Combinations - Jesus... downers!!!

[Nicaine]

SWIM was using uppers (binge-type, as is his usual practice) but somehow he managed to lose track of his use of downs recently. He thinks in the past 6 hours or so he's taken five or six Lunesta tablets (3mg apiece), 3mg or so of Klonopin and around 150mg of Lyrica (pregabalin). All this stuff except the Klonopin was plugged up SWIM's rear end, so go ahead and double those amounts if you like to get an idea of the effects.

Jeesh, SWIM feels like a serious zombie... his eyes keep crossing/uncrossing (losing focus completely), and about the same thing keeps happening to his general thought process. Combine that with being physically worn out + sleep deprived, and the situation is just insane. If SWIM dared shut his eyes for like 5 seconds, he thinks he'd wake up on the floor about 12 hours later. He'd like to go to bed, but never sleeps so soon after ending a stimulant run (makes him hella nervous).

Note that SWIM could probably post messages while sleepwalking/dreaming and still sound entirely coherent, so I assume he's making a modicum of sense here.

[AntiAimer]

Self control man, self control. Reason why these drugs are prescription only.

[mouthwater]

An intoxicated mind has a difficult time understaing the doses they are taking. SWIY should make sure to be careful and responsible with SWIY's use, and not binge on amphetamines (in general).

[Alicia]

Longer the up for more likely for psychosis to happen. sleep is also good.

[~lostgurl~]

Lunesta has that affect, once a few have been taken, if one stays up they are likely to take more without making a conscious decision to do so. But it is quite strange how SWIY's posts always make so much sense even when SWIY is off their nana! I guess the state of drugfuckedness becomes normal at some point, and one learns to fucntion despite it.

[primal440]

I think SWINicaine should lay off the uppers for a while. You are notorious (to me) because of your continous stream of reports about SWIY's experiences mixing this and trying that, tweaking this and then crashing that. I'm in no way trying to patronize you, nor SWIY but maybe you could be asking for help or is this psychology too cheap to apply to you? I say this because while I have not posted in a while (nothing worthy to add) sometimes I log on and see your posts and its always the same: that SWIY plugged XXX (take note here, as apparently that detail is very important to SWIY), then took YYY to counteract and then feels like shit but enjoys it somehow. Otherwise why would SWIY do it in the first place, right?

With over 2,000 posts (a lot in the same vein than this particular post) I have a decent idea of how this lifestyle affects SWIY and I think I can put my finger on where the uppers did the most influence on your prose. It reminds me of Freud's writings minus the psychological crap which is replaced to a complete and obsessed devotion to all that has to do with the intake of said substances. With that said, I'd like to add that as I dont know you or your friend, all of this might come as pure speculation and you might even take is as an offense.

Please don't. But still, somehow, even if I dont know you, some kind of empathy towards your "internet entity" has developed and I felt that I had to write all that stuff. Isn't SWINicaine a bit too old to be playing devotedly with uppers anyways? Or so I read...

[Alicia]

Originally Posted by primal440

Isn't SWINicaine a bit too old to be playing devotedly with uppers anyways? Or so I read...

How old do u have to be? if you think you can give an age range based on your 'opinion' on what u think. Its is up to the individual on what they do with there life as well regardless of whether it helps or not. ultimately it will be up to them.

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by primal440

I think SWINicaine should lay off the uppers for a while.

He is in fact doing just that, although it has absolutely nothing to do with what SWIY "thinks" he should do. Whoever SWIY is... just another faceless person posting on a message board, or maybe even an AI text-generator program connected to the Net. In any case, it's guaranteed that he knows nothing about SWIM's situation and likes to "ass-u-me" a lot of things...

Originally Posted by primal440

But still, somehow, even if I dont know you, some kind of empathy towards your "internet entity" has developed and I felt (blahblahblahblah*pfffft*)

That is entirely "your" problem, and the fact that you're burdening "me" with it is really offensive. Welcome to my ignore list.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	harsh
	Unnecessary hostility, I think.

[primal440]

Of course, who said it wasn't up to the individual?

