Experiences - Psychology of a Bad Trip and Future Avoidance

[Corksil]

Hey all, this is the reason SWIM became a member of this board -- to try and understand a bad experience and prevent it's reoccurence.

It was New Years eve and SWIM was sitting around with some friends deciding on what to do that night. About 6pm arrived and SWIM had gathered himself and his 3 friends at his house, in preparation for the night's adventures. SWIM and his friends began thinking of the parties they could go to, and how to best use the evening to get everything they so desired from it. As a side note - SWIM and 2 of his companions picked a large amount of Psilocybe Cyanescens (Hawaiian common-name) mushrooms that morning, as the conditions were perfect. Time passed and SWIM and his friends reached about 8:30PM, still at SWIM's house, with no immediate plans. SWIM decided that the party they were attending was not worth going, and by 9PM SWIM and his 3 friends all consumed large ammounts of shrooms. (SWIM picked a medium sized ziploc bag-full that morning, fully filled. SWIM has not a weight to describe, but more than SWIM could hold/pile/heap in the palm of one hand, and SWIM has huge hands. )

By 9:30, SWIM and his companions were outside, watching the driveway turn into women, pictures, grass, water, and a myriad of other interesting OEV. Two of SWIM's friends he had tripped with before, and they were good people to trip around - positive, trustworthy, kind in demeanor. The other one, SWIM had known most of his life, but never on shrooms. The two experienced friends stayed outside, and SWIM and his friend went inside to listen to some techno. They eventually turned off the music, and layed on the bed and thought about things. SWIM began to realize that nothing made sense around him, and that he ultimately did not understand why he acted the way he did. He started to fall into depression, and asked his friend for guidance. SWIMs friend simply rolled over and started grinning and whispering about evil. SWIM felt he had lost his friend to the drug, and no longer could talk to him. Things went downhill from there...

SWIM reached out for help, and described how he felt, but SWIMs friend hid under a blanket and giggled at him. SWIM felt like he was going to die, but frankly didn't care. He was too sad, and too depressed about everything around him. He could not realize/believe that it was the shrooms doing this to him, and he thought he was going to vomit up his intestines and die a bloody death or something of the sort.

SWIM went outside to sit next to his other two friends, who were having an EXCELLENT night. The reason SWIM went outside was because he felt that if he died/blacked out he should do it near someone who would notice and call the authorities, not hide and giggle about evil and how it 'feels so nice.' SWIM instructed his friends to ignore him completely, and told them he was fine to not impede on their experiences. He gagged a few times, and heaved once or twice, but did not puke.

Hours passed, and SWIM eventually began to feel bearably okay. Not because he was feeling okay, but because he reached the conclusion that he didn't care about anything anymore and living/dying/depression/the world didn't seem important. SWIMs father returned home around 2AM, and SWIM promptly got up and walked inside to his bed so his father would not see him in such a state. (On mushrooms, not depressed.) SWIM layed in his bed for about another hour (which felt like eternity.) By now, SWIM was probably 5 or 6 hours into the trip. SWIM tried to hide from the world, still wraught with intense waves of nausea.

The night finally ended and SWIM was able to get to sleep by about 5AM, with the depression and sadness wearing off slowly by 4AM. Another friend drove people home, and SWIM and that friend finally fell asleep at SWIM's house.

SWIM feels that he had quite a bad experience, and DOES NOT want it to happen again. SWIM understands that bad trips are inevitable, and they happen eventually, but SWIM's friend has said he would not trip with SWIM until he has 'sorted things out.' SWIM is trying to figure out why his experience went so sour, and prevent future occurences. SWIM is trying to make sense of himself with this post, please help him.

NOTES
Triggers for slide into darkness
- Thinking too hard about making sense of himself
- Caring that he made no sense
- Reaching out for help and having his friend turn into a monster under a blanket whispering about evil

What to do next time
- Prepare better
- Do not trip at one's house where the thought of having to hide is prevalent
- Talk to people around SWIM when he starts to feel bad to help him feel good again

As a side note, SWIM is not one to cry. SWIM has not cried in many years, and that experience made SWIM try to cry. (SWIM is not trying to bolster his ego, SWIM is stating a fact and SWIM understands that he is not the only one to have ever felt this way. This is why SWIM is here, to talk to the experienced.) Thank you all so much for your replies, SWIM really wants to figure this out.

NOTE-- SWIM ingested a heaping handfull of Hawaiian shrooms, freshly picked that morning. This was the cause of the experience. Please feel free to ask SWIM -any- questions.