Healing drugs experiences.

[Pino]

I thought it would be rather interesting to describe some healing and positive effects of drugs. There is already a thread about ayahuasca, however I think a general thread would be better.

To kick off. A story of a fictional character.

Disclaimer:
This is about a fictional person, written in first person perspective. It is not affiliated with me. I have copied directly from the web. It is from a website I have forgotten about and my harddisk broke shortly after I visited it, so it is impossible to track back on my computer. I don't even know who written it.
I am not using any drugs. I am not involved in any illegal activity. I despise the persons, who do. And the authorities (police, state, judges) are my best friends I have. I could tell them everything I do in my life.

A long story and quite personal, so if you don't like that kinda stuff, just stop reading. However it is interesting how the things went before I healed. It is ok to have comments or questions about it. I am finished with it. I don't need compassion anymore, which of course is a very nice gesture. I hope it will help someone. I also want to show, drugs can affect your life positively.

Preface.

I was dating a really nice girl. It was the niche of my best friend. I met her at his birthday party. We had quite a physical relationship from the beginning. I was happy about that, because I just broke up with another girl. I was changing at that moment. I became more liberal. I was prone to exchange safety for freedom. I had all kind of great plans. I would study for another 3 years and when I was done I would like to do research and than start working for a company like shell. And at some point I would start my own company with the knowledge I gained.
I studied hard. I kept the relationship, which was perfect on the physical side and not so perfect on the mental side, but I didn't care of that. I was quite ambitious. We could get along with each other, however it wasn't a good relationship in the sense, we should stay together forever. My best friend was moaning a little bit, sometimes. And we were making jokes to him about how much children we would make.
Well lady fortune has laughed the best of us four. When I was sitting in the park, doing some maths, she called me. She sounded tense. I asked why. She told me she wanted to speak to me. I said ok, I am in the park. I see you soon, bye. I was trying to think about what could be wrong. She was complaining about having painful breasts and was having a hard time emotionally . Could she be p..? No, I don't think so.
I was laying in the grass, when she walked to me. She had a present for me she said. I opened it and it was a small t-shirt. I said oh. And she said, I am pregnant. And I said oh. Really? And she said yes. And well, I was a little bit confused about it and asked her maybe ten times, really?
We decided to keep it, I was almost done with my study. She really wanted to keep it and with the knowledge she was the niche of my best friend, I was checkmated. I also like children, so I was having two emotions. It was nice, because well, you become father. It is special. But I also understood, some plans had to be changed. I was loosing some of my precious freedom. The relationship broke. So I was sliding into a slight depression. My drug use went up, I was partying a lot as if it was the last time I would ever do. I started using coke and speed -the last one in significant quantities-. I was helping organizing illegal parties and totally fucked up school. Nine months later I was fine (happily) and the child came. It was a boy and I was quite happy. My drugs use went down, I stopped doing coke and speed and somehow I stopped even drinking alcohol for a couple of months (it wasn't a problem, but I just didn't want to drink). My parents were relaxing after they saw the child. I could breath again. I even became to like to be a father. The relationship with the mother was becoming a solid friendship. The future looked bright.

A certain turn point.

Of course I was heavily depending on my parents, this wasn't a problem and we talked over my financial situation. My father would give my money on monthly basis until I finished school. After that I could pay back. School went well again. A year went and fathers day came. It was strange to be father on fathers day the first time. I would celebrate it by the mother then my mother called. She sounded tense and told I should go home. Something seriously was wrong. I called the mother. She was asking what was wrong. I told her I didn't know. It was fathers day. My first one.
I was sitting by my parents. They asked me, if I noticed my father had a cough. He was a heavy smoker, so I said yes. My mother started crying then my father told me he had lung cancer. That was his last fathers day. I made an remark of the irony of the moment. My father had a dark sense of humor. Lady fortune laughed a bitter laugh and we laughed with her.
I was thrown into a certain darkness. I am naturally atheist, however this time I had the feeling my soul was pitch black. I was quite irrational. I saw all kind of problems. Financial I would be ruined by his dead. I needed him and I understood the strong man he was, would probably be pulp at the end. I hated the last the most. I was friends with my dad, very good friends. Everyday I became more of a cynic, more egocentric and more anti-social. I didn't notice in the beginning. I even liked it in a twisted manner. I started using opiates, which added to my feelings of indifference. I used coke to feel better. I even started to use it at day, when I was by my father so he wouldn't notice my change in mood. I didn't want to put more weight on his shoulders. The only times I felt actually good was when I was nurturing the baby (it saved me from a coke addiction, because I didn't do drugs when I had him) and when I was working, which I did a lot. 6 months he lived, his dead was soft. The cynicism worsened and at some point the feelings of melancholy just changed into despair. I was fired from my work and school seemed miles away. Even now I didn't see what was wrong. I couldn't remember, how I was feeling before.

New times.

My friends started to notice something was wrong. I didn't even told them my father died. I was not going out much, however on a party. A friend of mine took me out and asked if I wanted some mdma. I said, yeah whatever. It wasn't the first time and the other times I liked it. Now I just wanted to be high. The effects of the mdma -+/-150 mg- kicked in and I started to notice something really serious was wrong. I felt different, I felt good and happy. I talked with my friend about the dead of my father. Of course, it wasn't the main idea of the party, but the xtc made me talk. The next day I felt less depressed -I had a word for the thing, which plagued me now- I felt I needed change, I needed to conquer this thing. I talked a lot with the mother of my child, which happens to be a psychologist. I was feeling much better. The next month I took again some xtc -the same dosage-. I was just walking in the night in the dunes with a friend, an activity, which is very enjoyable. I talked about the future, my father, my child and a lot more things. He talked about his mother. We grew somewhat more together. I was getting new plans, new ideas. I picked up Nietzsche, which is my favorite philosopher. I did xtc one time more and then I felt the depression went away.

I was happy to experience this afterwards, so I could recognize it in the future. However I also felt a little bit stupid, I didn't recognize it. I felt more free.

Post scriptum.

The university is still a problem, however I successfully started my own company, which saved me from financial demise. I still use drugs, however I am conservative in my use. I am quite happy as father now. I have grown more closer to my friends. I think if I didn't use mdma, my life would be quite different now. My relationship to mdma is changed too. I don't use it anymore for fun. I see it as a tool now, which I only should use, when I have severe emotional problems. I am afraid I would spoil it.

Well thanks for your reading. I hope it was informing, interesting and helpful. I also hope I didn't disturb someone.