And I was speaking in Nicaine's terms, he himself has written in these boards that SWINicaine is getting a bit old for stimulants, so I was basically quoting him without a quotation.

AND yes, you can get a bit too old for certain drugs, regardless of a person's opinion, and I think that applies especially to stimulants, as they put a big stress upon the body and I imagine that as you get older the side effects get nastier and more noticeable to the point there's no point in doing it anymore, wether be it for recreational or medical purposes. Of course SWINicaine would have to be very old to be getting that kind of bullshit from uppers (search the thread about senile people and amphetamines); but I don't really know his age, I was just writing through his own reflections upon his stimulants usage which also includes binging on them.

Why can't a person write a post of this kind without getting these sort of replies?

[primal440]

This entirely off-topic but how come you get so offended over an anonymous person's opinion? Or like I lamely put it, how serious can you be with an "internet entity", wether be it a guy behind a monitor or a text-generator program?

I like this forum because members here are sensitive and respectful to others, but I see that sometimes political correctness gets completely distorted and you can be giving your opinion on a subject and another member gets completely irated over it. I was just giving my opinion, not forcing anything upon you yet you react like if I was... if you mind so much about opinions why post stuff like this in the first place? I can "think" and am in that right since the moment you clicked on the post button. In content, my post was not so different in comparison to mouthwater's or AntiAimer's "thinking".

I can understand how you can feel offended though, my post was not especially delicate, but please keep in mind that I never had intentions to do so. And it may sound ridiculous to you but my worryness towards SWINicaine's stimulant binging was genuine, and I can take your mocking of that as an insult also but I won't... well, I guess you won't even read this as I'm in your lgnore list, my loss.

Reputation Comments on this post:

good defence he was harsh

[Micklemouse]

SWiNicaine, if SWiYou find challenge & empathy so hard to handle, why so many threads that scream 'Look at SWiM! Isn't SWiM fucked up?'. These threads are obviously going to make people feel some sort of empathy & even frustration at SWiY actions & choices- it is part of beng part of a community. You have shared a lot of emotional information on behalf of SWiNicaine over the years, maybe more than any other member. You have to expect that people are going to build a picture of SWiN, maybe even like him, & are going to be concerned, which is why they challenge & express concern over SWiN's choices. That may well be the individual member's problem, but it is also SWiYours - without SWiYour input there is nothing to be concerned about. Meeting such concern with hostility is only going to further isolate SWiN & bring further challenge before people simply give up out of frustration.

I guess I'm wasting my bandwidth posting this, & it'll probably get me put on SWiY ignore list, but I really don't care - I can't keep quiet on this any more. SWiNicaine needs to take a good look at SWiHimself & what SWiHe is doing to himself. He isn't getting any younger, & with each year of stimulant or whatever abuse at the level SWiHe's been sustaining comes a greater risk of mental &/or physical impairment or worse. I'm worried that one day someone's going to click on SWiNicaine's website & see a decomposing corpse on the webcam, that SWiY rooommate (brother if I remember correctly) is going to come home one day & find the same. For someone who sets so much store by Harm-reduction, I do not see much being applied in the case of SWiNicaine. I see someone with, by his own admission, a problem with drugs, co-morbid mental health issues, & a small direct social circle, who is on self-destruct, sharing his stories with the world over the 'Net, who can't seem to handle somebody giving a shit. It makes me wonder too why SWiNicaine does what he does.

If SWiN is on self-destruct, fine. Be on self-destruct. But accept that people are going to be concerned, do something positive about addressing the issues, or shut up about it & get on with it. Don't berate people for showing an interest & not being prepared to support SWiYou in what could be seen as at best cyber-codependency, at worst rubber-necking at a car crash.

Apologies in advance if this post is not appropriate Moderator behaviour, but before being a Moderator I'm a human being & a Drugs-Forum member, & as such I give a shit about the people or cyber-entities or whatever they choose to call themselves on this Forum. I also get pissed off when someone gives a shit & is spat on, which I feel SWiNicaine, SWiYhave done here to Primal440, & to others before. I get frustrated when I see someone caught in a loop, & then projecting their own frustration at being caught in a loop onto others (or maybe I'm projecting a little here myself?). I don't easily give up on people or become impatient but in this case, as I said, I can't keep quiet any longer. Not that I'm expecting it to make a whole lot of difference to anything - just had to get this off my chest.

