How to tell mum about cocaine addiction?

[kinkygirly]

hey,

recently swim admitted to a large number of swims friends about swims year long severe coke addiction. swim really wants to stop but is finding it very difficult

they have listened but all they can do is agree with swim and say if u get the urge call me come over etc,

one friend is a probation officer for drug offenders so she dragged swim to response(government addiction help)

swim still doin it loads tho, more intensly each time. SWIM really wants to tell her mum who she lives with (just the 2 of them ) about her problem. swims mum has no idea about swims addiction

what do you think swim should do? swim wants to tell her because she knows her mum will help her sort it out for sure. swims mum will make sure its 100% sorted to the end.

BUT... if swim tells her, thats it, the end, no taking it back and life will become hell at home for a good while until mum believes she is cured. no more sleeping out, will have to let her know exactly where she is at all times, no privacy at all.

plus stress and worry for mum - but swim knows mum would rather know and stress over it than let swim go through it on her own.

But swim keeps telling herself that she’s got it under control, during her comedown she decides that night was the last time but because she thinks she wont do it again she doesn’t need to tell mum, then 2 days later she is back on it the stupid guilty feelings return and she cant talk to mum cos she’s high and as she is high realize the high is what she has to loose when and if she tells mum. That’s the stupid fear and whats holding her back the most! Not feeling that high again.

Swim has managed periods up to 3 weeks without using this year but each time she rewards herself with a night on it and then she goes back to doing it more than before the break …

Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences to share??

thank!

kinkygirly x

[paulcook]

Dear SWIKinkyGirly, I am very sorry to hear about your addiction. Swim too was addicted to Cocaine at one point, although his addiction was not for as long of a duration as yours is. . . Although Coke isn't physically addicting, it might aswell be with how intense the mental cravings are. When Swim quit, (and I don't necessarily recommend this) he used methamphetamine as a substitute as he didn't find the effects addicting nor desirable. I don't think this would work for most people, but thought SWIKG might find it interesting. At any rate, Swim found it most helpful to have the support of his family. Tell your mom. She will love you and only want to help you. She may freak out for a little while, but hey, that is the consequence of your decisions. Unfortunately you need to face it. Swims parents recently found out about his opiate addiction, and they have nothing but words of encouragement. Sure his mum cries from time to time and he feels like a fuckin dirtbag for doin whay he does, but all in all, he felt sooooooooo much better after getting that off his chest. I don't care what anyone says; YOU CANNOT BEAT THIS ALONE!!! Talk to your mom. She can help you out with counciling as well as just simply check in with you. You know, "Hey, how are you feeling today? Are you having trouble staying clean today? Can I get you some soup?" The biggest thing is just taking this one day at a time. Sit her down, real serious like, and start out by asking her not to judge too quickly, but tell her that you need help. I don't know how old you are, or how your relationship is with your mom, but I'm sure she will understand and want to help. It took me going to the ER for a possible heart attack to tell my parents. I wish I would have told them differently. Don't wait till it's too late. I will pray for you. Would you pray for Swim too?? He really could use all the help he can get. Good luck SWIKinkyGirly. With love, Paul.

Reputation Comments on this post:

great advice!

[Nicaine]

There's no easy way to tell a person's relatives about heavy drug use, they all have fears/worries, prejudices, etc. SWIM has finally resorted to keeping the info. to himself and not letting anyone in his family know who doesn't really need to (that's everyone except his brother, who he shares his apartment with). It's nobody's business but SWIM's, and nobody has ever 'helped' him with addictive use but himself.

[smuttyangel]

Hi Sweetie,

First of all, congratulations for getting as far as admitting it to SWIY's friends - but with the best will in the world - unless they're well educated about coke, they will only try to persuade you to not do it, and at the time, with all your heart, you'll genuinly agree, but the addiction itself is so very subtle that you'll probably do it anyway or just not bother calling anyone.

