The worst withdrawals possible

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Thursday SWIM had not had any methadone in days,all he had was some very bunk h.It didn't last him through the day.That night he woke up from a horrid,horrid nightmare all his limbs shaking uncontrollably and vomiting.He tried to simply go back to sleep to escape the pain but couldn't.The next day he spent alot of his time on the floor in the shower shaking under the warm water trying to get better until later that day he ingested a tiny bit of fentanyl orally and then put on a 100 mg patch.This ofcourse is only temporary and the cycle will start all over.

This is getting very out of control and SWIM is not strong enough to stop it and not in good enough health.SWIM thinks the time to die is coming soon,thats alright though in many ways.Maybe thats an end to pain or atleast this type of pain.But perhaps not.It is suicide in a sense what SWIM has done and those that hate life too much or love it too much don't even find peace in death they just remain on earth sad and hurting spirits so SWIM is even afraid of death.But atleast SWIM tried to create some love on this earth and atleast SWIM tried to be good to others.Maybe thats the most important thing in this life.Good karma.And it wasn't so bad,atleast SWIM experienced pleasures most the people that stay "clean"don't in his life.

And things will look up I mean atleast SWIM will prolong it abit more and maybe spend some good weeks when he doesn't have to be sick.SWIM was never really happy anyways even when he was sober.He has just lost too much and been hurt too many times.SWIM is soo very tired of pain and living.

[kizevin]

It sounds like SWIY needs to check out a rehabilitation strategy. For SWIM, the right way to salvage what was left of SWIM's life was to go to a 28day inpatient facility and get on Suboxone for opiate maintenance plus therapy once a week. This has helped SWIM learn the dangers of drug use and has helped SWIM managed SWIM's drug abuse to weekends and usually doesn't use "hard" substances. If it has come to the point where SWIY can't live with drugs or without them, then rehabilitation is probably a good way out.

[mickenator]

It sounds like swiy is at the end of there tether, but if swiy can be strong things do get better, its like swik says you sound like a drug rehab would do you the world of good, at least you will have someone to discuss your problems with. Is there anyone you can turn to for help or just a chat. Hope you don't decide to do something stupid and stay strong.

[Alicia]

swia always here for you orchid sweetie. come talk when u need to talk.

[Donmeka]

im sorry to hear that orchid, please keep strong and you can get over it. we're all here to help and we all care for your well being. well i do take care and best wishes

[Orchid_Suspiria]

SWIM thanks you for the well wishes.SWIM kicked heroin years ago but that was nothing compared to methadone.SWIM is a wreck,after making this post SWIM scored some fentanyl but about three days later when SWIM had nothing withdrawals came back BIG and worse than before.SWIM had to go to the emergency room infact.This proved to be for the most part a waste of time as all SWIM got was a shot of ativan and phenagren and some of those two medications to take home,only two days supply for that matter!SWIM has got so little sleep lately.SWIM feels so completely hopeless.But there are some rays of hope now at times strangely.Having opiates in ones life is fine but when it becomes a persons life that isn't fine at all.

[Nicaine]

Methadone is a b*tch to kick, but doesn't need to be done cold turkey (in fact that is generally a really bad idea). SWIY can do it, just do the research on ways to properly kick a long-acting opiate like methadone. Knowledge is power. So is doing whatever it takes to stay positive (including considering antidepressants if necessary)

[Donmeka]

nicaine has good points, stay positive the most you can and never lose hope. SWIM knows that hopeless feeling all too well without his love for water and it is a terribl feeling. SWIM believes you can do it orchid

[mickenator]

Methadone is the worst, swim has been in withdrawl many times but the worst had to be from methadone when swim went to jail, it was 6 weeks of annoyance and very little sleep.

[brown_chunx]

When going through withdrawels, I would always find comfort in the fact that there's thousands of people out there that are going through the same or worse shit, and that if they can do it, I could do it.

[ardyrr]

swim went to jail for 8 months, the only sleep swim got was between 3.00 and 4.30 in the afternoon it was hell on earth, in australia in the late 80s they gave you nothing as you were a criminal and that was part of your punishment and rehabilitation,anyway the day swim got out swim fucked up straight away using heroin . swim got back on methadone, ive been on it now for 30 odd years,for me its a life sentance as ive been where you are at ,ive died 3 times and tried to kill myself twice, im married now with 2 kids own a business and im very happy, for me methadone works it might be your only answer

[shaunclo]

Orchid, you are not alone. swim was just there about 3 months ago with the same feelings as you. Almost exactly its scary. swim was running out of his subutex (same thing as suboxone, but no naloxone - just pure bup) along with his H. So what did swim do? He decided to throw in the towel, he didnt want anything else to do with the inevitable w/d's and lonliness he felt in this world. He wasnt even happy with his opiates anymore cause he just lost too much because of them and felt like a total loser who didnt deserve to be here anymore. Well luckily he was found by some friends already pretty much dead, and was revived. swim has been sober now from opiates for a good 3 months and never thought he could be happy again - but that was just the opiates talking. They lie to your bro!! after so long on them and detox after detox, and going back after going back there just seems to be no hope.....but swim swears that there is. He did go through the nastiest, longest, most purest evil 17 days of w/d's that he ever had to endure before. But he did make it, and so can you. Hang tough friend, and I truly hope that you see the light at the end of the tunnel without having to spend a week in the hospital coming back from the dead.

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by shaunclo

Hang tough friend, and I truly hope that you see the light at the end of the tunnel without having to spend a week in the hospital coming back from the dead.

Actually, that's not such a bad idea... SWIM has kicked a few substances over the years by checking himself into the hospital (for depression, which he definitely had... maybe not QUITE as bad as he let on, hard to say). It definitely helps to have caring medical staff around during a kick, although it's a rather selfish use of resources (particularly if covered by medicare or something like that). SWIM only recommends this if someone is extremely genuine about kicking and will give back to the community. But a short stay inpatient in psych unit DOES work, and can be easier to arrange than a treatment center these days. Takes a lot of guts to walk into an ER and do it tho. Very, very hard thing to do, even when one is deeply depressed.