taking the path to self destruction (cocaine)

[madman1982]

sorry for not introducing my self but swims needs to vent

Swim has been clean from cocaine for 3 years and finds it worth it on some days and others, he wishes he had the guts to jst not give a shit anymore, and live life like he used to, carefree. After all he was made this way, why not find out where it will take me. To an early grave no doubt but SWIM is feeling pissed today because He is surrounded by people not like himself and living a clea life is hard fuckin work. It keeps SWIM thinking and trying to be something hes not every second of every day and today is one of thoise days where he wishes he had the guts to trade it all for doing what he really wants, being a user and party animal.
thanks for listening

[old hippie 56]

Would it be worth it in the long run? Sounds like swim still has issues with his previous life of a user.

[MizzWhizz]

swim reckognises what madman is saying. swim has been clean for over a year (well that was untill last week) and on some days really misses the life when she was addicted. swim knows it was a shit life on most days and that it probably wouldnt last very long, but still she has these moments when she is feels almost homesick for that time.

does swiy just have a really bad day or does swiy think like this most of the time?

[madman1982]

no its just a really bad day combined with girl problems
it angers the hell out of me when I think about it

[old hippie 56]

Relationships and recovery don't mix, get in a spat, first thing comes to your mind is doing some dope. Got to learn how to deal with your addiction first then work on the relationship part.

[cyndi]

Originally Posted by old hippie 56

Relationships and recovery don't mix, get in a spat, first thing comes to your mind is doing some dope. Got to learn how to deal with your addiction first then work on the relationship part.

Good grief that is the most sane thing swim has read about recovery in a very long time. After swim lapsed back in the insanity for awhile, she is back to the road to recovery again thank goodness. It took several idiotic things to put her there, but she is doing great now. Swim really really agrees that spats with the spouse or sig. other does not help an addict in recovery. After going thru a nightmare of an almost divorce and other things swim isn't going to mention, she slipped but felt crappy and sad, anything but partying. Swim is just thankful she has another chance at the sane life and has picked up the pieces and is now feeling and doing great. My friend that is what you need to do too. Dope sucks especially when it is ruining your life and you see it happening. Swim isn't going there again.

[dpayne]

Swim oneday also learns to take control of his life and make the right decisions for the right reasons. Unfortunetally tho till swim can do this swim still has yet to experiance the greatest sense of self satisfication, that came out of nowhere, that he did all on his own, that he now knows that answer to the question he kept a secret in the back of his mind at times.
Maybe swim used to be a madman back in 1982 and also a party animal, maybe that really is who swim truly is, the life of the party. Maybe swim needs to realise thats who he needs to let come back and take over and thats why swim wouldnt at times like these throw his hands up in the air and be some madtweaker from 2003 cuase its 2007 and he's a madman party animal he just lost his feet for a litle bit.
Guess what Im saying about swim ultimetally is it probably took him most of his life to become the person he was and looks like he might be able to revert back to that person he isnt unless he's in control.

[Lisa J]

Originally Posted by old hippie 56

Relationships and recovery don't mix, get in a spat, first thing comes to your mind is doing some dope. Got to learn how to deal with your addiction first then work on the relationship part.

Couldn't agree more, SWIM was off heroin for 10 years but when her husband went off with another woman it was only a few days before she was back on it, and it escalated into a serious addiction quicker than it ever did in the past. Any emotional upset can have the ex user reaching for their "comfort" but relationships seem to be the worst culprits, get some help before it's too late and if necessary put the relationship on hold while SWIY gets stronger.

[ukgal22]

Jeez thats what SWIM is worried about - only day one of withdrawal and already worrying abut it. This has been their life for a year and a half and yes its horrible not having any money and hurting like crazy sometimes but i also kind of like it.
Anyone else on smack whose hurting - isnt that feeling amazin when you know your about to score - that insanley happy feeling.

[El Calico Loco]

And not just relationship issues. Lose a job, lose a loved one, or just have a really terrible day, and you might find yourself reaching for the one thing that always made you feel better. Reason is the slave of passion; even if you know that this act will make you feel worse in the long run, it's the emotional brain that's in control.

All you can do is forgive yourself and try to go on. No one is perfect.


ECL

[Creeping Death]

SWIM is in the same situation as Madman. He chose to not fuck with the dope anymore, and try to be a normal person. Job and everything. But SWIM cant fucking take it for too long.

I guess normal life isn't all its cracked up to be. But you gotta maintain for the future. Work hard now so that you dont have to when you're older and fed up with it. Thats no bullshit.

[yaba]

This sounds like SWIM SWIM has been a good boy for six and a half years. SWIM did have a few holidays and took lots then. Why dont SWIY the same ?

[madman1982]

nah, using again isnt the answer, doing something thatll make you happier is the answer, like doing something to change you, like getting a girlfriend

[highwireact]

I just met this guy who has been clean for a while but finally broke down and tried to score and you know what: He got burned. He was almost in tears when he told me his story. Money gone and not even a little rock to find comfort from. I tried to tell lhim that ultimately he probably was better off like this but had to admit: sometimes life really really sucks.