i don't know why i posted this.. but i did..

[ISeeShadowPeople]

I remember a time in my life when I would wake up happy.. When I woke up beside somebody who made my life better just because she was there that day. I remember coming home from work and watching NEXT on a small television in a shitty apartment, who cared though, we had each other.. I remember looking at someone differently then I ever looked at anyone before.. I remember knowing that she really loved me..

Right now I'm crying.. Really crying and I don't know why.. Maybe it's because I can't hear her voice whenever I want. Maybe it's because I can't see her anytime I need too.. Maybe it's because I'm not even sure if she wants to see me..

I want to wake up and eat cereal with my baby before I go to work.. Maybe go to double C and sit in our booth.. I want to get drunk and dance knowing i can't dance worth shit.. I want to hold her and watch DVD's on a TV that has a fucked up color to it because it got thrown on the ground.. I want to sit in our love seat ..

i just want to go back to be happy.. i want to be with my baby so bad in our apartment.. i don't want to cry anymore.. i just want to be happy again.. please dear god.. please give me happiness again some how some way.. please just give me it before i really can't take the tears anymore and nobody ever sees me again.. the feeling is there and the hole is getting deep..i'm in darkness and i can't get out..

why do i cry so much?

why did i pick a girl who made me lose everything..

why didn't i appreciate that everything when I had it instead of missing it after it left..

why am i crying...

please lord, let the phone ring and let it be her.. please, answer this prayer that I've asked you so many times.. please... i need to hear her voice.. i need someone to talk to.. i'm not asking for much, so why won't you give this to me? please lord.. please help me stop crying..