What are you supposed to do when you just CAN'T stop using?

[augentier]

What does one do when he/she just can't stop doing something? Imagine seriously wanting to put an end to an addiction, but as soon as that first urge kicks in, ya give in..even up to the re-lapse happening, you're thinking, "Wow, I don't want to do this, I don't want to continue using this" things like that..but you go on doing it. You do it anyway, and then you feel super guilty about it, and later you realize it was stupid and you tell yourself over and over to quit and don't go near it again, and then an hour later you do.

Is this just a case of not wanting enough to stop?? Even if the addict honestly, seriously KNOWS the addiction, and really wants it to stop. Being lazy? A need for therapy or something?

I apologize if something like this has been posted..I'm sure it has, cuz this is probably the basis for every addiction..but just wondering if an addiction (or just attitude toward the addiction?) is usually this bad, like the point of knowing it's bad and you don't want to in the process of doing it, like it becomes literally impossible to stop yourself.

Hope this makes sense / Any input on if this is what addiction usually is or if this is extreme or pathetic behavior..would be greatly appreciated.

[AceOvArts]

well the only person that can get you started on the road to recovery is you. The first step is telling someone you have a problem, its probably one of the hardest things to do cos its like admitting defeat. Admitting youve lost control of yourself. Actually though, its the first step in recapturing control of yourself so.
You or SWIY needs to talk with someone that can be of help dealing with whatever addiction this is. Im sure there are doctors, councellors etc. in your or SWIYs area (they are everywhere cos there are alot of addicts out there) give them a call or go meet them. You or SWIY have nothing to lose but your pride maybe, better than losing everything though eh ? Pride is easily rebuilt when people know how you or SWIY have come though a difficult thing.
~Good luck

[bcubed]

SWIM's experience is that addicts are usually much more self-aware of the downsides of addiction than outsiders usually credit them for.

Personal example: SWIM has been on and off of booze for over a decade. Currently, he's decided to drink and not try to quit, but he knows that he's an alkie, despite the fact that he's always been able to avoid obvious physical W/Ds.

Recently he ran out of money on 4/8, and has had to subsist on canned soup and oatmeal (no booze). He's experienced improved mood (improved compared to before sober--NOT drunk), plus he's overcome an inertia that had been with him for a few months.

He's aware that the cause of these changes is undoubtedly that he's not drinking, yet he KNOWS once he gets his $25 for plasma donation, he'll be in a bar within 15 mins. The pull is just too strong.

From SWIM's previous sober time (about 2.5 yrs once), He'd suggest:
1. Seek out medical help for serious W/D issues
2. Put yourself in a situation where you CAN'T get at your drug for at least 10 days.
3. Do SOMETHING to replace the time you spent getting loaded. SWIM did AA: he realizes that it's too dogmatic for many (it helped him 'cause it forced him to socialize, which he usually doesn't do) but you're going to go crazy if you don't make some substitution.

Just outta curiosity, drug of choice?

[augentier]

Marijuana (yeah, yeah) because it is always available to her...and when X comes around the area, she seems to just impulsively buy it and take it for days in a row..when she runs out she cant continue because by that time the dealers have left. the impulsiveness and complete neglect of her acknowledgement of the "right" thing to do in that moment is what really bothers her.

[brook]

Heroin, Cocaine and benzodiazepines with an affection to injecting thrown in!

heroin; clean now, 5 years official, 3 months since last time... swim knows this particular drug will never leave him. never.
swim has had many, many moments of clarity, where he decided to quit as it got more and more on top, and the majority of those times continued to score.. even within hours of one of these moments!

coke; a long running and building issue, swim has had heavy use before and was forced to quit (for reasons that cannot be posted!) until he settled down again and found a new source.. recently swim has started using coke IV again.. and it signals the rise of the old addiction devil (he knows what to look out for after mamy many years) again. so is taking a few weeks down time...

Benzo's; these little fu$£%rs are BAD! swim has used these for years too, and has ended up in some really bad situations from mixing coke/alcohol and benzo's - to give you doseages they would be somewhere in the region of: 1 - 2 grams of coke, 10 - 20 pints and upto 20 - 25 valium/klon/mogadon/xanax (whatever is available)
these swim knows he must stop taking but still continues to buy them at every opportunity!

addiction is a MASSIVE ruling factor in his life...

and to answer the original question. yes, it is normal.

[stoneinfocus]

Try to get a grip, watch out for the moments in which you think, wow, that´s cool, I feel strong enough to achieve anything that I want to in my life.
remeber these momnents, recognize, use them and try to prolong them and fill them in with the plan on the "how to" and "how not to" and when you´ve got it all together, try it, be sure, be safe, don´t force it, be honest. and try getting ith wth one of these tries when swim thinks she´s ready.

[chAos]

About the cannabis:
Does SWIY want to stop smoking completely or just smoke less? If i can ask this: how much does swiy smoke a day?

Swim always smoked about 1.5 gram/day of good weed, but he cutted back his use this week (2 or 3 small joints in the evening/night atm). Swim recognizes the feeling swiy describes, but he never felt really bad about smoking, he felt more like 'next week, i'll smoke less' .

He went out with a girl he really likes a few times this week and he tried to stay as sober as possible. He tought it would really suck, but it was ok and he feels better about himself now that he knows he doesn't need a joint after a meal or waking up.

Also, swim feels it really sucks to become sober again after a joint, so he usually smokes another one once he starts getting sober. But it is way easier to stay sober after waking up. Swiy should tell herself 'i decide when i smoke, and i will smoke in a few hours but not now' then keep on doing that untill it is a decent time to smoke a big spliff :P. Also, realise swiy is probably starting to get addicted to sigarettes from smoking joints. For swim this was another reason to stop using all day long, he really doesn't want to swich to / become addicted to sigarettes.

In a week or two swim might be back at his usual always-stoned way of living, but he knows now it's very feasable to cut back use. Also, he enjoyed the time he spend sober (and off course he also really wanted to smoke from time to time). He felt more active and social then he has been since he started smoking daily which was great. (the activity part was a bit strange/irritating the first 2 days)

With a goal to stay stober, swiy can cut back her use too.

about the xtc:
Next time, keep swiy from using it days in a row, mdma (the thing swiy wants in pills ) works much better when it isn't taken more as once a month. Swim has only taken mdma once, but keeping pills for special occasions is proabably the easiest way to do that.