As for SWIY's mum, thats always a difficult decision to make, as we never want to worry SWIY's parents or admit we still need help, even when we get older - SWIM has many problems that her mum thinks are 'sorted' but in reality aren't, yet SWIM cannot bring herself to destroy her Mum's perception of SWIM, ie. She's so proud of me etc...Hasn't SWIM done well for herself etc...

Anyways, has Swim tried her doctor? Maybe if SWIM starts by at least making some progress towards recovery, the telling may get a bit easier. Also, SWIM noticed that SWIY said the word 'cured'. SWIY will have to accept that there is no cure, only recovery. SWIY will always be a 'recovering addict'. SWIM is also one of these people who is a 'All or nothing' kinda girl. She always has problems of an addictive nature and always will.

SWIY knows what she's got to do, and must be brave (like she has already by telling friends) and ask for help. SWIY will probably find tht Mum already knows there is something wrong - a habitual user will be displaying altered behaviour patterns and probably have lost weight etc...

SWIM is no expert, but SWiy is on the right road - just keep taking little steps towards your goal. SWIM will check every so often to see how SWIY is doing. Good Luck Petal

xxx

[paulcook]

Nicaine said: SWIM has finally resorted to keeping the info. to himself and not letting anyone in his family know who doesn't really need to (that's everyone except his brother, who he shares his apartment with). It's nobody's business but SWIM's, and nobody has ever 'helped' him with addictive use but himself.

Nicaine, don't you think that that is a bit dangerous to some degree? I suppose it depends on the individual. I dunno, seems pretty lonely to me.

[kinkygirly]

Hey,

Just to update you all...

Swim has been clean since thursday. She is going to a health farm for 3 days on monday and has an appointment with a drugs counsillor on wednesday. mum comes back from holiday on Friday. Depending on how things go with the counsillor and abstaining from cocaine she will reconsider telling mum.

SWIM would much rather not have to tell mum and always hopes each time is the last time she does coke.

[smuttyangel]

Hi

Congratulations on staying clean - hope it continues 4 you.

[Nagognog2]

No coke for 3 days means you're over the hump without going nuts. Though it may still be calling out for you - at least now you know it really doesn't have any power or control. So there is no point in allowing it back into your life.

So go find a new hobby. Preferably one that doesn't scare the crud out of you. Parachuting? Hang-Gliding? Stamp Collecting? Scaring your mother to pieces just isn't very good either - for either one of you.

[DrMuffy]

Congrats SWIkinkygirl, one suggestion when SWIY tells her mom about the cocaine addiction, SWIY might want to consider a rehab center and do a 30 day program (can be shorter or longer), so she can tell her mom the bad news then show her that she is getting help right away. Most mothers would be dissapointed and scared at first, but as soon as help (rehab and or Narcotic Anonomous) they will be releived of their burden and be very supportive. Just a little suggestion for SWIY if she has already though of it...

[paulcook]

Congrats KinkyGirly!!!
Woooooooohoooooooo!!!!! You are doing awesome!
You gotta know that all of us here at The Forum are rooting for YOU!!! Keep up the good work! Stay strong! You are an inspiration to more people than you know.
We will keep on praying for you and your struggle.
You go girl!

[monkeygone2heaven]

congrats KinkyGirl, you've gone the hard part!

you are lucky to have such friends and a mum you feel is going to support you. it is always hard to open up and show a weakness or problem to parents if you really believe "she would rather know and have things be hell for a while rather than have you go at it alone" then you should perhaps tell her.

as for how to tell her, swim does not really think it matters. how about telling her just the way you wrote -- that you know she will help you, that even if you complain later on about what she might have to do to help you, you believe you need it and you will eventually appreciate it.

also remember that you will need other support, perhaps a residential programme or AA/NA-type meetings -- quitting anything is hard in terms of the lifestyle change. you should try to find new environments, activities, hobbies, to replace the old patterns. physical activity would be great - if you play a sport you can take that up again, or join a gym. yoga is amazing for mental and physical well-being. or you can try cooking, dance, watch good films, paint/draw... something you enjoy or something completely new!

or you can hit the January sales with all the money you're not blowing on coke! ;-)

hang in there!

mgh