How to deal with family members that don't know how to mind their business?

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Swim has a family member who he is close with and has a good relationship with but lately this person has gotten really nosy about swims activities and is doing things that are going as far as to make swims relationship with his parents and other family members difficult,making it more difficult for swim to get certain substances,and just making swims life hard in general.Swim doesn't want to hurt this persons feelings and doesn't want an arguement but he really needs to get this person to back off.Any suggestions?

[INSANEPOOKIE]

SWIY may need to remove the "doesn't want to hurt this persons feelings" in this case. Consider what they are doing to SWIY.

If this was SWIM, SWIM would do the following:
1. Find out specifically why the family member is doing this. To understand a persons motives is a key to communication in these matters.

SWIM assumes it's because they think what SWIY is doing could be damaging in one way or another. They are in theory trying to help. If some bullshiet religion is the force behind this, SWIY is fairly screwed. They are too close minded in most cases.

2. Once SWIY knows the reasons, gather up factual information about the substances that SWIY uses. In detail provide data that shows the real dangers, the lack of dangers and expose myths.

If this family member happens to drink booze or smoke this is an easy way to show how illogical their concern for SWIY, as they are doing worse things to themself. Normally people refer to the fact that they are legal; what they fail to understand is the law is not based on facts and generally they are created by skewed views and religiously fundamental beliefs.

Would SWIY mind sharing which substances are being used? It is possible SWIY IS using naughty substances that rational humans should not be...

Reputation Comments on this post:

sensible

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Hmm substances humans should not?Nope,some might think swim is using substances humans should not but thats all opinion.Swim doesn't think people should drink themselves to death but they have that right.This person in question does drink sometimes but she doesn't use any substance on a regular basis.Swim doesn't like the idea of a confrontation with her but it looks like it's getting set up for one.Her husband being swims bestfriend and using the substances swim does may be one of her reasons for getting involved but he was using these things before he met swim and would have used them if he was with swim or not.

[85gtdrop1]

SWIM doesnt want to get too personal but did SWIM get this right, She narced SWIY out to his parents?

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Well that isn't that big a deal cause swim doesn't live with parents but it still can make things difficult for swim amongst other things.

[Peace Frog]

SWIM would suggest that SWIY just let's her know that she's poking her nose where it doesn't belong...

SWIM understands that SWIY doesn't want to hurt her feelings, but come on, what she's doing is intrusive to SWIY's privacy. What SWIY does has NOTHING to do with her or her husband, and that's all SWIY needs to explain to her.

Anything beyond that is none of her business, and what worries she has for her husband have no right extending to SWIY, because SWIY doesn't control his actions...

Maybe she should be sticking her nose in her husbands business, instead of trying to ruin SWIY's family relationships?

[Orchid_Suspiria]

^^Swim agrees,swim doesn't want a confrontation with her really.She is probably the one family member swim gets along with best,so it hurts swim's feelings that he can't trust her anymore.She used to not be this way.She didn't care how swim was or how her husband was.Swim is so fucking tired of it though!She's a pretty intelligent and openminded person but still ignorant to the subject of drugs and addiction.She thinks she is helping but she is not.She is unwittingly,well maybe wittingly causing swim alot of harm and pain.

The question is how swim will confront her and if it will help or actually hurt more?Swim has been pushed far by lots of people lately and the problem is swim is not aggressive enough and is too passive because he doesn't want to hurt others and knows that it's hard to make his opinion even count when to many of them swim is just a "junkie".It hurts that the ones swim is closest to are the ones that understand the least and the hardest to get to understand.

How exactly should swim confront her?What would be the best thing for swim to say?Sometimes swim wishes his bestfriend and her weren't married.This would make it much easier.

[INSANEPOOKIE]

Originally Posted by Orchid_Suspiria

Hmm substances humans should not?Nope,some might think swim is using substances humans should not but thats all opinion.Swim doesn't think people should drink themselves to death but they have that right.

Hmmm. While SWIM agrees that overall, it is opinion based there are a few substances that seem to be more of a common sense thing that are in the nono list. SWIM has no trouble yelling at a friend for lets say sniffing paint/glue/thinner to get high. Yeesh, there really are so few substances that SWIM dubs as unsafe as a whole

And your comment about booze: Just thinking of the illogic of booze being legal and pot being illegal makes SWIM's head hurt.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Well swim is certainly not huffing paint thinner!To swim that isn't even doing drugs,a drug is something meant for human ingestion,paint thinner was never intended for human ingestion.So that sort of behavior goes beyond drug use and into the realm of purely suicidal behavior.So swim could see trying to intervene if someone was doing this.

What swim does might have some definite cons however swim should have the right to do it just like anyone should have the right to do their drug of choice.This person is close to swims mother and both of them are rather ignorant on the subject of drug use both addicting and recreational and should stop talking about things they know nothing about.Rather odd seeing they both have dealt with drug use alot swim's and swim's bestfriend's.

[geophagus]

Originally Posted by Orchid_Suspiria

Swim doesn't want to hurt this persons feelings and doesn't want an arguement but he really needs to get this person to back off.Any suggestions?

SWIM has a couple of suggestions that have worked for him in the past when dealing with nosy neighbors, or other people that SWIM has wanted to "back off." Since the person in question here is the wife of your best friend, this may not work as well as it normally would with a nosy neighbor per se, but it's still good information to know, and it might come in handy with other people you encounter down the road that you want to "back off." Anyhoot, here ya go:


Suggestion #1, find a local Jehovah Witness church in your area, and go pick up some of the free literature that they like to hand out. Make it a habit of always keeping this literature nearbye so that everytime you happen to see the person that you want to "back off" you can hand them a free copy of that dribble and proceed to ask them questions like "have you found Jesus as your personal savior?," or maybe "you know what, becoming a Jehovah Witness has changed my life in so many profound ways, and I just know that it can do for you what it has done for me," etc., etc. This really works well, but it's critical that you appear sincere and enthused about all this in order for it to work well. If you do it well, most people will avoid you like the plague if they think you are serious about being a Jehovah Witness.


