feeling like giving up and using

[cyndi]

Swim is feeling empty and sad. She doesn't know how long she can fight anymore. Sorry but swim never lies about recovery and how she is doing with it. No swim hasn't used and broke ties with dealer fiend so not more stuff anyway. Feels at the moment like she doesn't want to live.

[rxbandit]

Addiction is a horrible thing. when ever swims down a good book usually takes swims mind off of the misery that life sometimes offers. Something that shows you how ridiculous life is like Kurt vonnegut always gets swim out of a rut. Cat's cradle saved swim alot of pain, everything just seemed to be so ridiculous swim laughed at life instead of mourned it. Also going out into the wilderness always helps swim forget the troubles and pains of society.

What drug is swiy recovering from using? possibly writing a bit and trying to get out how your feeling and what your possible options and where you could go in life would help you see a more palpable light at the end of the tunnel.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Well,swiy is the only one to make this choice.Swim can't tell you not to use because swim would be a hypocrite.Do as swiy wishes but weigh out the choices.

[tayo]

surround swic with the little joys of life, little doggies are great for that.

[Swimster]

Think about swiys kids. That got MANY of swims friends straight.
Spend time with em'. It may be emotional, but dammit, it works.

[merseyloyalist]

Find an hobby too much times on swims hands whilst recovering can cause a relapse,a hobby or job can do wonders and gets swim out to meet peeps who are not users.

[85gtdrop1]

For SWIM it was his kid and dogs that kept him from going over the edge. SWIM knows it feels like it will never get better but it does. SWIM got his intrest in hobbies back and found new ones. Good luck, please dont give up.

[beentheredonethatagain]

cndi, Hi its me . You have your chitlens to think about and to enjoy.
I am laid up at home with a broken heel and other leg is badly hurt , i am here to talk , IM lets get thru this together IM any time . Please know that this too shall pass.

[cyndi]

Well just in a horrible mood when swim wrote that. Welcome to the detox madness it can put you in. You know something bad happens and well you write something stupid like that. No I am still drugfree and alive, thank you for all of your concerns. Swim's son went to court today, it was driving her insane, the worst happened that swim could have imagined. Swim is just sort of well swimming in her head. Like this is some sort of twisted test from the ole higher being. Who knows.

LOL on the doggies, swim has 5 furbabies and a cat. Swim loves animals. Yes they do tend to make swim happy when things look bleak.

[INSANEPOOKIE]

SWIY, have you ever used LSD or Shrooms? Used correctly either may assist with psychological.

Also there is:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibogaine
Which I believe was referred to as a psychedelic that helps reset a person. I think of it in computer terms in the sense of memory leaks and the not so perfect programming of the brain--- perform a warm or cold boot and whammo, you get an edge that makes all the difference.

[cyndi]

The lab rat tried some lsd, weird experience. As far as ibogane, thinking on that one for reasons swim wants to understand who she is and what happened as swim has no recollection of the past. Repressed memories.

[marysofthesea]

cyndi- it sounds like you made it through a rough patch in the fight, which is what I am trying to do...
This is my first post in ages, since I cut myself off from anything related to using, including this forum (I had a tendency to be a bit of lurker as it was, anyway). I had to cut off ties with every friend, too. Now, the man I thought I would marry, the man I stayed clean for, has moved away (military reassignment), without even a word that I will ever see him again.

So I'm posting now because it's so hard not to make that call, even though I know it would be the death of me.

Of course I want to turn back to the one thing that will make me feel ok, if only for a while. In the midst of a very fuck-it-all mood at the moment, which I know is so dangerous. It's as if there's no reason to stay straight/sober.

Beentheredonethatagain- I know I'm a stranger, but I'm stuck at home too, with a shattered foot (literally), so if you want to commiserate, feel free to IM.

tayo- I love Pan's Lab to death.

rxbandit- I actually just finished Cat's Cradle and it was brilliant.
"See the cat? See the cradle?" Don't kow if I got the quote right, but still it's just brilliant.

Anyway, just scared and alone at the moment... thanks for giving a space to vent.

[INSANEPOOKIE]

This site can be found in connection with the wonderful MAPS (www.maps.org) organization.

I ran across this group when I was doing a tad of research on ibogaine. I'm not suggesting to contact them but I felt like pasting in an actual group that does in theory offer ibogaine. It appears to cost 4200 for 5 days of FUN with their program. I haven't scanned through 100% of their site as of yet.

http://www.ibogatherapyhouse.net/cms/

The Iboga Therapy House is a non-profit organization dedicated to exploring and facilitating the therapeutic use of ibogaine.
We offer a holistic, ibogaine-based detoxification program to help facilitate recovery from dependence to chemical substances
as well as a setting for personal psychotherapeutic explorationgs

[cyndi]

LOL don't even where to get it anymore. This addiction is an ugly thing. You feel you can't feel happy, lol on that, without the drug of choice. Oh don't worry I can't get anything, made sure of that in case I felt this way later. I just need to figure what to do. Feel like just ending it all again. I don't know, sorry others have to see this but to see swim's mess is unbearable to her. I don't know what else to say. Bye all peace and good recovery swim would pray if she believed in God again. Met some nice folks here by the way and hope them for the best.