Had a Trip that is destroying my life!!! Need help....

[totalydown18]

Hi to all members on this forum,

Have been reading your postes for a long time now...
Well first I would like to say that english isn't my native language, so I apologize for any mistakes I may write, but this kind of a forum is the only kind I know that helps it's members ( plus the member are kind ).....

I'm 18 years old, am a dedicated martial artist...have practised karate for 4 years, judo for 2 years, and now Muay Thai for almost 3 years, plus am dedicated bodybuilder ( not your tipical drug user )...
My exp. with drugs are.... I smoked marihuana....I don't know maybe 15 times or something....plus I took about 10 xtc pills...
I tried them, liked them, but decided that drug using isn't for me...
But my and my friends orderd from a Netherland smartshop in December...
We bought some " herbal xtc " and some Salvia ( which I didn't try ) and the " pills for hell " that are destroying me from within.......
Well It happend in January, I was happy ( just got my drivers liceance ), also called my girlfriend to come to my house so we could celebrate "bunny-hopping style", so I wanted to make it special so I took this trip pills....
( lol I bet that the exp. users here already know what this is about )
Here is the link for them.... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxNO-COMMERCIAL-LINKSxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well they say that they have:

- Baby hawaiian woodrose

- guarana

- niacine

- passionflower

- vitamin B6

- magnesium stearate

- l-arginine

- l-tyrosine

So first I took 2 of them, I felt really relaxed, my muscles felt so tireddd... and good at the same time....but then I thought to myself what the heck I will just take 2 more ( will regret this for the rest of my life!!!! )
Of course I had to be a " wise-guy "....have never tried psychedelics before but I had to take them all......idiot of a teen.....Then I realy started to lose my mind....My eyes have just become black...mean to say that my pupils very very big....Then I started to fill paranoid...I got scared.... my girlfriend had come to my house, but I was so scared that she might find out that I had used drugs ( she till this day doesn't know that I used drugs ), also I got scared that I might just lose my mind and will have to be taken to a hospital... ( where my aunt work on the emergancy room so she would find out 100%...plus my parents would find out that I used them....the dissapointment in ther eyes...).
So I started to act like I was sleepy, The hardcore trip lasted from... about 8-9 hours....I was battling with my sanity to say the truth....every second I had to tell my self that I'm going to pull out of this, that it will end soon...to tell you the truth I was willing to do ANYTHING to stop this trip....was thinking about hitting myself in the head...it seemd like an eternety to me, but I stoped after 8-9 hours....

But this is where the real hell just begon for me....

From that they I just haven't been myself.... I have this anxiety or feel that there is something wrong with me....that something is terrible wrong in my head ( also have a paranoid fear of going crazy, and being locked in a mental hospital ), I feel really depressed, also feel uncomfortable when going out ( if I'm around people I don't know and large crowds...) thats so strange...I NEVER had this fears.....I waited like hell for the weekend so that I could go party with my friends, but now I just try to avoid going out as much as possible....aslo this thing happens maybe 3 times a day, or maybe 1 a week....

Ok, so From january to may I alos couldn't be in school...I just felt so scared and depressed and probably anxiety and in my head everything was spinning....that happend for so long that my doctor decided that this cannot go on and sent my to hospital for examination.....
Well needless to say, taht when they told me that I had to stay, I had what I would say was a "hell of panick attack"... I was so bad that the doctors had to give me sedatives pills...or where they pills for anxiety...don't really know....

Well they took every kind of research on me and found that there was nothin wrong with me...of course I didn't tell them about my " bad trip " becuse of fear that they would tell my parents and also almost my whole family works in the medical professions....
So they said to me that I should go to a psychiatrist....
have not went yet, bt will go there shortly....

Sorry for the long story guys, my question are:

- what would you do in my position?

- if there are any exp " trip users " what they could tell me their exp, also my biggest worry is that that I might have permenant mental problems from now on ( so scared of this- as when I get this anxiety I have this wierd filling in my head,I fell light headed and well it not like tinggling sensation but I don't know...maybe I'm just making this up in my head... ) please help me...

- will this stop? what do I have to do to make it stop?


To everybody that will help me , thank you from the bottom of my hearth as this would mean a lot to me....

Have a good and euphoric day ,

Signed,
Poor lost teen fool...