Suggestion #2, get your hands on some Amway catologs, and each time you see the person you want to "back off," make it a point to bring up some new Amway product that you know will help them much more than anything they can buy anywhere else, or simply point how Amway is going to make you so rich beyond your wildest dreams, and that you really do not want them to miss out on an opportunity of a lifetime by not getting in on it just like you have. Again, this requires that you be sincere and enthused in order for this to work, but SWIM can assure you that this will work well, and if you are believable about this most people will "back off" nicely.

Reputation Comments on this post:

haha niiice

[tayo]

Haha, very creative. These are quite deceptive tricks and seem like they would work well for the entire village to make you an outcast... if ever desired will give a try and post experiences.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Originally Posted by geophagus

SWIM has a couple of suggestions that have worked for him in the past when dealing with nosy neighbors, or other people that SWIM has wanted to "back off." Since the person in question here is the wife of your best friend, this may not work as well as it normally would with a nosy neighbor per se, but it's still good information to know, and it might come in handy with other people you encounter down the road that you want to "back off." Anyhoot, here ya go:


Suggestion #1, find a local Jehovah Witness church in your area, and go pick up some of the free literature that they like to hand out. Make it a habit of always keeping this literature nearbye so that everytime you happen to see the person that you want to "back off" you can hand them a free copy of that dribble and proceed to ask them questions like "have you found Jesus as your personal savior?," or "being a Jehovah Witness has changed my life in so many profound ways, and I just know that it can do for you what it has done for me," etc., etc. This really works well, but it's critical that you appear sincere and enthused about all this in order for it to work well. If you do it well, most people will avoid you like the plague if they think you are serious about being a Jehovah Witness.


Suggestion #2, get your hands on some Amway catologs, and each time you see the person you want to "back off," make it a point to bring up some new Amway product that you know will help them much more than anything they can buy anywhere else, or simply point how Amway is going to make you so rich beyond your wildest dreams, and that you really do not want them to miss out on an opportunity of a lifetime by not getting in on it just like you have. Again, this requires that you be sincere and enthused in order for this to work, but SWIM can assure you that this will work well, and if you are believable about this most people will "back off" nicely.

LOL!Some of this is really great but funny to!Hmm this person has known swim all of their life.Convincing this person that swim had seriously became a Jehovahs Witness would be rather difficult.Suggestion 2 just might work,still it would be a little challenging.Challenging situation period.If it's a person don't really care for telling them to fuck off is easy,a little different if it's someone that you are close to and get along with it is a little more difficult.

One of the worst problems is alot of swim's connections for his favorite substances are through his bestfriend.Swim's bestfriend is married to the person this post is about.So this gives her alot of opportunity to watch swim and figure out what he is up to.Even though swim is 28 his parents getting involved with things makes for some difficult and unpleasant situations.Not only does this person want her husband to be unhappy and unable to enjoy life she wants it for swim to apparently.Sad because for a longtime she was one of the few people swim could trust and confide in.

[keats]

Hmm SWIY might want to look at himself first. SWIM doesn't know you or your circumstances. But your reluctance to reveal the extent of your substance use to posters on a thread about drug use you started strikes SWIM as a bit off. You come here for advice on how to deal with your family members about your use of substances, but refuse to divulge what you're doing/why that person is concerned in the first place. It's your life, and no one else has the right to tell you what to do. Just remember your family member may just be trying to help. If you really feel that defensive about your drug use maybe you should consider whether you're the one with a problem. Hope this doesn't sound like an attack, because SWIM obviously has no idea what you're going through, But it's important to analyze yourself before you decide how to handle others.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Actually swim has revealed the extent of his drug use on many other posts.However to answer swiy's question swim is a heavy opiate user.Yes maybe they are trying to help,but they hardly understand what is going on and their help is causing harm.If swim wants to quit opiates he will do it in his way.These people have no right to get that involved in swims life and to tell him what he should or shouldn't do.

This person really doesn't understand swims situation.They don't understand withdrawals mental or physical or swims cravings.They don't really understand why swim does what he does.He has tried to explain in the past but these people are very anti drug and for a large part believe alot of the DARE propaganda they grew up with.Explaining is useless,arguing with them is useless.That is what makes this a difficult situation.

[manda]

Oh, dear. Remember who that person is, because they obviously care about you a great deal. -M

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Well swim is going through alot of hassle to find a way to get this person out of his business without causing confrontation or strife.The reason is because this person does care about swim.

[Peace Frog]

Well maybe a direct confrontation is really the only way. SWIY should talk to this person and tell her that if she really does want to help SWIY, she must first listen to SWIY's explaination without taking to her "DRUGS ARE BAD, MMKAY?!" attitude right away.

If she really does care about SWIY, she should take the time to listen. This can also be done without implicating her husband as a 'culprit', so to speak. SWIY just has to choose his words. SWIM also thinks it would be saying something if SWIY approaches this person out of the blue instead of responding to a situation of her being nosy.

SWIM isn't terribly versed in opiates, but has a friend who is also a heavy opiate user and has seen what it can do.

SWIM isn't going to tell SWIY to stop using opiates, SWIM just hopes SWIY is careful, and knows what he is doing.

Best of luck!

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Swim is in no way too keen on a confrontation but it may reach the point where it is neccessary.