I do expect however a certain level of maturity & grace, especially from a Platinum member who is supposed to set an example to others. I do not expect dummy spitting & insults.

Nicaine, if SWiN is serious about sorting himself out he needs to find other outlets for his energy than substance use & internet posting - get a new hobby, get a counsellor, do some voluntary work, go for a walk in the countryside. Whatever. Break the cycle & do something that might make SWiN actually feel worthwhile rather than continuing the cycle of self-pity & 'I'm alright really . Honest!' that we've been watching recently.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Well said
	agreed
	Beautifully (and sensitively, as always) put!
	Brilliant!

[Alicia]

Originally Posted by Micklemouse

Nicaine, if SWiN is serious about sorting himself out he needs to find other outlets for his energy than substance use & internet posting - get a new hobby, get a counsellor, do some voluntary work, go for a walk in the countryside. Whatever. Break the cycle & do something that might make SWiN actually feel worthwhile rather than continuing the cycle of self-pity & 'I'm alright really . Honest!' that we've been watching recently.

Swia recommends Tai Chi Yang style any-day. meditation is good as well too.

[Nicaine]

SWIM now believes his main problem wasn't downers, but impending psychosis from using nearly 100mg of MDPV in a 48-hour period. It's (perhaps) also worth noting that he hasn't touched stimulants for more than two weeks as of this post.

And SWIM *is* alright really... honest. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be posting so actively (and clearly enjoying it) in the first place -- isn't it obvious? I guess not, as Micklemouse is not the first one to express these sentiments (strangely prevalent mainly among forum staff).

SWIM will refrain from expressing any further opinion, except to note that he generally does not share the fear and anxiety expressed by some. Also just a quick note that these "concerned" posts (more like pseudo-concerned, as none of the people posting this stuff know him personally) have diminished his enjoyment of the forum quite a bit. If that was the goal, congratulations. Otherwise, why can't people express their anxieties to their own private journals and leave me alone?

[AntiAimer]

Originally Posted by Nicaine

SWIM now believes his main problem wasn't downers, but impending psychosis from using nearly 100mg of MDPV in a 48-hour period. It's (perhaps) also worth noting that he hasn't touched stimulants for more than two weeks as of this post.

And SWIM *is* alright really... honest. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be posting so actively (and clearly enjoying it) in the first place -- isn't it obvious? I guess not, as Micklemouse is not the first one to express these sentiments (strangely prevalent mainly among forum staff).

SWIM will refrain from expressing any further opinion, except to note that he generally does not share the fear and anxiety expressed by some. Also just a quick note that these "concerned" posts (more like pseudo-concerned, as none of the people posting this stuff know him personally) have diminished his enjoyment of the forum quite a bit. If that was the goal, congratulations. Otherwise, why can't people express their anxieties to their own private journals and leave me alone?

This is in the experience thread. Maybe peeps did take it wrong? Revert back to Smurf's first post though.

"Dont be buttered, it's just a forum."
"This thread has officially gone retarded!"

[boylizard]

Swim would definitely wait for the downers to wear off, then go to sleep. Take it easy dude, don't hurt SWIYself.

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by Micklemouse

I do expect however a certain level of maturity & grace, especially from a Platinum member who is supposed to set an example to others.

Aside from following forum rules, I don't feel I have to 'set an example for' anyone, no way, nohow. Particularly given the fact that this is an "adults only" board, and people here can take care of themselves (including me -- hint, hint, hint, hint, hint HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT...).

If you disagree, feel free to downgrade me to "newbie" status... I really couldn't care less. This forum is quite a bore and I've been reading/posting here less & less often. Go ahead, make my day.

P.S. at minimum, could you stop wasting my time?

[boylizard]

Originally Posted by Nicaine

Aside from following forum rules, I don't feel I have to 'set an example for' anyone, no way, nohow. Particularly given the fact that this is an "adults only" board, and people here can take care of themselves (including me -- hint, hint, hint, hint, hint HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT...).

