My troubling depression problem. (please read)

[Kakkoii]

Hi, I'm new to this forum, I signed up looking for input on a problem of mine, I would be greatfull for some from people.

When I was 5 and moved from ontario, my parents split up, I ended up living in a trailer park with my mom,bro,sis. I had my group of friends I hung out with as I grew up, As I hit grade 7 I came to more self realization of myself, and with the way everyone knows how school is like, I devoloped very bad body dysmorphic disorder. (Disorder where I see things in myself alot worse then they actually are.)

My school experience was a very complicated one, I wasn't an outcast, I had many friends, but at the same time had many depressing things happen. I've always had about an inch of fat on me, like 10 pounds over weight, which isn't alot, but enough to be teased at the beach, or have girls be less interested in you, And be embarrassed in gym. Even tho they're are much fatter kids. These days men have alot more pressure put on appearance then before.

When I was in grade 8, I'd go out drinking with my trailer park buds every weekend or so, I'd have to sneak out in the middle of the night or lie about sleeping at a friends. Then have to wait the night out and walk in the front door silently. Through that drinking, I was introduced to marijuana at a party once, Of which I used to call people idiots for smoking. But I was drunk and tried it. I like the feeling and ended up buying an ounce from a friends dealer a few months later. I would smoke weed every weekend or second weekend, and when I went snowboarding.

I was smart with it, I know excessive use of marijuana can lead to brain damage, So I only did it once in a while.

I used to bring vodka in a water bottle to school and drink it in class on some days. My depression started in grade 8, before I started marijuana. I started drinking because of the depression.

I hated my life, and my mom made it worse with her poor parenting skills and immature ways of dealing with problems.

In grade 9, I actually failed it, Because I was always staying at home. But the principle wanted me out of the school so he kicked me to grade 10 so id be in the highschool. (I was a bit of a trouble causer every now and then.)

I dropped out of school in grade 10 as my depression got worse. I developed a strong sociaphobia. Which was keeping me from going to school. I also have ADD which makes it hard for me to do school work.

I was first put on Dexedrine and told to try school, So I tried an at home school program. The dexedrine helped a bit with the school work but not much. The sociaphobia was keeping me from going to the school to hand in my work, and going to the weekly class. So I dropped out yet again.

These past months now I have been trying different antidepressants. The first one I tried was "Wellbutrin". It made me slightly happy but still did not do much, Even when I was taking double my dose, They're wasn't much a change.

The next one I had tried was "Zoloft" But that one just made me irritable and angered.

The third one, Which I am on right now is "Celexa" it's an SSRI. And even tho I am taking double the dose, They're is still not much of a change in me.


I am constantly very depressed, with thoughts of suicide. I have no care for anything anymore, Not much amuses me. I just feel like laying down and withering away. The things I used to like to do for fun, No longer are fun. Everything seems boring to me. And I don't like to leave my house at all my sociaphobia is so bad.



Next week I visit my psychiatrist again, to tell him about how the current pills are effecting me. I am able to ask him for pretty much any medication I want to try that I think might help me.


So now you know what i'm all about. My question is. Does anyone know of a prescription drug, That might be able to help me? Something strong, Something that will make me feel good inside, Perhaps something with a euphoric effect, and will make me want to get up and do things.


Thanks for any replies I get.