, but he can't do that forever.

Originally Posted by ~lostgurl~

doggy hat and suprsonic, have you guys tried antidepressants? They really do work for some and if they don't work for you try something else. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain that you may be unable to correct without medication. don't give up hope, because seriously things will get better in time but sometimes you need to help yourself if you want help, and this can be a very difficult thing to do when you believe 100% that you can't be helped.

Hold on, stay strong and fight the black dog, you are worth it and I'm sure your family and friends think you are worth it too, even if they don't show it.

SWIM has tried several anti-depressants (prescribed and not prescribed), and has been somewhat vocal about his disappointment with SSRIs on these forums. SWIM has given other anti-depressant drugs a try as well, such as amphetamine (in therapeutic doses), but those are just temporary solutions at best, and depression always seems to come back 10-fold unless he continually increases dosages. SWIM has very bad insomnia as well, and using amphetamine or other uppers required him to use benzodiazepines and other downers to get to sleep. There are constant contradictions with anything he tries which makes it impractical for use as an anti-depressant.

[doggy_hat]

Originally Posted by ~lostgurl~

I think the reason there is so much teen suicide is because it is in the teen years where one usually suffers their first bout of depression, this can happen anytime in life but for many the first time is during their teen years.

I had my first bout of depression at 18 and I honestly could not see any happiness in my future whatsoever, and it wasn't that I wished something were different, I had everything but I wasn't happy. As in the 2 posts above, I felt extreme guilt for even being depressed when so many had actual reasons to be depressed. Guilt makes depression 10X worse.

I was 100% sure that I would never feel happy again - 100%! People would tell me things would get better but I didn't believe them cause I knew for me they wouldn't. But I held on anyway and guess what? Things did get better. The next time I felt this low was when I was 20 and although in many ways this depression felt worse, at least I had the knowledge in the back of my mind that it would get better even if I felt it wouldn't. This difference was what kept me going, those going through depression for the first time just don't believe it when people tell them this.

doggy hat and suprsonic, have you guys tried antidepressants? They really do work for some and if they don't work for you try something else. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain that you may be unable to correct without medication. don't give up hope, because seriously things will get better in time but sometimes you need to help yourself if you want help, and this can be a very difficult thing to do when you believe 100% that you can't be helped.

Hold on, stay strong and fight the black dog, you are worth it and I'm sure your family and friends think you are worth it too, even if they don't show it.

SWIM has had problems with depression before, when he was a child. in fact he almost successfully committed suicide when he was 11(He hanged himself with a lamp, and to secure the lamp he threw it over a door and closed the door. Sometime after he lost consciousness his weight pulled the door open. He dropped and regain consciousness, and barely survived.) The root of all of SWIMs depression was/is social isolation. When SWIM started going to school, he remembered always trying hard to conform during kindergarten and 1st grade, but was constantly rejected. He eventually decided that even if they would accept him, he would rather be himself than conform to have friends, and he grew to hate the kids at school more and more over the years. SWIM never had a friend until the 8th Grade, when all of his depression was alleviated and he finally knew what happiness was. he is know in 10th grade and has recently moved in October 2007. When he first heard the news he was moving he was outraged, and very sad. But then viewed it as a good experience, because he would be able to meet new people, see new places etc. and thought of it as a kind of adventure and became optimistic. However when he actually moved. He become extremely homesick and hates everyone he meets. He wasn't expecting the transition to be difficult because the move was of relatively small distance(about 60Miles). However he now lives on a country road, down the street from a corn farm in a town with a population 1/8 the size of the city he lived in, and the average income is also about 4X that of his old city. He hates everyone at school, everyone is just different from the people he used to hangout out with, and can't find anyone that he can get along with(which is strange because SWIM used to enjoy going to parties and used to get along with everyone he talked to, regardless of what kind of person they were.) It's like elementary school all over again. SWIM now just spends every single day alone with nothing to do, and can't find joy in anything. amongst the hobbies SWIM has dropped since moving includes Guitar, Drums, Lyric Writing, Drawing, Reading, and Cooking(every respectable stoner loves to cook!) SWIM is just waiting for the day he can leave and go back to his old friends.

SWIM has tried Antidepressants, normally SWIM would be very hesitant to take prescription drugs because he hates how there is a medication for everything, and feels like people over medicate everything. and he also feels that they are a forms of mind control by the government. However SWIM was willing to try anything. They do absolutely nothing except for negative side affects(SWIM gave them about a month). So SWIM just pretends to take his pills and spits them out when his parents aren't looking.