If you disagree, feel free to downgrade me to "newbie" status... I really couldn't care less. This forum is quite a bore and I've been reading/posting here less & less often. Go ahead, make my day.

P.S. at minimum, could you stop wasting my time?

With no offense meant towards SWIY at all, swiy should quite posting until he is properly rested. Also, in reference to the post micklemouse made:

For someone who sets so much store by Harm-reduction, I do not see much being applied in the case of SWiNicaine. I see someone with, by his own admission, a problem with drugs,

SWIM is much the same way, and is much thinking about rethinking his life.

All in all, SWIM guesses all swim can say is there are people that do care for you, that you only get one chance, and if to noone else, dont lie to oneself.

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by boylizard

All in all, SWIM guesses all swim can say is there are people that do care for you, that you only get one chance, and if to noone else, dont lie to oneself.

There's absolutely nothing worse than perfect strangers who confess to "caring for you" and handing out unrequested advice -- it's a poorly-disguised way to selfishly project one's own anxieties and fears onto someone else, at that person's expense. Makes me want to take five showers in a row, like I've been 'slimed'.

[boylizard]

Originally Posted by Nicaine

There's absolutely nothing worse than perfect strangers who confess to "caring for you" -- it's a poorly-disguised way to selfishly express one's own anxieties and fears, at the expense of the person one is ostensibly "protecting from themselves." Makes me want to take five showers in a row, like I've been 'slimed'.

I didn't say me, or any of us. I meant those you know outside of the keyboard and monitor, i should have clarified.

[Alicia]

Also while people do care about SWIN creative writing and have concerns. This kind of behavior is nothing new. Instead perhaps SWIN posts should be viewed as informative rather then a pity inducer. SWIN can do what ever he wants with himself at the end of day.

Swia watches as this thread becomes more and more interesting and petty. You can see people opening up while still distrusting one and another.
Petty...and DF NOT BORING NICAINE!!! if it is im sure you can entertain other forums with your antics.

"Yeh i care."
"no you dont, You dont know me!"
"yeh i do"
"Dont judge me, Im more a train wreck you..."
"No I can destroy myself first"
"No I can."

Anyone been here before?

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by Alicia

Instead perhaps SWIN posts should be viewed as informative rather then a pity inducer. SWIN can do what ever he wants with himself at the end of day.

I post here for SWIM because he has little social contact otherwise, and enjoys honestly expressing what's going on with him in a non-threatening environment where he isn't personally identifiable. He doesn't feel he has some reputation and "community standing" to maintain -- isn't there enough of that egotistical crap going on in everyday/non-anonymous human relations?

SWIM doesn't see why he shouldn't be open, honest and revealing about what's going on with him... well, more accurate to say he *didn't* see why not, but he's beginning to see now. It's the same old ego crap -- everyone thinks about their personal reputation, community standing, setting an example for others, etc -- even in an anonymous situation like this one, where the likelihood of meeting another member in person is virtually nil. Am I alone in finding this truly sad?

People are somehow also missing the fact that if SWIM were on the verge of death he would likely be in the hospital, or at minimum unable to get out of bed. Nobody who's genuinely/severely depressed, or insane or dying (or even very ill) would have the energy and motivation to post here the way SWIM does, with obvious mental clarity, energy and zest. Give me a break! I just don't understand how people are missing this fact sitting right in front of their damn noses the whole time. Perhaps SWIM's biggest mistake has been assuming that people are intelligent/observant and will pick up on the obvious.

[Nicaine]

Yep, what SWIM posted in the OP was an experience with a combination of substances. Several people went completely off-topic in bringing up personal issues, including *cough* a moderator who should be setting a good example for others. LOL...

P.S. How typical that posts pointing up flaws in other people end up demonstrating the very same flaws. It happens so often, it's like karma or something.

[boylizard]

lol, i vote we just kill this thread and move on, eh?

[Nagognog2]

WARNING: Do Not Feed the SwiNicaines. They Are Known to Bite.

CLOSED.