Re: HPPD - strange thought patterns?
SWIM gets random visions/pictures/scenes in his head of absolutely everything ranging from the most gruesome of horror movies and crimes to the most gorgeous and mind blowing of sceneries. When the pictures come into his mind they seem to be of such high definition that it seems to come from a really nice TV or HD picture on a computer. It's amazing that images of that quality are stored in his mind. If he could see these images all the time, they are clear and vivid enough he could be an amazing artist.
In some instances he interacts with the memories and sometimes he doesn't. SWIM is TERRIFIED of snakes, though he loves animals, every single kind and wishes he could get over this fear because they're truly beautiful animals. Because of this, this fear is fairly deep rooted due to the feelings associated with being terrified of something he wants to love; it's very disconcerting to one's ego to have such conflicting beliefs and fears.
Just last night actually, he had one of these visions where he was sitting cross-legged and floating with a wall of cobras perched up in attack mode about 10 feet in front of him. There were maybe 10 snakes in total, all in a line, hissing passively, yet staring at his floating figure. Then, in an instant all of them lunged at him and he abruptly came out of the vision right before getting bitten in the neck 10 times. The sensation of awakening was that of when you awaken from a nightmare and realize it wasn't real...Only even more intense.
Not only that, but when the snakes lunged they were in slow motion and SWIM could make out every single detail of every part of every snake. He could pan the camera out, around, back in, or anywhere else he so desired. Though, even with this total control over the events he knew that stopping the event was the only thing he couldn't do so the fear was still there.
SWIM says it was unbelievably intense to have that control over the situation. He was able to actually sit in wonder and breathe in the greatness of the animal for once without being immediately scared. The immediate feeling of safety and wonder was combatted by the feeling of incoming fear that the snakes were actually lunging at him and would eventually kill him.
After he woke up everything remained in slow-motion for about 10 minutes. This was one of the most intense of these visions SWIM has experienced, but they happen in much lesser intensity quite often.
SWIM wonders if his spirit guide is actually a snake.